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THE BIG ASS 52-PAGE ANXIETY& PANIC HELP GUIDE

(This is a form letter not customized to anyone in particular)
Dear Reader,
I implore you to scroll this entire thing and see what different things are
available. I don’t want you to get discouraged if you don’t like the first few
paragraphs that you read. This is not just for anxiety about the pandemic -
because honestly anxiety doesn’t stay on topic. While the idea for this
email began due to Covid-19 and people having to shelter-in-place who
may not be great at being alone, or being around others, or handling their
own thoughts and feelings…. it’s just become a catch-all anxiety email. (At
the end of the email are PANDEMIC SPECIFIC things to read, listen to, do,
think about, call to get help, etc.)
DISCLAIMER: Now - I do personally read each and every email (and I

hold all of you in my good thoughts) but because I just don’t have the time
to personalize every anxiety suggestion email - I came up with this form
letter below that has solutions for all kinds of anxiety - some of it has a
VISIT HERE TO SIGN UP FOR THE RELAXATION CLASSES I TEACH ON ZOOM! 15% GOES TO THE
ANXIETY & DEPRESSION ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA
spiritual bent, some are just articles to relate to, some are scientific, some
physical moves to do, some are psychological….I wanted to account for all
of the kinds of people writing me and all the different approaches to
anxiety! For me - I use every single approach! :) But please take what you
want and leave whatever doesn’t work!
DISCLAIMER 2: I am not a therapist. This is not a replacement for therapy

or getting properly diagnosed in case you have something more than what I
call “everyday anxiety”. This is not an “instead of” looking at deeper issues
like family trauma, addiction, etc. This is not a replacement for proper
medication. This is just information to normalize what I call “everyday
anxiety” - and to approach it from a LIGHTER attitude with HOPE. If you
want to try to find a therapist - you can go to the ADAA (Anxiety &
Depression Association of America) website. They have great resources.
Get ready to kick some anxiety and depression ass and have fun and love
yourself doing it. I hope this helps or at least points you in the right direction
to seeking from the right people and things. I’m a big believer in the fact
that if I use this energy to send this out - there are many rabbit holes
people can go down - see who the people are that are mentioned in this
email - and find out who those people admire, and so on and so on. There
is actually TOO much anxiety help out there - and it’s a journey to find what
speaks to you. I’m hoping I’m throwing out enough breadcrumbs for people
to find their own ways.
CIRCULAR THINKING
The type of anxiety that really loves to visit me over and over no matter
how many times I think I’ve successfully changed my address is what I call
Circular Thinking (or maybe it’s called that and I just think that I made it
up…) but I love to ruminate over past mistakes and I will argue with anyone
who tells me to be gentle with myself. “I made a mistake! I should never
have done that thing! Or not done that thing!” (Whatever the case my be.) I
will often say to my therapist, “We have to admit when we have made
mistakes or we can’t learn!” And she will remind me that while that is true,
thinking about the mistake over and over is not “learning from it.” I can
worry about the future better than anyone. They should hire me at high
government levels – I could probably game out what our enemies could do
to us. I even didn’t take a temp job once in NYC in 2000 because it was in
the World Trade Center – on a very high floor. I don’t like heights in
buildings. And I said to someone, “A plane could hit the building it’s so tall.”
And when 9/11 happened (and I was I NYC safely not working at the WTC)
I bragged about “how right I was.” I KNEW THIS COULD HAPPEN! What’s
funny is – if I really was worried about a plane hitting the World Trade
Center, I did nothing about it. So, my point is – being right about predicting
things – doesn’t stop them from happening and 99% of the time – the
things we worried about never happened and we spend all of our time
obsessing over nothing.
As Mark Twain said, “Some of the worst things in my life never even
happened.” And there is another version of this Mark Twain quote that
goes, “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some which
actually happened.” No one can really knows which version he said – but
you get the idea. Pick your favorite and remember it.
We need ACCEPTANCE in our life – and we need to loosen the fuck up.
NO ONE KNOWS THE FUTURE. Acceptance means that we stop causing
ourselves suffering and we stop obsessing. You don’t have to like what’s
coming up in your life or feelings but acceptance means that you aren’t
trying to numb your problems or struggle with them. Struggling and
worrying can actually amplify and magnify your problems. You’re leaving
yourself no room for a miracle or creative breakthrough when you think that
you have to be vigilant 24/7 and worry about where the next paycheck
comes from or if this or if that. If you’re in a transitional period in life – you
have to drop some baggage or you’ll never be able to walk through this.
The baggage of our real world problems is enough. We are weighing our
load down with rocks for no reason when we worry and obsess. Again, this
isn’t a matter of, “Well, just stop doing that.” This is where you HAVE to
make a decision that you’re going to get help with therapy. If you can’t
afford therapy – Google the hell out of “Obsessive Thinking” or
“Rumination”. Read about it. There is free information everywhere about
how to begin to re-train your mind. And relaxing our body physically is a
huge part of any anxiety recovery in our minds. The father of Progressive
Muscle Relaxation – Edmund Jacobson wrote in the early 1900’s that “An
anxious mind cannot exist in a relaxed body.” That’s the fucking
TRUTH. He wrote a book in 1929 called, “You Must Relax.” This notion has
been around longer than we’ve been alive. The answers exist. We just
have to DO THEM.
A lot of times we don’t begin a relaxation practice or try to read things that
could help us – because we are Perfectionists. Did you know that a
Perfectionist is not a Type-A, high achieving person? No. Perfectionism is
poison. “Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.” – Anne Wilson
Schaef, author of Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much. Perfectionism
leads to procrastination. People don’t even want to start anything unless
they can do it perfectly. Fear of failure and setting unrealistic goals, not
enjoying the process of life – all of that results in a deep self-hatred. And
that kind of negative self-image can cause anxiety. It’s not just that “things
are happening to you” – you’ve got some responsibility for yourself. Which
is good! That means you have control!
DON’T FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO HAVE ANXIETY… BECAUSE LIFE

It’s funny, almost EVERY person who emails me lists all of the horrible
things in their life from relationships to jobs and yet – those are reasons to
say ‘My job life isn’t what I want it to be” or “My relationship life is bringing
up a lot of sadness” but NONE OF THOSE are reasons to keep yourself in
anxiety. I know it feels like I’m saying what you are going through isn’t hard
when I say, “These are not reasons to have anxiety.” But think of it this
way. If I saw a mouse in my house and got TERRIFIED, would I then start
punching myself in the face? “Jen, why are you punching yourself in the
face?” “Hello, because I saw a mouse! And that is gross and scary and
inconvenient and is now an extra problem to solve.” “Okay, that’s true. But
punching yourself in the face doesn’t solve it!” “Don’t tell me how to handle
mice!” See? Sort of? Life issues do cause anxiety but what keeps anxiety
hanging around is that we actually give into it during life problems. We may
feel we even DESERVE only to feel upset during all of this hard life stuff.
Again, this is why I always say – therapy, therapy, therapy, but low-self-
esteem is tied to anxiety. And I have a feeling (because I do this) that when
we have anxiety about life situations – it’s 10% because life situations
make us feel scared and nervous but 90% because we are beating
ourselves up about said life situations. We are punching ourselves in the
face. ]
REAL WORLD PROBLEMS don’t have to keep you in a state of anxiety.

You can control that. Real world problems can take up time, they can take
effort, but you don’t have to go through them with poisonous anxiety.
Nobody is debating the severity of your problems but again – don’t fight for
the right to have anxiety over it.
And THE LESS WE TAKE THIS WORK ON AS “OMG THIS IS SO

SERIOUS” the more we can have fun with the ways we work with our
anxiety. It can be done while laughing - truly. The process of getting a little
stronger does not have to be SO FUCKING DRAMATIC. We are getting
better! HERE COMES THE JOY - but we have to start from joy. We don’t
put off joy until we are feeling better. We come at anxiety with joy.
GOOD TO KNOW
Most people say that they have had anxiety and were disappointed when it
“came back.” Before you go any further - if you only have $20 to spend on
anything - GET THIS BOOK. THE ANXIETY & PHOBIA WORKBOOK -
Revised and Updated Seventh Edition by Edmund J. Bourke PhD. This has
it covered from EVERY ANGLE.
I’m going to quote from the book right now, but the first chapter is all about
explaining all of the different kinds of anxiety. I’m including some
abbreviated selections below from The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook
(Seventh Edition)
IS ANXIETY JUST FEAR?

Anxiety is different than fear. “With anxiety you often can’t specify what it is
you’re anxious about. It seems to be a response to a vague, distant, or
even unrecognized danger. You might anxious about ‘losing control’ of
yourself or some situation. Or you might feel vague anxiety about
‘something bad happening.’ Anxiety affects your whole being. It is a
physiological, behavioral, and psychological reaction all at once.
Physiological symptoms – rapid heartbeat, muscle tension, queasiness,

dry mouth, or sweating.
Behavioral symptoms – sabotages your ability to act, express yourself, or

deal with certain everyday situations.
Psychological symptoms – apprehension and unease. In it’s most

extreme form, anxiety can cause you to feel detached from yourself and
even fearful of dying or “going crazy.”
PANIC ATTACKS
“Anxiety can range in severity from a mere twinge of uneasiness to a full-
blown panic attack with disorientation or terror. An anxiety attack that
comes “out of the blue” is called free-floating anxiety or it could be a
spontaneous panic attack.
IF YOU EXPERIENCE FOUR OR MORE SYMPTOMS – IT IS THEN

CLASSIFIED AS A PANIC ATTACK RATHER THAN ANXIETY ATTACK.
• SHORTNESS OF BREATH
• HEART PALPITATIONS (RAPID OR IRREGULAR HEARTBEAT)
• SWEATING
• TREMBLING
• CHOKING
• NAUSEA
• NUMBNESS
• DIZZINESS OR UNSTEADINESS
• FEELING OF DETACHMENT OR BEING OUT OF TOUCH WITH
YOURSELF
• HOT FLASHES OR CHILLS
• FEAR OF DYING
• FEAR OF GOING CRAZY OR OUT OF CONTROL
SITUATIONAL ANXIETY
“If your anxiety arises only in response to a specific situation, it’s called
Situational Anxiety or Phobic Anxiety. Situational anxiety, unlike
everyday fear, tends to be out of proportion or unrealistic. If you have a
disproportionate apprehension for example about driving on freeways – it
becomes Phobic Anxiety when you start to avoid the situation.”
ANTICIPATORY ANXIETY
“Anxiety can be brought on merely by thinking about a particular situation.
When you feel distressed about what might happen when or if you have to
face one of your phobic situations, you are experiencing Anticipatory
Anxiety. Sometimes anticipatory anxiety becomes intense enough to be
called Anticipatory Panic.”
ANXIETY DISORDER
“Anxiety Disorders are distinguished from everyday, normal anxiety in that
they involve anxiety that is more intense (for example, panic attacks), last
longer (anxiety may persist for months or longer – even after a stressful
situation has passed) or it can lead to phobias that interfere with your life.”
PANIC DISORDER
“Panic Disorder is characterized by sudden episodes of acute
apprehension or intense fear that occur “out of the blue” without any
apparent cause. Intense panic usually lasts no more than a few minutes,
but, in rare instances, can return in “waves” for a period of up to two hours.
There are many more anxiety disorders and so many treatments – but for
this email I’m focusing on what I have more experience with which is panic
and anxiety. But shout-out to Agoraphobia, Social Anxiety, phobias, and
OCD. I highly recommend reading more about anything I haven’t
mentioned on ADAA.org website or purchase the aforementioned Anxiety &
Phobia workbook – that book leaves no stone unturned.
“SUFFER FROM ANXIETY” UGH, I HATE THAT

 Also, I refuse to use words like “I suffer” “I struggle” with anxiety anymore.
LOOK. It was a fucking struggle. Listen - in my life, in my head, and in my
physical body- and in the choices I made and in the insane ways I behaved
because I had no coping skills - it was a goddamn bloody war! And yes,
anxiety can be a struggle, but I just don’t call it that. Cuz I won’t affirm that I
am suffering - even when I am. If I’m suffering, then I’m suffering. I don’t
need to add language on top of it that cements it. I’m someone who has
anxiety as part of her story. Anxiety is an unwelcome coping skill that I was
taught and that sometimes shows up. That’s how I say it. I may say
“sometimes I experience anxiety or anxiousness.”
I know it sounds less intense - and there may be something inside of you
that WANTS to hold on to the notion of a struggle. Because you want to be
seen. You want people to know that you have hardships. And I’m
wondering if you’re willing to start re-thinking that as an identity… and trust
that you’ll be safe and protected and people will still love you and give you
what you need if you’re able to soften around the language of
anxiety…..I’m very big into just playing with thoughts and words. As you’ll
see in this email…. A lot of anxiety is realizing we were programmed with
certain thought patterns, LOTS of negative thinking. My biggest journey
after losing relationships, friends, work opportunities, life opportunities, and
feeling like I came into myself just WAY TOO LATE was being willing to
change the way I think about this. And now I appear as someone who
couldn’t possibly have anxiety - and that’s the problem. I want people to
know anxiety was so intensely horrific and constant, 24/7… which can
change a person’s soul and attitude. So, I wrote some of it below. I have
never had stage fright in my life - so there isn’t this sad clown story of the
woman on stage struggling to get through a show. LOL. Nope. So, don’t be
inspired by that. Be inspired by how I take a long, tough, hard look at the
bullshit about anxiety that for so long I subconsciously WANTED to hold on
to. If I wasn’t the Jen who was always anxious and had a fear of flying and
a fear of this and was neurotic about that who would I be? That is the
hardest part. And people get pissed off at me when I bring it up and that’s
how I know, ‘Ah ha, that’s the recovery is going to be….”
JEN’S PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH ANXIETY
Dear friend,
I relate. In my times of extreme anxiety - it had convinced me that I need to
feel its presence, or I am not safe. When I would try to physically relax - it
felt ‘wrong.’ That’s when you know that the anxiety is winning. So, I
definitely call it THE anxiety and not “MY anxiety” because it’s easier to
think of it as an intruder I must fight. If you can in those moments try to
remember that not actively trying to release that physical anxiety is actually
bad for our immune systems, it can exhaust us, and lead to more anxiety. I
know it’s hard.
I have had Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD!) since I was 8 years old.
For years I stumbled through life feeling “weird inside” having no idea that
my upset stomach, fluttering feeling in my chest, shortness of breath,
feelings of unreality (like you’re fading away about to faint but never do)
were anxiety. I thought I was just “weird”, and I would tell my mom, “I’m
having my weird feelings again.” She had anxiety and so did her mom.
They didn’t call it anxiety and they didn’t acknowledge it. But I think deep
down she knew. Her response was for me to lay down and put a cold
washcloth on my head. I got my first EKG text at age TEN - I was so
stressed out about the world, the threat of nuclear war and anything else I
couldn’t control like my grandparents dying, etc. The doctor said that I,
indeed had stress. I was SO EXCITED. I felt like an adult. Yes! I am
stressed! Just like those busy business ladies I see on TV with their
Reebok sneakers on their feet holding their high heels going into work. I
think I also felt a sense of calm that there was an answer. And then…it
persisted. Because having a semi correct answer doesn’t do anything. Only
changing our behavior does.
After I got my “stress” diagnosis - the anxiety continued until I was having
full blown panic attacks in classrooms in high school. Not every classroom.
Just some. Or if the teacher was talking about something that triggered my
sense of world doom, etc. I couldn’t breathe, felt like I was dying, and all of
these feelings that are hard to explain. A panic attack is not the same as an
anxiety attack. An anxiety attack is very thought focused and panic is a
PHYSICAL thing where we truly feel like we’re dying and going out of
control. And then? Our anxious thoughts come in to “help” and we start
believing those thoughts and then the panic gets worse because we are
scaring ourselves.
The strange part was - nobody knew. Because I was so anxious, I also had
this unstoppable desire to make myself happy, so I dove into performing
and being silly with friends, and socializing and falling in love and reading
books I loved, and dancing, acting, etc. I am an extrovert who craves fun -
and I thank my anxiety and panic for pushing me to that extreme but living
with that secret was exhausting.
I had this lonely experience for from age 8 until age 22 until I finally went to
therapy for it and learned simple mindful techniques to help get me back on
my feet to where I could get on subways again, drive on the freeway again,
get on airplanes again. In my 30’s I went more to work on all of the
negative conditioning and thinking I had developed as a kid. And now it’s
daily maintenance for me and a fun, enjoyable exploration of the spiritual
side of it.
The good news is that our ANXIETY and PANIC is actually our mind and
body trying to HELP US. But it’s old tools. Imagine trying to wear the same
sized shoe that you wore as a little kid and trying to work out with those
shoes on or walk to work down a city street in them. You would so quickly
feel the sensation that “This thing from childhood does not work for me as
an adult. Yes. I still have to wear shoes, but they have to be a different
size.” Anxiety and Panic are automatic coping systems coming to your
rescue - but they’re wrong and not needed. I do a lot of talking to my
Anxiety and Panic and saying, “I know you’re here to help and you’re
welcome to stay. Have a seat at the board room table but you’re just not
allowed to weigh in on anything. You don’t have good ideas.” Our panic
and anxiety can be thought of as little toddlers. They do NOT rule our roost.
They actually need our guidance. It starts with trying not to give anxiety and
panic so much power. I know they’ve kicked our ass - but deciding to not
give them power doesn’t mean they aren’t powerful, it doesn’t mean you’re
a dumb idiot who let them overpower you for so long, it’s just a way of
changing our thought pattern to take the first step. There must be a
willingness to play with thoughts here, it’s how we will start to dig our way
out of the dark tunnel.
The problem is - anxiety and panic feel SO SERIOUS that we “pooh-pooh”

the remedies for them which boil down to Cognitive Behavior Therapy,
relaxation techniques (done daily, even multiple times), and re-arranging
our negative self-talk. These remedies seem too easy. They can’t possibly
work! I won’t even try! But they work. And it’s okay to have a sense of
lightness, creativity and even fun with re-wiring yourself so that your stress
response actually calms you instead of tells you lies. Another thing is that
people consider adding 15-30 minutes of practices in their life right now
and think, “I DO NOT HAVE TIME” but the thing is - we have spent almost
every waking hour subconsciously indulging our anxiety by repeatedly
doing behaviors that didn’t serve us, letting our minds run rampant with
thinking that fuels our anxiety but it doesn’t FEEL like we are wasting time
because it’s second nature. We don’t even know we are doing it. Adding
new practices to life can feel overwhelming at first - but soon they will be
second nature.
Trust me. I have lived with anxiety and panic for decades and the decade it
was undiagnosed and untreated was the worst. I literally never thought I
would live a normal life. I assumed I was just going to have to live in an
institution once I told my secret. And when I started working on my anxiety
and it wasn’t better immediately, I just felt that I’ll be this way forever. Nope.
I was wrong.
And listen, we’ve been living with this our whole lives and it’s our story, but
it doesn’t have to be the ONLY story. Sometimes there can be a weird
resistance to even maybe approaching getting better with hope and joy.
Darkness and predicting the worst-case scenario became our armor. It
doesn’t work. If it did? We wouldn’t be anxious. I took a Fear of Flying
course in the 1990’s and I’ll never forget the psychiatrist who taught the
class yelling at us, “Get mad at the panic and anxiety!” I love that. We can
also laugh at our anxiety too. Our anxiety is like a drunk person showing up
at a serious work board meeting and going, ‘I’ve got things to say!” No. No,
anxiety you don’t.
There is no shame in panic and anxiety and yet very few people
understand it. Most people won’t admit that they have it and that it comes
from a deeper place than just “Oh, I’m stressed about a political argument I
just had on Facebook…” Most people are wandering the earth like children
trapped in adult bodies - using old coping skills. Don’t let those people tell
you that you’re over-thinking, over-feeling, should just “get over it” - nope.
That’s their anxiety talking. And you’re taking care of yourself - and that can
sometimes be a private, personal journey but it doesn’t have to be a lonely
one.
And obviously going to talk therapy once a week for 20 years is ultimately
the big-ticket item that helped me BUT if therapy isn’t available to you right
now for financial reasons - the things below could help. Even reading books
written by therapists (some listed below) can be helpful for now. And
obviously there are apps like Talkspace and Better Help that offer text
therapy - I just can’t personally vouch as I haven’t used them, but I hear
great things!
And a few words on meds. I have used anti-depressants - literally, I think

I’ve been on every single one over the years to help with panic and anxiety.
I personally found that for me Cognitive Behavior Therapy and making
changes to my thoughts and doing physical relaxation - ultimately re-wired
me. I believe in medication and think it’s a great help to people - and I’m
very against people who spout off that it’s just a “happy pill” (nope - it isn’t)
and I also have medication as needed that I use when I travel overseas - to
squelch a panic attack from happening - during a 12-18 hour flight.
However, it’s as needed and in case of emergency, I don’t “need” it
anymore automatically. Which is HUGE. I just wanted to throw in there that
I understand that people with severe anxiety *(like I used to have) need
meds to help on the journey - sometimes they stay on meds, sometimes
they don’t. But I’m not a doctor and so I highly recommend seeing a
psychopharmacologist or just psychiatrist who can prescribe if you think
you need meds, a talk therapist can also recommend that as well although
they can’t write a prescription. I just wanted to acknowledge that there is no
shame in needing medication but that this particular email is geared more
towards thought-stopping, and physical relaxation remedies as that’s what I
feel very knowledgeable about - from one anxiety sufferer to another.
FURTHER THOUGHTS ON BEING WILLING

We have to remember that although we HATE our anxiety - the way we
obsessively think the same thoughts, worry about the same things, plan out
for the worst-case scenario and sometimes convince ourselves that it’s
going to happen - that’s a coping skill. It’s not a good coping skill but it’s a
coping skill. So, for some people - even reaching out to receive this email is
too much. Most people have written to tell me that they can’t be helped,
and that it took months to reach out. Now, what I’m about to say may
challenge you - but it’s meant as a gentle suggestion for you to think to
yourself. Our minds can be a safe place for us to play around and ask
questions like, “If I couldn’t be anxious right now what would that free me
up to be?” “If I wasn’t a person with anxiety who could I be?” It doesn’t
mean you are bad or wrong or have brought anxiety upon yourself -
because you didn’t. It’s a very normal physical response. However, if when
you approach trying to cope with anxiety - you find yourself not wanting to
try - a lot of that could be that at LEAST OUR ANXIETY HAS PROTECTED
US SO FAR. And it’s important to just be open to thinking about it
differently.
If we think of anxiety as something that comes and goes. We aren’t failures

if we have licked it for a while and it comes back - it’s just life! It’s just
anxiety! And sometimes anxiety can be a messenger. It’s trying to tell us
something. Is there a fear we aren’t admitting? A resentment that needs
clearing. Guilt? Shame? Sometimes our body holds these unresolved
feelings and they bust out of as dressed up like Anxiety.
There are many simple little mind tricks - ways to look at anxiety that seem
silly - but actually help us to not HATE ourselves and take anxiety ‘coming
back’ as a reason to beat ourselves up. You didn’t fail. You haven’t lost all
that you knew about how to treat anxiety. You’re just having a moment.
And you’ll have more! ACCEPTANCE is really the key to so many things -
and it doesn’t mean “Let shitty things happen and be fine with it…” it
means - accept that anxiety comes and goes - and don’t get so flipped out
every time it returns - and yet don’t spend your life on guard waiting for it.
Just go about your life and when it shows up remember - you’re in
acceptance. You’re not SURPRISED it showed up, you’re not going to
blame yourself, you’re going to gently hold anxiety’s hand and wonder what
it’s trying to say to you.
LET’S BEGIN WITH SUPER SIMPLE SCIENCE!!
First of all, let’s look at your anxiety as the SCIENCE that it is. Yes, there
are elements that are a psychological disorder, elements that are
emotional. BUT FIRST THINGS FIRST. This very factual fact might help.
Again, this is boiled down to a VERY OVER SIMPLISTIC (but still totally,
totally true) explanation. Our physical feelings during anxiety - means that
our SYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM is in a disordered state. (That is -
if there is no clear and present danger). That might sound nice. “Aww, it’s a
sympathetic nervous system!” And, it kind of is. It’s trying to keep you safe!
It’s also known as “Fight, Flight or Freeze” which is an amazing state that
your body kicks into without you even have to try - if let’s say, you’re taking
a neighborhood walk and all of a sudden a grizzly bear who wants to eat
you turns the corner and is facing you. But, if there is no grizzly bear - and
you’re just getting out of bed and you feel “Fight, Flight or Freeze”
symptoms (RAPID HEARTBEAT, “Omg I’m having a heart attack!”,
SWEATING, RAISED BLOOD PRESSURE, PUPILS DILATE (which can
cause feelings of unreality) GOOSE BUMPS, etc. etc.) that means that
your SYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM is disordered right now - it
needs some re-wiring. And you don’t even have to go on Task Rabbit to
find an electrician to re-wire you. You can re-wire yourself!
What you want - is to active your PARASYMPATHETIC NERVOUS

SYSTEM. A fun way to look at it is that you’re calling the internal
paramedics who live in your body to come to your rescue. (Get it? PARA-
sympathetic. PARAmedics? You get it! Fun!) ANYWAY - the easiest way?
GET GROUNDED. You can simply just stop. Look at your feet. Are your
feet on the floor? Look around you. Name objects you see in the room.
Some people might tell you to breathe. This one - can be hit or miss. You
MUST BREATHE. BUT - if you feel like you can’t get a deep breath - it can
be highly annoying to be told to take a deep breath. For me, it can
sometimes feel like I’m starting to gasp for air.
QUICK TIP IF YOU HATE DEEP BREATHS

(You’ll see more on this below in the Alexander Technique section).
If taking a deep breath freaks you out - simply exhale all of the breath that
you already have in your lungs - out through your mouth. When you feel
empty, just stop. Don’t hold your non-breath - just let it be and you’ll notice
that your body will comfortably start breathing on its own again. That should
trigger your brain to be like, “Oh yeah, my body knows what it’s doing. And
there is plenty of air. I don’t even have to take a big dramatic breath.” There
are other ways to calm and ground yourself - which you’ll see throughout this
email.
But I just wanted you to have the basics.
SYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM (Fight Flight Freeze - panic time!)

https://www.livescience.com/65446-sympathetic-nervous-system.html
and the
PARASYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM (The paramedics are here to

calm you down!)
https://www.healthline.com/health/parasympathetic-nervous-system#in-the-
heart
You’re basically a machine and sometimes you malfunction. And you are in
TOTAL CONTROL. How cool is that? We aren’t in control of much in life -
but you can CONTROL ANXIETY - even when it shows up out of nowhere
like a weird neighbor.
Read a PDF about how to RETRAIN YOUR BREATHING
MUSCLE TENSION
Although anxiety may seem like it lives in our head - there is a mind body
connection. Did you know that muscle tension leads to shallow and
restricted breathing which causes anxiety? When we are anxious our mind
then starts to race. If we relax the muscles in the body - it actually slows the
mind down. A great and true quote to remember is: “An anxious mind
cannot exist in a relaxed body.” - Edmund Jacobson
THE RELAXATION RESPONSE!

So, for those of you who don’t meditate - don’t panic! THIS IS NOT
MEDITATION. It’s like Simon Says without all the games. You just follow
along and tighten and then release the muscle groups in this guided “thing”
- which is to illicit the relaxation response. It’s SUCH a good way to start
the day or end the day or BOTH! And for anyone who is emailing me on
behalf of someone else’s anxiety - if you do this WITH your family member
or partner, it’s a fun way to bond. Just turn up the volume loud, lay on the
floor together and GET INTO THE RELAXATION RESPONSE!
GUIDED RELAXATION RESPONSE

There are many Guided Relaxation Responses on You Tube. But I just
picked one and figured you can try it. If you hate it – find yourself the
perfect one for you!
You can even BUY the VIDEO OF THE RELAX CLASS that I taught in
August 2020 – where I lead you through a nice long progressive muscle
relaxation!
NEGATIVE SELF TALK
One thing I have learned is that I had no idea how much negative self-talk I
was doing in my head. This corresponds with the belief that we are so
unique that we can’t be helped! The reason a lot of us feel we can’t be
helped - sometimes cases are really bad, sometimes people have a LOT of
other illnesses - but for right now, I’m not addressing those people. I’m
addressing people who only have anxiety and have just been letting it
wreak havoc on their life - to the point where the comfortability of the
KNOWN problem (anxiety) might oddly be more comfortable than the
UNKNOWN (aka the emotions we might feel with each issue that comes up
in life, work, love, loss, death, taxes, etc.)
I know we all know that negative self-talk can be things like, “I suck at
baseball” - that’s an obvious example. But let’s go even deeper. When
people write me and say, “I’ve tried everything. Nothing works for me.” Or “I
have a bad case - it isn’t treatable, but I’ll read your email.” That’s negative
self-talk. Imagine if you had a little kid who was really scared and you said
to them, “You can try everything, but nothing will work” - that would seem
like a shockingly abusive thing to say. It remains a shockingly cruel thing to
say to yourself. You are your own parent. There is a little kid inside of you
who needs you to have some compassion. If you had a kid and said,
“Nothing is going to ever work. You can’t get better” - that’s really abusive.
Why abuse yourself like that? I know you might be thinking, ‘No, Jen. I’m
being realistic. If I accept that I have it THIS BAD - I’m facing reality!” But I
may argue that anxiety distorts our reality. And if your anxiety is THAT BAD
- it’s going to be that bad whether you affirm it or not. Affirming it just goes
to make you lose hope.
Instead can you be in what is TRUE acceptance. Saying with a shrug,

“Yeah. I experience anxiety. It comes and goes. Sometimes it really sticks
around. I feel like I’ve tried everything but I’m going to stay open to the fact
that at some point I gave up or haven’t found what I really connect to yet.”
See how much gentler that is? And you’re not denying reality either!
“It’s a fallacy that I made that that I can only stop being anxious once XYZ
falls into place. I am allowed to not ‘suffer’ from anxiety while things are
imperfect – so that I can be present and enjoy when my life falls into place.
I can even accept that I might be wrong about what I insist makes a good
life for me.” - Jen Kirkman
AM I GOING CRAZY?
Sometimes during a panic attack - or even just not during one, just sitting
around we can obsess over the notion of, “What if I go crazy?” You are not
going crazy. You are just experiencing an actual symptom of an anxiety or
panic attack. It’s been documented. Other people have felt this way and
they didn’t go crazy. It is a medical fact that no one has “gone insane” from
a panic or anxiety attack. I know that this is of no comfort. People with
panic and anxiety tend to catastrophize and you’re probably thinking, “Well,
somebody has to be the first person to go insane from a panic attack! What
if that person is me?” I know you think you’re “just being realistic” but in that
moment of panic or anxiety, you’re not in reality.
Anxiety causes emotions that once they start raging, our adrenalin (which
causes intense stress) starts being whipped up and which causes an
absolutely overwhelming feeling of losing control. You’re in a high stress
moment. During this high stress moment it can cause our thoughts to be
scattered. The stress is actually making it hard for us to string two thoughts
together. Our brain is like alphabet soup. It’s a feeling that we are not used
to and so we start inventing a story around it in order to try to figure out
what’s going on – and the story that we invent – because we are anxious
types – is that we are “going crazy.” You can REPLACE THAT STORY
right now with this sentence:
“My emotions are running extremely high. I am being rushed with

adrenaline and stress. I am overwhelmed which feels like I’m losing
control but the very fact that I am able to think those thoughts –
means that I am in control, not crazy, and this will subside soon if I
stop feeding this notion.”
Now, one of the methods of learning to cope with and decrease panic
attacks from happening and de-escalate them when they are happening is
to lean into the panic attack. Try to make yourself panic EVEN MORE.
(Tricky little way of letting you control things…and guess what? Panic
doesn’t want you to control it, so it tends to get bored and stop once you do
this.) So, if you’re feeling like you’re afraid of losing control - take yourself
down that rabbit hole mentally. What if I lost control? Okay. What would
that look like? What would I do? Okay, what would happen next? Keep
rationally thinking about it - even if what you’re thinking is really scary and
just let it play itself out. You can’t necessarily control when a panic attack or
obsessive thought starts but you literally have 100% CONTROL over
handling it.
MORE SCIENCE!
PSYCHOLOGY OF AN ANXIETY ATTACK
I talked about how Cognitive Behavior Therapy - is how I ultimately
conquered the biggest pieces of my anxiety….
• COGNITIVE THERAPY: It examines negative thoughts

(cognitions) that contribute to anxiety.
• BEHAVIOR THERAPY: It examines how you behave and react

in situations that trigger anxiety.
This therapy CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) is based on the premise

that our thoughts - and NOT external events that affect the way we feel. It’s
your perception of the situation (even if the situation is indeed awful).
Different events can trigger different emotions in people. Three people can
have three different feelings about going to a party and/or being locked
down in quarantine. The goal is to identity your thought patterns and re-
wire your brain/instincts. If you change the way you think - you can change
the way you feel. And that’s SCIENCE.
THOUGHT CHALLENGING: (aka cognitive restructuring) is the process of

challenging the negative thinking patterns that contribute to your anxiety
and replacing with more realistic thoughts. There are three steps:
1. Identify your negative thoughts:

2. Challenge your negative thoughts:
3. Replace negative thoughts with realistic thoughts.
COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS
AKA “DISTORTED THINKING”
I am quoting and paraphrasing the following which were printed in The
Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne MD
“ALL OR NOTHING THINKING”: A tendency to view a situation as

either/or - all good or all bad.
“OVERGENERALIZATION”: If something bad happens once, the tendency

to overgeneralize (and even affirm) that it will happen again and again
“FILTERING”: Focusing only on the negative details of a situation but

filtering out all positive aspects. If one person is cruel - the conclusion
becomes that all people are cruel.
“DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE”: An extreme version of Filtering. To

completely discount something positive and convert it into something
negative. “That was a fluke. It doesn’t count.”
“JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS”: Assuming what someone else is thinking

or feeling, or why they act the way they do before checking with the person
what’s actually going on.
“MAGNIFICATION”: Blowing up (magnifying) yours or someone else’s

minor limitations or minimize yours or other’s strengths.
“EMOTIONAL REASONING”: The fallacy that if something feels a certain

way that it must be actually true. Feelings are mistaken for reality. If you
feel stupid in a situation, you think you’re actually stupid.
“SHOULD THINKING”: Thinking “should” or “have to” is the tendency to be

perfectionistic with no room for mistakes. Perfectionism is a Personality
type that perpetuates anxiety.
“LABELING”: An extreme version of Overgeneralization. Making a simple

mistake and you label yourself a “loser.”
“PERSONALIZATION”: The excessive tendency to take another person’s

words or actions highly personally. Or thinking that if something went
wrong that it’s all your fault when there is no objective basis for any “fault”
conclusion.
Dr. Edmund Bourne also references the books Cognitive Therapy and the
Emotional Disorders by Aaron Beck or Feeling Good by David Burns.
To read more about Cognitive Distortions FOR FREE and RIGHT NOW
just click here.
To read more about how to FIX your Cognitive Distortions FOR FREE and
RIGHT NOW just click here.
Read a free PDF about UNHELPFUL THINKING STYLES
Read a free PDF about CORE BELIEFS THAT CAUSE PANIC
Read a free PDF about BALANCED THINKING
PANIC ATTACKS AND PANIC DISORDER
PANIC is slightly different than anxiety. Panic is a sudden urge of mounting

physiological sensations that come on “out of the blue” in response to
actually being in a phobic or anxiety-inducing situation or even just
THINKING about it. Bodily symptoms at the onset of panic; shortness of
breath, heart palpitations, feeling of choking, tightness in the chest,
dizziness, feeling faint, shaking, sweating, feeling like you’re floating away,
and as I say, “I feel like I’m on a roller coaster….my stomach is shaking.”
Panic attacks are EXTREMELY INTENSE. Your first panic attack can be so
traumatizing that you actually develop a phobia of wherever you were when
it happened - and you avoid that area. The problem is - the panic attack
was not brought on by that mall you were in.
You CAN learn to cope with panic attacks. Trust me, I went from having
many every day, EVERY DAY for years to having a few a week, to a few a
month, to maybe one a year - and it doesn’t last long and I’m fine. It HAS to
be worked on and not just when you are in a panic attack. I can’t stress
enough that specific therapy for panic disorder works. If you can’t afford
that right now - don’t worry. The internet can be a wonderful place
sometimes and there are MANY FREE PDF’s that I’ll link below that are
easy to follow.
• WHAT IS PANIC?
• BIOLOGY AND PSYCHOLOGY OF PANIC
• HOW DO PANIC ATTACKS HAPPEN?
• PANIC – THE THINKING & FEELING CONNECTION
• SOLVING PANIC ATTACKS WITH A PANIC THOUGHT DIARY
• PRACTICING EXPOSURE TO PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS OF PANIC
• MONITORING YOUR RELAXATION LEVEL FOR PANIC
• THE PROBLEM WITH SAFETY BEHAVIORS
• PREVENT PANIC SETBACKS WITH SELF MANAGEMENT
It’s amazing. I so wish this existed when I was younger and was so
confused and scared and in the dark about what was going on! Get off your
TIk-Tok and get reading!
This screenshot is from the Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund

Bourne (Have a said enough times how much you need this book?) It
shows you the way to rate your panic - and should help normalize that an
attack is truly a scientific thing.
PREPARE FOR PANIC ATTACKS!

Now - let’s say that you have a fear of driving over bridges but next week
you have an important appointment and you’ll have to drive over a bridge.
You may tell yourself, “I’m going to have a panic attack when I drive over
that bridge.” And all week you’ll be dreading driving over that bridge. If
someone tells you not to dread it - you’ll most likely tell them, “No. It’s true.
I WILL have a panic attack going over that bridge.” Now, I agree. You will.
Because you have panic attacks and that bridge is a trigger. You won’t just
magically NOT have a panic attack this time. But, do you see what your
mind is doing? It’s trying to protect you by being “realistic” about having a
panic attack and then what happens? You give up. You give your mind total
control to run wild. THIS crucial moment is where you can begin to practice
differently.
So, knowing that you’ll have a panic attack next week when you drive over
the bridge - what can you do to prepare? You can avoid caffeine and sugar
that day - that’s a simple one that helps your nervous system. You can
avoid being hungover. Anything that robs us of what our central nervous
system needs- will make panic have a field day. Okay, can you make a
playlist of your favorite songs? They can be ones that calm you - or even
ones that get you super angry and bring out your inner sense of justice or
remind you of your worst breakup. Just any music that focuses your mood.
I would say that a meditation CD or podcast could help in this moment but
for ME - I think music as a distraction is great. It really helps change our
nervous system. Or you could listen to a podcast of your favorite people
talking. Pick one you’ve heard before and listen to that!
Now, before you go in your car - maybe it’s the night before or that
morning, do a ten-minute getting calm practice. Sit on your bed, and picture
yourself driving over the bridge and not being scared. You may even feel
some anxiety just picturing it - what a gift! You can practice. Just say nice
things to yourself like, “So many people want me to cross this bridge
without fear. And it will be over in less than a minute anyway! I’m safe!” You
may even want to keep a mental list of people you know who are rooting for
you. This helps us feel less alone when we are by ourselves having a panic
attack. You can drive over the bridge, listening to your favorite song - and
yelling the names of people who are rooting for you and wishing you
comfort.
You can also do a relaxation response meditation (I talk about that in this
email) before you go. So, see? There are a million ways that you can
accept that you’re going to have a panic attack, without then worrying about
it all week. You can bring your entire mental health toolkit with you - and if
you noticed, the one I put together for you is a fun toolkit. And once you
drive over that bridge a few times - you may notice you’re starting to get
used to it and eventually it will lessen over time.
Another thing is “Act As If” - PRETEND you are someone who isn’t afraid of
driving over a bridge. It sounds dumb - but it can help. I know you’re
smarter than this and you probably want some big scientific thing to do
when driving over a bridge and having panic - but nah. You don’t. Your
body and mind will be GOING NUTS and you need to KEEP IT SIMPLE.
Think of someone who you KNOW is not afraid of driving over a bridge.
And pretend you’re them!
So - that’s a handy example of a way to be in ACCEPTANCE of the fact

that most likely, you’ll panic, but being PREPARED to cope with it - instead
of just using GIVING UP which is not acceptance.
THOUGHT STOPPING FOR PANIC ATTACKS

7 Quick Techniques to Tackle a Panic Attack in the moment
(Scattered counting, verbal interruption, positive self-talk, what’s the worst
that could happen, auditory distraction, muscle isolation, meditation.)
THE “IS THAT ALL YOU’VE GOT?” TRICK

One of my favorite coping techniques that I’ve learned to do (again with
practice over decades) is that during a panic attack, I say to my panic, “Is
that all you got? Let’s panic more! Come on! Let’s really kick it up a notch!”
Panic is all about feeling like you’re out of control. And yet - when it’s
happening to us, we truly believe we have no control. It’s almost like we
want to believe we are out of control - because it can be too disheartening
to try to control the panic - and have it not work. I am here to tell you - just
like anything - learning to cartwheel, or drive, or cook - you’re going to not
doing it “well” right away. You may try to stop a panic attack and it may just
run its course and you may think, “Well, that doesn’t work.” That’s not true.
That’s black and white thinking. Lizard brain thinking. Child brain thinking.
It’s working. It takes practice. Same as when you work out once- you don’t
say, “I’m quitting because I didn’t get my goal body after the hour was up.”
Anyway, we can’t control that we started to have panic attacks in the first
place - but we can ABSOLUTELY try to exert control over them in the
moment. We DO have control. I often notice - the things people have
control over, they don’t want to do. They jump to the future of, “It won’t
work, that’s why.” That’s a thought I recommend stopping.
If I’m panicked on a plane or in a mode of transportation, I make a list in my

head of things I cannot wait to do once I arrive. And then I have to notice -
“Wait, if I think I’m going to arrive and can’t wait to do these things - I must
know deep down inside that I am safe and am not indeed dying in this
moment.”
ANGER AT PANIC ATTACKS
Did you know that you can’t really feel anxiety and anger at the same time?
They are incompatible body responses. The MOMENT a panic attack
arises - if you can grab it and turn it into rage - you can stop it from
spiraling. You can do it verbally by yelling at it, “Fuck off right now! I’m
going somewhere!” If you are home - beat the crap out of your pillow. Do
not express this anger at another person.
THOUGHT STOPPING FOR WORRYING TOO MUCH

If you’re worrying too much you have more control than you think! You can
practice the following Thought Stopping Techniques to cope with worry.
One of the techniques is even giving yourself permission to have a special
Worry Window every day!
READ A PDF ABOUT NOT PREDICTING WORST CASE SCENARIOS
MEDITATION!
BEFORE YOU GO ANY FURTHER…. Yes, I am going to mention
meditation in this email. Before you blow it off – listen to me. It works. It’s
probably the best approach for anxiety because it combines cognitive
training as well as physiological relaxation. The longer you put off the
inevitability of meditation in your life – the longer you’ll put up with
unneeded anxiety. You know that control you want so badly? You have
control over making this decision.
WATCH THIS VIDEO WHERE I DISCUSS MEDITATION and discuss how

not to get caught up in the Perfectionism trap before you’ve ever sat down
to meditate for the first time.
If you have two minutes you can listen to this IRREVERENT and HONEST
“FUCK THAT SHIT” meditation right now. You’ll get a laugh at least.
ARTICLE:
HOW MINDFUL MEDITATION CAN CHANGE THE BRAIN IN
DEPRESSED PATIENTS
MEDITATION APP:
THE INSIGHT TIMER APP has over 45,000 meditations in all kinds of
categories and it is FREE!
GUIDED MEDITATIONS:
Here are some by category that could help you depending on what you’re
experiencing.
MEDITATION FOR CONTROL ISSUES AND ANGER
FIVE MINUTES OF SELF COMPASSION
RE-CENTERING IN TIMES OF UNCERTAINTY
GUIDED MEDITATION & TALK

Sebene Selassie giving a talk and meditation tips on letting go.
GUIDED MEDITATION FOR HEARTBREAK, HEALING & CLOSURE
LOVING KINDNESS MEDITATION

“The mind thinks thoughts that we don't plan. It's not as if we say, 'At 9:10
I'm going to be filled with self-hatred," - Sharon Salzberg.
MEDITATIONS IN TIMES OF CRISIS

Reverend Angel Kyodo Williams
TARA BRACH GUIDED MEDITATIONS
HOW TO PRACTICE MINDFULNESS
BODY SCAN MEDITATIONS

I am a big fan of Body Scan Meditations. You just listen to a voice telling
you what part of the body to focus on and it really, really works. If you don’t
like THIS ONE – just Google search “Body Scan Meditations” there are too
many too choose from!
GET SOME QUALITY SLEEP!

I know this seems trite and obvious but for fuck sake, don’t take your phone
into your bed. Yes, you can set it to some nighttime setting so it’s not as
bright, blah blah. I’ve done that. But I believe it’s the energy of the phone
being right there - that continues to trick my brain into thinking that I have to
be on alert, or with the world every second. I keep my phone in my room at
night. I’m not a cave person. But I don’t take it into bed. It’s near my bed.
But too far to reach. If I have to get up and pee and crawl back into bed and
feel like connecting with the world, I may pick the phone back up but only if
I’m willing to trade feeling connected for getting sleep. There is not right or
wrong - it’s just that maybe you need to take a beat to actually think it
through. If you have nowhere to be in the morning and can sleep-in, maybe
in that moment it is important for you to connect with friends. Send a text.
Return an email. Check Instagram and watch the stories of someone who
makes you feel less alone. No judgment. But curbing anxiety is about
empowering yourself to make choices. How long until watching your
friends’ stories do you start doing mindless things? Reading news? And
then feeling bad? Can you stand a few moments of existential loneliness
after you pee in order to get back to sleep? Ultimately - the sleep may
benefit you more…
I know that many people have hormonal issues or they’re on medication for
depression that keeps them up. Again, this is just an anxiety tips email - I
can’t quite solve the riddle of medication and sleep. But, if we’re just talking
non-prescription things - I take magnesium before bed, not melatonin. It
helps keep my legs not cramped and melatonin doesn’t work for me - due
to some interactions. Again, if you need medication, that’s between you
and your doctor. But often times a mild antidepressant taken daily is better
for insomnia than taking a proper sleeping pill. Again, I’ve done it all - but
that’s not what this email is about. I’m not qualified. But I do find that overall
lifestyle changes eventually help sleep as opposed to only thinking about
how to sleep deeply at the exact moment of sleep.
I put lavender oil on my wrists and smell it. I use a heating pad - and put it
on my stomach when I sleep - it’s calming. I sleep under a weighted
blanket some nights.
I have a white noise machine that I use so that I don’t have to use an app
on my phone. You can get one for about $30. Again, no one is paying me
to advertise so I just recommend Googling “white noise machine.” But for
now - you can get a free one on an app - there are many free white noise
apps you can download. However, anxiety is different for everyone. Some
people don’t like to drown out the sounds of the city, or the neighbors, or
their home. A lot of people need to feel that they have the ability to hear
any odd noises in order to protect themselves. White noise isn’t an option
for everyone.
Matt Walker - who is a professor, wrote a great book “Why We Sleep” -

and has great ideas. WATCH THIS! Not on your phone in bed.
THINGS TO LISTEN TO FOR SLEEP OR NAPS

I like to listen to Binaural beats or sleep hypnosis things - I swear it helps.
BINAURAL BEATS FOR SLEEP
GUIDED SLEEP MEDITATION AND HYPNOSIS PODCAST

TIBETAN SINGING BOWLS FOR SLEEP INSOMNIA/10 HOURS
THUNDER, RAIN & SOUND THERAPY (90 MINUTES)
SOUND BATH – SINGING BOWLS (1 HOUR)
YOGA NIDRA
Do you like to do yoga but not move? You’ll love Yoga Nidra. It’s five
minutes and helps you sleep. CLICK TO WATCH A GUIDED SESSION
EASY BREATHING, RELEASING STRESS

The Alexander Technique is something I study. It is great for my back,
neck, posture, vocals, and anxiety! Here are some EASY techniques to get
rid of unconscious ways you may be holding tension in your body. If you
like lying down and doing nothing - you’ll love these! This is my teacher
whom I personally work with.
LAY ON THE FLOOR
RELEASE YOUR JAW
ARE YOU STRESS BREATHING? HERE IS HOW NOT TO

This is great for feelings of “I think there is something wrong with my lungs -
I can’t get air!!”
DO NOT COMPRESS YOUR CHEST

This is also great for feelings of “I think there is something wrong with my
lungs - I can’t get air!!”
BOX BREATHING
HELPS WITH PTSD & STRESSFUL JOBS
It’s really simple. The method is 4-4-4-4.
4 Breathe in to the count of four.

4 Hold your breath there for the count of four.
4 Breathe out for the count of four.
4 Don’t breathe for the count of four.
Hence it’s like box or the square.
REPEAT EXERCISE 4 TIMES
VIDEO GUIDANCE FOR BOX BREATHING – 7 ROUNDS:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJJazKtH_9I
FUN FACTS ABOUT BOX BREATHING

• It can help people with lung disease, and COPD Chronic Obstructive
Pulmonary Disease
• According to the Mayo Clinic, Box Breathing can improve mood,
reduce stress, and can help treat anxiety disorders, panic disorders,
PTSD, and depression.
• In some cases it can also help with insomnia and pain management.
• It can improve future reactions to stress when done often and as a
preventative.
• It’s based off of an ancient yogic technique (which is sometimes done
up to counts of ten) for breathing known as Sama Vritti Pranayama
in Sanskrit which translates to mean “same or equal fluctuations.”
• It’s safe for kids.
• NAVY SEALS and people who work in high-stress jobs use this
technique for focus and relaxation.
Mark Divine, U.S. Navy SEAL and author of Kokoro Yoga: Maximize
Your Human Potential and Develop the Spirit of a Warrior – the SEALfit
Way. Says, “I first learned to control my breathing while practicing martial
arts during my SEAL training, and the techniques I was taught proved
invaluable later during the chaos of combat. I recommended Box breathing
can be added to your meditation practice. Do the box-breathing first, and it
will settle you into a deeper mental state for meditation afterward.”
EXERCISE
Just five minutes of aerobic exercise can start to stimulate anti-anxiety
effects. Exercise can quickly elevate a mood. One session can alleviate
symptoms for hours and daily exercise can begin to curb anxiety over time.
This article lists all of the free ways to get exercise indoors from FREE
YOGA APS, to SOCIAL DISTANCE ZOOM DANCE PARTIES, SMALL
WEIGHTS WORKOUTS FOR MUSCLES, INTENSE CARDIO ROUTINES,
TEN MINUTE WORK OUTS, ETC.
Also - while the comments on YOU TUBE are never anyone’s friend - there
is SO MUCH free exercise on You Tube. I often just search “ten-minute
arm exercises” (get your free weights out!) or I like ballet, so I search for
ballet related workouts (there are tons) and of course any kind of cardio
routines, abs, blah. It’s all there.
According to the ADAA (Anxiety & Depression Association of America)

EXERCISE…”is also vital for maintaining mental fitness. It can reduce
stress. Studies show that it is very effective at reducing fatigue, improving
alertness, and concentration, and at enhancing overall cognitive function.
When stress affects the brain, with its many nerve connections, the rest of
the body feels the impact as well. Exercise produces endorphins –
chemicals in the brain that act as natural painkillers – and improves the
ability to sleep, which in turn reduces stress. Scientists have found that
regular exercise has been shown to decrease overall levels of tension,
elevate and stabilize mood, improve sleep and improve self-esteem. Even
about five minutes of aerobic exercise can begin to stimulate anti-anxiety
effects. Psychologists say that for anxious patients, a ten-minute walk can
do as much good as a forty-five-minute workout. Studies show that
exercise can quickly elevate the mood in depressed people. Although the
effects may be temporary, they demonstrate that a brisk walk or other
simple activity can deliver several hours of relief, similar to taking an aspirin
for a headache. A regular exercise schedule can reduce anxiety over time.”
TAPPING FOR ANXIETY AND PANIC

Emotional freedom technique (EFT) is an alternative treatment for physical
pain and emotional distress. It’s also referred to as tapping or psychological
acupressure. Though still being researched, EFT tapping has been used to
treat people with anxiety and PTSD. Proponents say the tapping helps you
access your body’s energy and send signals to the part of the brain that
causes stress.
I find this guy calming - you may hate him. But now you know what to
search for if you want to try this technique and find the teacher who speaks
to you. I know there are lots of these videos online.
Two quick You Tube videos for tapping through anxiety and panic are
linked below. I actually do tap and totally love this guy. He may not be for
you, but you get the idea and can research to find who/what works for you!
FEAR AND PANIC EMERGENCY

VIDEO
RELEASING ANXIETY
VIDEO
AFFIRMATIONS TO SAY FOR PANIC

Sit down and say these out loud as many times a day as you need to! And
feel what it feels like to believe it!
• I breathe in relaxation; I breathe out tension.

• The feelings of panic are leaving my body
• My body is calm
• All is well in my world
• My mind is clearing, and I am in control
• I have everything I need for a happy life
• I am more and more calm with each breath I take
• I am in charge of my mind and my body.
• I trust the process of life
• I am safe
• I feel anxious but so what? I know what that feels like and I’ll get
through it.
• Anxiety isn’t dangerous. I’m just uncomfortable. I’ll make it through
this.
• It’s only a thought and a thought can be changed.
• I am not limited by past thinking.
• I choose my thoughts with care and I constantly have new insights
and new ways of looking at the world. I am willing to change and
grow.
• I’ve conquered every attack so far and this one will be no different.
BOOKS TO CHECK OUT ABOUT ANXIETY & MENTAL HEALTH
THE ANXIETY & PHOBIA WORKBOOK – 7th Edition

by Edmund J Bourne
WHEN PANIC ATTACKS

by David D. Burns
FEELING GOOD: THE NEW MOOD THERAPY

by David Burns
OVERCOMING UNWANTED INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS

by Sally M Winston & Martin N Self PhD’s
THE MINDFULNESS WORKBOOK FOR OCD

by Jon Hershfeld MFT
GOING TO PIECES WITHOUT FALLING APART

by Mark Epstein
COMFORTABLE WITH UNCERTAINTY

by Pema Chodron
RADICAL ACCEPTANCE
by Tara Brach
SOOTHE YOUR NERVES:

by Dr. Angela Neal-Barnett
FINDING MEANING; THE SIXTH STATE OF GRIEF

by David Kessler
MEDITATIONS FOR WOMEN WHO DO TOO MUCH

by Anne Wilson Schaef
MEMOIRS ABOUT
DEPRESSION/ANXIETY/OCD & MORE
ON EDGE: A JOURNEY THROUGH ANXIETY

by Andrea Petersen
THE COLOR OF HOPE: PEOPLE OF COLOR MENTAL HEALTH

NARRATIVES
by Iresha Picot
UNHOLY GHOSTS: WRITERS ON DEPRESSION

by Nell Casey
THE HILARIOUS WORLD OF DEPRESSION

by John Moe
I’M TELLING THE TRUTH BUT I’M LYING

by Bassey Ikpi
AGORAFABULOUS!
by Sara Benincasa
IRRITABLE HEARTS: A PTSD LOVE STORY

by Mac McClelland
TEN WAYS NOT TO COMMITT SUICIDE: A MEMOIR

by Darryl “DMC” McDaniels
MY AGE OF ANXIETY
by Scott Stossel
GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER

by Sarah Knight
I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING AND OTHER LIES I TELL MYSELF

by Jen Kirkman
(My memoir about going through a messy divorce, more break-ups,
overcoming a phobia of flying, turning 40, and feeling like I’m not a real
grown-up.)
BOOKS FOR LOVE OR FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

THAT MAY BE STRAINED AT THIS TIME
CODEPDENDENT NO MORE: HOW TO STOP CONTROLLING OTHERS

AND CARING FOR YOURSELF
by Melody Beattie
THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO: DAILY READINGS ON CO-

DEPDENDENCY
by Melody Beattie
THE WISDOM OF A BROKEN HEART

by Susan Piver
THE JOURNEY FROM ABANDONMENT TO HEALING

by Susan Anderson
PODCAST EPISODES TO CHECK OUT

FOR ALL THINGS ANXIETY/SPIRITUALITY/MENTAL HEALTH
HEART WISDOM WITH JACK KORNFIELD PODCAST (FREE)

Jack has trained as a Buddhist monk in the monasteries of Thailand, India
& Burma and has taught meditation worldwide since 1974. He specializes
in revealing the poignancy of life’s predicaments and the path to finding
freedom from self-interest, self-judgement, and unhappiness.
THERAPY FOR BLACK GIRLS PODCAST

A weekly chat about all thing’s mental health, personal development and
the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of
ourselves.
THE ROB BELL PODCAST – THE EPISODE WITH HIS WIFE KRISTEN
ON HOW SHE COPES WITH ANXIETY
Rob Bell is the author of ten books including the New York Times
Bestselling book, “What We Talk About When We Talk About God.” His
podcast was named the best of iTunes in 2015. He’s been profiled in the
New Yorker and Oprah Magazine.
BRENE BROWN’S PODCAST “UNLOCKING US”

In this episode about “Comparative Suffering” Brene discusses that
suffering is not a competition and that as a nation we have collectively hit
weary. She talks about strategies for falling apart but staying connected,
and giving ourselves permission to feel hard things.
“A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE PODCAST” EPISODE #37
Dr. Amber Thornton talks about wellness, social justice and a self-care
starter pack.
THE HILARIOUS WORLD OF DEPRESSION PODCAST – EPISODE #7

Episode #7: “How to Get Help.” In this episode host John Moe talks to Jen
Kirkman about how she used her creativity to take on depression and
anxiety and how she got help.
THE ANGRY THERAPIST PODCAST

Certified therapist John Kim is the “Angry Therapist” – delivering self-help
and therapy on all kinds of topics from fear to relationships in a “shot glass”
– ten-minute episodes or less.
ARTICLES ABOUT ANXIETY/DEPRESSION/GRIEF/QUARANTINE
I THINK WE’RE ALONE NOW (NY TIMES)

by Glynnis MacNicol (Author)
“I’m a writer in my mid-40’s who is neither partnered nor has children, so
alone is my modus operandi. It is my way of existing in my world and has
been for some time. This has put me at a peculiar advantage during
quarantine….”
TIME TO DITCH ‘TOXIC POSITIVITY’; EXPERTS SAY, “IT’S OKAY NOT

TO BE OKAY” (WASHINGTON POST)
by Allyson Chu
“In the midst of raging pandemic and widespread social unrest, these days
it can feel as if reassuring platitudes are inescapable. While cultivating a
positive mind-set is a powerful coping mechanism, toxic positivity stems
from the idea that the best or only way to cope with a bad situation is to put
a positive spin on it and not dwell on the negative.”
IS MY CHEST TIGHTNESS ANXIETY OR A CORONAVIRUS SYMPTOM?

(THE CUT)
by Katie Heaney
“I have anxiety disorder, and I was also, quite reasonably, afraid that I
would get COVID-19. One common symptom of COVID-19 is chest
tightness and shortness of breath…”
ANXIETY IS A PART OF MY LIFE (CNN.COM)

by Rashid Johnson (Visual Artist)
“Anxiety is part of my life. It’s something that people of color don’t really
discuss as often as we should.”
THAT DISCOMFORT YOU’RE FEELING ISN’T ANXIETY. IT’S GRIEF.

by Scott Berinato – the Harvard Business Review
An interview with David Kessler – the world’s most foremost expert on grief.
He is the founder of grief.com and talks about how we feel during Covid-19.
“The loss of normalcy; the fear of economic toll; the loss of connection. This
is hitting us, and we are not used to this kind of collective grief in the air.”
IF YOU HAVE ANXIETY BUT FEEL BETTER DURING CORONA YOU

ARE NOT ALONE – The Daily Beast
by Laura Bradley
“The intrusive thoughts that normally buzz around my brain like flies on a
feeding frenzy have disappeared. My family is healthy. I am healthy. We
are all doing what we can. And for whatever reason, that has been enough.
My mood has stabilized after years of oscillating between paralyzing
anxiety and debilitating, at times suicidal, depression….”
HOW TO HANDLE A BREAKUP DURING QUARANTINE

by Wren Sanders
“Typical suggestions for coping (with a breakup) including getting out there
again, meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends. But typical
solutions don’t apply so well to atypical situations like our present
(lockdown, pandemic) moment…. you’ve got yourself the fixings for an
overwhelming emotional situation….”
TIPS FOR A DIVORCE DURING QUARANTINE – TALKSPACE.COM

by Ashley Laderer
“The good news here is that with time, [both the pandemic and the
breakup] will get better. In the meantime, we spoke to two relationship
experts about how you can cope if you’re in one of these less-than-ideal
situations….”
MAKE A GRATITUDE NOTEBOOK

I know. BARF! I have one. I do a page a day. I write the day, date, and year
at the top of the page. Then I write, ‘TODAY I AM GRATEFUL FOR.” And I
make a small list 5-10 items.
I start every sentence with:
“I am grateful for….”
You hear me? I don’t just make a list. I write the words “I am grateful for”
before EVERYTHING that I am grateful for.
And you can write things simply like, “I am alive!” if you can’t think of
anything.
The purpose of a gratitude list is NOT so you FEEL something in the

moment. It isn’t a glass of wine. The purpose of a gratitude list is not to
SHAME you into being grateful and shutting up because others have it
worse. A gratitude list gets our brain focused on the PRESENT for a
minute. The future is anxiety and the past is worry.
And once you fill up your notebook - when your brain is telling you lies
about how awful everything is - you can read your own words, written in
your own notebook and actually prove to yourself that your thoughts are a
lie.
One last thing. I handwrite it. I have a gratitude notebook which works
better than a gratitude work document. It’s a living thing. I keep it next to
my bed. And here are some quick SCIENCE-Y things that prove that
writing with our hands, (if we can!) with pen and paper, helps us slow down.
• Writing by hand relieves stress.

• Writing by hand boosts creativity and deep thinking.
• Writing by hand boosts your memory and slows down mental aging.
• Writing by hand improves your moods.
• Writing by hand lightens your burdens, easing depression and
anxiety.
KIDS WITH ANXIETY!
WHAT DO TO WHEN CHILDREN ARE ANXIOUS – Child Mind Institute

How to Respect Feelings Without Empowering Fears, Clark Goldstein PhD
TIPS FOR PARENTS AND CAREGIVERS – The ADAA.org

“Here are things you can do at home to help your child manage their
anxiety disorder…keep in mind that your child’s anxiety disorder is not a
sign of poor parenting.”
LIBRARIANS RECOMMEND: 15 BOOKS FOR KIDS DEALING WITH

ANXIETY on Canadian Broadcasting Company website.
by Erik Missio
“Sometimes the best books are the fictional stories showing how others
have been able to work with or mediate their own fears and challenges,
stories that offer inspiration or even just recognize that others face similar
struggles. Stories with characters who are anxious can help kids feel seen
and understood. They can also serve as springboards for further
conversation.”
ANXIETY HELP OR LIFE INSPO

DURING THE PANDEMIC
HELP IS ONLY A TEXT AWAY!
Reach out to THE CRISIS TEXT LINE for help with dealing with Covid-19
fears and anxiety.
text HOME to 741741 (US & CANADA)

text HOME to 85258 (UK)
THE ADAA (ANXIETY & DEPRESSION ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA)

has PAGES OF HELPFUL RESOURCES
ADAA understands that the current Covid-19 situation is triggering
increased anxiety. In response they have created a resource page –
updated daily – to provide helpful tips and strategies from ADAA mental
health professionals as well as personal stories of triumph to help you or a
loved one struggling with anxiety around the Coronavirus or with general
health anxiety concerns.
CHECK OUT THE

10% HAPPIER PODCAST PANDEMIC ANXIETY GUIDE
ONE OF MY FAVE PODCASTS IS TEN PERCENT HAPPIER Happier -

hosted by Dan Harris (an ABC newsman - who has panic disorder who is
as he calls himself “a fidgety skeptic”) where he interviews the great Zen
minds of our time.
His show put together an amazing survival guide - with free things to
read, mediations, lectures, and interviews all on the topic of anxiety during
the pandemic
SOME CHEESY QUOTES THAT HELP IN A PINCH!!!

(I DIDN’T MAKE ANY OF THESE UP!)
• Unspoken expectations are pre-meditated resentments.

• It’s okay to not feel okay.
• Do not believe the things you tell yourself when you are sad
and alone.
• I breathe in. I breathe out. My heart beats and everything else
is just story.
• You never know how strong you are until being strong is the
only choice you have.
• Your story isn’t over yet.
• So far, you’ve survived 100% of your worst days. You’re doing
great.
• Just because your past didn’t turn out like you wanted, doesn’t
mean that your future can’t be better than you ever imagined.
• Things are going okay in your life behind the scenes in ways
you don’t yet understand.
• Take a deep breath. It’s a bad day. Not a bad life.
• Be someone you want to be around.
• We are responsible for the effort. Not the outcome.
• At any given moment you have the power to say, “This is not
how this story is going to end.”
• Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally
feel it.
• What you deny you delay; what you face you conquer.
• Let go or get dragged.
• Someday it’s going to make sense.
• First, love yourself. Everyone else? Get in line.
• Everything you are going through is preparing you for what you
asked for.
• Trust and let go. Whoever is meant to be in your life, will be

there.
• Ego says, “Once everything falls into place, I’ll feel peace,” and
Spirit says, “Find your peace and then everything will fall into
place.”
• There are good times and there are growth times.
• You don’t have to do anything today about these feelings.
• Discomfort is information.
• If you don’t transform your suffering - you’ll transmit your
suffering.
• If something is going to make me feel good now - but like shit
later, it’s not good for me.
• You are not your feelings.
• The word “ritual” is in the word spiritual. Practicing new
behavior is enlightened. It isn’t just some magic bullshit.
• Accept what is. Let go of what was.
• Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action
• People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than
the burdens are attached to them
• People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a
fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”
• If you are being brought to it - trust that you’ll be brought
through it.
• Making mistakes is better than faking perfections.
• Don’t stumble over something that’s already behind you.
• Being humble isn’t that we think less of ourselves - it’s that we
think of ourselves less.
• Anything you can’t control is teaching you how to let go.
• What we think and feel is not real. What is real is what we do.
• Grief is a solitary act that we can’t do alone.
• I’m such a poor observer, I still think that if I get what I want I’ll
be happy.
• We can’t feel our fear in advance. We can’t have our pain in
advance. That’s an illusion. We can’t pre-feel things and get
them out of the way.
• Making mistakes is better than faking perfections.
• Just because your past didn’t turn out like you wanted it to, it
doesn’t mean that your future can’t be better than you ever
imagined.
• If it feels like an emergency emotionally - it probably isn’t. Don’t
act on it in the moment.
• I am not responsible for my first thought. I am responsible for
my second thought and my first action.
• Actions lead to different experiences and different experiences
change our perception and that changes our thoughts.
• Don’t make decisions when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or
Tired. It’s time to HALT.
THE ANXIETY BITES NEWSLETTER!

I have started a weekly (sort of) newsletter called ANXIETY BITES! It’s
bite-sized (as opposed to this monstrosity) anxiety types with a
focused theme each week. And it’s not just writing – I speak to you in
a little video every week! To subscribe CLICK HERE
To read & watch past issues:
ISSUE #1 – “Are My Lungs Collapsing Or Is That Anxiety?”
ISSUE #2 – “This Isn’t Anxiety! I Am Going Insane! I Swear!”
ISSUE #3 – “The M Word”
ISSUE #4 – “My Anxiety Is Too Bad To Be Helped!”
YOU OWE ME NOTHING!!!

I do this for free and for the love of it - but if you wanted to donate
YOU CAN BUY ME A COFFEE!
15% of all donations go to:
The ADAA (Anxiety & Depression Association of America)
May you be free from fear!

Love,
Jen Kirkman

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TO JOIN MY WEEKLY BITE-SIZED ANXIETY TIPS NEWSLETTER OR READ AND WATCH PAST 1

THE BIG ASS 52-PAGE ANXIETY& PANIC HELP GUIDE

DISCLAIMER: Now - I do personally read each and every email (and I

DISCLAIMER 2: I am not a therapist. This is not a replacement for therapy

DON’T FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO HAVE ANXIETY… BECAUSE LIFE

REAL WORLD PROBLEMS don’t have to keep you in a state of anxiety.

And THE LESS WE TAKE THIS WORK ON AS “OMG THIS IS SO

IS ANXIETY JUST FEAR?

Physiological symptoms – rapid heartbeat, muscle tension, queasiness,

Behavioral symptoms – sabotages your ability to act, express yourself, or

Psychological symptoms – apprehension and unease. In it’s most

IF YOU EXPERIENCE FOUR OR MORE SYMPTOMS – IT IS THEN

“SUFFER FROM ANXIETY” UGH, I HATE THAT

JEN’S PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH ANXIETY

The problem is - anxiety and panic feel SO SERIOUS that we “pooh-pooh”

And a few words on meds. I have used anti-depressants - literally, I think

FURTHER THOUGHTS ON BEING WILLING

If we think of anxiety as something that comes and goes. We aren’t failures

LET’S BEGIN WITH SUPER SIMPLE SCIENCE!!

What you want - is to active your PARASYMPATHETIC NERVOUS

QUICK TIP IF YOU HATE DEEP BREATHS

But I just wanted you to have the basics.

SYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM (Fight Flight Freeze - panic time!)

PARASYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM (The paramedics are here to

Read a PDF about how to RETRAIN YOUR BREATHING

THE RELAXATION RESPONSE!

GUIDED RELAXATION RESPONSE

Instead can you be in what is TRUE acceptance. Saying with a shrug,

“My emotions are running extremely high. I am being rushed with

• COGNITIVE THERAPY: It examines negative thoughts

• BEHAVIOR THERAPY: It examines how you behave and react

This therapy CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) is based on the premise

THOUGHT CHALLENGING: (aka cognitive restructuring) is the process of

1. Identify your negative thoughts:

“ALL OR NOTHING THINKING”: A tendency to view a situation as

“OVERGENERALIZATION”: If something bad happens once, the tendency

“FILTERING”: Focusing only on the negative details of a situation but

“DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE”: An extreme version of Filtering. To

“JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS”: Assuming what someone else is thinking

“MAGNIFICATION”: Blowing up (magnifying) yours or someone else’s

“EMOTIONAL REASONING”: The fallacy that if something feels a certain

“SHOULD THINKING”: Thinking “should” or “have to” is the tendency to be

“LABELING”: An extreme version of Overgeneralization. Making a simple

“PERSONALIZATION”: The excessive tendency to take another person’s

Read a free PDF about UNHELPFUL THINKING STYLES

Read a free PDF about CORE BELIEFS THAT CAUSE PANIC

Read a free PDF about BALANCED THINKING

PANIC ATTACKS AND PANIC DISORDER

PANIC is slightly different than anxiety. Panic is a sudden urge of mounting

This screenshot is from the Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund

PREPARE FOR PANIC ATTACKS!

So - that’s a handy example of a way to be in ACCEPTANCE of the fact

THOUGHT STOPPING FOR PANIC ATTACKS

THE “IS THAT ALL YOU’VE GOT?” TRICK

If I’m panicked on a plane or in a mode of transportation, I make a list in my

THOUGHT STOPPING FOR WORRYING TOO MUCH

READ A PDF ABOUT NOT PREDICTING WORST CASE SCENARIOS

WATCH THIS VIDEO WHERE I DISCUSS MEDITATION and discuss how