Parker Jewell

Jodie Jones

COMM 1080

12 November 2020

Forgiveness

Overview

Forgiveness is a decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward

someone, or something that has harmed you or hurt your feelings, regardless of

whether they actually deserve your forgiveness or not, to forgive does not mean to

forget, nor does it mean condoning or excusing damage done, or wrongful

behavior. In this paper I will define and discuss the theory and concepts that make

up forgiveness. Then, relate the theory to my life experiences and conclude with a

reflection of how being able to forgive is a powerful tool.

Theory/Concept

“Forgiveness is a cognitive process that consist of letting go of feelings of revenge

and desires to retaliate.” (Cahn, Abigail, 2014) Forgiveness is important because it

brings peace of mind letting go of those feelings of revenge and possible grudges
held, as well as letting go of deeply held negative feelings toward the recipient of

the forgiveness. Choosing to let go of your anger, hurt, and desire for vengeance as

well as letting go of the past enables you to grow with no hurt feelings. Letting go

of the pain and the resentment helps you find peace, and allows the emotional

burden to heal, as well as empowers you to let go of the past. Forgiveness can

reduce stress levels because you have let go of the burden. Forgiveness has an

overall positive impact on emotional health, your physical well-being, and

empathy for other people and you will be a lot more positive minded. Move past

your feelings and learn forgiveness is not only appropriate but necessary in certain

situations. (Cahn, Abigail, 2014) explains, “Forgiveness occurs when a person lets

go of his or her feelings of revenge and need for retaliation and changes his or her

thoughts about the transgression and the transgressor. It starts with anger over a

transgression and moves toward transforming the meaning of the event or changing

the way we view the event in light of other events in our life.” (p.206.) It is

enlightening one’s self-interest when you forgive. The opposite of forgiveness is

unforgiveness and that is a cognitive process where you don’t let go of the past and

want revenge or to retaliate. (Cahn, Abigail, 2014) explain, “Forgiveness is linked

to both mental and physical benefits. For example, research examining social

adjustment and the ability to forgive found a high correlation between the two: As
a person’s social adjustment score went up, so did the persons ability to forgive.”

(p.208)

Analysis

I have experienced a lot of forgiveness in my lifetime. For example, I went on

vacation to Hawaii with my friends and we had agreed to all initially pitch in on

the rental car because that is only fair and logical. We all needed a vehicle to get

around. At the end of our trip all said and done my card was the one charged. They

started making excuses for how they had already paid for the rental car and I

reassured them they needed to pay. This dragged on for months and I eventually

got one of them to Venmo me for their portion and they gave me less than that still,

but I learned to forgive them for it. I could have just stopped talking to them and

try to neglect or have a grudge, but money isn’t everything, so I chose to forgive

them instead and there are no hard feelings. “Psychologists generally define

forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or

vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether

they actually deserve your forgiveness.” (What is Forgiveness, 2020)

Reflection

My biggest takeaway from my study of forgiveness is the implication that nobody

has to forgive nor apologize but must forgive for inner peace. We all make
mistakes, and nobody is perfect but being able to forgive is a powerful tool. “Both

forgiveness and revenge are social instincts that solved problems for ancestral

humans. Although both of these are fixed aspects of human nature, these capacities

can be altered which gives us hope that we can make the world a more forgiving

and less vengeful place.” (McCullough, 2008) You can thus engage in more

productive communication and improve relationships letting go of the past and not

holding grudges. You can resolve conflict more effectively being able to know

how to forgive someone because we all make mistakes and having to being able to

forgive is inevitable. Forgiveness is a very powerful tool.

References

Cahn, D. D., & Abigail, R. A. (2014). Managing conflict through

communication (5th ed.). Boston, NJ: Pearson.

Forgiveness Definition: What Is Forgiveness. (n.d.). Retrieved December 15, 2020,

from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens:

An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily

life. Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389.

doi:10.1037//0022-3514.84.2.377