Children’s Grief Dreams and the Theory of Spiritual

Intelligence
Kate Adams
Bishop Grosseteste University College Lincoln

Brendan Hyde
Australian Catholic University
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This document is copyrighted by the American Psychological Association or one of its allied publishers.

Throughout history, people have reported dreams that have impacted upon
their spiritual lives, some of which are related to death. Dreams related to
death are not uncommon in childhood, and research shows that some chil-
dren make meaning from them. Often this interpretation of a dream reflects
a search for meaning about issues of life and death, as well as acting as a
coping mechanism. This article explores how children make meaning from
this type of dream by synthesizing the theory of spiritual intelligence with
theoretical approaches to dreaming. Specifically, it explores the intersection
between theoretical approaches to dreams related to death, children’s re-
sponses to these dreams, and a key function of spiritual intelligence to solve
problems of meaning and value in life.
Keywords: significant dreams, spiritual intelligence, children’s dreams, dreams of the
deceased, grief dreams

Throughout history, people have reported dreams that have impacted on their
spiritual lives. Such dreams can occur at any stage of life, but there is evidence to
suggest that they often occur in childhood and can be remembered into adulthood
(Bulkeley, Broughton, Sanchez, & Stiller, 2005; Jung, 1948; Siegel & Bulkeley,
1998).
Qualitative studies have shown that some children reflect on their dreams and
find meaning in them, with some of these dreams making a spiritual impact
(Adams, 2003; Coles, 1990; Siegel & Bulkeley, 1998). While spiritual dreams can
contain a variety of themes, a common one relates to death (Bulkeley, 2000;
Bulkeley & Bulkley, 2005). The concept of death is one that children are faced with
as they encounter issues of mortality in one form or another, usually via the death
of a grandparent or a pet. Dreams of the deceased, and those that are related to
death in other ways, are thus not uncommon during childhood (see Mallon, 2002;

Kate Adams, Department of Education Studies, Bishop Grosseteste University College Lincoln,
United Kingdom; Brendan Hyde, School of Religious Education, Faculty of Education, Australian
Catholic University, St. Patrick’s Campus, Australia.
Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Kate Adams, Department of
Education Studies, Bishop Grosseteste University College Lincoln LN1 3DY, United Kingdom. E-mail:
kate.adams@bishopg.ac.uk

58
Dreaming Copyright 2008 by the American Psychological Association
2008, Vol. 18, No. 1, 58 – 67 1053-0797/08/$12.00 DOI: 10.1037/1053-0797.18.1.58
 Children’s Grief Dreams and Spiritual Intelligence 59

Punamäki, 1999; Siegel & Bulkeley, 1998) particularly given that such dreams can
closely reflect stages of the grieving process (Garfield, 1996).
While some of these dreams may be disturbing for children, many of the
dreams offer reassurance and coping strategies, or aid children in their search for
meaning about issues of life and death. Dreams such as these, which an individual
may deem “spiritual,” are often significant to them because of the impact made on
their lives. Knudson, Adame, and Finocan (2006) argue that qualitative methods of
investigating significant dreams are essential for exploring how the dream experi-
ence influences the dreamer’s meaning-making process; that the exploration of
significant dreams requires methods appropriate to the study of the dreamer’s life
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experience within their own cultural context. This article uses qualitative methods
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to explore how children make meaning from dreams related to death by synthe-
sizing the theory of spiritual intelligence with theoretical approaches to dreaming.
Specifically, it explores the intersection between children’s responses to their
dreams and the concept of spiritual intelligence, focusing on its potential function
as a means by which to solve problems of meaning and value in life. While research
shows that some children find meaning in their dreams, less attention has been
given to the processes by which children came to achieve those insights. This article
explores one way in which children may come to identify meaning in their dreams.

SPIRITUALITY, SPIRITUAL INTELLIGENCE, AND DREAMS

Spirituality is a natural human predisposition (e.g., Hay & Nye, 2006;

O’Murchu, 1997, 2000). It is more primal than institutional religion (James, 1901/
1977; Maslow, 1970; Tacey, 2000) and concerns a person’s sense of connectedness
with self, others, and the world (or cosmos). For some people, connectedness with
a Transcendent dimension is a part of spirituality (Bosacki, 2001; Elton-Chalcraft,
2002; Fisher, 1999; Hyde, 2004; Tacey, 2003). Hay and Nye (2006) argue that
spirituality involves a deep down awareness of one’s relationship with one’s self,
and with everything that is other than one’s self. The following section synthesizes
the theory of spiritual intelligence with theoretical approaches used in dream
research, particularly those pertaining to dreams that have a spiritual impact upon
the dreamer, and dreams related to death and grieving.

Spiritual Intelligence and Problem Solving

It is possible to conceive of spirituality as a type of intelligence (Emmons, 1999,

2000; Hyde, 2003, 2004; Kwilecki, 2000; Zohar & Marshall, 2000). One hallmark
feature of intelligence concerns the ability to solve problems (Ruzgis & Grigor-
enko, 1994; Walters & Gardner, 1986). Zohar and Marshall (2000) define spiritual
intelligence as the mental aptitude used by human beings to address and find
solutions to problems of meaning and value in life. In drawing on discourse arising
from theories of motivation and personality, Emmons (1999) further suggests that
people are able to use spiritual resources to solve problems:
The adaptive processing of spiritual information is a part of intelligence, and individual
differences in the skills with which such processing occurs constitute core features of
 60 Adams and Hyde

personality. Spirituality can serve as a source of information to individuals, and, as a function

of interests and aptitudes, individuals become more or less skilled at processing this infor-
mation (p. 163).

James (1901/1977) and Maslow (1970) argued that an individual’s spiritual

experience1 can act as a mechanism for problem solving in relation to issues of
meaning and value. Dreams that people describe as significant, or spiritual, have
often been related to solving practical problems: in the dream incubation temples
of the ancient world, people would find medical diagnoses or cures in their dreams
(Gollnick, 1987; Van de Castle, 1994); Kekule claimed to have solved the chemical
structure of benzene in a dream (Bulkeley, 2000); children find solutions to daily
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problems including resolving arguments with friends or overcoming nerves about

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participating in school events (Adams, 2003).

At times, the solving of problems through dreams has been directly related to
issues of meaning and value, with dreams of deceased loved ones offering specific
examples, particularly because the dreams’ subject matter, by definition, can raise
or reflect questions of the purpose of life and death for the bereaved. One example
of a child responding to such a dream is that of Amy, a 10-year-old secular girl,
whose dream featured her deceased grandmother sitting on a bus. Amy, who was
trying to understand and accept her grandmother’s recent death, interpreted the
dream of the bus journey as symbolic of a journey to heaven. Amy believed the
dream showed that she and her grandmother would be reunited in heaven in the
future (Adams, 2004). In making this interpretation, Amy resolved, at least in part,
issues related to the loss of her grandmother concerning life beyond death; it helped
her to cope with the grief in the belief that she had not permanently lost her
grandmother.
Finally, in relation to spirituality, neuroscientific studies indicate that particular
sites of the human brain become active when a person contemplates, or apperceives
spiritual experience (e.g., Persinger, 1996; Ramachandran & Blakeslee, 1998).
Newberg, d’Aquili, and Rause (2001) identify four association areas of the human
brain which become active in producing the mind’s spiritual potential. These
association areas evolved over thousands of years to enable an individual to adapt
and to find solutions to problems of meaning and value. Central to their thesis is
that an important function of the human brain is to solve problems, which is a key
feature of intelligence. If the human brain has evolved with structures enabling
people to addressing issues of meaning and value within their life contexts, then this
may render “spiritual intelligence” as plausible.

Spiritual Experience, Spiritual Dreams, and Childhood

While investigating spiritual experiences, Robinson (1977) gathered data from

adults and found that many had occurred during their childhood years. These
experiences remained vivid memories for the correspondents, who spoke of them

1
Although both James (1901/1977) and Maslow (1970) use the term “religious experience,” they
are in fact referring to the psychological, or mystical, experience of the individual, which often results
in a sense of oneness and unity. In essence, they are referring to spiritual experience, regardless of
whether that experience contains what might be described as typically “religious” content, or otherwise.
 Children’s Grief Dreams and Spiritual Intelligence 61

as having great personal significance when contemplating issues of identity and

meaning in life. While the accounts may have become embellished over time,
Robinson argues that it is difficult to ignore the impact of these experiences, which
in some way generated reflection in the individual.
Robinson’s (1977) comments have parallels with those who report dreams
which impact on their spiritual lives, particularly as these often occur during
childhood (see Adams, 2003; Siegel & Bulkeley, 1998). Given that individuals and
cultures define spirituality in different ways, such dreams will inevitably vary in
both content and how they impact upon the individual. However, authors have
identified some general characteristics, and as Bulkeley (2000) observes, such
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dreams can come to people irrespective of their religious or nonreligious stance.

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Jung (1946) classified these as “big” dreams, describing them as those which “stand
out for years like spiritual landmarks, even though they may never be quite
understood” (p. 117). Jung (1933) also suggested that big dreams often occurred at
times when the dreamer faced mental or spiritual difficulties. Bulkeley (2000)
suggests that such dreams can impact on the dreamer in a variety of ways, which
include offering reassurance, bringing new ways of understanding, and bringing
greater self-understanding. Here, the theory of spiritual intelligence intersects with
dream theory, with individuals in both cases addressing problems of meaning
through a spiritual experience.
Another possible impact of a big dream, according to Bulkeley (2000), relates
to assisting people in coming to terms with death and possibly offering insights into
the relationship between living and dying. Bulkeley and Bulkley (2005) report in
depth on how people who are dying can have dreams which impact significantly
upon them. Such dreams often enable them to reduce the fear of death and/or
engage with new understandings of the meanings of life and death; helping to, in
essence, solve the problems of coming to terms with their impending death. Again,
this response to the dream parallels the theory of spiritual intelligence which,
according to Emmons (1999), maintains that individuals use it in order attain the
goal of resolving problems of meaning and value (see also Zohar & Marshall, 2000).
Garfield’s (1996) study of dreams of deceased loved ones over the course of the
grieving period concluded that the changes in these dreams correlate with the
stages of the grieving process, with the content reflecting the stage of grieving that
the dreamer has reached. Similarly, Barrett (1992) studied how deceased people
appeared in dreams in 77 reports and placed them into one or more of four
categories, one of which featured the deceased person offering the dreamer advice,
accounting for 23% of the reports. Barrett identifies reassurance as a category.
These dreams often provide the dreamer with a resolution to grief, for example
offering an explanation about the death. Through finding meaning in such dreams,
the dreamers are able to attain the practical goal of solving problems of meaning—
again, a hallmark of spiritual intelligence (Emmons, 2000; Zohar & Marshall, 2000).
Siegel and Bulkeley (1998), Bulkeley (2000), Mallon (2002), and Adams (2004,
2005) all record children’s accounts of dreams which have been related to death.
Several of these narratives reveal how children found consolation or meaning in the
dreams, which to some extent helped overcome their loss. The following section
applies the theories of spiritual intelligence and spiritual dreams related to death to
the dreams of two children, in order to gain further insight into how the children
made meaning from them.
 62 Adams and Hyde

CHILDREN’S DREAMS: FINDING MEANING THROUGH SPIRITUAL

INTELLIGENCE

This section details two case studies of children’s dreams which are related to
death. The data were gathered through interviews with the children who both live
in the United Kingdom. The children’s accounts of their dreams, the circumstances
surrounding them and the children’s responses to them, are situated in the context
of the theoretical framework outlined above. The children’s names are fictional-
ized. The phrase “finding meaning” refers to the children’s responses to their
dreams. Essentially, the girls cited here, like many other children, interpreted their
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dream, reflecting upon it and finding meaning in it as opposed to simply dismissing

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and/or forgetting the dream.

Preparations for Bereavement

Samantha is a 10-year-old girl who lives with her parents and two younger
siblings in an economically deprived inner city. Like many children of her age in the
United Kingdom, she owned a pet who was very special to her. The pet was a
hamster named Hammy and Samantha’s father had taken Hammy to the veterinary
surgeon for a diagnosis after he had become ill. At the time of the visit, Samantha
had a dream in which an angel came to her and said “Hammy would be happier and
he would be looked after well and he wouldn’t feel any pain or anything.” Saman-
tha understood this to mean that her pet would soon die, but that he would have a
better life after his physical death. However, this information contradicted her
father’s words of compassion that followed his visit to the vet’s: “I said to Dad ‘I
think [Hammy’s] going to die,’ and Dad said ‘don’t worry.’ But I don’t think I am
that stupid actually. . .”
The dream proved to be accurate, overriding her father’s opinion, and Hammy
soon died, yet Samantha found the dream reassuring. Although naturally saddened
by losing her pet, Samantha was pleased that the angel had informed her of his
death “in a nice way” as this had helped to prepare her for the event.
For this child, her response to the dream may be seen in the context of
spirituality and spiritual intelligence. Samantha explained how she believed that
after people and animals die, they go to heaven where they continue to live. The
dream was reassuring for her because it had confirmed her belief in an afterlife: for
Samantha, the angel was a real angel as opposed to a representation of one.
In line with Jung’s (1933) theory of big dreams, the dream came at a time of
spiritual difficulty for Samantha. Bulkeley and Bulkley’s (2005) work illustrates
how people have dreams which anticipate a death. Their theory is also applicable
to Samantha’s dream, which appears to be fulfilling that function of anticipation
of—and preparation for—Hammy’s death. While the child was mature enough to
know that her pet’s death was imminent and inevitable, she also needed a mech-
anism to cope with this knowledge. One means of doing so was to believe that after
Hammy’s physical death, he would still be alive, albeit in a different state. Her
dream affirmed this viewpoint through the angel’s auditory message and she was
able to cope with the impending death— coping being one possible outcome of a big
dream as Bulkeley (2000) suggests.
 Children’s Grief Dreams and Spiritual Intelligence 63

As Emmons (1999) and Zohar and Marshall (2000) argue, the application of
spiritual intelligence can assist the individual in solving problems of meaning, which
is what appears to have occurred here. That is, Samantha inferred a connection
between earthly life and an afterlife in heaven. The solution to coping with
Hammy’s death may have been this belief that death would not be the end for him.
Similarly, Emmons (1999) suggests that the use of spiritual intelligence can posi-
tively impact upon a person’s well-being. This was indicated in Samantha’s own
words, when she explained that the dream had made her “. . .feel a lot happier cos
sometimes I feel upset about [Hammy’s death] but when I think about the dream
I feel a lot happier.”
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However, it was not only Samantha’s own well-being that was at the core of
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this issue. She was the eldest of three children and her younger siblings were
struggling to cope with their pet’s illness, this being the first time that they had faced
an issue of death. Samantha adopted a pastoral role. She explained that the dream
had helped her to console her brother and sister by assuring them that Hammy
would be living a blissful life after his bodily death. She had been able to offer them
comfort based upon the meaning she had found in the dream. In reflecting upon her
dream, Samantha was seeking a solution to the problem posed by her concern for
her siblings’ feelings. Their sadness was distressing for her and this caring role was
an area of meaning and value for her. In responding to her dream in this way, she
was possibly using spiritual intelligence not only to address her own well-being but
also that of her brother and sister.

Dreaming of the Deceased

This second case study is of an 11-year-old girl named Claire who lives in the
suburbs of a large industrial city in the United Kingdom with her parents and her
younger brother. While many children have experienced the death of an adult,
usually a grandparent, Claire had encountered the death of her friend three years
prior to our meeting, when both girls had been eight years old. Claire explained that
the dream about her friend came two and a half years after the bereavement. She
narrated the dream as follows: “It was this big golden tunnel and I was walking
through it and she was at the end of it and, em, she was there and I was just talking
to her and I says, ‘what’s happening?’” The girls continued to have a brief conver-
sation, during which her friend described how she was happy with new friends and
Claire told her about events at school, before the dream ended. Claire thought that
the tunnel was the “gate to heaven.”
Claire described two emotions during the dream— happiness and fear. She felt
happy because she was able to see her friend again because it “had been a long time
since they saw each other.” Simultaneously, she felt scared in the dream because
she was uncertain about what was going to happen next. However, on waking, she
explained that she felt happier because she knew that her friend was well and had
made new friends.
Given that Claire’s dream occurred three years after the death of her friend, it
is possible that she was in the latter stages of grieving. As Mallon (2005) suggests,
dreams in which the deceased person visits the dreamer can indicate that the
bereaved person has moved from disbelief to acceptance. This acceptance may also
 64 Adams and Hyde

be indicated by Claire’s reassurance that her friend was well; reassurance being a
key feature of this type of dream of the deceased (Barrett, 1992), and also of a big
dream (Bulkeley, 2000).
While Claire could have viewed the dream as one that simply brought back
memories of her friend, she appears to have made meaning from the golden tunnel
and the conversation the girls had. As Fisher (1999), Bosacki (2001), Elton-
Chalcraft (2002), Tacey (2003), and Hyde (2004) have noted, for some people
connectedness with a transcendent dimension is an aspect of spirituality. For Claire,
the dream certainly had religious connotations and dealt with issues of life after
death. Rather than simply perceiving the dream as a combination of images derived
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from memories of her friend and ideas of what the gates to heaven might be like,
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Claire has found meaning that also embodied a transcendent dimension. Thus,
Emmons (1999, 2000), Zohar and Marshall (2000), Kwilecki (2000), and Hyde’s
(2003, 2004) definition of spirituality as a type of intelligence (which for some
involves what they might term a transcendent dimension) is applicable to Claire.
Through the application of a spiritual intelligence, she has at least partially solved
a problem of meaning in her life, as well as finding reassurance that her deceased
friend appeared to be, in her understanding, still alive.

LIMITATIONS AND IMPLICATIONS

Although the dreams reported in this article have been limited to two case
studies, what has become apparent in the analysis is that both of the children
appeared to have attributed their own meaning to their dream, and hence, had
undertaken their own method of dream interpretation. For Samantha, this related
to her response to the angel’s words in the dream that she perceived to be a
message. Her interpretation of the words responds closely to the auditory message
dreams that have been recorded since ancient times (see Oppenheim, 1966; Gnuse,
1996; Adams, 2005). For Claire, her response was one of the dream being a lived
experience— of meeting and conversing with her deceased friend.
While limited to two case studies, it can nonetheless also be argued that both
children used their spiritual intelligence in drawing upon their dreams, enabling
them to address and contribute to solving a problem of personal meaning and value.
Furthermore, their dreams and responses to them conveyed a sense of connected-
ness with those who were dying— connectedness being one of the defining features
of a spiritual experience (James, 1901/1977; Maslow, 1970; Tacey, 2000). The notion
of spiritual intelligence as a means by which to address and solve such problems of
meaning and value reflects the descriptions, which have been offered earlier in this
article, and it seems these two children responded to their dream in this way.
Furthermore, in both instances, the girls responded to their dreams using spiritual
intelligence, which may have contributed positively to the well-being of each child.
For Samantha, the recollection of her dream brought her comfort and helped her
to feel happier, thereby contributing positively to her well-being. Claire’s dream,
with its religious connotations, assisted her in finding reassurance about her de-
ceased friend and, in this way, may also have contributed positively to her well-
being.
 Children’s Grief Dreams and Spiritual Intelligence 65

The well-being of children and adolescents has become a research priority

in many western countries. An area of further research may involve investigat-
ing the extent to which the type of dreams discussed in this article contributes
positively to the well-being of those who experience them. One aspect of
this would entail measuring well-being. Several psychological studies have
suggested ways by which to measure the construct of well-being generally (e.g.,
Diener, Emmons, Larsen, & Grifin, 1985; Pavot & Diener, 1993). It may be
possible to take further examples of responses to dreams that appear to have
drawn on spiritual intelligence and measure the impact on the individual’s
well-being.
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Further research into how children find meaning in dreams, experience

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significant dreams, and the possible impact on their well-being would have
implications for a range of professions who engage with children and young
people, including health professionals, youth and social workers, as well as
educators. In some instances, for example, health professionals may be able to
provide opportunities for patients to use their spiritual intelligence when draw-
ing upon certain types of their own dreams to enhance their sense of well-being.
Similarly, educators teaching children may be in a position to enable the
children themselves to draw on their experiences of dreaming in order to teach
various aspects of the curriculum in ways which are relevant to children (see
Adams, 2008; Jones, 1987).
It is acknowledged that dreams have many layers of meaning and thus there
may be other meanings which can apply to the girls’ dreams reported here.
However, this article focuses on the children’s independent (i.e., not dialogic)
interpretation of their dreams, and not the meaning that adults might impose on
them. This point gives rise to further implications for qualitative researchers
exploring dreams which have significance for the dreamer. By locating the chil-
dren’s responses to their dreams in the context of the theory of spiritual intelli-
gence, this conceptual framework offers a means of further understanding the
processes by which some children respond to their dreams. The application of this
theory of spiritual intelligence to different types of dreams is also an area for future
research. Children have reported responses to divine dreams (Adams, 2003),
traumatic dreams related to living in war zones (Punamäki, 1999), in addition to a
variety of different types of dream (Mallon, 2002; Siegel & Bulkeley, 1998). The
possibility that children have used spiritual intelligence when finding meaning in
some dreams that are not related to the deceased is thus an area for further
investigation. Because this article is a theoretical interpretation with vignettes to
illustrate the theory, further articles could offer more thorough lists of the variety
of children’s dreams described in the literature at different stages of grief. The
responses of children of different ages, with different cognitive abilities, could also
be an area for future study.
Finally, it is possible that the children—in finding reassurance in dreams
related to death—are responding in the same way that many adults do (see Barrett,
1992; Bulkeley & Bulkley, 2005; Garfield, 1996). If this is the case, then children
should be acknowledged for their insight into dreams, which is comparable to that
of adults, particularly because the children’s response to their dreams is often
intuitive rather than actively learned.
 66 Adams and Hyde

CONCLUSION

Dreams of the deceased are not uncommon among children. Although dreams
of this nature may be disturbing, many offer reassurance and can assist children in
their search for meaning in relation to issues concerning life and death. Through the
use of qualitative methods, this article has investigated how some children make
meaning from dreams related to death by synthesizing the theory of spiritual
intelligence with theoretical approaches to dreaming. It has presented two case
studies in which children appeared to have used their spiritual intelligence when
drawing upon their dreams, thereby enabling them to address and perhaps solve a
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problem of meaning and value in their lives. In so doing, this article has offered
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insight into the possible processes by which Samantha and Claire may have been
able to make meaning from their dreams; meaning which helped them come to
terms with the death of a pet and friend with whom they had emotional bonds.

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