Bipolar Rocket Mothership

by Rachel Steinman
Mom IS
Out of her mind Commented [PS1]: shes referring to how her mental
illness affects her.
On another planet
In full blown MANIA
Out of this world
HIGH as the infinite stars Commented [PS2]: she is talking about how at the
moment she can be on top of the world, feeling like
Hot emotion firing faster than the speed of light everything is great and life is amazing.

Mom IS

Crashing down Commented [PS3]: now she is talking about how she can
quickly just stop feeling on top of the world.
Debilitating DEPRESSION
LOW as the darkest depths of the ocean Commented [PS4]: she quickly, feels like the world is
going to destroy her. like everything is going wrong.
A black hole of infinite darkness
Big bang explosions- from nothing to everything

A bipolar pendulum
Swinging to the edge of polar extremes Commented [PS5]: quickly going from everything is
amazing to the worst depression so quickly and not being
Ecstatic EUPHORIA able to control it.

To
Shocking SUICIDAL thoughts
A bipolar rocket thrust into space
Pressured speech from a brain on fire
A need to speak fast to get all the crossing thoughts out

A walk on delicate eggshells if I dare interrupt Commented [PS6]: daughter feels she needs to be
careful what she says or else her mom might become
Best to nod and block out the nonsense quickly depressed.

Does she notice the faves of those caught in her orbital pull? Commented [PS7]: she wonders if her mother knows
about how she makes her daughter feel.
Does she recognize our jet packs ready to escape her insanity?
She’s teetering on the verge of another cosmic torrential downpour of tears
On the brink of another black hole depression
BOTH her parents had tortured minds Commented [PS8]: could her grandparents mental illness
affected her mother?
Too painful to bear
Her father jumped from fourteen stories to his death
Her mother swallowed a bottle of pills with alcohol

A bipolar. Grandmother, a beautiful creative artist;

My muse who I’m said to resemble but never knew
The force of gravity pulls me down to sit and write
Words flow from my cosmic consciousness like a meteor shower

A celestial radiance sparked from passed down trauma and shared hopes Commented [PS9]: she is talking about how many people
in her family line have had issues with their mental health
Delusions of angels put grandma in an insane asylum and how its being passed down in the family.

What if she saw the devil?

Electric shock fried grandmas brain so she forgot moms name
Grandpa craved stillness and darkness
Pushed to the point of being afraid of his own shadow
Electro convulsive therapy after a total nervous breakdown
Took the remaining life out of him
Blue-as-the-infinite-sky eyes turned dull
Lithium powers electronics
Lithium created a void in grandpas once insatiable business drive and libido
Running from inherited mental illness
Mom refused lithium and a diagnosis

Vibration with manic energy

Wheels spinning off the rails
She has a new and bigger and brighter idea
Another Ponzi scheme? Another project to set the world ablaze?
Another big idea or sentence never completed?
“The words are flowing out of me. Ive been up for days,”
She says as her bipolar rocket ship blasts off
Commented [PS10]: my stepdad has said that he has
many ideas that are theoretically impossible for him and he
never does anything.

I nod and tiptoe Commented [PS11]: even I learned, its better to just
keep quiet and act like everything is okay.
Avoid the eggshell straw to not break the camels back
More words flow from me, like a meteor shower

A celestial radiance sparked from passed down traumas and shared hopes
Always with a kind, but broken heart
Mom peaks at angels, never the devil
Self-medication eases the pain for the moment

But additions make it worse

Reckless antics, outrageous demands, explosive outbursts, irresponsible decisions
Manic lips spewing sexual innuendos and profanity
Embarrassment and shame and guilt
Exaggerated claims and salacious affairs
Crash landing
Big personality turned recuse
Escaping to her dark bedroom
Identifying with her father so late in life
Popping pills and walking around like a zombie
Depression overpowers the light from the atmosphere
Law of physics
When one polarity strengthens, so does the other…..

(It continues for another few pages but I like the first half)
To my child, from your mother with depression

by Marisa svalstedt
Some days she may seem distant, others filled with joy. Commented [PS12]: depression comes and goes, it
affects our parents the same way it affects us.
Sometimes she may be disinterested in playing with your toys.

You may catch her crying, though she will assure you nothing’s wrong.

She doesn’t want to worry you and soon the tears are gone.

One morning she may stay in bed, eyes red from lack of sleep. Commented [PS13]: it can be hard to fall asleep when
your depression keeps you awake, then before you know it
the sun has risen.
You may begin to understand, her feelings run so deep.

She loves you more than anything, often feels she’s not enough. Commented [PS14]: I've had my mom feel more upset
because she feels as if she isn't a good mom because she
can just be so depressed that she doesn't want to do
Wanting only to give you the very best, but her battle’s truly tough. anything.

She needs to you know it’s never your fault when she’s feeling down,
And wishes all of your memories of her to be of smiling and clowning around.
It’s hard to hide her illness from eyes that always see.
Commented [PS15]: I've seen lots of things about kids
feeling as if its their fault that their parent is sad but I've
never thought that before, i always thought it was because
of something else or my mom would tell me what was
making her upset.

She battles through her sadness, it’s not how she wants to be.

Focus on all the moments she kisses and hugs with all her might,

See the love dancing in her eyes, the reason she fights this fight.

She knows you deserve the best and wants to be your supermom.

You’ll understand better with age, as the time moves on. Commented [PS16]: my mother didn't start telling me
about what was making her sad until I was old enough to
understand. which is of course the better idea to do.
For now just know when darkness comes and mom seems rather blue,

It never has even the slightest bit to do with anything you do.

Everyone has a wall to break, a mountain to climb.

Inside your mom is strong, not weak. Commented [PS17]: reading this makes me think about
how strong my mom is too, she has endured so much from
her whole life and she is still here, living and teaching me.
For you she’ll always shine.

Try not to worry about mommy, for you she’ll make it through.

Because nothing will ever mean more to her,

than her eternal love for you. Commented [PS18]: A mothers love for their child is the
most amazing thing to me, being able to love someone so
much that they will battle depression to make sure their
child will only see the good parts of life.