Love Scars

A wounded deer leaps highest,

I ’ve heard the hunter tell;
’T is but the ecstasy of death,
And then the brake is still.
Emily Dickinson

Blurb

Once again, it turned out to be too late for Saranya to react. Circumstances entangled
her in the web of problems that looked impossible to solve. But her faith in the
invisible power that has guided so far rescued her from all problems. Will that power
help her life to be peaceful and happy after she met Vel?

Chapter 1

The day started with gloominess. When Saranya entered the gates of that sprawling
institute of basic medical sciences, she could feel uneasiness at heart.

“Is there any bad news waiting for me?” As they have closed for the summer holidays,
the institute looked empty without students who kept walking around, going from the
library to the lab, or from the lab to the library, or to the only available canteen at the
extreme corner of the institute.

The lift looked empty without any one to accompany Saranya. Usually Saranya
avoided going alone in the lift. Once inside that small, closed space, she felt scared
and tense. Until the lift reached the third floor where her office was, she stood numb.
Most of the time she preferred to walk on the stairs. First floor or second floor or third
floor, she preferred to walk and mostly avoided the lift.

Using the stairs turned out to be a healthy exercise not only to her body but also to her
mind. Most of the people who worked in all the floors became her friends. Whenever
she halted for a few minutes at the landing slab, a space that connected the floor with
the other, definitely someone from that floor greeted her. Saranya knew more people
than anyone in her office. Though she maintained distance with her colleagues,
whoever she met on her way turned into good friends.

Saranya understood how far it is true in her case. An article that hit her mail on that
day filled her thoughts.

Checking In With Your Heart Daily by Madisyn Taylor

When we take time to check in with our heart, each person we encounter can be seen
as a fellow traveler in the journey of life.

Every day we experience a magical twilight between our dreams and waking state.
During this brief period of time, our minds still remember that all things are possible.
We can smoothly transition into our physical world without losing a sense of hope
when we check in with our heart center first, before we even get out of bed. Our heart
center is the link between body and spirit, instinct and inspiration. It doesn't take long
to hold a thought of loving gratitude for the heart that beats within us. In a mere
moment we can review all that we want to accomplish in the light of love. When we
get into the habit of beginning our day from the heart, all of our activities glow with
the infusion of conscious intent and all interactions are done with compassion.

We can restart our day right now by imagining how love and inspiration feel. As light
glows from our heart center, radiating out through our bodies into the space around
us, any feelings of stress or frustration seem to melt away. Now, we see each person
we encounter as fellow travelers in the journey of life, and every activity becomes
part of a spiritual partnership. As conscious participants in the cycle of giving and
receiving, we share our light with others as we become enlivened ourselves, with our
heart leading the way.

In the intersection where our body and soul meet, our physical heart beats in time
with the rhythm of the universe. It does the physical work of supplying our body with
life force without our attention, but for its spiritual work, we need to be conscious.
When we concentrate on its rhythm and glowing light, we remember that we are
spiritual beings having a human experience. Then we know that we can choose any
time to check in with our heart center, and in doing so, experience the joy of being in
love with life.

Anyone can be a friend. And anyone cannot be a friend. It always takes some time for
everyone to get introduced, understand and then realize the compatibility and the
wave length that matched their preferences. From school to college, from college to
her work place, she did have too many friends. But only a very few matched her wave
length. Such relationship did not exist for a longer time. It turned into void within a
year. Friends who impressed her a lot unfortunately waved good bye within 365 days.
Every year around the month of March/April she told good bye to one of her thick
friends. It took another six months for her to return to her normal self and lead a
normal life. Her virtual world shook for a while with this parting and her sub-
conscious mind could not take this sharp pain that nulled her brain powers.

When she started to read poetry during her high school days, she developed an
interest in reading metaphysical poems. More reading of metaphysical poems, helped
her to develop interest in learning about life and the puzzles it had within. Whenever
she went to the library, she started to hunt for books that talked about life after death.
Not only death, she wanted to read more about dreams and how dreams played a
crucial role in a person’s life. Dreams could foretell what will happen next and they
can guide the person better.

Dreams are more connected with our sub-conscious minds and every dream had a
meaning to interpret. They are predictions of your future life. She loved to interpret
the dreams her friends shared with her. Happy or unhappy, her friends listened to her
interpretations and accepted them as genuine and correct.

Dreams dreamt in the morning and dreams dreamt during sleep at night may have
different interpretations. Dreams are a collection of images, feelings and memories
that occur involuntarily during the REM (rapid eye movement) stage of slumber.
Every one dreams in their dreams. Yet, most of us may not remember or only have a
vague remembrance of what we saw in our dreams. According to some research, some
people don’t dream and are never disturbed by dreams.

Dreams are considered as fantasies. A reflection of what we think at our subconscious

level and mostly they are thoughts that could not be expressed or shared with anyone.
Dreams may often involve persons whom we may know or familiar with or even
unknown. Sometimes, the dreams take us to unknown lands we have never visited, or
locations that we love to visit. Dreams are always interesting for they give us the
space for acts that we may not be able to do in real life. Dreams may be a simulation
to our unshared emotions or threats that we may experience in real life.

Dreams are always not positive. Sometimes we may experience negative dreams or
nightmares that may shake us and wake up from our deep sleep. They may bring in
anxiety, despair or even scare us to the maximum. Nightmares may sometime occur
again and again and they can lead to psychological distress or sleep problems like
insomnia.

On that day while taking the stairs to reach her office, Saranya felt dazed and
confused. In her deep sleep, she had a wakening dream that made her heart palpitate
heavily and sweat profusely as if she encountered a ferocious lion on her way. She
dreamt being in a tight hug and the interesting part of the dream was she could not see
the face of the person but could feel the emotional pull that pulled like a magnet. That
was electrifying!

Chapter 2

The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most
active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul. - Ambrose Bierce

The stairs looked endless. Though she walked on those stairs every day, she never felt
so tired. On that particular day, she felt lethargic and heavy at her legs. Every step
seemed to be a strain and she has to deliberately lift her leg to move further. It
happened at that moment. Usually she kept her phone inside her bag, and never
carried on her hand like others. Unusually she heard her phone ring. She opened her
bag and took her phone to attend the call. The phone slipped from the hand and
started to fall. Shocked she leaned forward to catch it before it fell down. The sudden
turn made her jerk and her right leg twisted with a slip. Before she realized what
happened, she started to roll down the stairs. No one was there to prevent her from the
fall as no one took the stairs and every one preferred the lift.

Saranya shivered at the thought of rolling down the stairs when a powerful hand
stopped her fall. She could now hear the palpitating sound of a racing heart and the
smell of a strong perfume reached her nostrils preventing her from a dramatic swoon.

Within seconds he could prevent her from that drastic fall. Saranya lost her conscious
for a minute. Vel let her down carefully and made her sit on the stairs. He took the
water bottle from the bag and sprinkled some water on her face forcefully. The water
woke her up and she opened her eyes feel slowly. She could feel the pain on her
sprained right leg.
Saranya did not opened her eyes immediately but she could feel the powerful hands
around her that saved her from the fall. That tight hold reminded her of the dream.
With a racing heart, she looked up to see who saved her.

“Thank God, I saved you from the fall.” Vel felt relieved for he could save her from
rolling down the stairs.

Saranya searched for her phone down the stairs. She could not see her phone
anywhere.

“Here it is” Vel handed over her phone.

“Thanks a lot.” Saranya mumbled.

“You saved both me and my phone.”

“Nothing great. You are saved from a drastic fall. Go home and take rest.”

Saranya tried to get up and stand with her hands rested on the slope of the stairs. She
could not balance her right leg and put it down firmly on the stairs. Vel helped her to
stand by leaning on the wall.

“I think it is better if you take the lift.” He helped her walk to the lift and
accompanied till she reached her office.

Vel helped Saranya to sit comfortably at the reception. Unexpected development of

events made her feel shaky. A shock went down the shiver and she could not tell what
would have happened if she had a fall. Before she could regain her normal-self and
thank Vel, he left immediately.

The girl at the reception helped Saranya to take rest in the ‘Sick room’. She felt better
after lying down for 30 minutes and drink a bottle of chilled water. When she washed
her face in the chill cold water, she felt much better.

“Hi, What happened?” Suganthi peeped in.

“An escape.” Saranya didn’t want to recount the bad experience.

“Let us move.” Without answering any more questions from Suganthi, she walked
slowly to her cabin and switched on her computer. She decided to concentrate on her
day’s work and forget whatever that happened to her.

Your body has all the answers to restore itself to the best it can be.

When our body, mind, and spirit are in balance, we experience good health. But
sometimes we get caught up in life's parade of change and movement, and things get
out of balance. Just as there are seasons in nature, our bodies go through times of
cleansing and times of activity. Illness is one way our bodies restore the balance they
seek, as it cleanses the buildup of unwanted manifestations of negative energy in our
system. When we are not feeling our best, we can go beyond addressing the physical
symptoms to listen to our bodies as they tell us the changes needed to restore balance.

Our bodies give us signals, but if we don't listen when they tell us that they are tired
or stressed, then the imbalance increases and a stronger message is required, one that
is generally expressed by illness or disease. The first step to regaining equilibrium
involves slowing down, eating healthy food, getting more rest, and taking soothing
remedies. Once we have nurtured ourselves with these things, we can begin to
examine our illness for the message. A heavy head may be a sign that we have been
thinking negatively, harboring anger, resentment, or guilt. A sore throat may be
telling us that we have been speaking without integrity--gossip, insults, twisting the
truth, or even speaking ill of ourselves--which can knock us off balance. A sore throat
and swollen glands can also mean you are cleansing and processing some powerful
emotions at present. Stomach problems could mean that we are having trouble
accepting or "digesting" something. Only you have the knowledge of your thoughts
and choices that will allow you to decipher the messages from your body. All it takes
is time and attention.

When we take the time to listen to our bodies, we can learn how to restore our
balance and improve our lives. By honoring the messages of our bodies, we can turn
a time of illness into a constructive time of restoration, healing, and revitalization.

Chapter 3

Small things always fill our days with happiness; we feel cherished and grateful for
the moments that made us feel so excited. These moments happen every day in our
lives, though we think only larger moments bring us the maximum happiness.

When we realize small things can bring the maximum happiness into our lives, we
feel how wonderful our lives have become. The minutes when we look around and
see the beauty of nature, kindness and laughter, an ordinary day changes into a
blessed day.

The day started for Vel as usual. Nowadays he found travelling during the day, which
was unusually hot, becoming tedious and tiring. During peak hours, he found it
extremely difficult to manage when he met people who kept on talking non-sense.
Even a petty issue turned into a bigger issue that affected everyone around him. But
what happened on that day was completely different from his usual encounters. While
traveling he had always helped youngsters who come running to get into the bus. He
would blow his whistle or give his hand to help them getting in.

Though he helped Saranya from an awkward fall on the stairs, he didn’t pay much
care about thinking about that incident again. On a busy day like that he rarely found
time to think about anything else except his job at hand.

While walking home after work, he suddenly remembered the incident that happened
in the morning.

“Thanks.” Sree greeted him with his usual tug at the shoulders.
“Where did you go today?” Vel queried anxiously.

“Nothing special. I received a call for immediate blood donation for an operation. So,
I have to go there immediately. The documents you handed over at my office today
are something urgent to be done. They are legal documents with the signature from
our company’s legal advisor.”

“Oh! I understand.”

“Can you join me for a cup of tea?” Sree invited him.

“No, thanks. My mother will be waiting for me. I think you can come home and join
me for dinner.”

“I know what you will be eating at home for dinner. Leave me.” Sree chuckled loudly.

“Don’t make fun. It has become a custom at home.” Vel frowned.

“Rice with milk, a peculiar combination, I have not heard of.” Sree laughed loudly.

“Enough. Hereafter, don’t come to me for help.” Vel walked briskly and reached his
home. His mother was already waiting at the doorstep.

“Sree, how are you? Come and have your dinner.” Vel’s mother invited Sree.

“Thanks ma. Let him have his favourite.” Sree replied with a smile.

“I know you mother is not at home now. Come and have your dinner. I know your
preference.” Vel’s mother went inside to get the dinner for both of them.

After eating their dinner, both of them sat near the stairs. Vel looked at the rising
moon in the sky. The moonlight lit the place bright, and he could feel the fragrant
smell of jasmine flowers that bloomed at the pots in the terrace.

“I heard something. What happened in the morning?” Sree questioned Vel casually.

“Nothing”

“Don’t lie. I got a call from the office. Entire building was talking about it.”

“Nothing special.”

“I heard you saved someone from falling down the stairs.”

“Whoever it may be, I would have done the same thing. Nothing special about it.”

“Ok. I believe in you. Good night.” With a smile, Sree waved and left him alone to
think about the incident again.
Vel could not understand what is the big deal in discussing an incident that happened
within a fraction of second and luckily he could save her from a nasty fall.

When Saranya slipped and started to fall down the stairs, Vel was walking toward the
lift after handing over the documents at the counter. As Sree had informed them
earlier, it took a few minutes for him to hand over the documents and leave the office
immediately. As Vel’s shift started in the afternoon on that day, he could spare time to
help Sree.

At that moment, he didn’t think about anything else, but run and catch her from
falling down. Though people there appreciated him for the timely catch, he knew very
well, some people may comment and gossip about that incident. Now and then,
people needed something to gossip and talk in detail. These people are good story
tellers, story developers who can build scripts with creative dialogues that could
surpass a professional story teller or a script writer. These gossips would fade away
within days but no one could deny they may leave an impact on those persons who
were involved in the incident. Interestingly, that impact developed into moments of a
new story that grew day by day.

Chapter 4

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone.
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth
But has trouble enough of its own
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

For her the world changed within seconds. The heart-shattering message reached her
when she was getting ready to go the grand festival at her home town. For the first
few seconds it failed to get recorded into her thoughts.

“Satish is no more.” The painful news made her dumb and words failed her for a
moment. The heaviness at heart choked her words and her tongue failed to roll and
lisp words. But, tears didn’t stop rolling down her cheeks spoiling her makeup.

Her family members were utterly shattered. Uncontrollable sobs ruled her parents.
Her father who was a meek, good, soft-spoken person sat tongue-tied on the chair and
could not utter even a single word.

A poem by Emily Dickinson popped before her inner eye.

Because I could not stop for Death –

He kindly stopped for me –
The Carriage held but just Ourselves –
And Immortality.

We slowly drove – He knew no haste

And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility –

We passed the School, where Children strove

At Recess – in the Ring –
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain –
We passed the Setting Sun –

Or rather – He passed us –
The Dews drew quivering and chill –
For only Gossamer, my Gown –
My Tippet – only Tulle –

We paused before a House that seemed

A Swelling of the Ground –
The Roof was scarcely visible –
The Cornice – in the Ground –

Since then – ‘tis Centuries – and yet

Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses’ Heads
Were toward Eternity –

Whenever she read the poem, she imagined Death as her Love and she reveled in that
virtual world that relished her at heart with an unexpressed satiation.

Saranya realized life had sarcastically fulfilled her wish for she always preferred to
read tragedies and felt much happy and relieved whenever characters in those stories
lost their lives and moved away from the earthly life.

What happened in real did not please her, instead it made her feel shattered and
unhappy. Not only her, the whole family felt the pangs of pain and they could not
even console each other.

The next two days went away leaving no place for them to sit and wail. Satish’s
parents wanted her to be with them. It was really a heavy blow to see their son’s death
after few days of marriage. Before understanding each other, their wedded life ended
leaving nothing to remember for her and for him also.

A poem on Death by Rabindranath Tagore

O thou the last fulfilment of life,

Death, my death, come and whisper to me!

Day after day I have kept watch for thee;

for thee have I borne the joys and pangs of life.

All that I am, that I have, that I hope and all my love
have ever flowed towards thee in depth of secrecy.

One final glance from thine eyes

and my life will be ever thine own.

The flowers have been woven

and the garland is ready for the bridegroom.

After the wedding the bride shall leave her home

and meet her lord alone in the solitude of night.

Days turned numb without any words. No one at home spoke to each other. Saranya
lived like a zombie going on with her routine and she preferred to be alone without
meeting anyone who visited her parents to know how she was. Before understanding
how a married life would be, fate thrashed her at will and made her broken, cursed
and unhappy at all levels.

Chapter 5

Why do you want to write about pain? Saranya mused. Is it not right to tell we need to
honour the experience that pain can give us. Pain may be a great teacher, but no one
has the power to withstand its impact.

When we write down those painful experiences, we record and acknowledge the
moments of our lives that add meaning to the life we lived here. Those experiences
connect us with the moments, the way we handle those painful experiences, and how
we come out of that stands as a proof.

It is our natural tendency to push away the pain as quickly as possible and we fail to
honour that experience. Even if we don’t consider it, it comes to us as a teacher and a
friend. We must learn to honour the pain by allowing it to use the space of our lives. If
we resist something, the longer it will be there. When we resist the pain without
accepting it, it tends to be there with us for more time. But, when we accept it and
don’t resist, it allows us to create a world in which we can enjoy the life completely
with much happiness.

How can we honour our painful experiences to establish a conscious relationship with
it? We must give them their due rewards by painting, writing, or serving the needy.
Even lighting a candle may turn to be a good gesture that acknowledges the change
pain has brought in our lives.

Reading a tragedy is definitely different from living a tragic life. What we read and
feel virtually, when it gets translated into real moments, no one can help except God.
Tragic lovers who pine their separation or a lovable couple who were made to live far
away from each due to unacceptable reasons prove to be solid examples that convey
the message strongly. Always grasp the life that has been given to you and do your
best to change those moments into something valuable that would nurture your heart.

After mourning for more than three months, Saranya decided to continue her higher
studies. Luckily, her college came to her rescue. Initially, she started to handle classes
for the freshers who started college that year. The vibrant laughs and chats of the
young girls helped her to forget her loss for a while. She never sat alone and planned
her time to do something constructive always. Saranya volunteered to help her
colleagues when they struggled to handle their classes. She helped them prepare
question papers, corrected answer sheets, and helped girls who really needed help in
understanding the beauty of the language. She strived hard to go back to her days
when she enjoyed her quality time spent with her friends or the time spent with the
little children who often came to her home to be with her. To make her parents feel
relieved and happy, Saranya learned to read or write till she felt tired and sleepy.

Chapter 6

Days grow into weeks, weeks grow into months, and months grow into years. Day
and night comes and goes in cycles. We all go to sleep at night and get up for a
refreshing day with the dawn. Then we go about doing our routine work. We never
realize a change until we fall sick or grow old. Growing old brings in changes within
our body and shows a change in the physical appearance also. The color of the hair
changes, the brisk walk slows down and it takes at least a few minutes to get up if we
sit down. We prefer to sit on chairs and travel on vehicles instead of straining our
nerves. Old age brings in all the changes; some maybe positive and some maybe
negative.

One more strong truth strikes us; getting old means moving towards the end of life.
We may not know when we will die, but a realization comes that reminds every day
that getting old means meeting death at any time. Challenges of life didn’t bother old
people and they go on with their routine work. Relaxing and remembering their young
days, they tend to think about the moments that made them feel happy at the most and
feel hopeful that they will reach their goals.

Seasonal changes affect our lives also. Though we accept the challenges the changing
seasons may throw at us, we forget to understand that our lives are also in transitions.
We keep moving from one thing to another.

The transformation that plants undergo is much like transitions and not endings.
Dormancy rules nature because a seed will not grow into a sapling until it finds all the
conditions fulfilled. A seed must have adequate water, sufficient sunlight and air to
germinate. A seed will not die. It can be there in a dormant state for years and it will
sprout immediately if it finds the suitable environment. There is no dormancy for
mankind. Death brings an end to the struggles and challenges they face every day to
lead a better life.

Animals go into hibernation. For plants, the seeds go dormant. But for human beings,
nature has given the rule of death. You are born, grow, live life to the fullest and
finally has to accept death as it is the rule of the nature.

Death can be a reliever of all problems in life. Death after a fulfilled life is always a
welcoming one. But, if it happens at the prime of life shatters not only the near and
dear, it also abruptly disturbs the number of young adults who will be shouldering the
responsibilities in future. Matured, unmatured age old population may offer better
advice or guide the younger ones at time of need.

“Akka, come here, there is a bunch of roses on your rose plant”. Preethi shouted with
joy.
That is the first rose plant that Satish presented her on completion of 30 days of their
married life. Though the nursery person told them that it will have red roses, there
were white roses.

“White is his favorite color.” Saranya murmured to herself. It was so painful to look at
the white flowers and remember how she missed him who could not wait to see the
blooming flowers.

“Akka, look at this new plant.” Saranya looked at the new tender sapling that waved
in the morning breeze.

“What plant is this?” The tender leaves have just come out of the soil and enjoying the
morning sunshine.

“This is Elephant-ear plant. We have it at home.”

“I planted the tuber with Satish uncle.” Preethi smiled at her.

Tears filled Saranya’s eyes. She ran her fingers smoothly on the sapling as if she tried
to feel the presence of Satish there.

Saranya and Satish always spent more time in the evening on the terrace only. From
the open terrace, the whole town could be viewed at different angles. If you sit on the
chair and look around, the floating clouds drifted smoothly and went behind the tall
peak of the mountains. If you lean on the grilled doors of the terrace, the lifted eyes
will look at another stunning view where the tall trees waved in the breeze and
blessed them with a mischievous wink.

When the twilight slowly faded into dark night, they could not see each other but feel
their presence only. Saranya loved sitting closely and holding his hand tightly. She felt
so relieved and happy in his nearness. On a sudden impulse, she remembered her only
sister who took her life tragically a few years ago. That loss was irreparable for her,
and it took time for her to come out of that. Saranya’s ongoing studies gave her the
much needed diversion and that helped her to control her emotions and feel shattered
with that loss. Saranya believed her parents now relayed mostly on her and she had to
play the pole of support to manage their day-to-day life.

Satish brought a ray of hope in their family. Three of them looked at him as the
energy that will pull and push them ahead to live a normal life.
Chapter 7

It isn't possible to love and to part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love,
ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the
poets are right: love is eternal. E.M. Forster

“Why should I be blamed for things that are not under my control?” Meena wondered.
The whole family sneered at her if anything went wrong either inside or outside their
home.

“I think I am not fit to live here in this world.” But, she is not ready to give up. Her
matured mind ignored all the pain she encountered on a day. She smiled and smiled to
hide her pain and made it as a habit to laugh louder and be happy all the times.

“Who gave them the permission to talk like that?” Tears would stream down on her
cheeks.

Meena looked plain and unattractive. “Never judge a book by its cover” may be a
famous quote that asks everyone not to judge by looking at a person. Whatever it may
be, the world never stops doing like that. Educated, literate, illiterate or a dumb person
judges a person with the first look or appearance. The same person who feels low,
with the complaint that he or she doesn’t look good, also judges a person from the
way he or she looks at the first instance.

What does the world mean by looking normal? If knowledge is going to be secondary,
how could one survive in this world? One need to be physically fit, mentally alert, and
also know how to judge people around them.

Everyone at home treated her like dirt. She was nothing to her siblings. Even though
she was doing her graduation, they expected her to do all the household chores.
During exams, she could read her books only after 11 p.m.

The day started with sweeping the front-yard and then sprinkling it with water. Then,
Meena would draw kolams of her choice. Within ten minutes, she would draw
intricate designs with ease. Once completed, she will spend few minutes admiring its
beauty and the message it carried to her. During festival days, she will take time to do
her best by drawing new designs that will spring up at that moment and made her feel
the warmth of love generating from the dots and lines to her heart. No one at home
was ready to seize this opportunity from her as they all preferred to sleep and never
wanted to accompany her early morning routines.

Next, Meena watered the flowering plants that lined the front-yard. She collected
hibiscus flowers for the pictures of deities that lined the pooja space. After that she
would spend few minutes praying to the Sun god. The morning rays of sun are usually
warm and it helped her to absorb some positive energy for her day. She always loved
to looked at the warm, nascent sun that did not irritate her eyes, but made her eyes
shine bright. Then, started her usual household chores. After that she helped her
mother in preparing the morning breakfast. She never failed to snatch few minutes to
do her yoga and meditate for a while.
The same routine started in the evening also. Helping her mother to complete all the
household chores, and after dinner, she would snatch some time to sit and read her
text books. If not, she will read the books she took from the library. Next to books,
she loved bird watching.

For Meena, birds are the blessed souls that are gifted with wings to fly and roam
around the earth. They are the wonderful neighbors who coexist with human and their
lives teach invaluable lessons to mankind. The birds teach us to be content, happy, and
live comfortable in their nests. God has given them the power to build their own nests
in the place of their choice.

Unlike humans, the birds never complain but they do have rivalry to establish their
territory and win their love life. Every bird has an interesting history to observe and it
is always worth watching them if we want to have peace of mind. Meena enjoyed
their company though they don’t talk to her or they understand each other’s language.
But the gestures between her and the bird that visit her backyard regularly built a
bond of friendship. The birds that visited her home understood she will not do harm to
them and she is only a silent observer of their activities.

The day birds and night birds are equally intriguing for they have different life-style,
food habits, and even their courting rituals are different. Enjoying an avian orchestra
during the day time or at night does not make much difference for they ultimately
bring the peace at heart.

Bulbuls are her morning alarms. Until she hear them squeak, she will not be
convinced that the Sun hasn’t risen yet. Much to her surprise, it became a ritual for the
little birds to hold their morning get-together on the Papaya tree in her neighbour’s
garden. Meena cherished the pleasure of hearing them engaged in animated bird
banter. After the recent summer showers, the chitchat grew louder. Following the
bulbuls, common Mynahs and a flock of yellow-billed babblers have become regular
visitors to the tree. The elusive Asian Koel always kept her company in the morning
that sings so loudly that fills the place with the music of love. If Meena, tip-toed into
the backyard to see, it will disappear within seconds.

After discussing with a birding expert, she planted flower-bearing shrubs along the
compound wall that brought small nectar-feeding birds like purple, purple-rumped
and Loten’s sunbirds. Very soon, she found that birds usually loved red-coloured
flowers. The Hibiscus, the Indian Cork Tree (maram malli), Paneer tree, and mul-
murungai or kalyana murungai produced bright red flowers. She felt proud to think
that the birds that visit her garden ranged from the common crow and mynas to the
Paradise Flycatcher and Rufus Treepie.

At times, Meena wondered is that only the human beings who lacked humaneness and
compassion judged others from their appearance. If a person with all his senses
perfect, his limbs strong, and with a sharp knowledge is judged under zero category,
by his colour or appearance, she believed it will question his or her survival fitness
also.
She also believed that the ability to understand the deeper meaning in our lives is
positively correlated with the amount of time we choose to spend in nature.

We spend our time in front of smartphones, computers, and television screens, at least
90 percent of our time indoors at work and at home. Though we know this is an
unhealthy way to live, we prefer to live.in this artificial world. High levels of
vibration, stress, and anxiety, negatively affect our bodies. But, we rarely make the
effort to shift our lifestyles, to connect and recharge with nature.

Connecting with nature is one of the best ways to strengthen our bodies – breathing
fresh air, receiving vitamins through the warmth of the sunlight, and challenging our
muscles with walks on uneven wilderness paths. But more importantly, on a
metaphysical level, nature is a wonderful teacher and guide for finding deeper
meaning in our lives.

Nature has its own rhythm, its own pace, and its own seasons. This teaches us to slow
down, to be more patient, and to know that there is a cycle of life, a right time for
everything (instead of always wanting to force things to happen on our schedule.)

Nature has its own plan, its own patterns, its own connections. This teaches us to trust
in a higher universe, that there are connections forming which we might not see yet
today, and that our place within the whole is becoming and will be revealed over time.
Nature has its own harmony. This teaches us to observe life around us, to understand
what we resonate with and what we do not, where we find deeper meaning and where
we do not.

Looking plain didn’t favour her efforts. Unfortunately, she met people who didn’t
value her real efficiency but rated her by looking at her flesh and bones. Appearance
counted most than your ability.
Chapter 8

When night is almost done,

And sunrise grows so near
That we can touch the spaces,
It ’s time to smooth the hair Emily Dickinson

It is all fun, fun, and fun throughout the day. Life could not be so beautiful. Her heart
beamed with overwhelming joy. Saranya’s marriage brought the much needed break
in their family. She could see her parents content and smiling. The gloomy look on
their faces have now changed and she could see their faces calm and peaceful.

Satish wanted to relax and enjoy their initial days of marriage without any stress or
pressure. Before he could ask, Saranya’s father reserved a luxurious resort to spend
their first two weeks of married life. Those two weeks recorded her happiest moments
in life where she basked in the warmth of love and wished to be with him forever.

Initially they visited the nearby places for sight-seeing. On the second day, they
decided to better stay at the resort than roaming around in the hot, sunny day. The
resort served very good food for the breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They even had the
option to place order for the food of their choice, especially for the newly married
couple who stayed there in their resort. Satish first ordered food items of his choice
and then asked Saranya to order her best food. The resort even allowed them to
explore their culinary skills at their special kitchen. Both of them tried their hand in
preparing the lunch of their choice and enjoyed having it in the lawn. While eating,
they could listen to varied bird songs and the chilled breeze that could lull anyone to
sleep.

One afternoon, after enjoying their special lunch at the resort, they decided to go for a
walk in the spacious garden of the resort.

Something suddenly caught Saranya’s attention. She could see something struggling
under the leaf of a plant. She peeped in find out what. She could see there a three-spot
Grass Yellow butterfly struggling to emerge from the pupa (a process known as
eclosing), but faced a crucial situation. Awkwardly, the feet and wings had emerged
first, leaving the head, antennae and proboscis still trapped inside the pupal case. The
half-born creature could not emerge. This was, indeed, for the butterfly, experiencing
something similar to a breech birth. In mammals, sometimes occur “breech birth”,
where the head is not delivered or brought out to the outside world first, and where,
consequently, complications develop.

Satish gently tried prising the pupal case apart; both the pupa and the butterfly were
detached from the leaf, and fell to the ground. But the head still remained inside the
pupal case.

“Please do something. I don’t want it to be dead.”

Saranya’s eyes brimmed with tears and she desperately wanted to help the butterfly.
She watched restlessly.
“Don’t panic. Please wait.” Satish relaxed for a while to think of a way to solve this
crucial problem. If he used his fingers with force, the butterfly may break into pieces
and the wings may come off from its body. The butterfly looked tiny and helpless.

“Now, we have two choices”

“What?” Saranya queried.

“To intervene or to leave it to the Nature.”

“But leaving things to Nature means death for the butterfly.”

“Yes. If we intervened, we may damage the head or proboscis; but there is a chance of
“delivering” the butterfly.”

Satish took the little creature in his hands, and moved his index finger nail very, very
gently to pry the pupal case apart.

It was a lucky moment for the head, the antennae, and the proboscis emerged, unhurt.
But, the wings were still crinkled inside the pupa; the butterfly could not spread the
wings.

The butterfly rested still on the inner palm of Satish. Now, Saranya lifted the little
creature from his palm and placed it on the broad leaf of a nearby plant. They stood
there for another ten minutes. People who were strolling nearby looked at them
wondering what made them stand there.

The warm breeze dried the wings of the butterfly and it slowly fluttered its wing and
landed on the grass. In two seconds, it flew above and sat on the petals of a fragrant
rose on the side-walk. Saranya held tight to his hands and expressed her joy with a
broad smile.

Nowadays, animal rescue is common with birds and mammals. It is importunity to

assist in a difficult birth of a butterfly, and saved its life which would have otherwise
ended.
Chapter 9

Because I could not stop for Death,

He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality. Emily Dickinson

Satish was reluctant to leave Saranya at their native town. He had just returned for
work after taking a month long leave to celebrate their wedding. Important audit work
at the office needed his presence, and this made him rush to their native to be a part of
the annual festival. Initially, he thought of travelling to Madurai by flight and go to
their native town by car. Unfortunately, he could not get them tickets for the morning
flight, and so decided to go by their own car.

Saranya asked him to hire a driver so that there will be no strain for him to travel all
through the way. Luckily, he could hire a driver who could drive them all the way till
their home at the native. The driver could not accompany Satish in the return journey
for he decided to stay back and enjoy the weeklong festival. As Satish could not stay
for more than a day, he decided to drive till Chennai on his own. Though there was an
option of travelling by air, he preferred to travel by road.

The first half of the journey went smoothly. He could even take a break and eat his
evening tiffin. The National Highway made his drive smooth and he decided to reach
Chennai in the early hours of Wednesday.
Chapter 10

I live with him, I hear his voice,

I stand alive to-day
To witness to the certainty
Of immortality.
Emily Dickinson

Saranya could not forget his voice over the phone when he called her before that life-
changing accident. Though she didn’t record their conversation, one of her close
friends managed to get the recording from the company. She kept on listening to the
audio again and again till she felt tired. She will definitely not feel bored, but it made
her feel more depressed. Before she went to sleep, she never failed to hear the
conversation at least once.

Half-way through the sleep she often wakes up with disturbing night mares. She could
inevitably feel the presence of his soul around her that made her dumb, searching for
words to express her pain.

In the middle of the night, when the whole home slept and there was silence
everywhere, she woke up. She could hear him calling her in whispers. The dark
shadows moved along the window curtains and mimicked their time together in gentle
gestures. Every move of the curtain brought in her fresh memories of their days spent
together in hopes and dreams for a wonderful future.

“Saran” Whenever he called her, it set its imprint not only to her but also to the air
that surrounded them and vibrated every minute particle in the air with love. Every
human voice has a unique tone that is all its own. It carried its own signature and
traits. No two voices are alike. Saranya felt his voice vibrating with tenderness that
touched her with a warm caress. He loved talking to her over phone. Satish admired
her voice and it sounded so musical when she spoke to him over the phone.

“You have a mesmerizing voice over the phone.” He told her for the hundredth time.

Saranya spoke so softly and it was always difficult for the other person to decide what
she spoke to them.

Whenever she went shopping, the person at the shop will never understand what she
is asking for. Even if she repeated again and again, they will keep on asking her what
she really wanted. But things were different with Satish. He understood whatever she
spoke at the first instance and never asked her to repeat.

“Will you stop listening to that recording?” Her mother pleaded.

“This is the only thing that gives me the comfort.” She refused to stop listening.

“I understand. But, that will make you feel more depressed. Please.”
“Ok.” She kept her mobile aside and took a book for reading.

“Don’t stay late. Try to get some sleep.” Her mother closed the door gently before
she left the room.

Saranya felt sad for her mother. Her parents were in a confused state of mind and they
could not accept what happened to her. They felt responsible for whatever that
happened. Saranya requested her parents to wait for a while before finalizing the
marriage proposals.

Somewhere at heart, she felt this alliance may not materialize and she did not want to
get married so soon and leave her parents alone. Everyone in the family felt the
proposal to be a good one and she must not refuse. Her maternal uncles advised her to
continue her studies after marriage, and they will request the bridegroom’s parents to
agree for that. After her sister’s sudden demise, both of her parents stayed aloof
without talking to anyone. Not only to the family members, but also to their relatives,
friends and neighbours. Whenever she saw her father’s fragile figure, she felt broken
and desperately wanted to set things right at home by making them happy and be
normal again.

From morning to evening, she engaged herself with many activities, both at home and
college. But, at night, she could not sleep immediately. Numerous questions sprang
before her mind and her future looked bleak and dark. She yearned for his nearness
and she kept on questioning why that should happen to her.

Chapter 11

Oh yes, getting
A man to love is easy, but living
Without him afterwards may have to be
Faced. A living without life when you move
Around, meeting strangers, with your eyes that
Gave up their search, with ears that hear only
His last voice calling out your name and your
Body which once under his touch had gleamed
Like burnished brass, now drab and destitute. Kamala Das

Saranya spent just a week at her husband’s home. Though her in-laws wanted her to
be with them, her parents were reluctant to leave her there alone. They promised them
that they wanted Saranya to spend some time with them and then decide what to do
then.

The sudden demise of Satish had shocked his mother to the core and she fell down
unconscious when she heard the news and had to be hospitalized for a few days. The
doctors allowed her to go home for a short time to attend the funeral rites of Satish,
and someone were always near to attend her.

It was only a few weeks after her marriage, and she was not familiar with anyone in
the family except Satish. There was not much time to explore each other’s likes and
dislikes and it was just the beginning of their lives. Right from the beginning, Satish’s
mother had a liking for her, and she wanted Saranya to be near her always. She felt by
being Saranya somehow made her feel at peace and she believed that would be the
best thing Satish would have also wished.

In that sprawling house, Saranya was familiar only with their room at the upstairs and
the stairs that lead to the terrace. She had never been alone at the kitchen or the hall.
Satish always accompanied her at the dining table, and sat along with her in the hall
when the whole family sat together to watch television. Her mother-in-law was kind
enough not to insist her to be at the kitchen to help her cook or set the dining table.
Even the little children at home wanted to play with her and get familiar with her. But,
she could not spare her time for everyday, they visited someone’s house to have a
wonderful lunch or spend their time watching the latest movies in the local cinema
halls.

Saranya smiled a lot but spoke a very little. Though the family looked lovingly caring,
and wished her to be happy at all instance, Saranya thought it will definitely take
some more months to understand the members of the family, and she could not tell
how far they are good or happy with her. Being so attached to her son, she did not
refuse, when Satish decided to move to Chennai along with Saranya just after 30 days
of marriage.

Saranya wanted to spend some more time with her parents before she could move
along with him to Chennai. If she immediately moved to Chennai, her parents will be
left alone. Saranya wished she lived at least near them in the same town, so that she
will be able to meet them every day or on alternate days. Moving away to Chennai
made her heart feel happy and sad at the same time. She felt thrilled to start her life at
Chennai and wished her mother will stay with her for some time. Saranya’s mother
did not want to leave her father alone at home.

Initial days in Chennai went smoothly and fast. She had ample time to spend herself
and used the time to set things at home as Satish discussed with her. The neighbours
in the apartments were neither friendly or indifferent, they all went on with their work
and days at Chennai were completely different from the days at her native.

In the beginning, even the children didn’t smile at her. One day when she was buying
vegetables from the vendor at the apartment gate, a toddler who was moving around
with her walker tugged her saree and smiled at her. She bent down and kissed her. The
little girl clapped her hands gleefully. From that day onwards, her evenings were spent
with them and she loved watching them play till Satish came home from the office.

Saranya started to relish the warmth of married life. The whole world turned to be a
happy place and she learned to accept and forget the painful days that they all went
through after her sister’s sudden demise. With a life brimming with hope and
happiness, she believed that her sister’s soul would bless her with more happiness.
Saranya wished her sister to be born as her baby and thus bringing their lives to be a
fulfilled one.

To her surprise, one of her neighbours, her husband’s colleague, arranged for a
welcome lunch on a Sunday. That Sunday evening was a memorable one, for the little
children at the apartments arranged for some entertainment program at the space in
the courtyard. As a token of thanks, Satish arranged for a wonderful buffet dinner at
home and invited everyone at the apartment to their home. Smiling, and smiling, and
smiling, Saranya felt content and happy and thanked god for giving her such a
wonderful married life

Saranya’s parents wanted her to start her family immediately. Though no one at home
wanted to go for work, Saranya wanted to start going for work in Chennai. A city life
will be completely different from the life at a small town, and she wanted to explore
the possibilities of strengthening her knowledge and love for language. Satish helped
her to get an interview at the local college and she successfully attended it and
received the appointment also. At that time, her in laws wanted them to visit their
town to attend the annual festival, and so she has to postpone her joining at the
college. She called and informed them she will be joining 15 days later and they
agreed to it.

Within a week, destiny changed her life leaving her shattered and unhappy. The
gloominess that prevailed after her sister’s demise once again returned stealthily at
home, and she started to doubt what was in store for her. Dumb and numb, her days
moved on slowly, and the heaviness at their hearts burdened their lives with tears and
sighs.