ladbook

pieces of my write entity

vol. 1

by tigriot
 ladbook pieces of my write entity
vol. 1

When you call the world from isolation, you find answers that you never knew you
got wrong.

You find a reslience that you had mistaken for weakness.

You find understanding.

And that’s just the first step.

The next one is up to you.

Give thanks for the muses, may they live on forever

Give thanks for the friendships that survived all the weather and weathering, falling
from summer’s end to the frost of winter ten degrees below the base of the springs
that help us get back to where we started from.

I give thanks for you all, for those who helped with this and to those who are helping
to take it to places I never imagined it would reach.

I love you all,

Lem.
 ladbook
table of contents
Lines i
T-3/4h ii
T-4/5h iv
Ease vi
Mulher viii
Loc me down x
Strings xii
River Land xiv
the walk xv
And the black sands sing xvi
River Land ii xvii
Write Me xix
To you xx
There was a boy xxi
The Man of Many Masks xxiv
he xxvi
rhythm and rhyme xxvii
I realize xxix
Love xxx
Reflection xxxii

tigriot: ladbook vol.1

 ladbook vol. 1

Lines
Strings and bars are the lines that direct space in music
The thing is when a string plays, it vibrates
It doesn’t remain as linear
You get to see it in its element
Moving to and fro

Fret not, don’t worry

She’ll be standing still soon
She waits for the musician to bring her to life
But only the one who can play her key

Some chords are only beautiful because of the strings that are animated
Energized with the passion of the appendages that bring them to life
Which every push and cascade

Every pluck and strum

There is music.

pieces of my write entity I

 ladbook vol. 1

t-3/4h
I lit the joint and I have to remember who I am
Regardless of how I feel in the moment
Regardless of how introspection infects my mood

Can I really wind down the clock making my ticks tock ?

The delay in the sound hits me
The relay around the track makes me miss my days in high school
The baton never missed me cause I always set the pace
But that’s the thing when you run a race with multiple faces
One slip and your name on destinity’s plate erases and you end up a deuce cause
you couldn’t hold on to the gold

It’s funny , isn’t it ?

Everything is the way it is on account of the way I feel
These days I question what’s real
If I didn’t feel the way I do, things wouldn’t be the way they are . Now would they ?
I say convincingly to myself, perched on the tabletop
Joint cradled between two fingers while my thumbs reveal the plot

The dragon roots run deep

cerebral traffic is insane , sax playing in the slow lane
Synaptic reactions were trained to understand so I know the sounds of his music like
the back of my hand
The percussions and ambience like a concert hall in the middle of the street
It feels like a rainy day, and I confess this at night to let you know this is no mere
thing that I do well to say
The light hits the tree
The lure of the underside of her leaves make me envious of the grass, blades in their
gaze as if eyes could cut and save the day

It’s baileys
Irish cream, cool steamed
That green orange drapeau
.......................

pieces of my write entity II

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From the plateaus to the seas

I seize to cease and desist from following through on what I cannot resist
I may have missed a line, but that’s fine
I persist

And the brass winds down this era.

pieces of my write entity III

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T-4.5h
I’ve got projects in the pipeline
I sigh, align my spine as I descend to write rhymes
Is it the right time ?
What about the tight lines
That I’ve crossed and patrolled with a fine stride
I watch the sunset on the last day of the dirty virgin
The moon is coming and I feel the mood surging
Urging myself not to indulge in the cannabis I got for my iftar
Fourteen days would have felt like a lifetime if I didn’t journey down this road in this
car
But that was a week ago, it’s twenty-three now
And you’re not here
7 days, 7 years
I remember you in all that I do and the places I go
My success is for you, my brothers.

I remember when I said I wanted a better me for 23

And twenty-three is in a few
And how do I feel?
I’m stronger
I’m faster
I’m wiser
I can control
I feel more
I see more

“But what can I do to be more ?”

Says the voice of self improvement

“I’ll answer after this is rolled”
I say as I watch the bud on the station next to me
I have issues with anxiety cause the patience stresses me
But I know that if I find it, then the virtue blesses me

A necessity for a king with no ring or scepter

.......................

pieces of my write entity IV

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But one with a will to teach and the knowledge to rule

Never put your strength in their hands
Never make yourself a mule

Never look down on yourself when you’re looking in from the outside
Never look down on others when looking out from the inside

A king should have advisors

But the best advice comes from those who know you best and want that for you
Don’t worry about the flaws, the rest will haunt that for you
Don’t keep in on your chest, the pain will flaunt that for you
Even when you don’t know the answer, try to sound rational

Never be late, but if you must then show up all fashionable

Passion and the rain are your friends and your visors keep the vices away
Lest they taunt that and your awn tears up

The sun is your friend but she has no discretion for anyone but the moon
Reflect, deflect, inspect and reject the illumination as it comes from both sides of
the mountain

For dawn and dusk cannot occur at the same time

But they come from the same light, and that’s fine

“That’s mine”

says the moon as she comes nigh for the nighttime

The sun sighs as she says bye to him for last time
The next time she sees him, he’ll be a different man
So she pleads to the moon

“Take care of him like I know you can”

pieces of my write entity V

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Ease
Times like now is to just open a blanket in the breeze
Lay with your sounds
Put the body at ease

The music does hit your skin

And go through your blood
With the vibrations
From one to another
Sound travel like migration

They say the breeze in the night time not for the week
Everybody like her but she have a secret I hear
Is the sea and the mountain that passing her back and forth
Tug of war for my poor doudou breeze

Is only when the moon call her up

And she make her way to service the stars
She have to tuck each of them to sleep at night
In their little sky bedsheets

The moon will tell her,

“Next fortnight”

And she does go back to the ground

And end up at the sea
Then up to the mountains
In, over and around we

When she sing she sound tired,

Sad, fed up of it all
Then the sun decide to come out
And boy, hear her bawl
.......................

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The girl come out and shine

She say “come lemme fix her”
So the men wake up to pray
Then they make their elixirs

The automobiles start to cough

Belch, poom, all the same
The rhythm of the engines
Heartbeats, through the day

But today, things move different

And today, I think they change
The push breezy around
Till some trees were in range
Her lungs open up wide

And she takes in the breath.

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Mulher
A woman to pick my mind
That is all.
Someone to give the right answers to
Someone who can make me realize that maybe I’m asking the wrong questions

A woman to pick my mind

That is all.

I spend too much time alone

I spend too much time wallowing
I spend too much time on the switchboards of my mind
As if my synaptic reactions are voluntary
As if I force myself to think

I connect the dots

And get caught up in the lines
And my form pays
As it is blurred between
The figure and ground

The odd thing about existing within a composition

Is that you can either be a part of the positive space
Or the negative space
It’s a binary misconception

Cause no one wants a one or zero, in

spite of having to look within
.......................

pieces of my write entity VIII

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Decide whether you will be the focus

Or will you assist the focus

There is no manual and we can’t afford to live automatically.

It’s difficult to understand systems that are sub standard
Which is why we go over the limit to make the changes

A woman to pick my mind

A last minute set piece
To go over my walls as she swerves in the air
A woman who will listen, respond

And be there.

pieces of my write entity IX

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Loc me down
Curly hair, loc me down
Tangle me in your strands
The fertilizer of your follicles
Is the pheromone of my demise

Curly hair, loc me down

I love you when you’re matted and rolled
They learned how to make their whips from your firm form
Then they cut them off and kept the secret to your strength
From you, yourself and I, but I and I know better now and you do too

Curly hair, loc me down

You nurtured me from young
I’ve seen you at every hour of the day and your hair in almost every way
Color was your freedom and with it came a radiance
I wish I could have inherited it like your other son did
But I inherited your wisdom and it kept me when I wandered
Understanding was gained when the genes kicked in
Now the genes are commanding the life that I live

Curly hair, loc me down

You’re as tough as me
You’re already in the history books from what I foresee
Royalty
Kings and queens
In the veldts, in the trees
In the breeze

Everywhere

The melanin is omnipotent

It’s an energy that harnesses and reflects the sun
As the moon in the night sky
Celestial body with skin as black as me

I foresee
.......................
pieces of my write entity X
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My hair is the vine they swing from

My hair is the bed where they lay
My hair is the grass in the plains
My hair has dew when the day begins
My hair, melaninous keratin

Curly hair, loc me down

Curly har, keep me safe
Curly hair, loc me down
Curly hair, give me love
Curly hair, love me back

Curly hair.

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Strings
The strings play and I think of you
The drums knead my thoughts vigorously
And I see you in my mind

The synths play with the vocals and they make me remember

You

I see the floors I used to walk on

I see the roads I walked
I see the fields I ran
I see the faces I knew
I see the big red truck as it pulls into the yard
Dat sun blowing down hard on Big Brother’s Back

I hear the singing before I hear what song is playing

And I join in when I make sense of it
The big bend before we breeze beneath the canopy

A few seconds short of a minute in paradise, cause the chauffeur is no stranger to

speed

That was before they had to rebuild the bridge

Long ago

Back when they’d dress us alike

Back when we’d be on the road all day
In the safest places we knew

Our routine adventure

With a different adventure for each routine

.......................

pieces of my write entity XII

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The strings play

And I get highway 40 blues
The sweet temptation of the neon moon
As the white lightning speeds across the Cap Zouk
My mountain memories are smokey and quizas, quizas, quizas,

Maybe the nature boy will live to find the girl from ipanema

You write as if you fear you may never speak the stories you write about .

But what good is a story if it wasn’t asked for ?

What good is any good thing if it isn’t wanted ?

The strings play

And my heart beats
The trees sway
The stark easels on the green

Shadows , light patches and some plants deh in between.

pieces of my write entity XIII

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River Land
We were all just kids
Cold nights in the heat
Late long evenings after high school being caught up in our feelings
Bumping PND or whatever atmosphere and climate our happy place existed in

Mine ?
I see mine on cobblestone porches
And I hear the howls in the street in the back of the mix

Pain
Feelings I had not even felt but anticipated and ending up feeling them all the same
Pain

But the party goes on next door

In the house of balloons
Where nothing was the same

You know ?
Unfaith on the bus ride home
And whatever else the kids in River Land used to listen to.

The good kids in the mad city

Finding Nemo with Doris, Earl,
Larry the fisherman and his friend Bill

What did the kids in River Land listen to in the cold nights ?

The crickets singing in the breeze with the trees and the hollow night echoing your
melancholy through your mind.

And the cool milky mornings

With the mountain haze
As it seeps everywhere,

Tropical pastel blue-haze sky.

pieces of my write entity XIV

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the walk
It was a long walk home, I’ll say that for sure
Where we came out, I won’t say
But it was black outside, and trust me when I say not a soul stopped for us on the
way home
Was it a sign to not come home that late again , when the call went unanswered ?
Who’s to say, the walk was interesting

A journey home along the coast at midnight.

Under the cliff, with the clacks clacking in the black top
Me self, I had done take out my shirt cause it had a little shaleh.
Cya remember what we talked about, if we even talked that much at all
But I remember every ride that passed
Didn’t even slow down to see if we needed help

No syn. We doh mélé.

Cause, afterall, I doh think I woulda stop.

I remember now is food we had go for after

I there writing the story and then boom, I seeing a dead snake in front me.

Out of the blue.

Had to make the round cause is not me tonight there with them thing.

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And the black sands sing

When I go near the water
And they sing and say
“He hasn’t been that social since you left”
The black sands, silky, soft faces . Embrace the faze

I haven’t been that social since you left, honestly

And It’s been disaster after disaster
On land and in heart
In the land we both loved

The black sands,

The ground where I’d walk to cope with everything

The hard concrete lane

Daily strolls with glasses of rum in the Caribbean sunset
Orange as the sun
Strong as the wind that brought him there

A stroll, if you will.

To visit the black sands
To walk there and hope to pass the time
That’s where he’d go when he’s gone

And he’s always goneforsometime

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River Land ii
The morning haze was the only thing that kept him warm
On most days, he’d hope for the best and ended up being let down
Without a warning

He wasn’t like the others

And for years he had sought a place where he could be himself
Where the things he loved mattered
Where the things he said mattered

Where the things he did, mattered

But alas, he had responsibilities

To his loved ones first
And to himself after
He toiled differently than those he was around
And at times, they made him feel like he didn’t toil at all

He was a dreamer, you see

And while some of us toil to survive
He toiled to stay alive
Because River Land is no place for the dreamer
But it’s a beautiful place to dream

River Land is a place where you can find peace

If you frolick with the peaceful
Taunters, imps and the restless could never see how much of a difference he wanted
to make
Everyone was stuck in their ways
At nights, he’d drive to the back of the hall
And he’d parade the veldt most days

He spoke a language of love and unity

And he drew people to him with his understanding
But who could understand him really ?
And who could make him feel like he mattered?

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Everyone he had given the power to shied away from the responsibility
Because who really loves you out loud in River Land ?
Nobody loves you until they see someone else do it
And then it becomes a competition to see who can love you more
Until nobody does

It’s all for show

I come from a place that not many know
But I come from a place that you’ve been in before
A place where those you love don’t learn how to love you until they see someone
else do it proudly
As if they needed a reason to before

Everybody wants what’s good for them

And deny those privileges to their neighbors
It’s a selfish while to spend on the isle
And while the tiles freeze your feet when you take that step to freedom

It doesn’t feel like it’s worth it on most days

Why is it so hard to find peace in a peaceful land

Why are they obsessed with creating issues where they’re not needed
And why does everyone decide that they have to be a professor
On life’s hardest lesson’s to you
Does nobody realize that they can learn through teaching

And does nobody realize that if they want to be better, then they can be who they
want ?

The days and nights in River Land are no friend to the dreamer
And the people who live in River Land keep you at the end of the barrel until you feel
triggered

Everybody wants you to be like them but who really wants you to be better ?
.......................

pieces of my write entity XVIII

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Write me
Write me a song, let your lies grab the pen
And tell me you love me, I’ll believe you and then
You’ll write me a letter, and you’ll write me the truth
You remind me of winter, the summer , my youth

Tell me a story
Of red trucks on highways
Tell me a ballad of the warm ocean breeze
Help me remember the lives I lived before
Help me remember these memories anew

Spell me a poem
Of young children playing
Chant me your mantra of Saturday mornings
Yawnings and awnings
These yester-morrow dayings
The days I was born in

The clock struck at noon.

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To you
To the mothers of my siblings
Thank you for raising them
And fueling their ambitions
In what you have done and if what you could not do
In the things you said and the things they’ve learned
In the food they’ve eaten and the thirsts they’ve quenched

You’ve given me ambitious people to match my own

You’ve given me the confused minds that help me figure out my own
You’ve given me extra wings for when mine can no longer roam
You’ve given me shelter so I can call the world my home

To my brothers and sisters

My cousins galore
I thought we were playing a game
Till I looked at the score
In the final quarter I saw
That I could not take more
I do what’s best for me first
But I’m still concerned how that translates
Or maybe it’s not my business
Maybe I was overcome with emotion
Maybe I realize that I’m the malice that I believed I learned
Maybe I realize that I’m not who I believed they disliked
Maybe who I am is who I’ve always been
Maybe who I am is who I need to accept

Or maybe who I am is who never left

To the loved ones that I could not love properly

To those who had to cope with a version of me that they did not deserve
For how can I trust with all my heart while leaning on my own understanding
And for how does a king reject the ways that destroys Kings
If he is unwilling to put his strength in the heart of they who love him
.......................

pieces of my write entity XX

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Must a king always have the last say ?

Or must his say be in the best way ?

Would I dare talk about what went wrong in the same breath as I recall what went
wrong ?
It matters not what happened before but what needs to happen is that I address
what happened
For there were days where I refused your open arms and proceeded to open arms in
the battlefield where I stayed
There were days where I had to
Being a young one , the lad too has his issues with accepting the appreciation that
he sees now that he deserves

The elusive love he always had

You’ve always had what you’ve been looking for but you had to disconnect the dots
The vision is as clear as we make it
So look no further
Clear the back burner

Move on

Move forward.

pieces of my write entity XXI

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There was a boy

There was a boy
They told me about he
Covered head to toe
In canvas and tweed
Khaki, glass beads
Tiger vision to see
Time piece on the left hand
Looks alright to me

He sat at the sunset

And he soaked in the breeze
The cool winds battered
Against rugged black sleeves

He basked in the sunshine

And lifted binoculars
Mellifluous sounds
The blessings they offered us

The clouds were the curtain

They hide her from me
Still gleaming in twilight
Twirl in her garments to tease

I sheath the briquet

And I pack the seeing tool
I’ll inhale more and maybe continue to elaborate
About the sun as she descending behind the mountains
Draped in strato-lingerie and her fingers slid on my sleeves as she said

“Meet me on the horizon”

But how can I bid myself to that never ending chase ?

.......................

pieces of my write entity XXII

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That endless marathon hunting after a coordinate on a figment of equatorial imagi-

native proportions.

How can she say that with jest

The clouds open to me
She stares bare from the sky
Blue, radiantly

I say “but why now”

She’s a warm sound

In a small town
O boa vista,

Never let me down.

pieces of my write entity XXIII

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The Man of Many Masks

He never let anyone know where he kept them
And he would wash his face in the morning
Before he walked through the hall

The moon spoke to him through water

And she would tell him which mask would be the best one for the day
He would wake early in the morning
To hear her final breath of the night
As the message shone through the air
And landed on his skin

He would bring the masks out

And try them on one by one
And he feels the difference
He feels a little bit more like himself
He feels less of a confusion

The sun makes it easy for him

And the moon gives him peace
So he feels less like a mistake
And he knows that the least that can happen

Well, who ever really does know the least that can happen?

Masks of colours and sizes

Familiar surprises
Of texture and scale
For the emotionally frail
.......................

pieces of my write entity XXIV

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Spaces to breathe
Safe place to dream
And you begin to realize
All is not as it seems

The moon tells him which

But the sun asks him why
For he can’t wash his face

When she’s not in the sky

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he
He just came from the phare
His notebook reeked of kerosene
His boots dropped seawater

“Good evening, cap’n”

They told him as he lobbed to the table

he was always here at the moulin rouge

But he was seldom on time

Always had a preoccupation, it seems

He was always off saving the world somewhere
But from afar, we could see his ship
Anchored and secured at the docks

Near the lighthouse

Nobody knows where he sailed from

Nobody knew where he sailed to when he left the red mill
But everytime he made port
The music he played would be a bit

Stronger, than it was when he left

As for the rest of us
We sit here waiting on him
He doesn’t stay here for long

He never stays anywhere for long.

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The way you put me at ease

Like the breeze tries to do
The way it’s nothing like anything
Well, everything and you.

And you, friend. Adieu

One sunrise, you will wake up and I won’t be on your mind.
And maybe then it’ll strike me.

•|• I shall live in between,

The things up ahead and the things that I’ve seen,
unseen in the public
I can hide in plain sight
In between the ambition
And what I should’ve done right.

It’s obscene
Obscure,
You don’t believe me, I’m sure
But I’m

Sigh,

Never mind.

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I realize
I realize now that I had to forge on even when I felt the emotions
Not in the name of pretentious perseverance

I realize that I spent too long under the surface

Hoping one day, someone would find me where I did not want to be found

For the sake of a face, one had lost his voice.

But it was realizing that I could exist without showing my face

And that my voice
And my thoughts were all that would ever matter.

For sake of the voice, one decided to lose the face.

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Love
What can we say about love
Love, to me, is more of a decision than an emotion
Because emotions change
But choosing to act out of love
On the days when you don’t feel to
Is the definition of love itself

On days when you don’t want to continue

On days when you don’t want to
But because of something
There’s something you love
That you feel you’re letting down
If you feel you don’t
So you do
And you do because of love
And you do for love
And you love when you do
Especially when you do for love

There are times when it’s hard to do the right thing

There are times when your wrongdoings may make you feel like you don’t love
But love is being able to say I’m sorry
And choosing to do better
Choosing to do
And choosing to give
When you dedicate progressive intentions
When you commit to the wellbeing
And development of something

Of someone

Of them

Of him

Of her
.......................
pieces of my write entity XXIX
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You don’t do it because you want to

Tomorrow you may not want to and yet
You still want to

You don’t want to now

But you’re still doing.

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Reflection
I watch the mirror down the hall and say
“you’re not even a real one where you come from”
But what does it mean to be a real one where I come from ?
Was I me because I was comfortable or was I me because that’s just who I am

I sit on the toilet with my thoughts and I’m dealing with my shit, I gotta get it out

I was the missing match in situations I felt would go ablaze

Comparing myself to everybody else on most days
I’d often wish I could be more, be better than what I thought they were

But everyone is but themselves

I won’t relapse on this progress, I need to pray

And clear my stuff from storage, I might head down there today
And get rid of my ego, make the change
My mental space needs air to breathe

I should say hi but I can’t say it to you face cause I don’t think you wanna talk to me
in the moment
And me, I’d rather be in my own world

But I can’t escape the feeling of loneliness in my own head

I should seek it in the eyes of another person
The warmth of friendship

Take a risk.

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Direction
Mistakes will tug at your heels because the minute you realize you can do better is
the moment they start losing the energy that they need to survive; your attention.

The longer you spend focusing on what went wrong is the less time you get to spend
on making things right. Punishing yourself won’t spark the improvement you need.

You’re human. You’ll fall short again like you’ve done before. The decision to get up
is yours.

And when you get up, don’t be a monument of potential energy.

You can be a victorious vector if you decide your direction and move in it. Trying to
go somewhere fast will only make you an empty vessel at the top of a mountain.

Gather what you can and gather it with intent. There’s no sense in riding out the
storm alone.

There’s so many blank pages for new stories that you use to rewrite the tales that
you know so well. Decide today what the tale will be and lend your being and your
essence to the moment.

And if you ever forget, you know where to find this message to remind you that what
you allow is what will continue.

You fought well today and I pray you wake up to fight tomorrow.

The decisions are made and they can’t be undone but the lessons you’ve learned
can show you how to make the most of the situation if you let them.

So let them.

Adapting isn’t betraying your nature, it is your nature.

So act naturally.

pieces of my write entity XXXII