Monica Geller, The Best Friend

"It's like a fun game."

We all have a favorite Friend, but in this show about being good Friends, do
you ever think about who’s the best friend --
“I know I know I know!”
that is, the one who’s the best at friendship and most integral to the group?
Monica Geller is the glue that holds everyone together in Friends.
"I know!"
She’s the closest to the most of the friends. All of the other friends know at
least one other friend through Monica. She has a unique, direct bond with
each person -- Phoebe’s her former roommate, Rachel’s her high school
friend, Ross is her brother, and Joey and Chandler are her neighbors across
the hall, even though she also knows Chandler through Ross. And she’s the
hostess with the mostest
“I’m always the hostess.”
who serves up delicious meals
“They're hot from the oven!”
in a sparkling clean setting. So let’s look at who Monica is and what she can
teach us about being the best of friends.
“None of the amazing things that happened to me in the last ten years,
would've happened if it wasn't for you.”
Monica’s the type A control freak of the show.
"Go, go, go!"
So a lot of Monica humor comes from her obsession with cleanliness and
how tightly she’s wound.
“We’re supposed to start having fun in 15 minutes!”
But for the most part that intensity just shows how much she cares.
“You’re not easy going, but you’re passionate, and that’s good.”
Monica’s a total perfectionist,
“Now I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember, if I'm harsh with
you, it’s only because you're doing it wrong.”
And that extends to her social life --
“I’ve got this uncontrollable need to please people.”
She works hard to be the most supportive, generous, and dependable friend
she can.
"I have looked through a bunch of career guides, photocopied and
highlighted key passages, and put them into alphabetical order so you can
make an informed decision."
Monica’s an instinctive mother hen who takes care of everyone. She
basically treats her friends like they're guests at a bed and breakfast.
“You're the first guest at Hotel Monica. You just have to tell me how you like
your eggs in the morning. I thought I'd bring them to you, you know, in bed.”
And she’s always looking out for them, like in the pilot when she takes
Rachel in, even though they haven’t spoken in ages and Rachel didn’t even
invite Monica to her wedding.
"You're the only person I knew who lived in the city."
"Who wasn't invited to the wedding."
Monica basically hands Rachel a ready-made friend group, and helps her
adjust to being on her own.
“Come on, you can’t live off your parents your whole life.”
For the rest of the series she keeps Rachel on track, whether that means
making sure Rachel takes care of her health or gets her love life in order.
“Monica, you are now in charge of my love life.”
"I make your decision, and I say you're going to talk to him."
Monica feeds Joey what seems like every day.
"Oh."
And she’s a shoulder for Ross to cry on,
“Look at you, you're shivering!”
even though he’s their parents’ favorite child and she could just as easily
resent him.
"But your brother has so many science trophies, and plaques, and merit
badges..."
In season ten Monica does all of Phoebe’s wedding planning for free, and
she might seem totally controlling, but she’s taken on everything herself so
that her friend can just enjoy her special day.
"I want you to be a crazy bitch again."
Most centrally, Monica is Chandler’s best friend.
"You know if you want to cry, that's okay too."
She opens the door to his first serious relationship and teaches him that love
grows out of a really great friendship.
"You know what's weird?"
"What?"
"This doesn't feel weird."
"I know."
As we said in our Rachel video, Rachel’s our proxy at the start. We follow her
journey to the big city and watch her build a life from scratch.
"I'm going to go get one of those job things!"
But Rachel has also always been the pretty, popular one and things always
seem to magically fall into place for her.
"I got a job!"
Monica’s life is more relatable in some ways because she works hard,
deserves success, and then things still don’t happen for her.
"You can't tell your parents you were fired, because they'd be
disappointed."
"Uh-huh?"
"It's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on."
She faces her mom’s constant criticism,
“This was just in case you ‘pulled a Monica’”
her anxiety about being single,
“ls this why I don't have a boyfriend?”
and her long-term unemployment.
"I'm no longer at my job. I had to leave it."
"Why?"
"Because they made me."
“I’m unemployed and in dire need of a project.”
She’s obviously a very beautiful woman, but doesn’t necessarily see herself
that way, and she’s still teased mercilessly about her past weight and body
issues.
“Shut up! The camera adds ten pounds.”
“So how many cameras are actually on you?”
Monica has a crystal clear vision of the life she wants -- a good job,
"This has been, like, my dream since I got my first easy bake oven and
opened Easy Monica's Bakery."
a happy marriage,
"You're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen."
and kids --
“So I asked myself, ‘What is the most important thing to me in the world?’
And that's when I came up with the baby plan”
and she does everything right, but that good life always seems to be just out
of reach.
"I'm a good person, and I'm a good chef, and I don't deserve that marinara
sauce all over me."
It’s no wonder Monica occasionally gets annoyed with her charmed best
friend Rachel for stealing her thunder.
"You kind of stole my thunder."
Later on, Rachel doesn’t even try to get pregnant, but just happens to
conceive Emma from a one-night stand that’s conveniently with the love of
her life, Ross. Meanwhile, Monica and Chandler try for a baby only to find
out they can’t conceive.
"My uterus is an inhospitable environment. I've always tried so hard to be a
good hostess."
This is a huge blow for anyone and especially for Monica, who’s probably
never wanted anything more than to be a mother -- as we’ve seen, it’s in her
bones to mother everyone around her.
"Hey Rach, come on! We're gonna be late for the eye doctor appointment!"
But Monica earns our respect by showing resilience through all of these
tough times.
"God knows. I paid my dues."
She always keeps her eyes on the prize,
"Yes!"
and never forgets what is really important to her. It breaks her heart to end
her relationship with Richard in season two, but she’s not going to give up
her dream of having a family.
“I want to have a baby. But I don't want to have one with someone who
doesn't really want to have one.”
She’s determined to hold out for someone who wants what she wants.
"I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way."
So Monica is the character who most embodies how important it is to stick
to your guns, be proactive, and never give up.
"I can't just walk away -- I've put in 4 hours!"
"But--"
"Look, you knew this about me when you married me!"
At the same time, the lesson Monica has to learn is that life doesn’t work
out exactly according to plan,
“Nothing about this is fair! Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.”
no matter how hard you work or deserve it. So it’s important to be flexible
and not so rigid about everything arriving in the exact package we initially
wanted. Because Monica learns to adapt, in the end she’s rewarded with
everything she ever truly wanted, even if it doesn’t come in the exact form
she expected.
"Monica, we're not ready to have two babies."
"That doesn't matter!
We've waited so long for this -- I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if
it's three babies. I don't care if the entire cast of Eight Is Enough comes out
of there!"
She goes through every conceivable kind of weird job that’s semi-related to
her dream of being a chef. She’s willing to try everything --
"Why would such a person stay in such a demeaning job just because it's
remotely related to the field they're interested in?"
"Gee, I don't know, Rach!"
and by the time she becomes successful in her career, we’re happy for her
because she’s really earned it.
"Can you believe it? I finally get to run my own kitchen."
"Oh, you've waited so long."
She's a true romantic who’s always fantasized about her perfect dream
wedding.
“We dreamed about the perfect wedding. In the perfect place. With the
perfect four-tiered wedding cake. With the little people on top.”
And she ultimately does get that -- because she’s been patient and mature
about waiting until Chandler has grown into a place where he really wants
that, too. And by this point Monica has also come far enough to forgive
imperfections in the day.
"You opened all the presents without me? I thought we were supposed to
do that together!"
"You kissed another woman!"
"Call it even?"
"Okay!"
After learning she and Chandler can’t conceive, she gets on board with the
idea of adoption almost immediately.
"Adoption."
"How do you feel about that?"
"Actually, I think I feel really good about it."
And pretty soon she ends up the mother of two beautiful babies. So she’s
still rigid about her big picture, but she’s become patient and adaptable
about how to reach those goals, and this gets her to her destination. So
finally, what lessons does Monica teach us about how to be a great friend?
She shows us that we should take care of ou friends and be their champions.
“I am the energy train and you are on board! Woo-woo!”
That being generous with the people we love makes us feel good too,
"She's clearly an Emma."
"Oh, but you love that name!"
"Yeah. I love you more."
That a little resentment for friends or family can be natural,
"You love Ross more than me."
but we should never let it overcome our love. That’s there’s no shame in
caring a lot about things. And that we need to forgive our friends if they
sometimes take all of this top-notch friendship for granted.
"Okay! Three tons of potatoes coming in."
Most of all Monica teaches that proactive, generous friendship is a key
ingredient in the recipe of our lives.
"Fine, judge all you want to. But married a lesbian, left a man at the altar,
fell in love with a gay ice dancer, threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire, lived in
a box!"