GUILT

By Gea Carnando

I woke up at dawn that day after hearing a huge noisy sound outside my house. I tried to take a quick
glance and apparently, the big explosion sound was from fireworks some of my friends lighted. After
hearing enough explosions from the firework, I rushed myself to take a clear look at it. It was beautiful
and vividly real. After they ran out of fireworks to light up, they told me they were going to the beach
later. I was so extremely excited, but I haven’t decide whether I should go with them or not. Because of
the excitement and good atmosphere I felt that morning so I decided to go with them without telling my
parents about it, besides most of friends were also coming, so it would be just all right. I had many
friends who went to the beach that early morning. There were Tuti, Desi, Budi, and many more.

The journey to the beach took more than I thought it would. It was a long journey after all, but I and my
friends could not stop smiling and laughing that morning. My friends were planning to swim at the
beach. I was not really sure whether I was going to swim with them or not because I did not bring any
spare cloths and did not know how to swim at all. After deciding I was not going to swim, I wondered
about my first intention to go to the beach at the first place. I told my friends I would be walking down
the beach and gathering some conch shells but they kept forcing me to go swimming with them. After
discussing our plan for the straight 30 minutes, we finally arrived to the main big gate of beach, but we
need to keep walking to arrive at the beach. The beach was located near the national harbor, so we saw
many big ships on our way to the beach.

After a long walk through the gate, we finally arrived at the beach. The wind was breezing. The air was
extremely fresh. The view was outstanding. Those were all me and my friends needed. We were so
happy that we finally arrived at the beach. There were many people there. One of the most admiring
things about this beach was the environment. There was basically no garbage at the beach, so it was a
well-manicured area.

My friends, Tuti and Desi, hastened to the water. Although both of them could not swim, they were
brave enough to jump in the water. They asked one of our groups to teach them how to swim properly.
It was nice seeing them having fun. They looked so happy when they were swimming together. On the
other side I was so busy walking down the beach with some of my friends. We were gathering conch
shells. Apparently, conch shell was the most popular thing in our school at that time, so finding a cute
and unique conch shell was something any students from my school passionate about. I found many
beautiful and delicate conch shells. The colors were diverse. I found many conch shells in pink, orange,
and grey color. It was such an amazing time for us because we kept comparing the conch shells we had
found from the beach.

“Help Help Help”, I suddenly heard a group of people from far distance chanted that word over and over
again. Everyone was freak out about that calls. My heart was beating so fast that I could not think about
anything very clear at that moment. The beautiful and chill atmosphere suddenly turned into a gloomy
one just like a daydream turned into a nightmare. I also had nothing in my mind. It was literally blank. I
had a hard time deciding what I was going to do. After wasting time thinking, I forced myself to come
closer to the calls. I was so scared about what happened but the curiosity feeling I had inside me kept
forcing me to find out about what happened.
My feet and hands were shaking. There were so many people standing and blocking me and my friend to
see the source, so I asked one of the people from the crowd. My guess about the drowning thing were
true. I was shocked about that tragedy. It was horrible.

Apparently someone was already called the police. The police came and screamed to tell the kids to
leave the beach. We were shocked and started to leave. It was an intense moment. People were running
away as fast as they could, but before I left the beach I wanted to see the victim who were drowned by
the sea water, so I took my first and my last Tuti and Desi. I suddenly could not process anything and
could not believe what my eyes were witnessing. Little did I know, more police cars were slowly
approaching the tragedy. My friend, Budi, kept telling me to go because of the police. I really wanted to
leave, but I kept thinking about my two friends, I could not just leave them. When the police came they
started closing the main gate. I and Budi had no choice, so we runaway as just like the others.

We ran as fast as we could as if giant monsters tried to capture us. On our way home, I kept thinking
about the memory me, Tuti and Desi were having in the past. I started imagining the class without them,
the neighborhood without them, and the world without them. I felt deeply sad about them because I
could not do anything back then but run away from them. I could not even help them at least try to look
for help. I hated myself.

When I arrived at home, the first thing I did was taking a shower. It was one of the longest shower I had
in weeks because I kept thinking about the whole tragedy. The memory suddenly replayed in my mind
and I could not stop it. I remembered their faces when we were about to go to the beach. They were
both smiling. I still could not imagine an atrocious tragedy would happen two those two.

After I had done taking a shower, my uncle suddenly told me a bad news about two of my friends, Tuti
and Desi. He did not know that I was also there. If he knew, he would tell my parents that I sneaked
outside the house in the early morning to the beach. If that happened my parents would scold me and
never let me play outside again, so I had to act like I did not know anything and pretended to look
shocked by what he said. Suddenly most people from my neighborhood knew about the tragedy. It
became the topic of conversation that morning.

At 11 AM, I heard a news that the police sent them to a hospital. They were currently at the emergency
room. They also told me that both of their lung were filled with sand from the beach. Hearing those
information made me relieve and sad at the same time because it was a sign that there was still a hope
for them.

The next day at school, the tragedy became most talk topic in school. When I went to the canteen,
library, and class I kept hearing many people talked about them. All of them wanted to know everything
about the tragedy. They asked about the detail of the tragedy but no one could give them the satisfied
answer they wanted.

One month passed I heard a good news related to both of them. They were finally healthy. They came
back to school. Everyone welcomed them cheerfully. All of my classmates were circling them and asked
them about what really did happen and what was inside their mind before they were in that tragic
situation. They calmly explained the whole class about what happened. I was so happy that they were
here and healthy, but deep down I still felt extremely guilty for leaving them. I knew it was not such a
big deal for them, but it was for me. I already apologized to them many times. They accepted it and
were fine with what I did, but I still questioned myself about what kind of friend I was for leaving them
when they needed me?

That event created a new intense and dark memory for me. It taught me important lesson, exposed my
weakness, and opened my eyes wider to see a bigger picture of something. It might happen years ago,
but the memory will definitely last forever!