Professional Documents
Culture Documents
I was quite interested to see the book’s overnight success and the intense
media attention that followed. The huge interest must have been based on
many people’s strong identification with the title – or at least curiosity about
whether their boss, or someone they worked or negotiated with, might be a
psychopath.
Here are seven of the most common ways such people go about their
insidiously destructive business.
Manipulative people enjoy making you feel bad through evil or hurtful
comments, hidden beneath the cover of “being funny.” If they see you seem
saddened or hurt by their “humorous” comments, they will commonly accuse
you of having no sense of humor. Don’t negate your own feelings, though, or
fall into agreement with their “reasonable” suggestions that you’re just
“over-reacting,” etc. You know what you perceived and you know what you
feel.
If you bring up the matter of one of their covert assaults it’s very common
for such a person to slyly attempt shifting the subject to you in a negative
way. For example, they may bring up some error you made three years ago
– often one that has absolutely nothing to do with the current
circumstances. The manipulative person will do whatever he or she can to
distract you from the cold, hard fact that they’ve mistreated you. Stay
focused; don’t be distracted, misdirected or confused. If the manipulator is
not interested in a sincere dialogue, then forget about it. It’s not worth your
time.
3. They accuse you of bad actions they themselves are involved in.
The classic case here is the person who is flagrantly cheating on his or her
spouse but accuses the spouse of flirting with others. The manipulator
refuses or is unable to see his own behavior objectively.
Things like “That never happened!” “Are you crazy?!” and “You just don’t
understand!” are common with such attempts.
A manipulator will constantly test your limits, trying to see how far you are
willing to stretch – morally, ethically and otherwise. Be firm, be true to what
you know is right and don’t give in.