Truth and Spirit Ministries

Break Free From Spiritual Abuse Part III

By Denise Bostic

In the first two parts of this teaching, we have learned how to identify some signs of
spiritual abuse. Please note that I have said “some” signs for there are surely other signs
that have not been covered in this particular series. The idea here is to make believers
aware of major issues that constitute an unhealthy spiritual environment and for them to
be encouraged to break free from those that spiritually abuse and for abusers to repent
and stop inflicting pain and suffering on others.

Jesus said, “The truth will set you free”. (John 8:32 NIV) The truth contained in God’s
word will set us free. It will set us free from deception, free from lies of the devil and free
from the bondage and oppression of others. It is not simply knowing truth that sets us
free however; we must also live by that truth. When we learn God’s truth and apply it to
our lives it will help us to break free from various forms of spiritual abuse. The last two
articles in this series will be dedicated to teaching believers about those divine truths that
will enable them to do just that.

Spiritual abuse can damage the soul, but not beyond repair thank God. When we are
subjected to such abuse however it attacks our faith and the very core of who we are in
Christ. Saints that are consistently exposed to an environment like this are being
subjugated to the demands of the abuser or abusers rather than to God and his truth.
This makes believers miserable though and robs them of the life that God has truly called
them to live.

Jesus paid the price to deliver us from all bondages so that we could be free to follow him
in the Spirit wherever he leads us. (Romans 6:18, 7:6) Since this is the case, it is
imperative that when we recognize that we are indeed in a situation where we are being
spiritually abused that we do not stay passive but begin to take a firm stand against this
specific yoke of slavery. The beginning point of breaking free is to stop enabling others to
have this sort of control and power over us.

The Devil Is the Root behind Spiritual Abuse

Before I get into the specifics of how to break free from spiritual abuse, it’s important to
know that at the very core or root of spiritual abuse is the devil himself. (Read II
Corinthians 11) Although Jesus defeated Satan and his powers of darkness through the
Cross and has given us authority over them, he and his cohorts have not yet been bound
and their influence has not yet been totally removed. (Colossians 2:15, Luke 10:19, Mark
16:17)
The Bible says that the devil still goes about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may
devour. Even though it is a reality that the devil can inflict suffering upon us, God in his
grace can bring restoration and make us strong in the faith in spite of it. (I Peter 5:8-10) The
devil has used the same old tactics throughout history. Today, the devil seeks to influence
the saints of God whenever and wherever he can to bring harm or injury to the Church. His
goal is to bring division between believers and turn them against one another so that the
Church will become weak and ineffective for Christ and the Kingdom of God. If possible he
will seek to wound believers to the point that they will turn away from Christ. As believers,
we must continually abide in Christ. He is our place of safety and when we abide in him; no
one can pluck us out of the Father’s hand, not even the devil himself. (John 10:29)

We Must Take Personal Responsibility

Although the devil is at the root cause of spiritual abuse, Church leaders and believers
must not aid the devil’s cause by giving him place to operate within their lives. The apostles
of the Lord understood this. This is why they taught all saints to take personal responsibility
for their own actions. They taught that all believers should walk in love, peace and unity.
They taught that we should not give place to the devil, be ignorant of his schemes and to
stand against them. (Ephesians 4:27, 6:10-11, II Corinthians 2:10-11) Although the devil is
our true enemy and not people, we cannot blame the devil for that which we should take
personal responsibility for (like our own actions). We each have a responsibility to submit to
God and resist the devil so that he would not have a place in our lives or Churches. (I
Corinthians 1:10-11, Galatians 5:1, 13-15, Ephesians 4:21-32, James 4:7-10, I Peter 5:8-9)

Some of the ways that the devil seeks to devour believers is through ignorance of God’s
word and through the works of the sinful flesh. Both of these are present when spiritual
abuse is taking place. God has given us powerful spiritual weapons however in which to
combat this within the Church; we just need to use them. We cannot fight a spiritual war
with carnal weapons. As in any spiritual war, we should not fight our battles as the world
does (in the flesh) rather we should be armed with the spiritual weaponry that God has
given us in order to demolish spiritual strongholds and every thing that would set itself up
against the knowledge of God. (II Corinthians 10:3-5)

Unfortunately, spiritual abuse has become a stronghold in some Churches. Although there
may be strongholds however, they are not past demolishing. When Church leaders and
believers alike are willing to crucify their flesh, resist the devil and submit to God, he is able
to lead them on the path of forgiveness, healing, restoration and victory. We must however,
cooperate with our divine Helper, the Holy Spirit to get to where we need to be. There will
be more on this subject in Part IV.

Realize that these weapons are for the abuser as well as those being abused. The Lord
wants those that abuse to be set free just as much as those that are being abused. Church
leaders and believers that abuse are in bondage as well. They are in bondage to their
fleshly desires and could also (to the extreme) have fallen into the snare of the devil and
are being used as his unsuspecting pawns to cause undue pain, suffering and wounds to
the Church. It is God’s will that every one of his children live in freedom however, no matter
how great the bondage. There is always hope and encouragement in Christ our Lord no
matter what our situation may be.
God loves all of his children and wants us to love one another and live in unity and
harmony together as a family. In the natural when one family member abuses another on a
continual basis that family is classified as a dysfunctional family. God, however, does not
want us to be a dysfunctional family, but a healthy, whole and functional one. When we
receive God’s best for our lives, we can live, move and operate the way that he intends for
us to as one body. It is time for us to overcome and conquer those things that prevent us
from doing just that. This is only possible as we receive and walk in the victory that Christ
has already obtained for us. (I Corinthians 15:57) In order for that victory to become a living
reality in our lives though, we need to first submit ourselves to God and then put on the
whole armor of God.

Be Dressed For Battle

Paul, the Apostle, taught the Church how to do battle in the Spirit. He made it clear that
believers were not really fighting against flesh and blood (other people) but against
principalities, powers, rulers of the darkness of this world and spiritual wickedness in high
places. He taught that all believers should put on the whole armor of God in order to stand
against the wiles of the devil. (Ephesians 6:10-18) We just learned that the root or core of
spiritual abuse stems from the devil himself. If we as a Church could stand on a united front
and fight against our real enemy and not amongst ourselves, we would surely be on the
fast track to overcoming and true victory in Christ.

Although we should be dressed for battle with this spiritual armor, this is only part of our
warfare. For too long, the Church has been on the defense when it concerns the devil and
even our own flesh. We should begin to go on the offense though because this is how we
actually move forward and gain ground against our enemy and our own flesh.(Galatians
5:16-18) One way we can outwit the devil and crucify our flesh at the same time is by
walking in the fruit of the Spirit, of which the greatest is love. (Galatians 5:22-25) When we
do, we will find that the devil and his evil companions have no weapons in their arsenals in
which to combat these powerful, godly attributes.

In the remainder of this article I would like to share with you some essential truths that help
us to combat the insidious disease of spiritual abuse within the Church. As we receive and
live in these, it will enable us to begin to walk on the path of freedom and break free of
spiritual abuse in its various forms. Bear in mind that if you are in a situation where you find
that you are truly suffering under the heavy hand of spiritual abuse that you can only take
responsibility for your own actions. You can only submit your own self to God. We cannot
make others submit to God, they must do this of their own free will.

Yieldedness is a voluntary action of the free will. Should you be in a Church where the
leadership has confessed to being spiritually abusive and seeks forgiveness, by all means
we should forgive one another and be reconciled. If you are in a Church however where
the leaders or other believers are unyielding, unrepentant or unchanging, you will more
than likely have to break free from that fellowship in order to receive the healing and
restoration that you need and go on to live in the freedom of Christ elsewhere. No matter
what our situation is at present though, we should always walk according to the commands
and teachings of Christ.
The Conquering Power of Love

Jesus left this one command to all of his disciples under the New Testament: “Love each
other as I have loved you.” (John 15:12) This one powerful command from the Lord,
when obeyed, enables believers to fulfill the sum total of the law yet for those that walk in
the flesh it is perhaps the most difficult of all of Christ’s commands. Why? True, godly love
can only be exercised properly when we are walking in the Spirit. Paul, the Apostle,
reminded the Galatians of this truth when they went from walking in the Spirit to doing
works of the flesh. He gave them these strong words of rebuke:
1
O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you that you should not obey the truth,
before whose eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed among you as crucified? 2
This only I want to learn from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law,
or by the hearing of faith? 3 Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you
now being made perfect by the flesh? 4 Have you suffered so many things in vain—if
indeed it was in vain? 5 Therefore He who supplies the Spirit to you and works
miracles among you, does He do it by the works of the law, or by the hearing of
faith? (Galatians 3:1-5 NKJV)

Paul not only confronts the Galatians over their backsliding into the fleshly works of the
Mosaic Law, he also deals with their sinful nature of the flesh as well. After all, flesh is flesh
and the flesh will not be of any profit; it is only the Spirit that brings life. (John 6:63) Not only
does the flesh not profit any human being, when we walk in the flesh this can also cause
much harm. Paul also wrote this to the Galatians:
13
You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom
to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is
fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 If you
bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
(Galatians 5:13-15 NIV)

Through the New Testament scriptures we learn of one of the great remedies for the
disease of the sinful flesh and that is true, godly love. Paul also wrote to the Corinthians
about this great love. While these saints were zealous to receive and operate in the gifts of
the Spirit, they lost sight of the greatest of all gifts, which is love. (I Corinthians 12:1-11, I
Corinthians 13) The problems within the Corinthians Church inspired Paul to write one of
the most powerful passages in all of his epistles. Within this chapter we learn why love is
one of the greatest remedies to spiritual abuse within the Church.
1
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a
resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can
fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move
mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and
give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It
does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It
always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are
tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we
know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in
part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I
reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
12
For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now
I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is
love. (I Corinthians 13 NIV)

No matter how spiritually gifted we may think we are, if we do not walk in godly love
towards one another within the Church, we are of no real account to the Kingdom of God.
Why? When it’s all said and done, the only thing that will count for eternity are those things
that we have done in the spirit of love. If we don’t minister to others out of genuine love,
they will not gain anything of real spiritual substance or lasting value and neither will we but
when we walk in true agape love, the works of faith that we do will have a lasting, eternal
impact. How great is that?

When we exercise love toward others, we are not only fulfilling the sum total of all the law
but by doing so we will also not be causing undue harm or injury to our brothers and sisters
in Christ. Lack of true godly love within the Church today is one of the greatest contributors
to spiritual abuse today. To know exactly why this is true, all we must do is look at what
love truly consist of in I Corinthians 13. When envy, jealousy, strife, self-seeking ambition,
impatience, unkindness, pride, dishonor, anger and other works of the flesh are flourishing
within a Church fellowship, is it any wonder that so many brethren are wounded by it?

A vital lesson that we can learn from this chapter is that our sinful actions can harm or
wound other people. It is only when we truly practice godly love (and the rest of the fruit of
the Spirit as well) among each other that we can have an atmosphere that the Holy Spirit
can move in and where the entire Church can truly be blessed spiritually. (Galatians 5:16-
26) When we do not walk in love, we are going contrary to the law of Christ. Walking in the
works of the flesh can actually prevent us from inheriting or receiving all the good things of
the Kingdom of God that he desires us to have. When we do walk in the spirit of love
however, there is no law in the entire universe that is against doing so. (Galatians 5:22-23)
When we walk in love, we are truly fulfilling the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1-2) When we
walk in the fruit of the Spirit there is no law that would stop us from receiving those good
things that God desires to give us.

When believers walk in the works of the flesh, it causes others to suffer grief, pain and be
wounded in their souls. The stories that I have shared with you in these articles are proof of
that. I’m sure that many other believers that have been in similar circumstances would
agree. When the works of the flesh run rampant in a local Church, it will only cause the
saints to be torn down emotionally and spiritually. The works of the flesh cause not only the
saints to be grieved and in pain but the Holy Spirit as well.
We are taught in the Word though not to grieve the Spirit through sin. Jesus not only
commanded us to love one another but to love God with our whole heart, mind and soul as
well. This is the first and greatest commandment. (Mark 12:28-31)We should walk in love
toward God by not grieving the Spirit. (Ephesians 4:30) When we walk in the love of God
and all of the fruit of the Spirit for that matter, we promote another Spirit altogether. The
Kingdom of God is truly about righteousness, joy and peace in the Holy Spirit. Personally,
each one of us should make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.
When we serve Christ in this way it is pleasing to God and approved by men. (Romans
14:17-19)

The Two Way Street Called Grace

All believers are not only saved by God’s grace but are also called to live by grace. Some
believe that grace is simply the unmerited or undeserved pardon of sin that enables us be
saved so that we can get into heaven but it is much more than that. Living by grace means
that God gives us divine favor and also the empowerment to actually live the life of Christ
on a personal level and as a Church. Most often, when a situation of spiritual abuse is
taking place in a Church setting, there is a lack of understanding of God’s grace. Grace is
not a one way street where we simply receive it for ourselves personally, it is a two way
street where we can also give it to others as well. In fact, the Lord expects us to. This next
story is a great lesson that God taught me concerning how we as believers can extend
grace to one another.

There were several ladies sitting around a classroom table in a room in the back of the
Church building on a Sunday morning. I was sitting among them and quietly listened while
the ladies talked. They were gossiping about specific individuals within the community and
spoke of their sins. As they continued, the Holy Spirit began to speak to me concerning
their conversation and I endeavored to listen above the chatter. As the women continued
talking about more individuals, one of them turned to me and asked me what I thought
about it all. Of course the Holy Spirit had already prepared me ahead of time to answer
that question. This is what he told me. It was a word for that particular Church and I shared
it with the ladies there. It is a good word however for any Church that would need to hear
this same divine message.

“God has given us grace and we should give that same grace to others. He has sent
many people to this Church and because you did not give them grace, they left. God
could send more to this Church and it could grow if you would only give them
grace…”

Which one of us has been without sin and the need of God’s forgiveness and grace? If we
would extend the same grace to others that we wish to have ourselves, we would treat
others so differently. We would extend a message of God’s unconditional love, grace and
forgiveness instead of a message of condemnation and judgment. It is only when we have
a true revelation of God’s grace in our own personal lives and walk in it that we are truly
able to give this to others.

The story above should make us ask ourselves, what are we ministering to each other in
our Churches? We should be ministering out of the Spirit of grace and not condemnation.
When spiritual abuse is prevalent within a Church there is most often a lack of real grace
taught or practiced. Much spiritual abuse within the Church today is brought on by legalism,
which is the opposite of grace. In this particular Church spiritual abuse was running
rampant. It was dished out through legalism, control, intimidation, manipulation and abuse
of authority.

Heaping legalism upon people though is spiritual abuse and in the long run believers will
not stick around in Churches where it is being ministered on a continual basis. Sooner or
later they will not be able to stand the crushing weight and pain of the abuse it spawns and
they will leave. This is what happens when those in the Church do not minister or live by
grace. Unfortunately this particular Church did not flourish and grow; instead it eventually
closed its doors. Of course, it could have been different if they had chosen to minister out of
a spirit of grace.

Our salvation is by grace. Believers today are under the ministration of the Spirit and he is
a Spirit of grace. Being that this is the case then, New Testament ministers should be
ministering God’s grace, not the condemnation that comes with the Old Testament law. (II
Corinthians 3:6-11, Hebrews 10:26-29, Ephesians 3:2) Believers also should give the same
grace to others that God has bestowed upon them. We did nothing to deserve it but God
has bestowed his grace upon all of us because of what Jesus has accomplished for us
through the Cross.

God is no longer punishing or condemning us for sin but instead is forgiving and cleansing
us of them. The problem is that those that are steeped in legalism most often are blinded to
this because they are not grace conscious but law conscious. Because of this they often
become spiritual abusers. What legalists need is a revelation of God’s grace. When they
understand that he is full of grace and that he wants us to be too, then they can not only
receive it for themselves but also be able to minister out of that same spirit of grace as well.
All believers need to steer clear of an unhealthy atmosphere of legalism and seek
Churches that minister God’s grace. It is only in the latter place that believers can truly be
planted, be safe, blossom and grow into all that the Lord has called them to be.

Part IV