Professional Documents
Culture Documents
doctor, doctor
i'm not feeling well today
doctor, doctor
i don't know if i should stay
sadness isn't a sickness, but it's infected my mind. can you write me some antibiotics to
get them out in time?
sadness isn't sickness, but i think i might've caught something from doing a little too
much of Having No Friends. don't you know how much i've been Laying In Bed?
sadness isn't sickness, but i think i'm coming down
doctor, doctor
i've got a severe case of the I Don't Want To Lives
can you write me a prescription?
make it go away?
doctor, doctor
you've let me down this time
doctor, doctor
i'm not in my prime
Oh Doctor, Doctor
My bones are all sore
Oh Doctor, Doctor
My bones are all sore
Patronise me,
Make me feel like ****,
Give me my meds,
Tear me down
Bit by
Bit.
Doctor, Doctor,
Why are you here?
You locked me away,
Creating my biggest fear.
LET ME OUT,
I scream, I scream,
I look to the ceiling,
I dream, I dream.
Doctor, Doctor,
You said you'd help me,
You're a liar too,
Shapes is all I see.
White, White,
I miss this I do,
You took away my love,
Doctor, I blame you.
Doctor, Doctor,
Be my friend,
Just let me die,
This needs to end.
Escape.
Tap, Tap.
Scrape.
Sniff.
Awake.
**The End.
Continue reading...
michael reid rubenstein Oct 2010
doctor doctor give me the news
mom is sick her 90th birthday is in several weeks she says she has lived a long full life
and is ready to die the doctors are trained to keep her alive i remember when the
doctors kept dad alive while waiting for the cancer to attack a vital ***** i wonder if this
practice of keeping people alive is humane mom forgets events 2 hours earlier walks
into mirrors falls down wakes up with black eyes i’m having trouble sleeping thinking
morbid thoughts maybe lots of people all around the world are waiting to die people
***** mutilated robbed cheated bankrupt homeless war victims old people with chronic
diseases dependent on caretakers maybe millions of people are thinking about death
waiting hoping praying for death faced with the growing problem of overpopulation
why can’t we mitigate the suffering of those waiting to die i don’t understand
in early morning i drift out of sleep toss right turn left look out window glance Mount
Lemmon stretch out on back planter flex dorsal flex toes extend arms out to sides over
head look up at exposed redwood beams ceiling try to remember interpret understand
what i was dreaming rise from bed brush teeth walk around make bed pull brush
sheets try to take dump because i don’t want to embarrass myself in pilates class drink
water slip on gym shorts head down stairs grab keys lock door scan garden always feel
lucky if Saab starts drive to Tucson racquet fitness club pilates class
i am ready to move away from Tucson nobody here wants needs me no one reads my
writings or is interested in showing buying my paintings sun scorches bakes intrudes
invades rudely glaring mercilessly my skin suffers i am thinking about heading back
east North Hampton Massachusetts or Hudson Valley area or Chicago where i have
many friends or rainy Apeldoorn Netherlands where Pavanne and Shannon live or
Eureka California where Shannon also resides i’ve paid my dues a thousand times
hoping to achieve success i live in fantasy imagining outcomes that never come
younger attractive female doctor wearing white coat low heel black pumps enters room
of 60 year old patient suffering from depression loneliness despair
DOCTOR please sit up and open your gown (she plugs stethoscope into her ears)
DOCTOR breathe deep breaths (she examines glands around throat under arms shines
light into ears eyes nose mouth) hmmm what symptoms caused you to admit yourself
PATIENT i’ve been feeling frustrated defeated isolated anxious for a while
DOCTOR you look strong healthy height weight proportionate i think your problems
are psychological you may want to find a good therapist
DOCTOR well if you think you’re ready to be euphonized i can schedule you for next
week of course the hospital will need to make arrangements for disposing your body
DOCTOR the drug industry has made huge advances in the last few years i’ve been
informed the procedure is actually quite euphoric
DOCTOR the hospital will contact you with a list of details including an e-will if you
have family or relations
PATIENT thank you for your kindness you’re really sweet and pretty i don’t see a
wedding ring are you married or single my mom would love to hear i’m dating a
doctor
Continue reading...
Jack Boucher Feb 6
A Son's Doctor
The surgery room makes you nauseous
from dust and broken glass, from silver and stone, an army arises from their shallow
graves. and to this day, no one can remember that this is how it all began.
there have always been things in my life I have learned not to question. you do not
doubt the stars in the sky, the ground beneath your feet, or the strength of the
northernland. we do not question the northernland.
i like to ask myself questions-
after the sky fell, who gathered it all up and put it back in the sky?
they won’t tell us in school.
when the sky fell, what did the stars taste like?
i think it would taste like fire and pain and sugar, like drinking lighting hot lemonade
in the summer.
we don’t ask in school.
thursday
there has never been enough. money, food, water. in school, they teach us about the
war. the war has no name, it is just the war. maybe it will someday. no one dares to
name it. you do not name the devil.
we bow to the throne of the northernland, unaware that is was born of lies. the cameras
are our leader now. they are all we have ever known.
on Sundays we go to church and pray. the crosses will never hang right and are always
turning upside down and the priest is always looking pale. we all look pale, now. the
cloud of dust from northernland blocks out the sun most days.
friday
I went to Lou's house today. she has a red front gate and ivy growing in her garden. we
kicked a deflated kickball around for a bit, but she kept looking over her shoulder. she
pretended to drop the ball behind her but couldn't bend down to grab it because her
arm is broken, so I went over. tears were hiding beneath her eyes, but she did not say
anything. then her dad came out and watched us play. i didn’t like his smile, it was too
wide.
saturday
today in school i fell and skinned my knuckles. the blood that came was strange,
reddish-orange. teacher grabbed my hand and bandaged it right away before i could
get a good look at it. she said you mustn’t tell your mother.
teacher doesn’t know that mother went to go live in the White Building, a place for
people who hear voices and don’t like the government and have to be restrained so they
don’t hurt people. i don’t say any of this, i just nod my head ok.
sometimes i worry, about alistair. he’s a gravedigger and everyday when he comes
home he looks so empty. he won’t tell me why he’s so sad but once i heard him tell
canary that the graves just get bigger everyday and then after a long time he said but
there are always to many bodies
i tried to listen more but he found me behind the wall and when i asked him why there
were so many bodies he said there’s a sickness, that’s all
then after that teacher made us all wear cottons masks that are itchy and make it hard to
breathe.
sunday
on the telly today the man in the suit announcer we had another victory but i don’t
understand how we can have victories without winning the war. the man in the suit
tried to show a picture but all we saw was a blurry mess because alistair said sometimes
things can’t be shown on the telly but i don’t know why. i doesn’t make sense why they
would restrict anything anymore. we now what it looks like. a flat landscape paved
with bodiesaccented with blood.
we aren’t supposed to know about that though.
in school, teacher tells us there have been no casualties of the war. but only when
principal is watching. when he’s not she’s stuffs our coats beneath the crack and the
door and tunes the telly to a different station- one that’s fuzzy that she has to hold a
hanger to in order for us to see anything. and she’ll flip back and forth between leader
of the northernland and say this is propagandam and then turn the **** back to the man
in the suit, and then say this is the truth
monday
listen- do you hear it? i can hear planes buzzing overhead. teacher says to ignore it.
teacher says we aren’t supposed to hear.
alistair never lets me go in the basement. he keys the key round his neck, even when
he’s sleeping. he says it’s dangerous down there. but i’ve always been too curious-
that’s what principal says. he looks at me with those stern different colored eyes and
says curiosity killed the cat every time ms. hoth brings me to his office for doodling. i
still have no idea what a cat is. cardeully, he erases my drawings and put the paper
neatly into his desk. we waste nothing here. go home is all he says. but i know what he
means. walk home in silence and do not ask questions, do not look behind curtains and
do not wander off.
today mari has her birthday party. her mum wasn’t there. i can tell lou noticed because
her eyes were scanning the room all strange, but she didn’t say anything. i didn’t ask.
mari looked all scared and the camera of the ceiling fan hadn’t moved from her in a
long time. i wondered who was watching her.
later, mari pulled me beneath her bed. i tried to say something but she covered my
mouth with her hand. they’ll take me for telling you
was all she said.
but i have to tell someone.
while she opened her presents, the mandatory ones from the northernland that are no
fun, i tried to look out the window to see her mum. the only thing i could see in the
garden was a pile of freshly turned earth. lou caught me looking and grabbed my wrist.
she said you mustn’t look.
tuesday
when i come home there is a woman sitting at the kitchen table, and with her there are
four ravens. she is royal, i can feel it in the way she sits and breathes and just exists. she
looks at her hands and then at me. but this lady is not a guardian angel, like the kind
canary says is always looking out for us. i am not an angel. she says. she is not from the
northernland, but not from here either. i know is all i say, because i am not alarmed that
she is here and that there are cameras and that she does not belong. i know she is not
real. and she says i am a godess. i do not doubt her. she sits up, and puts the ravens
about her in her hair and on her shoulders and the like. this is an omen. i nod, because
why else would a goddess be at my kitchen table? and then she is gone because she was
never really there, and i wash my face and make sure i am no longer seeing people that
are not there, because i don’t want to go live in the White Building like mum.
wednesday
they are always watching us at recess- we mustn’t stand or walk anymore. we have
never been allowed to run. there are cameras everywhere now, too. they see everything
like a great waking monster that never sleeps. i thought i would feel safe with the
cameras, but the back of my neck feels prickly like there’s somebody standing behind
me and when i spin around and look the mushroom is empty except for me.
the only place there aren’t cameras is under alistair bed. i go and hide there sometimes,
just to forget the feeling of being watched. that’s where i read the stories that alistair’s
written. in them, he talks about a sky as blue as the ocean.
i have never been to the ocean. i remember the sky used to be blue, but never really.
now it is a sickly grey.
canary caught me looking at the sky once and pushed my head down. she said don’t let
them catch you looking or they’ll put cameras in your eyes.
i believe her.
wednesday
today we went to mandatory meeting, where they passed out rations. there is always
less and less then there was last time. while we were there they made us watch a video
where the leader of the northernland talked about how well we were doing in the war
and how this would almost be over soon. he also reminded us that if we were past
curfew there would be serious punishments.
for rations we got a red powder called kool-aid that you mix with water to make juice.
we also got a loaf of white bread, a browned banana, circular crackers and a warm
jacket. alistair took the jacket and left for work.
canary always looks worried. ever since mom went bonkers i haven’t seen her not
wearing her worry lines. i can’t believe she’s only six years older than me. to alistair that
doesn’t seem like a long time. to me, six years is an eternity. as long as a war.
canary watched alistair go at the window for a long time, long after he disappeared into
the fog. then, all of a sudden, she turned around and said i’ll help you with your
homework. i didn’t tell her that i knew how to multiply fractions. mom always used to
say that if you were busy you weren’t worried. canary made me a cup of red juice and
her hands shook so much she dropped the glass.
pity, that was our last one. it seemed to shatter in slow motion, and i could see every
piece break slower and slower.
the day seemed to go by slowly, the cold sleeping into my bones and making me sleepy.
i wa so thirsty, so thirsty. i wasn’t allowed anymore water till friday though. if you
drink to much of it at once you get sick. i begged canary to let me drink from the stream
in the garden but she wouldn’t. it’s black and thick, and smells like nail polish.
the last time i punted my nails was for dads funeral. i remember canary used her last
bottle of nail polish to paint my fingers black, so as not to have anybody see the dirt
under my fingernails. it didn’t matter, in the end. we were the only ones who attended.
canary is flying together the pieces of the glass with tacky glue. i can’t bear to tell her
that all the glue in the world would never be enough. the shards are too small. she’s fills
it back up with red juice and fora moment all is well, but then the glass can’t take it
anymore and collapses with force into her hands. kool-aid runs down her fingers like
blood. intermixed is real blood, from the cuts the glass left. she looked at it for a long
time, letting the blood run down her fingers like that.
november
alistair is sick. principal gave us ibuprofen but all it does it make him feel empty. he
begs us not to give him more but it’s the only things that will take his fever down. he
thrashes in bed and screams ****** ****** and i worry he is going to be like mom, always
seeing things and hearing things. maybe he can go live with mom in the White
Building. mom would like that, if she could remember alistair.
i have been sleeping at school, because canary doesn’t want me to get sick. the dorms
are cold and empty and heavily sanitized. i miss canary and i miss alistair but canary
won’t let me come home. i don’t know what she would do if i was sick. so i stay. and
every night, i say to myself i hate the northernland i hate the northernland i hate
but i say it in my head, because i am worried they will come for me.
sometimes i worry about canary getting sick. she says promise i wont, sunshine but i
know she never worries about herself. teacher gave me flowers to send to alistair. the
card says “get well soon” it has been a long time since i have seen real flowers. most are
fake, like the ones teacher sent alistair. i don’t mind. it’s the sentiment that is important.
sunday
today at church preacher said and let us pray for our sick
they have stopped re adjusting the crosses. the remain upside down and no one looks.
except me. i was looking, while we were supposed to be praying, but canary pushed my
head down and said pretend you can’t see them.
that’s when i knew she sees things too.
saturday
i remember when i came home from school and found mum. there was paper all over
the house, because she’s been doing her drawings. it was on the walls and floor and
crinkled up under the boxes, all pictures of the northernland and the pastor and
everything. and she said there is no god. there is no god. there is no god. alistair
covered her mouth but it was too late, the northernland men were already here. she
drew here pictures more violently scribbling and slashing with my art pencils. she drew
alistair and canary and father, but not me or her. there was lump in my throat. she
picked a new piece of paper and drew god, above us all, but she kept saying there are
no gods there are no gods there are no gods, and she slashed and scribbled at the paper,
and the northernland men were knocking, watching us through the cameras, and mum
pulled me down next to her. i could see blood beneath my skin she held me so tight,
and she had. a thousand stars in her eyes that were all spinning, saliva dripped down
her chin and she did not look my my mum anymore. she looked lost. she said the gods
have abandoned us.
after the northernland men took her to live in the White Building, her drawings were
left on the floor. alistair gathered them all up and threw them in the basement and
locked the door. then he put the key around his neck. at least, i think that’s what’s in the
basement. i have never told alistair, but i took the last drawing she did, of me and her
and a boy. i stuck it with glue to the very back of my dresser drawer, so no one will ever
find it. in the picture, my lips looks like there are sewn together with greenish yarn. this
has always scared me. mums mouth is open and she is screaming, but there is no
tounge inside her mouth. the boy looks normal, and he is holding my hand. this boy is
not alistair. this has always scared me. this has always scared me. this has always scared
me. it’s only a picture.
monday
tuesday
teacher wasn’t at school today. instead we have a woman with blinding hair and an
accent from the northernland. nobody asked where teacher went.
we don’t want to know. the hanger and the telly were gone, too.
when i got home i was feeling really sick with tears. i told alistair they’ve taken teacher.
his eyes widened and he ****** his head toward the camera. canary dig her fingernails
into my arm. of course they haven’t was all he said. that’s silly.
then he looked off into nothing for a long time. i just looked straight into the camera.
wednesday
at recess the northernland woman was acting real strange. she sat with us on the
pavement and when the camera tune we it’s invasive x-ray eyes away she whispered
your teacher has been taken by the northernland.
nobody said anything. nobody says anything, anymore. i think if we even spoke to
many of us would cry. and then the cameras would look at us. so we just stared into
space.
in our hearts, we already knew. but i still wanted to scream.
thursday
today was idyllic. sun came through the smoke and lit the sidewalk up orange. the
woman from the northernland asked us what we would want if we could have any
powers. almost everyone said healing. i said flying. maybe it’s because i’m selfish, all i
want to do is fly away. but maybe it’s because i’m honest. i’m getting tired of not
hearing the truth.
just to see if i could do it i ran all the way home. my feet seemed to leave the ground, its
was as if i was actually flying every time i took a step. but then i landed and took off
again.
i hadn’t run in a long time.
my chest seemed to hurt with a good pain, if pain can be good.
i wanted to tell alistair but canary wouldn’t let me see him. i just need to you to get
warm was all she said. over and over. but i’m boiling he said. it was quiet for a long
time. it’s going to be alright. she said it again. twice. three times.
you know that feeling when you feel sick to your stomach, not because of disease but of
fear. and mixed up in that sickness are tears and realization and you feel weak and
helpless. that’s how i felt when they took mum. that’s how i feel now.
i don’t know why, but a sudden hatred for the northernland boils up in my stomach. i
think i am going to be sick. i turn around and run, run as fast as i can until i am at a
strange gravel alleyway hidden behind some trees. i rest there for a long time, looking
into the darkness after the cliff face. i know where i am. i am in the abyss, a place
forbidden so long ago by alistair i had never thought to come here. i don’t break rules, i
just ask questions. but i am here. at the abyss. where nobody should ever be.
friday
death is a sense. just like touch or smell, death is a feeling. i could feel it in my heart. in
my bones and in my veins. it crowded about our house like fog in the summer. and all i
wanted in the world was for it to go away.
teacher today told us about the northernland, how it was kind and safe and loved it’s
people. the lie seemed to cuddle in her throat. nobody has ever gotten kindness from
the northernland. the northernland started the war and has starved and survieled us to
no avail. i know there was a time before, but i do not understand how that could have
been. but i still haven’t made peace with the cameras.
the abyss is where people go to go crazy. your screams bounce off the walls of the hole,
but you cannot see them because it does not have edges. you cannot see the bottom or
the sides of anything, just darkness. then the northernland men in the gas masks come
in their yellow trolley and take you away. the abyss is where the devil lives, in a
bottomless hole to the middle of the world.
saturday
i met a boy who lives in the abyss. he is made of sunshine and glitter, and plastic and
paint and peace and everything that is beautiful.
but he is not really there. instead, he is almost see through. sometimes he is there and
sometimes he is not. i know he isn’t real, just an imaginary friend. i am not like mum,
who saw imaginary people and thought they were becoming real.
i did not say much to enyo, instead i said the only thing i was thinking. saying it made
me feel sick.
i woke up a long time later next to enyo. i looked into the void that filled the space
between the cliffs and the beyond. i wonder of that’s where heaven is i said. i pointed
into the nothingness that felt all consuming. enyo said nothing. he looked as empty as i
felt.
a long silence later i said he’s not going to die is he? enyo looked me in the eyes for the
first time and i realized his were a beautiful black, layer upon layer of black and brown.
he said what do you fear more, the echo or the answer
sunday
preacher came again to the house and said that alistair is better. that his fever had
broken. i didn’t know fevers could break. i asked him about what being sick feels like,
and he took me outside to the garden and we sat on the piles of rubble that used to be
the neighbors. he said that your brain gets confused, and everything seems fuzzy and
mixed up. i can’t help but think that must be awful for alistair, he was always orderly.
monday
today mari has her birthday party. her mum wasn’t there. i can tell lou noticed because
her eyes were scanning the room all strange, but she didn’t say anything. i didn’t ask.
mari looked all scared and the camera of the ceiling fan hadn’t moved from her in a
long time. i wondered who was watching her. i know who was watching her.
tuesday
i go down to the cliffs, but enyo isn’t there. schools closed for sanitization, so i have
nothing to do. i swing my legs off the edge for a long time. i don’t dare say anything, i
hate how it echoes back. i look deep into the bottom but i can see nothing. it is only
darkness. something at the bottom feels like is calling to me, tugging at me to come. i
turn my back.
was this before or after the preacher came? i am trying to remeber in order, tell you this
story radially like teacher says.
i go home and canary’s there waiting at the window. she says here i’ll help you with
your homework. no, no, no NO NO NO NO NO NO. that did not happen after, that
happened before.
wednesday
i’m sitting on a bench, but i cannot remember where. enyo is beside me and he is
talking. in my chest i feel something strange, like it is moving and jumping. i feel
queasy but it also feels nice.
i look over and he’s bleeding, golden blood from his eyes and mouth running down his
chest. i want to scream but it stops in my throat. enyo puts a finger to my lips and the
scream goes away.
he isn’t bleeding anymore. we’re holding hands. are we holding hands? teacher tells us
not too, it will make us sick. but enyo is different. enyo doesn’t go to school. i feel as if
my hands are sweating but it doesn’t matter, he doesn’t say anything.
i wake up cold. it felt so real, it all felt so real. my arms feel heavy.
i’m alone on a bench by the abyss. smoke fills the air and makes it hard to breathe.
friday
mari wansnt at school today. i know the northernland took her, broken bones and all. i
remebemer becaus lou told me while alistair was sick. but that was days ago. i am sorry,
it’s just so hard to tell the story in the proper order. my head hurts.
tuesday
i’m sorry if i cross out bits, it’s just that as i understand more i change the words. doctor
says to stop doing this, but i want you to know the truth. the clocks are going slower
and slower lately. alistair can’t work anymore, the preacher said so. i was going to tell
him about enyo, how he is real now, not imaginary, but i didn’t know how. there aren’t
words to describe him. looking at him makes crows beat their wings beneath my ribs,
but i don’t know why. I sit with alistair after class but i can’t think of much to say. he
doesn’t seem like my brother anymore, just a body lying on the floor.
thursday
doctor says i am defamilirazing myself, telling the story like it did not happen to me.
telling it in all the wrong bits. i will try and tell it in the right order, but my head hurts.
my head hurts so much. doctor won’t tell me why i need to explain, what the tape
recorders are for or the make i have to wear the mask or why i’m here, what happened
to my family. he won’t tell me why every time i say it like it was in the past and not
happening right now he checks me for a fever. all he tells me is to start at the begging.
friday
the blonde woman from the northernland has a ring in her nose, but i do not know
why. when i ask her she doesn’t seem to understand. she doesn’t talk anymore, either.
just points at things on the board. i dreamt that she had her tounge cut off, but that was
just a dream. the northernland would never do that to someone.
saturday
alistair is dead.
preacher says the disease took him, but i do not know which. the real sickness or the
brain washing of the northernland. i think it was both, because the sickness made his
brain weak so the mind-poisoners could break in. it’s okay, he wasn’t my brother
anymore. doctor says that i never loved him.
sunday
church has ended and we are walking home, just arrived when our door opens. i
wonder who would w at to come to this house, where the walls smell like death. the
northernland woman is at our door, standing in the place the cameras cannot see her.
she is smart. canary opens it and the northernland woman opens her mouth. there is no
tounge or teeth, and the sides of her throat are black. i scream, so loud and shrill that i
cannot believe that i am making this noise. my heart is in the center of the earth, fear
running through my brain and i am screaming. canary covers my mouth. it doesn’t
matter, the cameras were already looking.
canary pushed me to the floor and dragged me under the bed. i could feel the cameras
following us the entire way. when she sat up, her pupils looked strange, the ways
moms did when she ways seeing the people in the walls. anger seemed to hide in her
voice, she was trying not to be loud but to me it felt like she was screaming, she had
never thrown words that hit me like knives before. she told me never to scream or else
the men behind the spying eyes of the camera would come for me. what would i do
without you she yelled, but it wasn’t yelling it was crying. she help me close to her
chest and i could feel her breathing and her heart beating, sparratic and short. she cried
into my hair, until it was soaking wet with tears. this was when i knew canary was lost.
tuesday
enyo is in the void, just there. he is very pale today, and he doesn’t say anything for a
long time. we have gotten to holding hands now. i have never held hands with anyone,
and my fingers feel strange and clumsy. tecaher used to say that touching was against
the rules, but i am so sick of rules that i am now glad to break them.
all at once, it occurs to me that there could be cameras here. there are cameras
everywhere. i don’t know why this has never occurred to me before. suddenly i dont
care, i want them to see. i stand up and scream as loud as i can.
thursday
after i screamed, no one came for me. even when i go back, i don’t feel safe anymore. i
ruined the only place i felt safe.
saturday
enyo is gone. i go everyday and yell for him, but he left when i screamed. he is still
missing. i’m worried for him, but at least i know the northernland has not taken him. a
sick feeling in my stomach asks me if enyo was ever real. i know he was. but it is still
there, pulling at my head. of course he was. i felt his skin, rough and broken.
imagination can’t conjure up real people.
but then i think of mom. how her fever got so high she started to see people that
weren’t there. my head hurts so much, like someone is trying to break out of jail in my
skull. i am angry, for the first time in my life. enyo was my only friend, the only one
who could see through the blanket of the northernland skies. i scream for him ENYO
ENYO ENYO ENYO ENYO ENYO, but i am not mad, i am crying and crying so much
and loud that someone puts their hand over my mouth, but there is no one there. i am
suffocating. i turn around and i can’t breathe, my vision is tunneling into the abyss.
i am sick.
someone is holding my body, but their skin is cold. i open my eyes but i can only see
shapes. i am on the gravel and the sun is orange, just like always. i am alone. but can
feel someone’s tears, touching my cheeks. i sit up as fast as i can, and i am seeing stars
but i just need to look. we are never supposed to look but i am going to see.
enyo is there beside me, crying. i have never seen him cry and something rises inside
me, and all i want to do is put my arms around him, so i do. slowly he gets warmer and
feels more solid. let the cameras watch, let them see.
sunday
im running, running by the tips of my feet and pushing me off the ground, i’m flying. i
have to get home. i think of the first time i ran, letvthe cameras watch, talked to enyo.
all the times i’ve broken the rules. i has always hated the northernland, but i had
witnessed something better. i had talked to enyo, heard stories of what it was like
before. a hatred so strong curcdled beneath my ribs and made me want to punch
someone. i ran and ran and ran and ran, shouting HE CANT DIE
i shouted. HE CANT DIE HE CANT DIE HE CANT DIE HE CANT DIE HE CANT DIE
HE CANT. he is going to die.
monday
i saw a raven in the wire pole today. it was big against the grey sky and he watched me
as i walked into the house. i hadn’t seen a raven in a long time, so i turn to enyo to tell
him he looks like a raven. he smiles, but he is. if there. enyo was never there.
wednesday
alistair has gone back to work, though i think he shouldn’t have. he tells me the
symptoms of the disease when he gets home. headache,seeing things, bleeding from
your insides. i play with the ring on my finger, trying not to ask if that’s what happened
to mom. i open my mouth but a rock lives there, and i cannot move it without crying.
sunday
doctor tells me to get off the floor, that i can stand now. i stand up and he puts me on
the table. he is old and pale, with shiny grayish eyes. tell me what happened to alistair
he says. i do not understand. what happened to alistair?
friday
mari wansnt at school today. i know the northernland took her, broken bones and all. i
remebemer becaus lou told me while alistair was sick. i go home alone, and cold. i feel
like there is a little green man in my lungs running a garden hose. i think back to the
time when i ran, the first time i broke the rules. nobody came for me.
i can’t run anymore, my arms feel heavy and when i cough thick red bloods comes out
of my mouth. it must be the smoke. I go home, and canary is at the window. she is
crying in reckless abandon, shamshing on the door with her fists. two men from the
northernland are holding her back, and one hits over the head with a black stick. alistair
is being carried out on a stretcher.
look what the northernland has done to my family. all for the sake of this stupid war. i
can’t remember who we’re fighting and yet my sister and my brother have died for the
cause.
enyo says they are not dead. but enyo is not there, he was never there.
wednesday
i screamed again. i know canary told me not to, that cameras would look into my eyes
and into my head. but i saw the northernland man coming up the street in his yellow
trolley, straight for lou’s house. when the door opens she is wheeled out on a stretcher.
so i screamed, because lou is dead and the war with no name had killed her. the devil
had killed her.
canary grabbed me as the camera looked at me, as every camera in the house was
trained on me. there was a disturbance in her eyes i had never seen before, like she was
not all there. she grabs my arms and is much stinger than she should be. she opens the
basement door and i scream again, because now i know what’s in the basement.
more northernland men than i have ever seen are in the basement, and when the door
opens they look up. somebody take sme from canary and i scream and writhe and kick,
but they pull at my body until my skin tears.
when i wake up, i am holding very still, and i cannot move if i want too. doctor says this
is called paralysis. there is a very bright light and a searing pain, it’s hurts so much my
body is burning. cascades of blood come down into my mouth, and someone is sticking
my lips with pins. this hurts more than anything that has ever happened to me. it hurts
in a deep ache, not just on the surface, and my entire body wants to shudder. my lungs
are filling up with blood, because it hurts to much to breathe.
saturday
when i wake up i am in my bed, in my house. more relief than i have ever felt washed
over me, because it was just a nightmare.
i used to have nightmares where there was a man in my room, saying numbers out of
order. but then preacher says that if i talk to god before bed and make sure my blood is
pure of doubt for the northernland, then i will not have nightmares. this is why i have
had this nightmare, because i was disbelief the northernland. i do not care, because it
was only a dream. i will never hail the northernland.
my lips hurt, and i wonder if in the night i bit my lips because of the dream. that
happens sometimes. i dress and get ready for school, and catch myself in the mirror
before i go. i turn fully toward it to make sure i am not hallucinating. in the great horror
of it all, i try to scream, but it stays in my throat. i cannot scream, or make any sound at
all.
friday
everyone at school is quiet. anna covers her mouth and big wet tears fall on the ground.
mrs. hoth takes her to the office, and the cameras follow them all the way there. we say
our pledge and do our arithmetic, but i cannot say anything. i hate the northernland.
i hate it, i hate it. and i realize this is why they have silenced me.
the northernland woman is gone, and a man in a yellow coat teaches us arthimatic.
the clock on the wall is barley ticking now.
lou sits at the desk in front of me, her hair greasy and skin pale blue. she turns round,
just like the old days, but isstead of telling me what the answer is or who’s the cutest or
any of the normal things, all she says is run. her mouth makes an o and she closes her
eyes and rests her head on the desk.
sunday
i go to church by myself, because i havent seen canary since she sewed my mouth shut.
she is not my sister anymore, and i pretend i don’t care what happens to her in that
basement.
when i get there preacher is not there, there is nobody there except the northernland
woman. she comes and sits next to me and runs her fingers across the stitches. we pray
together, even though we can’t say anything and there is no sermon. when we walk
outside there is an officers car, and she is handcuffed an put in the back. the man who
has taken her gives me a sticker, with a little white cloud on it. it says trust in the
northernland. i do not trust the northernland. i do not trust anyone.
i run away as fast as i can and throw the sticker into the ground, but it still seems to
follow me inside my head. trust in the northernland. trust in the northernland. trust in
the northernland. trust in the northernland. trust in the northernland. trust in the
northernland. trust in the northernland.
monday
enyo is at the abyss, waiting. he says i am killing you. and i understand, it all makes
sense now. but he is all i have now. if the only thing worth living for is killing me, that
is what doctor would call dramatic irony. i do not feel dramatic, i feel used. the
northernland has used me and used my family.
saturday
doctor says that when telling a story i need to define who is the antagonist and the
protagonist. the antagonist is someone who antagonizes people. doctor says this means
evil. this is hard for me to understand, because everyone is evil. this is not a story, and it
does not have characters. the peoples i have met in my life are all complex and strange,
evil and good and unpredictable. doctor says ok and that we will try again tomarrow.
thursday
mari wansnt at school today. i know the northernland took her, broken bones and all.
mari wansnt at school today. i know the northernland took her, broken bones and all.
mari wansnt at school today. i know the northernland took her, broken bones and all.
friday
enyo is at the abyss, waiting. he says i am killing you. and i understand, it all makes
sense now. but he is all i have now. if the only thing worth living for is killing me, that
is what doctor would call dramatic irony. i do not feel dramatic, i feel used. the
northernland has used me and used my family. doctor says to be thankful of the
northernland, that they did not use me. i turn away from enyo because even though i
love him, i am loyal to the northernland.
i am thankful to the northernland.
i am thankful to the northernland.
all hail, all hail.
love alistair
fire element
exposing government secrets
cult
enyo gets more real as he is dying.
preacher dies.
alistair goes crazy, then dies.
something in basement.
Very low IQ but the only one smart enough to see
enyo is a ghost
canary goes crazy and sews our mouth shut.
fall in love with enyo.
not told radially
told in sgememgs like cross cross
deep symboling
Continue reading...
Tommy Johnson Apr 2014
The Legend of The Cowboy and Doctor Boss (Part 1)
The rumbling motorcycle pulled in
The Cowboy entered the luncheonette
And Doctor Boss was sitting there waiting
They licked their lips, shook hands and that was it
This is the Legend of The Cowboy and Doctor Boss
Two stones untouched by complacent moss
Together they made a deal
His satin suit and His Cuban heeled boots
This is how it began
Doctor Boss chucked then pushed The Cowboy down by the throat
Pulled out his gun ,“I can **** you now but I won’t”
“No, you’re gonna do me a favor you little ****”
The Cowboy couldn’t breathe but Boss wouldn’t quit
“I got a package that needs to go to Georgia”
“If you take it there , they’ll be four grand waiting here for ya”
Now how could The Cowboy resist such an adventure?
Not to mention the grip Doctor Boss had on his Adam’s apple
He let him go and began to cackle
Her name is Rose and she's frightened and has good reason,
Julie said this her voice began to lessen,
Last night her parents were robbed and killed,
She witnessed it Julie said her voice with concern filled,
After a minute she continued, apparently the robber knew,
She ran because she didn't know what to do.
The next day at first light the girls left the village behind,
Each one with the thought of home on their mind,
The sky was crystal clear the air crisp and sweet,
For a minute a pair of eyes Julie did meet,
It was a figure of a boy her age she saw then,
She did not see him again.
Sky then said, I am sorry that your sister lost her way,
For the wound was still fresh and twas a heavy price to pay,
Thank you, Julie said to break the ice,
For silence had latched on as a vice,
At long last to their father's house they came,
Realizing to each girl life wouldn't be the same.
Rose had tears in her eyes,You gave more than I ever dream of,
Julie cried as Rose went to be with the ones she loved,
After everything Rose had been through,
Julie felt peace for she knew
At last her wish came true,
At once Clotild Julie went to pursue.
an apple a day
because
An apple a day
those with money can afford a doctor and can eat apples
an apple a day
Go out on a limb
because
An apple a day
Insanity Prevailed
As I blacked out,
I recalled how I came to be,
this house of horrors, delivered to me.
'Magnolia', home of the mentally challenged,
avowed 'care for the community'.
Insanity Persisted
Insanity Pursued
He picked up an instrument,
a big long nail, the pointed end was so sharp,
I could feel it piercing through my brain.
Next he lifted a mallet,
which shone so bright it reflected upon my face.
To what devilish purpose could they serve?
The doctor took his time, and allowed me to observe.
He wore his mask, the mask of a surgeon,
at this time of the night? Surely he wasn't
planning to operate on me.
'Leave me alone, what are you doing?
Surely you know I'm not to be blamed, I don't belong here.
This is insane!'
'Wrong again 66, the society would never accept you.
You killed your wife and children, ******'s on you.'
It was at this moment the specter re-appeared, right behind the doctor.
Calling me, my name,
'They're all lying, you didn't **** anyone, they're framing you.'
'LIAR!' I spat at the doctor, 'You know she's is alive and waiting for me at the doorstep,
As always' I said.
'Yes she is waiting, but only at her death bed.'
'LIAR! You know my kids are sleeping peacefully at home!'
'Yes they are, but the sleep is eternal.'
'LIES! I can't **** a person,not even a fly!'
'And yet you poked my assistant right in the eye!'
'You're right, the truth shall come out, but not in this form, not from you.
66 has to die, a fact you always knew.'
Insanity Triumphed
Continue reading...
loveless Jul 2016
The child at the operating table (a story)
Knock knock
"Anyone there?" he heard someone saying it while knocking at the door. That one
knocking the door had a voice of a child. The voice was soft and with this the old man
inside the house guessed the age of child to be probably five to six years.
"Hellooo" the kid said again. He was continuously knocking the door.
"Go away, no one is here" the old man said furiously. He was frustrated.
"Oh! Here you are" child responded "Dr Adam, I need help, I am..." the child couldn't
complete the sentence, and the old man's heard a thud which was supposedly bigger
than a knock. Possibly his head had banged against the door. Something had happened,
the old man knew.
The old man was a loner but he wasn't heartless to not check on the kid. He
bookmarked the page and kept the book he was reading on the table. He stood up and
started to walk towards the door. He put down the chain and then opened the door
slowly.
The child was holding on the door. As the old man opened the door the child could
barely keep standing for some moments and he started to fall near the man's legs. Old
man was quick and he put his hand below the child so he couldn't fall on the floor.
The old man grasped the hand of the boy to check his pulse. The boy was still alive
though there was something weird about his pulse. It was weak, he could barely sense
it and the pulse was low to around forty per minute. He was still breathing. The child
was unconscious.
The old man grasped that kid in his arms and took him to his bedroom, situated
upstairs on right corner of the house. He placed that kid on the bed which was still as
fluffy as a new bed would be. It's been years since that old man was back to his
bedroom. He used to sleep mostly in his chair while reading. He placed pillow under
the kid's head and went back downstairs to other room.
That room didn't looked like a room, it looked more like a library. The room was large
and there were books everywhere. His hand written notes and research was all
scattered in the room. And the old man grasped they book he left on the table and
continued reading.
Some hours passed and the old man heard the door opening upstairs. The child had
woken up, he knew. The old man grabbed some fruits lying in the basket and went
upstairs. The kid was just out of the room.
"Hey kid, you can still rest a little, and if you don't want to rest, you can have these
fruits and go"
"Dr. Adam!?"
"Yes"
"I'm dying."
The old man was speechless as he heard these words from that little child. Many
patients had come to him before, knocking on his door, to help them but he had left his
profession because of one accident. All of them had to go back. He didn't even opened
his door to anyone before. But now he had a child in front of him, who said he was
dying and this left the old man speechless.
"Go to the hospital kid, I can't help you. I do not operate anymore"
"I went to the hospital. The disease I have have no cure. Not a single of them can cure
me"
The old man knew this disease. All he could do was just stare at that kid and listen to
him.
"They told me that long ago, a genius researched upon something and came across a
cure to everything. And in that time, a kid had the same disease as me. He could die
anytime. That genius used his talents to give that kid a new life. He cured that child and
that child lived for a day but something happened and the disease of kid returned. This
time, a million time worse and the kid died."
"That genius was you Dr Adam . You had saved that kid before, even for just some
days, but only you were the one to be able to find its cure. Save me doctor. Save me."
"I... I can't..." for the first time in years, the old man was not rude. His voice was
trembling. In his eyes was fear. His north had dried up. He couldn't speak another
word.
He was taken aback. He was looking in the eyes of that kid and in those little eyes of
that kid was hope. Blue eyes of that kid were same as that of Nicholas, that kid the old
man failed to save life of.
And the old man went to a state of trance and started to wonder in the memories thirty
years back.
He was young back then. He was a genius. He learned to speak when he was just six
months old. At three he used to solve maths problems easily that were hard for child
double his age. His parents knew he was talented and so they gave him best education
they could. He completed his doctorate degree at the age of seventeen when most of the
people his age would be looking for what to do. He was a prodigy.
He joined a hospital. And started to operate on people. The operations that looked hard
to normal one, he was able to do without a sweat. He wanted to do more. And so he got
a home for himself where he could work in peace. He started on researching the cure of
everything. He would think, search and experimented alone.
One morning, two years later, he found that any disease can be cured using magic. The
magic that provides energy and makes life energy so strong that the body itself heals
itself.
He was happy that day. He went to hospital to break out the news to everyone. But on
his way, he found a small kid, of five years, laying on the bed.
"Hello doctor..."
"Thank you Dr Adam" the child smiled. That smile was so full of feelings that it made
Adam more happy from inside. That smile had touched his heart. He just wanted to
make that kid more happy by curing him of whatever he had. He made a promise to
himself that he would cure that kid before telling upon his research to everyone.
He ran across the hospital and went to the other room where the doctors handling the
patients of that room were.
"Hey Robert"
"Hello sir" though Robert was ten years older than Adam but still he used to call Adam
sir because Adam was a lot more senior than him because of his knowledge.
"Yes"
"What?"
"His heart is losing strength by the moment it beats. A severe pain was in his heart for
unknown reasons pops up whenever. And he sometimes loses his consciousness at
random times. That's one of a kind case. He can die at any time."
The young prodigy was speechless for the first time. His thoughts took him to another
world. He was broken because he thought he couldn't help that kid. And then he heard
a scream coming from the same place Nicholas was in.
He ran back to there. Nicholas was holding his heart with one hand and screaming. The
pain was immense. Beyond measure of one's imagination. The eyes were flooded with
tears. This view shocked Adam. He had never heard anyone shriek that loud in his
whole life.
He went near Nicholas and held him up in his arms. He hugged him close and said that
everything will be alright. The child's voice somehow lowered. After some moments,
that. stopped crying and just stayed in his arms.
"Save me Dr Adam! Save me" the kid said sobbingly and then collapsed under his
hands and got unconscious.
For the first time in his life the doctor felt helpless. He realized how precious life was.
And he could not help that kid. The young man started crying. And suddenly a bright
idea struck his mind. He thought of using the magic he researched for to cure this child.
"I will save you kiddo, I definitely will" he said to that small kid and then turned to
Robert who had followed him
"Robert, can you take him to the operating table please"
"I will tell you later. Just trust me and take him to there" Adam gave that kid to Robert
and started to go out "I need to go back home for a bit. I'll be back quick" he said to
Robert hurriedly and ran back to home. He needed to see the procedure again. He
didn't wanted to do any mistake. Though he had not done any experiment to any
animal, he was still confident in his research.
He came back to home, took out some notes of his from his book and started to read
them. Then after some minutes, he ran back to hospital along with those notes. He just
went to the room where the kid was. Robert was there near the table and the child still
knocked unconscious and laying on the operating table.
"Cure him"
"But how?"
"I can't tell you now but I will surely cure him"
Robert was still reluctant but he knew that Adam may have come up with some way of
curing that child
The doctor begin the procedure and he placed his palm on the child's heart tenderly.
Then he closed his eyes and then had his other hand up. The other hand was open like
he was gathering something from sky inside his hand. He was channeling the energy of
the universe too the life energy of the kid.
The man could feel it running through his body. It was like the kid's energy was faint
green in color and the energy in his hand was vibrant blue which was intense. The blue
energy went from his hand to the other hand was going to the child's energy and
making it stronger. But Adam didn't knew why there were two colors of energy. There
was something wrong, he felt but nevertheless he continued to channel. Gradually the
energy inside kid began to grow and it was full again. Like the color of child's energy
was not blue but with little faint green inside.
Adam withdrew his hand. Nicholas was still breathing and seemed to be in good shape.
Adam knew he was successful but he knew something,even if it were a little thing, had
been wrong. And he sank back in the chair nearby.
After some moments the kid opened his eyes and sat on the table
"I... I feel... I feel fine doctor" Nicholas said. He was touching his heart like he was
wondering what happened. He felt better than before. He felt that he is all alright.
"I feel good doctor" Nicholas said "I feel great" he added. He had a smile on his face. He
felt rejuvenated. He was happy. Adam had a sigh of relief.
"Do what?"
"Cure me. How did you cure me? They said that my disease couldn't be cured by any
medicine or surgery"
"Magic" and Adam smiled. He had told the truth though Nicholas didn't thought it was
truth. This made nicholas laugh.
"Thank you... My magician" and they both started to laugh again. They both were
happy.
"Come on now. Let me take you to your bed" and he grasped Nicholas in his arms and
took him to his bed.
Robert was there. Looking for other patients. He looked at the boy and observed him.
He saw no marks, and realized surgery or something had not been done. And he later
real used that pulse of the kid was normal now. And the child was smiling.
"He did magic doctor" and they both started to laugh while Robert looked puzzled. But
Robert knew that the prodigy must have made some discovery and that's how he cured
him and Adam want to give surprise to others.
"Robert can you help me in observing this child. I want to make sure he is all alright"
They both did some tests that day along with looking after other patients. The strength
of the heart of that boy had returned and heart beat was normal with no pain burst or
unconsciousness for whole day.
Adam said final good night to the kid and went to his home to get some rest after
informing Nicholas they he will be discharged tomorrow.
Adam dozed off to sleep quick that night. But he had a nightmare. He saw those two
energies blue and faint green that were slowly disappearing. Darkness was consuming
them both as they mixed. And then there was complete darkness. He heard a terrible
scream of pain an then he woke up.
And that kid was laying silent. Adam held his hand. But he felt nothing. He then tried
to feel heart beats but nothing again.
"Some minutes ago, we hard a loud scream for just a second or two and we realized it
was Nicholas. By the time we reached here, it was all over. His heart had stopped
beating"
"No that can't be" Adam said. How heart had broke.
"That disease had no cure Adam. At least you tried" Jack said
"No I should have been able to save him, I could have if I knew more, I could have" the
tears of Adam flowed like an endless river of grief.
He left his profession that day. He wanted to search for the answers. He wanted to
perfect his magic. He wanted not to let someone else die like that kid again. He made
his home a library. He got many books. He kept on studying. He studied so much that
many times he forgot to eat for days. Some books he wrote himself while researching
upon. And so years passed. Life went on till today when a little child knocked his door.
His state of trance was broken by the scream of that little kid. He was holding his heart
as the same way Nicholas did when he was in pain. Adam got himself and got that little
boy on bed again. Kid stopped to cry after a little while. When kid had a breath of relief,
he said to the old man again
"Dr Adam, I do not have much time left. Please. Help me"
"I have not finished that research yet. I may need more years to finish that cure of
everything"
"I do not have years, I may not even have today and you know it"
"Kid, you may meet same fate as that kid. My procedure somehow accelerated that
disease because it was wrong"
"I have to die one day if it's a week or I am left with a day after the procedure. It won't
matter. I have to die anyway"
"But..." he couldn't say anything more. The child was wise and he was saying up to
point.
Even though thirty years had passed. Adam had made little progression towards that
cure to everything. In the meantime he had found out many cures of many other
diseases that was thought to be incurable but Adam wanted to perfect his procedure of
cure of everything.
"Dead sure" the kid replied. They both laughed a little on that pun.
He was going to do that again. He was going to use magic again. He went downstairs
and started to read as much as he can of his notes. He wanted to do it perfect this time.
Though he didn't knew how. After some time he went back upstairs.
"Lay on the bed and don't move or say anything. Just close your eyes. I'm going to do
magic"
"Ok magician" boy said. He was so much alike to Nicholas, Adam thought.
Nick did what he was told. The old man placed one hand on the boy's heart and other
hand in exact same position as before years ago. He could feel the energies as he closed
his eyes. The energy of the boy was faint green again. And a little more fainter than
Nicholas when he was on the operating table that night. Adam felt the same blue
energy in his other hand. No he thought. He couldn't put that blue energy again inside
that boy. He knew the consequence. He searched for the same green one in outside
universe but he couldn't. And then he heard.
"Dr Adam"
It was
Continue reading...
Roger Turner - Poet Nov 2015
Santa at The Doctor
Mrs. Claus was at the door
Making sure that Santa knew
He had to see the doctor
He must be there by two
When Doctor Sivana finds the disabled children, he terrorizes them, as you can see;
When Freddy Freeman finds out what Doctor Sivana is doing, he says "Shazam!" and
morphs into Freddy Shazam immediately.
Freddy Shazam flies and searches for Doctor Sivana, which is true;
Stopping Doctor Sivana is what Freddy will do.
When Freddy finds Doctor Sivana and the villain sees him, he uses his inventions to try
to attack the hero;
Freddy destroys Doctor Sivana's inventions, which is marvelous to know.
Freddy knocks out Doctor Sivana and calls the police, which is smart;
Doctor Sivana will always have sin in his heart.
The disabled children thank Freddy for stopping Doctor Sivana, which is nice;
Doctor Sivana is cold as ice.
When the police arrive to arrest Doctor Sivana, Freddy Shazam flies away;
Doctor Sivana is going back to prison and that's all I have to say.
Continue reading...
Kittu Apr 2013
Doctor O doctor
Doctor O doctor.
Can you treat me?
This aweful mind refuses to greet me!
It concentrates of war,
it concentrates on pain.
None of which have any prospect of gain.
It concentrates on hate,
and the ever growing weight,
Of the population that refuses to wait.
No tollerance or patience,
No thoughts on moulding this nation.
Just fights on rights,
And pointing fingers with might!
the job?: to never divulge secrets of the job, which involves kidnapping said doctor and
retrieving a small metal instrument from within his skull.(i have the needed
information for the retrieval of this device.)
the time?: any time before the future. once we've orchestrated then enacted our team
meeting, we must use our time travel facilities within the same minute of our arrival, as
i have already set our return time for the mission to one minute after the last team
member(gregg) arrives on location of said meeting point. we will(once gregg finally
arrives, 28 minutes late!) pile into the 8-man machine and activate, sending us to our
destination: february 2nd, 1989. this is the date that(we'll call him doctor octopus)
doctor octopus received his supposed doctorate from stanford university. we will then
obstruct the way between his home and his graduating ceremony by means of
designing a car crash scenario. he will be knocked out cold, allowing us easy passage
into his car, excavating his limp frame, and bringing it to a secure
location(walmart)where we will then inject his brain with a bio-mechanical agent,
leaving him there to wake up, confused, and minus a degree. we will then travel to april
2nd, 1999, to re-engage with doctor octopus, to kidnap him in order to extract the
mechanism from within his skull, which at this time will be fully grown and functional,
having been implanted by us through the injection of the bio-mechanical agent 10 years
and 2 months prior. once obtaining said device, we will use it to communicate with the
inter-dimentional beings doctor octopus has done the bidding of. we will pose as doctor
octopus to gather intelligence as to how to travel through time, allowing the mission
success, bringing us back to the original point of departure, arriving exactly one minute
after original departure. leaving us with existing alibis(for i know everyone was with
their families on groundhog day, 1989. and my birthday, 1999.) and no traceable
evidence or witnesses, including yourselves, for i HAVE taken the liberty of going back
to all of your days of birth and murdering your mothers with said team still unborn in
the wombs, yet have gone back to said dates again to stop myself. allowing for success
and no traceable links.
the place?: nowhere. the mission has already been completed. good job team.
He says, "You are not alone. Many have felt this way before, and many have also thought
themselves mad. And that's why I'm here. You are not alone."
I think
It's *******.
How can I read when my eyes touch a page and then fall to the ground?
How can I write when none of the words I think can make it past my mouth?
Doctor says I'm not alone, but I find that hard to believe.
"Doctor," I say, rubbing my sore crown, "no matter how often you say that, I still feel
alone."
Doctor nods and glances at the clock. "Well, our time is almost up. Any last thoughts?"
I don't change my gaze, which rests on the cactus plant sitting above the fake fireplace.
"No."
Continue reading...
Cerebral Fallacy Jan 2014
A Stench of Divinity - Rowan
It came upon the good doctor to clutch it in his palms
An object so sharp that blood oozes over its tip
Touching and clutching it he weeps tears of excess
Excess of the desire from where emerges life
The very life of the gods contained with death and play
They danced across spaces, traversed beyond scope
Their bodies decay as stars while their excess reaches within
Within every marked desert of intoxication that grasps infinite depth
Weeping in the midst of the great gulf, the gods fade as the night
They emerge as beasts and flowers amidst the deep of the sea
The fall into madness, excess, passion and excrement
Perfume is but the odour of man turning into dust
The good doctor watches the blood ooze from the body
Blood being the testimony of immanent frailty which traumatizes being
His tears dilute his blood as trauma sustains life
It falls into the ground and the divine fruit is born
The God of Bliss awakens as the stench of being enters the heavens
The creator weeps as he watches the excess of heavens multiply
The object that the good doctor possesses drives him into oblivion
Never more is the world haunted by the gods !
Then lie the bodies, cold, writing in pain and pleasure, leaning on love
Bodies that desire the gods of old to sustain trauma and jouissance
Where is the good doctor now? Whence will he return my love?
And there in her eyes, the beauty of the world lay
And then as I beheld the futility of existence I kissed her lips again
I closed my eyes and I experienced the touch of the heavens in her mouth
And in the infirmary his body lay among the dead
His organs burned as a sacrifice to atone for existence
A parasite's life lies in the life of the organs within the body
When the organs cease of give life, the enemy perishes
And death lay dying in the grave he decayed
The good doctor lay in the realm of darkness forever !
Wind is the master of time, she flies beyond the medium that she animates
The wind carried in her ***** the fruit of blood and tears
And then she saw that the keeper of the dead leave the confines of his realm
The wind blew beyond measure into the land of the living
The hollow of his body is now the testimony of love and eternity !
And there I awoke from my dream and my heart skipped a beat !
My desire was water was now beyond measure and I looked into the river
In the sky I saw that love is the very excess that engulfs desire !
Continue reading...
Shari Forman Mar 2013
"Traveling Through Life"
… “Ready Scarlett; one, two, two and a half, three,” said dad looking as proud as ever.
It was my eighteenth birthday, the one and only year that I finally would graduate from
High School. The ecstatic moment when I get my diploma and the rush I would get
from wanting to rapidly pursue my career. I knew that I’d surely get a scholarship in
life science, all about animals. The one and only thing that blockaded my chances of
having a future life was me having to suffer from diabetes and few heart problems.
Other than that, I was in for all new surprises.
“Scarlett Perkins, would you now gracefully make your way up for your diploma.”
The principal of the school should’ve spoken louder so people could hear, but when I
smiled, he got a warm feeling and smiled right back. I know I’m not supposed to make
a speech or even say anything, but meaning I’m officially finished with high school and
by law, allowed to live on my own, I thought I’d say something that my family would
never forget.
“Thank you Principal Williams.” “I will always strive to improve on what I struggle
with the most. I am proud of myself as an honor student and will always think
positively. Whether it’s finding a cure for my heart problems, leaving my best friends
behind to let them pursue their careers, or finding someone to love and to cherish for
the rest of my life; preferably Jewish and good looking…
Audience laughs
“I will work up to my very best and even further if possible. Thank you all for your
time.”
“Well, time to go to sleep ladies and gentleman, as the day is officially now over.” “I’m
really proud of you Scarlett. You sure have the guts to get up there and give a fantastic
speech, you see, I have barely any guts left; kids beating me up in your grade, but
overall, I’m good.”
All I could do at that point was listen and smile at his humorous jokes.
It was a long car ride home with the window ajar and my mom having to stop short at
every yellow light. It is just her thing now a day’s. My brother, James, was wearing his
usual, yet casual, short-sleeved shirt with coterie shorts.
“I’m very proud of you Scarlett. Hey, who knew that such a bright girl could make a
speech like that,” said dad.
“Thanks dad, it wasn’t that hard to make a speech like that. I was more excited then
nervous,” I said.
“So Scar, who’s having this graduation party honey?” Said mom.
“Mom, it’s just going to be a party with my close friends and maybe a few kids from
school. Jake said he might be able to come too.”
My brother and I always end up arguing about something. James lay back, looking
relaxed while listening to his I-pod.
We arrive home at about once thirty eager to see our grandparents whom we haven’t
seen in ages. They were on my dad’s side of the family.
Mom and dad both walk over to greet grandma and grandpa as well as James and I.
“My James, you’ve gotten so tall since I last saw you. Oh, and older too”, said grandma.
“And who have we here?” “Happy eighteenth birthday Scarlett.” said Grandma.
… My friends pick me up at about six at night. They are the kind of friends that you
would call very fortunate. Chelsea’s car is a silver Honda that costs close to the amount
of $20000. To tell the truth, I don’t know how and where she gets that kind of money
from as only a teenager. I know only one thing; she doesn’t have a job yet.
I got my first and only job about a week ago at a pet shop explaining to people how to
care for certain animals.
“Don’t worry so much Scarlett; they’ll be about twenty of the people from school that
we know.” Said Tory from the backseat of the car
Chelsea, Tory, Veronica and Katy all smile and laugh at my remark. I smile as well.
We all arrive at the party ten minutes later. She was right on account of about twenty
other graduates from school there. After all, Chelsea’s house looked spectacular!
She had a sign with big letters saying, “We’re the 2005 graduates!” Boy I felt so proud of
myself and for once, relaxed.
“So I think It’s really cool that you are interested in animals. I love that subject as well.
Great speech Scarlett!” said a girl named Rachel from school
“I wouldn’t say that I’m that much of a creeper Scarlett,” replied Jake.
The DJ (graduate) started to play some popular, current music in which we could all
dance to. I head with Jake to the center of Chelsea’s enormous living room to go and
dance with everyone else. I knew Jake for a long time now and he definitely out danced
everyone on the dance floor with his cool moves.
The music started to get so loud that I couldn’t hear myself talk or even think for that
matter.
“Hey Katy and Veronica, I’m going to go outside for a little bit. Can you please tell
Chelsea if you see her?” I said.
I took a couple of steps, then straight to the ground while holding my chest. Jake ran
over to me like lightening.
“Scarlett, are you okay?” “Scarlett, Scarlett, Scarlett!” cried Jake with fear in his eyes.
It eventually got to the point where I fully blanked out, not being able to hear or see a
thing.
...When I woke up, I was a little scared and baffled as to where I was and what
happened. I further noticed my mom and dad looking as nervous as ever by the look of
their faces, and my boyfriend Jake coming towards me frantically.
“Oh, my God Scarlett, are you alright? You look so pale sweetheart,” said dad softly.
“What happened honey? Do you feel dizzy or motionless? Said mom extremely
worried.
“Did I blank out or something? Oh, I feel so dizzy and I have a migraine.” I said
helplessly.
I moaned hopelessly and tried falling back to sleep. That didn’t work because I also had
another part of emotion on me and that was guilt. I felt terrible that I ruined the most
important party of my life, and possibly, the last party I’ll ever go to.
“It’s going to be okay Scarlett. I’ll ask the doctor to give you some Advil for your
headache and please try to get some rest. Try not to think about the pain in your chest.”
said Jake.
I know he was trying to be nice to try and help me and cheer me up, but visualizing
pain in my chest felt painful to me and I tried not to cry.
“I’m just going to ask you Scarlett, how much pain do you have from one to ten?” said
the doctor.
“Eight, I replied without any enthusiasm; my head still on my pillow with my eyes
shut.”
The doctor turned from having a smile to a serious frown. The doctor told me to drink a
lot of water to prevent the suffrage of dehydration. Dr. Isenman also told me to take it
easy and try to relax for the next couple of days. I vowed to take his advice because he
was definitely right.
“Scarlett, you have a very high fever of 103.5. I want you to drink every cup of water to
ease the fever.” said the doctor.
As the doctor leaves, I see Jake coming back with Motrin in which he probably got from
one of the nurses and an ice pack.
“Put this on your head scar to ease the fever.” said Jake.
“Thanks for staying with me Jake, but you don’t have to stay much longer. You should
go home and rest.” I said.
“I don’t know if now would be a good time to tell you that I got a scholarship in football
for the whole season; but, I did.” said Jake.
“Wow Jake, that’s amazing; very impressive. You’ll be the star quarterback.” I said.
“I hope so; thanks Scarlett, and one night in the hospital couldn’t hurt, right?” said Jake.
“Nope.”
“It’s morning already, I’m feeling much, much, much better now!”
“So I was thinking, how about just you and I see your favorite singer, Billy Joel, in
concert this Saturday.” said Jake.
He pulled out two tickets from his front pocket and my face enlightened greatly.
“Oh, my God! Are you serious? Thank you so much Jake! That sounds like a terrific
idea! Thank you so much; this was so nice of you.” I said.
“You have to have some fun after a miserable; well half miserable birthday.” said Jake.
He leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek. We both smile and my parents, brother, Jake
and I, walk out of the hospital very serene and calm.
The next day, I found myself working overtime in Joe’s Pet Shop. I was already used to
all the animals there and treated them as if they were my own pets. One of the animals,
a puppy, I had a very strong connection with and knew very well.
A lady walked in the pet shop with a girl that looked about my age, if not, older.
“Excuse me Scarlett, can I take out that puppy just to play with?” said the girl.
She scared me for a second when she called me by my name, but then I realized I had
been wearing a nametag.
“Yeah, I agree.
“That’s great; I just graduated from high school here about two days ago.”
“Wow, congrats! Oh, sorry; when I talk it can be forever. My name’s Amanda.” She
said.
I laughed at the thought of her when I was the one who’d talk till sun down.
Soft and not afraid, one who would strongly adore all thee who gave it no arm; all
affection and this little puppy grew with happiness every time.
Five minutes later, my companion and I settled down on the smooth carpet, chatting
intensely. I nice, lonely girl she was, or assumed to be, and my companion and I went
to extraordinary places; unforgettable times I shall cherish for the rest of my life. The
park, where children jumping around of all sizes, smiled of the excitement, no stress, of
their day. As I listened deeply to my companion, she had something wrong with her as
well. Not just any sickness for that matter, diabetes, the poor thing suffered from. I now
knew, my friend and I had much in common; she felt as a younger sister to me in a way;
a good way.
… The next day, my lover, Jake and I were walking eagerly to the C.L.D.I. Stadium in
Michigan.
On the way to the concert, I told him aout my friend and how she was like a close
companion to me. She was a nice, clean girl with a bright future.
“What’d I tell you.” And to top it all off, front row seats.” said Jake trying to sound cool.
All of a sudden, right before my very eyes, the place turns pitch black, the lights
flickering on and off; showing different colors all at once. This was something I wasn’t
used to at all.
Jake started getting up and singing and dancing to the music. His dancing was
cowardly, but his singing was reasonably good. He got me to my feet and started
dancing with me when there were fun and slow songs.
Halfway through the concert I got a phone call from my friend. She sounded as if she
couldn’t breathe the whole time. The words I could make out were “Can’t breathe…
help and Joe’s Pet shop.
“I have to go Jake; I’m very sorry. Thank you for inviting me, but this is an emergency.
Bye Jake.” I said quickly.
As I ran out of the stadium to my car, I drove my stick shift car with full speed ahead.
Honking my horn to make cars go faster didn’t seem to work well, but I got there in less
than ten minutes.
About fifty police cars were lined up near the pet store. The sound of sirens of a police
car going off gave me butterflies. And, right before my eyes lay my companion dead on
the ground. In total shock I was, having chills at the moment. Amanda’s parents were
crying while their dearest daughter had been taken to the hospital. I knew right then
and there… She wasn’t coming back. My good friend, my nicest friend, had died before
my eyes and she wasn’t coming back.
… At the hospital, I viewed nurses and doctors trying to pump her chest with air and
taking her blood pressure. Everything was spinning inside my head and I didn’t know
what to say.
… There was no pulse, the doctor told her parents as I was praying for her. My friend,
Amanda, had done nothing wrong to deserve this. Luckily, God spared my life, yet,
there was nothing to be done to spare my friend’s life.
Continue reading...
Macy Opsima Oct 2015
Doctor
Doctor, oh doctor
Help me breath again,
Stitch up the lines on my wrist
And paint my desolate brain
Doctor, oh doctor
I couldn't feel my face
They told me I would be okay,
They told me it was just a phase
Doctor, oh doctor,
I feel like death
Everything hurts,
And I don't want to breathe again
Continue reading...
Shari Forman Feb 2013
"Traveling Through Life" (Short story)
… “Ready Scarlett; one, two, two and a half, three,” said dad looking as proud as ever.
It was my eighteenth birthday, the one and only year that I finally would graduate from
High School. The ecstatic moment when I get my diploma and the rush I would get
from wanting to rapidly pursue my career. I knew that I’d surely get a scholarship in
life science, all about animals. The one and only thing that blockaded my chances of
having a future life was me having to suffer from diabetes and few heart problems.
Other than that, I was in for all new surprises.
“Scarlett Perkins, would you now gracefully make your way up for your diploma.”
The principal of the school should’ve spoken louder so people could hear, but when I
smiled, he got a warm feeling and smiled right back. I know I’m not supposed to make
a speech or even say anything, but meaning I’m officially finished with high school and
by law, allowed to live on my own, I thought I’d say something that my family would
never forget.
“Thank you Principal Williams.” “I will always strive to improve on what I struggle
with the most. I am proud of myself as an honor student and will always think
positively. Whether it’s finding a cure for my heart problems, leaving my best friends
behind to let them pursue their careers, or finding someone to love and to cherish for
the rest of my life; preferably Jewish and good looking…
Audience laughs
“I will work up to my very best and even further if possible. Thank you all for your
time.”
“Well, time to go to sleep ladies and gentleman, as the day is officially now over.” “I’m
really proud of you Scarlett. You sure have the guts to get up there and give a fantastic
speech, you see, I have barely any guts left; kids beating me up in your grade, but
overall, I’m good.”
All I could do at that point was listen and smile at his humorous jokes.
It was a long car ride home with the window ajar and my mom having to stop short at
every yellow light. It is just her thing now a day’s. My brother, James, was wearing his
usual, yet casual, short-sleeved shirt with coterie shorts.
“I’m very proud of you Scarlett. Hey, who knew that such a bright girl could make a
speech like that,” said dad.
“Thanks dad, it wasn’t that hard to make a speech like that. I was more excited then
nervous,” I said.
“So Scar, who’s having this graduation party honey?” Said mom.
“Mom, it’s just going to be a party with my close friends and maybe a few kids from
school. Jake said he might be able to come too.”
My brother and I always end up arguing about something. James lay back, looking
relaxed while listening to his I-pod.
We arrive home at about once thirty eager to see our grandparents whom we haven’t
seen in ages. They were on my dad’s side of the family.
Mom and dad both walk over to greet grandma and grandpa as well as James and I.
“My James, you’ve gotten so tall since I last saw you. Oh, and older too”, said grandma.
“And who have we here?” “Happy eighteenth birthday Scarlett.” said Grandma.
… My friends pick me up at about six at night. They are the kind of friends that you
would call very fortunate. Chelsea’s car is a silver Honda that costs close to the amount
of $20000. To tell the truth, I don’t know how and where she gets that kind of money
from as only a teenager. I know only one thing; she doesn’t have a job yet.
I got my first and only job about a week ago at a pet shop explaining to people how to
care for certain animals.
Chelsea, Tory, Veronica and Katy all smile and laugh at my remark. I smile as well.
We all arrive at the party ten minutes later. She was right on account of about twenty
other graduates from school there. After all, Chelsea’s house looked spectacular!
She had a sign with big letters saying, “We’re the 2005 graduates!” Boy I felt so proud of
myself and for once, relaxed.
“So I think It’s really cool that you are interested in animals. I love that subject as well.
Great speech Scarlett!” said a girl named Rachel from school
“I wouldn’t say that I’m that much of a creeper Scarlett,” replied Jake.
The DJ (graduate) started to play some popular, current music in which we could all
dance to. I head with Jake to the center of Chelsea’s enormous living room to go and
dance with everyone else. I knew Jake for a long time now and he definitely out danced
everyone on the dance floor with his cool moves.
The music started to get so loud that I couldn’t hear myself talk or even think for that
matter.
“Hey Katy and Veronica, I’m going to go outside for a little bit. Can you please tell
Chelsea if you see her?” I said.
I took a couple of steps, then straight to the ground while holding my chest. Jake ran
over to me like lightening.
“Scarlett, are you okay?” “Scarlett, Scarlett, Scarlett!” cried Jake with fear in his eyes.
It eventually got to the point where I fully blanked out, not being able to hear or see a
thing.
...When I woke up, I was a little scared and baffled as to where I was and what
happened. I further noticed my mom and dad looking as nervous as ever by the look of
their faces, and my boyfriend Jake coming towards me frantically.
“Oh, my God Scarlett, are you alright? You look so pale sweetheart,” said dad softly.
“What happened honey? Do you feel dizzy or motionless? Said mom extremely
worried.
“Did I blank out or something? Oh, I feel so dizzy and I have a migraine.” I said
helplessly.
I moaned hopelessly and tried falling back to sleep. That didn’t work because I also had
another part of emotion on me and that was guilt. I felt terrible that I ruined the most
important party of my life, and possibly, the last party I’ll ever go to.
“It’s going to be okay Scarlett. I’ll ask the doctor to give you some Advil for your
headache and please try to get some rest. Try not to think about the pain in your chest.”
said Jake.
I know he was trying to be nice to try and help me and cheer me up, but visualizing
pain in my chest felt painful to me and I tried not to cry.
“Eight, I replied without any enthusiasm; my head still on my pillow with my eyes
shut.”
The doctor turned from having a smile to a serious frown. The doctor told me to drink a
lot of water to prevent the suffrage of dehydration. Dr. Isenman also told me to take it
easy and try to relax for the next couple of days. I vowed to take his advice because he
was definitely right.
“Scarlett, you have a very high fever of 103.5. I want you to drink every cup of water to
ease the fever.” said the doctor.
As the doctor leaves, I see Jake coming back with Motrin in which he probably got from
one of the nurses and an ice pack.
“Put this on your head scar to ease the fever.” said Jake.
“Thanks for staying with me Jake, but you don’t have to stay much longer. You should
go home and rest.” I said.
He paused.
“I don’t know if now would be a good time to tell you that I got a scholarship in football
for the whole season; but, I did.” said Jake.
“Wow Jake, that’s amazing; very impressive. You’ll be the star quarterback.” I said.
“I hope so; thanks Scarlett, and one night in the hospital couldn’t hurt, right?” said Jake.
“Nope.”
“It’s morning already, I’m feeling much, much, much better now!”
“That’s very, very, very great.” said dad.
“So I was thinking, how about just you and I see your favorite singer, Billy Joel, in
concert this Saturday.” said Jake.
He pulled out two tickets from his front pocket and my face enlightened greatly.
“Oh, my God! Are you serious? Thank you so much Jake! That sounds like a terrific
idea! Thank you so much; this was so nice of you.” I said.
“You have to have some fun after a miserable; well half miserable birthday.” said Jake.
He leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek. We both smile and my parents, brother, Jake
and I, walk out of the hospital very serene and calm.
The next day, I found myself working overtime in Joe’s Pet Shop. I was already used to
all the animals there and treated them as if they were my own pets. One of the animals,
a puppy, I had a very strong connection with and knew very well.
A lady walked in the pet shop with a girl that looked about my age, if not, older.
“Excuse me Scarlett, can I take out that puppy just to play with?” said the girl.
She scared me for a second when she called me by my name, but then I realized I had
been wearing a nametag.
“That’s great; I just graduated from high school here about two days ago.”
“Wow, congrats! Oh, sorry; when I talk it can be forever. My name’s Amanda.” She
said.
I laughed at the thought of her when I was the one who’d talk till sun down.
Soft and not afraid, one who would strongly adore all thee who gave it no arm; all
affection and this little puppy grew with happiness every time.
Five minutes later, my companion and I settled down on the smooth carpet, chatting
intensely. I nice, lonely girl she was, or assumed to be, and my companion and I went
to extraordinary places; unforgettable times I shall cherish for the rest of my life. The
park, where children jumping around of all sizes, smiled of the excitement, no stress, of
their day. As I listened deeply to my companion, she had something wrong with her as
well. Not just any sickness for that matter, diabetes, the poor thing suffered from. I now
knew, my friend and I had much in common; she felt as a younger sister to me in a way;
a good way.
… The next day, my lover, Jake and I were walking eagerly to the C.L.D.I. Stadium in
Michigan.
On the way to the concert, I told him aout my friend and how she was like a close
companion to me. She was a nice, clean girl with a bright future.
“What’d I tell you.” And to top it all off, front row seats.” said Jake trying to sound cool.
All of a sudden, right before my very eyes, the place turns pitch black, the lights
flickering on and off; showing different colors all at once. This was something I wasn’t
used to at all.
Jake started getting up and singing and dancing to the music. His dancing was
cowardly, but his singing was reasonably good. He got me to my feet and started
dancing with me when there were fun and slow songs.
Halfway through the concert I got a phone call from my friend. She sounded as if she
couldn’t breathe the whole time. The words I could make out were “Can’t breathe…
help and Joe’s Pet shop.
“I have to go Jake; I’m very sorry. Thank you for inviting me, but this is an emergency.
Bye Jake.” I said quickly.
As I ran out of the stadium to my car, I drove my stick shift car with full speed ahead.
Honking my horn to make cars go faster didn’t seem to work well, but I got there in less
than ten minutes.
About fifty police cars were lined up near the pet store. The sound of sirens of a police
car going off gave me butterflies. And, right before my eyes lay my companion dead on
the ground. In total shock I was, having chills at the moment. Amanda’s parents were
crying while their dearest daughter had been taken to the hospital. I knew right then
and there… She wasn’t coming back. My good friend, my nicest friend, had died before
my eyes and she wasn’t coming back.
… At the hospital, I viewed nurses and doctors trying to pump her chest with air and
taking her blood pressure. Everything was spinning inside my head and I didn’t know
what to say.
… There was no pulse, the doctor told her parents as I was praying for her. My friend,
Amanda, had done nothing wrong to deserve this. Luckily, God spared my life, yet,
there was nothing to be done to spare my friend’s life.
Continue reading...
Terry Collett Apr 2016
INTERVIEW WITH A NUN 1959. (PROSE POEM)
Sister Paul stops by the door of her office, and halts Anne as she crutches herself along
the passage of the nursing home.
I need to have a word with you, Anne, Sister Paul says, eyeing the twelve year old girl
as she rests on her crutches.
What have I done now? Anne says, gazing at the nun with a sour face.
Nothing that I am aware of, the nun says, unless you have done anything I need to
know about.
Anne shakes her head, of course not, you know me Sister, butter wouldn't melt in my
mouth, Anne says.
The nun holds her tongue, after the meeting with Anne a few weeks back she had come
to understand Anne better, if that was possible, and came to view Anne more of an
imagined daughter, than a mere child come to the nursing home to recover from the
amputation, but a daughter she was glad she didn't have in reality.
Will it take long? Anne says impatiently, putting her head to one side like a bird
awaiting an early morning worm.
No not long, the nun says, gazing at the girl with as much patience as she can. The nun
opens her door for Anne to enter, and the the girl crutches her way past her into the
small room, and sits on a chair by the desk. The nun closes the door, and sits opposite
Anne.
The girl studies the nun casually. What's it about then? Anne says, sitting back in the
chair, rubbing her leg stump, trying to ease away the pain.
What for? The girl says, her fingers rubbing along the stump.
What about my leg? And which leg? Anne says, leaning forward, eyeing the nun.
How can he see my leg when it isn't there no more, Anne says.
Sister Paul sits stiffly, and locks her fingers together as if to form a finger church. The
doctor needs to see how the stump is healing, the nun says.
I don't want no doctor to touch my leg stump, Anne says, they’ve done enough with it
as it is.
He needs to examine your leg, the nun says, to make sure it is healing.
I'm not letting a male doctor touch my stump, Anne says moodily, eyeing the nun.
You will not be on your own, myself or one of the other sisters will be with you, Sister
Paul says.
Anne pulls her skirt over her stump, and puts her hands in her lap. I want the Kid with
me, Anne says.
Benny, my friend, my only friend in this dump, Anne says gazing at the nun.
I'm not sure that would be allowed, the nun says, flexing her fingers, staring at the girl.
Then I don't see no fecking doctor, Anne says, rising up from the chair, grabbing her
crutches.
Sister Paul closes her eyes, pushing the word from her mind. Language, Anne, please,
no words like that.
I'll see what the doctor says, and if he is happy for Benny to be with you while he
examines your leg, then so be it, the nun says.
Anne sits down on the chair again, puts the crutches beside her.
Are you sure Benny would want to see your leg stump? The nun says, unlocking her
fingers, and putting her hands flat on the table, palms downwards.
The nun reddens, and sits up straight, and stares at the girl. Why would he want to see
your leg stump and touch it? Sister Paul asks, trying to ease away the redness of her
face.
I said he could; he likes to see it, and touch it; after all, he is my friend, Anne says,
pulling a face, as the pain tightens in her stump.
Is it painful? Your stump? The nun asks, seeing the girl wince.
Yes most of the time, Anne says, and sometimes my feet itch, and when I go to scratch
them they're not there.
It is called a phantom leg, the nun says, the nerves think the leg is still there and tells
the hand to scratch.
Anne sighs. Well can he? Can Benny come with me when the quack sees my leg stump?
The nun raises her eyebrows. She studies the girl, the way she sits, the way she looks,
and stares. A defiant child, she muses, one who would need a good bit of discipline if
she were a child at the Catholic school, but here in the nursing home, different rules
apply. I will have to see what the doctor says, the nun says.
Sister Paul sighs softly, looks at the crucifix on the wall to her left, at the Christ hanging
there, hands nailed to the wooden cross. Our Lord bore His pain for us, the nun says, it
is thought to be an honour to share in His suffering, and pain, the nun adds gently.
I'd rather not share in any pain, I have enough of my own, Anne says, eyeing the old
plaster Christ on a wooden cross.
Perhaps the pain you have already, is sharing in our Lord's suffering, Sister Paul says.
I don't want to share His pain or suffering, Anne says angrily, I want my leg back, and
no fecking pain.
The nun closes her eyes, pushes the word away from her mind. We will see what the
doctor says about you having Benny with you, and I will explain to the doctor how you
feel, the nun says.
Anne reaches out and touches the nun's hand. It is soft, and warm, thin and clean. All
right, Anne says, let me know. She stands up, and grabs her crutches, and begins to go,
releasing sister Paul’s hand.
All right, the nun says, watching the girl crutch away, eyeing the sturdiness of the child,
the strength in each movement away.
The child has gone. Sister Paul sighs, and inwardly, softly cries.
Continue reading...
Tyler Zempel Dec 2018
The Entertainer
The Entertainer