Conversation

Tactics, Worksheet,
and Exercise

Hey all, Patrick here.

The question I’m asked on an almost daily basis is:

“What is the ONE tip that will make the biggest difference in my
conversations and social skills?”

I’ll tell you what.

I’m going to give you 7 proven tips that, and each of them separately can
make you most interesting and engaging person in the room. These are
7 carefully chosen tips that represent THE essential components of
interaction and conversation that people usually fall short in.

And then AFTER that, I’m going to provide something called the
Conversation Resume Worksheet, which will help ensure that you never
run out of things to say with people. And then after THAT, I’ll give you
one of the best exercises on earth to help you think more quickly on
your feet and be wittier.

To your success,

Patrick King

Social Interaction Specialist
www.PatrickKingConsulting.com
www.amazon.com/author/kingpatrick
1. Strong Eye Contact


Eye contact seems like such an obvious concept, right?

Okay, well even if you know that it’s important, that doesn’t
mean that you’re good at it or that you know how to be
good at it.

Thankfully with eye contact, it’s a relatively low bar. You
just can’t be BAD at it – otherwise people will assume that
you are lying through your teeth or supremely
uncomfortable.

Whether it’s true or not, it’s a negative impression to make
on someone.

Eye contact is essentially a prerequisite these days.
Maintaining strong eye contact is a plus, but it’s just as
important to simply not be terrible at it.

Here are three key aspects to being more than adequate at
eye contact.

First, distinguish between a gaze and a stare. A stare is
what a television news anchor might do when they are
reading off the teleprompter.

A stare is what I would lovingly call “dead zombie eyes,”
where a gaze is how your eyes might look when you see
three puppies playing and fighting over a stuffed cow.

Second, what do you do with your eyes?

The urge to flick your eyes around the room and look
beyond someone to alleviate discomfort may be very
strong, but here’s my one rule on eye contact: do that, but
on the person’s eyes and face. Travel your eyes across their
eyes and the upper half of their face, and relieve the
awkwardness you might have from staring deep into
someone’s eyes… while maintaining what appears to be
good eye contact.

Third, here’s a quick exercise for improving your eye
contact and becoming comfortable with it.

Go outside with a pair of sunglasses. Sit near a sidewalk
with a lot of foot traffic. Face oncoming foot traffic. (If it’s
winter, nighttime, or otherwise inappropriate for
sunglasses, you can also do this in brightly-lit malls and
such.)

Now make eye contact with people who are walking past
you. They can’t see your eyes, so they have no idea that
you’re looking at them. You’re 100% safe. Get used to that
feeling of tension from eye contact, and grow immunity to
it.

2. Get Your Game Face (Video
Demonstration)


Not temperature-wise like a hot dog in the microwave, but
like a muscle before a zumba class.

This is the same concept I cover in my training video. You
can’t just walk into a big party straight from waking up
from a long nap.

What happens when you try to do that? You’ll stutter, your
mind will be blank, and you’ll have to keep clearing your
throat because your vocal cords will be asleep still.

You need to warm up, get in the zone, and get ready to
socialize.

Social skills are muscles that you need to stretch before
vigorous use, and ignoring that fact will just ensure that
you don’t utilize your full potential. If you don’t, you’ll
spend your first 3 conversations warming up and you
definitely won’t be as quick-witted or charming as you
would like.

This is why some people do pushups or scream before they
go on stage to speak to a crowd, for example. They’re
preparing themselves mentally and physically to make sure
their A GAME comes out.

Some people will use external stimuli such as loud music
and motivational videos (like the President’s speech in the
movie Independence Day before the pilots take on the alien
army), but my favorite way is a little bit more direct.

READ OUT LOUD.

>>Click here for a video of me
explaining and demonstrating what I’m
talking about so you can better
understand it!<<

Here’s what you’re going to do. Find a passage, preferably
from a children’s book or something with dialogue that has
(1) different characters and (2) a variety of emotions.

Pretend you’re a third grade teacher reading to your
classroom. Do all the voices, exaggerate all the emotions,
and be as hyperbolic as possible. Be loud, shout, and do
crazy gestures.

For example, try reading the following three times. Try to
push your limits and do each time more ridiculous and
outlandish than the prior reading. Exaggerate the
emotions!

Sad/Emotional Donkey: You know, it’s so sad that
the lamb has to leave early. I really enjoyed spending
time with him, and I’m just going to miss him so much!

 Scheming/Mischievous Cat: Oh, I can’t imagine why
the lamb has to go now. I really have no idea what
could have happened. I’m sad just like you are. Why
wouldn’t I be?

Dopey Dog: Hey guys, where are we going after? Can
we go to the park? I really enjoy the park and running
around out there. Did you know there’s a drinking
fountain there now?

Shy Lamb: Gosh, I’m just – Oh, I don’t know. I can’t.
The park sounds fun but I just don’t know. What about
staying inside quietly with a movie?

Notice the difference between the first and third time, just
in that short span of time? Now THAT’S getting warm, alert,
and ready.

This also increases your ability to show and express
emotions, so there’s an added benefit.

Warming up: not just for your hamstrings.

>>Click here for a video of me
explaining and demonstrating what I’m
talking about so you can better
understand it!<<
3. React With Importance


Don’t you hate when you make a joke and the person
across from you just has a poker face?

Zero reaction. Did they even hear what you said?

Okay, maybe the joke wasn’t funny… but still, they could
have acknowledged you to make it known that you were
heard.

Reactions are more important than you think.

Aside from making conversations awkward and come to a
screeching halt, the absence of a reaction causes a
disconnect between two people.

That’s the power of a good reaction – when the other
person doesn’t react to you, it’s difficult to envision that
this person will ever truly get you.

Conversation reactions are like watching a movie without
the soundtrack. If they are missing, you may not notice it at
first, but pretty soon you notice that something just feels
off.

Reactions make people feel like you’re actually listening,
and it’s shocking how many people don’t realize that they
have a perpetual poker face. People just want to be heard,
so let them know you hear them!

How do you react with importance?

Here’s a simple technique. Instead of zoning out when you
are listening to someone speak, try to pick out the primary
emotion that they are conveying to you. In other words, try
to predict the reaction they are seeking from you.

It will probably be one of the following: laughter,
agreement, excitement, sadness, or validation.

Got it?

Now give them that reaction and emotion. It’s the best
starting place and an excellent default. Give them what they
are seeking to make them feel heard, then you can deviate
if you wish.


4. Don’t Be So Literal


Much of the time, we feel that we can’t escape small talk or
interview mode with friends new and old.

We’re stuck talking about some topic in particular, or we
just struggle to get deep with people and connect on
something more significant than the weather or the traffic.

Psst… here’s a secret. It’s your fault!

This doesn’t happen because the person you’re talking to is
boring… it happens because YOU fail to make the
conversation interesting and make it NOT boring.

Okay fine, so how can you make conversations less boring
for all?

Don’t answer questions literally.

What does this mean? It means that when someone asks
you how your weekend was, you don’t have to answer that
exact question.

In fact, you shouldn’t, because they probably don’t care.
They’re just making conversation, and they don’t actually
care about your weekend. Heck, do you?

They just want to hear something INTERESTING from you,
and most of the time, answering questions literally will
provide the opposite of that.

So if someone asks you about your weekend, don’t answer
it literally, and re-direct so you are telling them something
that they might care about.

How was your weekend?

GOOD ANSWER: Oh, I didn’t do much, but I just read the
most interesting thing…

GOOD ANSWER: Pretty slow but did I tell you about the
time I went hiking and got stalked by a bobcat last month?



5. Curious as a Cat


When’s the last time you were genuinely curious about
something?

You might have to think back to your childhood. For me, it
was definitely astronomy, dinosaurs, and doctors (for
whatever reason).

So I would ask anyone that I thought had any knowledge
about those topics endless questions. I couldn’t be stopped,
and I always wanted to know more detail, more context,
and just MORE.

Now, when’s the last time you were genuinely curious
about SOMEONE like that? Imagine how easily that
conversation would flow because you would care, be
engaged, and incredibly interested. Capture that feeling
and direct it towards people in your daily life.

Your normal Monday morning “Hey Stu, how was your
weekend?” would turn into something that you looked
forward to all weekend, and you’d have a ton of follow-up
questions.

But we’re all so wrapped up in our own lives (self-
absorbed) that this rarely happens.

That means just being curious about someone can put you
FAR above the fold.

What happens when you’re curious about something?

You ask as many clarifying questions as possible and seek
to go deeper into a topic. You want to learn everything you
can.

You’d essentially be a question master… but being a
question master is actually looked upon very favorably
when you focus on someone. People enjoy talking about
themselves and explaining their thought and emotions, so
asking questions doesn’t annoy them – it invigorates them.
We all like the spotlight from time to time.

If someone went skiing over the weekend, what might a
genuinely interested person inquire about?

• Why did they go skiing?
• Why did they choose that ski lodge?
• Did they grow up skiing with their parents?
• Do they have suggestions for ski shops?
• Is skiing their favorite Olympic sport?
• Do they snowboard as well?
• Do they go often?
• Who did they go with?

You get the idea.

6. Weave a Story


Small talk can be dreadful, but that’s if it remains shallow
and surface-level.

Here’s how most small talk plays out:

How are you?
Good, how are you?
Pretty solid.
How was your weekend?
Not bad.
Yours?
It went so quick!
Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays!

You probably have that conversation at least a dozen times
a week. It’s boring and seemingly useless.

So what do stories have to do with this? Stories are how
you destroy small talk.

Thankfully, there are only a few conversation patterns we
will see in any given week. You already know the topics
that will come up with coworkers, friends, family, and
dodgeball teammates.

What are some of these topics?

There will be questions about your day, weekend, family,
kids, dog, upcoming vacation, hobbies, sports, and the like.

If you know the topics, then you shouldn’t give a cursory
answer and simply ask the other person the same question.

Take advantage of this knowledge and prepare beforehand
short 15-20 second stories to answer the questions you
know will come up.

This will give your conversations immediate depth and
direction, and it also allows you to curate the image that
people have of you

Remember, when people ask about your weekend, they
don’t mean it literally. They just want to hear something
interesting about you – give it to them in one way or the
other.

7. Keep the Flow


People choose topics to talk about because they either feel
a certain way about them, or the topic has made them feel a
certain way.

They’re not saying it for no reason – it matters to them.

In either case, it’s because they are affected on an
emotional level – happiness, joy, laughter, sadness, anger,
you name it.

It’s why we share viral videos and pictures, from hilarious
cat videos, to pictures that make us want to call our
parents.

This means that most of the time, the small details aren’t
important. It’s less important to be exact and precise all the
time. Sometimes we should even derail our train of thought
and restrain ourselves to give the other person the
spotlight.

What is important is to understand the emotional impact
that the other person wants to share and stay in resulting
conversational flow. Go with them and take a backseat.

So if someone tells you their story about skiing with their
estranged father, focus on the emotional impact and not the
fact that you have no idea how ski lifts work.

Spot the emotion that is sought to be shared and ignore
everything else.

It’s up to you to find the flow – stay on the message that
other people want and show them that you feel it too. Take
a step back and think about the purpose that someone is
telling you something or asking you about something in
daily conversation. There’s probably a more deeply rooted
reason than what appears on the surface.

Missing the flow makes you appear annoyingly pedantic,
narcissistic, and emotionally tone deaf. Finding the flow
makes you a mind reader.

8. Conversation Resume Worksheet


So what exactly is this Conversation Resume Worksheet?

The last worksheet you got was probably a multiplication
table worksheet in 5th grade or a self-evaluation at work
you reluctantly filled out.

This is an entirely different beast. The purpose of the
Conversation Resume Worksheet, well, it’s in the title!

It’s to help you create a resume to be ready for
conversation, just like you would create one for a job
interview.

It means that when you’re in the heat of a conversation,
and an awkward silence is looming, sometimes we stress
and our minds blank completely. We try to think on our
feet, but our feet are frozen to the floor.

So why not come to the conversation with your notable
accomplishments, experiences, stories, and pedigree noted
in your conversation resume and ready to speak about?
Know them, have them rehearsed, and be ready with them
should the opportunity arise!

Just like in a job interview, having this resume allows you
to present the version of yourself that you most want!

It’s not manipulative or lying – it’s simply the difference
between having a good answer or story when someone
asks “What did you do last weekend?” versus simply saying
“Oh, not too much. Some TV. What about you?”

Developing and constantly updating your Conversation
Resume can save you from awkward silences, and make it
supremely easy to connect with others.

Take this worksheet seriously, think hard, and fill them out
to the best of your abilities. It’s this process of mental
agony that will translate to real conversational success.

Conversation Resume Prompts

Remember, we’re approaching normal conversation as we
might a job interview. Despite what you think, you DO have
a pretty good idea of what you’ll talk about to friends and
strangers, so make sure you have answers for them!

Imagine how much more prepared you’ll be to talk to
anyone if you have answers to the following prepared and
ready. If you don’t have a good direct answer to the
question, just re-direct your answer so that you can at least
give the other person an interesting or noteworthy answer.

Update your Conversation Resume on a weekly basis and
you’ll be ready to go!

Daily Life

What did you do over the weekend?

How is your week/day going?

How is your family/significant other?

How’s work?

Staying Current

What are the top 5 current events of the week AND month?
Learn the basics and develop an opinion and stance on
them.

What are 4 funny situations from the past week? Be able to
summarize them, relate them as a short story, and solicit an
opinion from others.

What are the 4 most interesting things you’ve read or
heard about in the past week? News articles or
interpersonal situations from friends, etc. Be able to
summarize them, relate them as a short story, and solicit an
opinion from others.

About You

What do you like to do for fun?

What’s your biggest passion?

Where are you from?

How long have you lived/worked here?

Where did you go to school?

What do you do for work?

Notable

What are your 5 most unique experiences?

What are your 5 most personally significant
accomplishments?

What are 10 strengths – things you are above average at,
no matter how big or small.

Name 10 places you have traveled in the past 5 years.

Name the past 5 times you have gone out to a social event.

Name 10 things you cannot live without – don’t take this
question too literally.




9. Quick Thinking Exercise


This is how you stop your mind from blanking in the
middle of conversations. It takes work, and you can
practice in the comfort of your own home, alone and safe.

Conversation is a series of statements, stories, and
questions. After one person contributes one of those
elements, the other person responds in kind, either on the
same exact topic, or a topic that is in some way related to
the original one. That’s really it. Sometimes we’ll have
trouble thinking of what to say on the same topic, or
finding a connection to another subject.

That’s where free association comes in. Isn’t conversation
just a series of free-association exercises?

For instance, if someone started talking about motorcycles
and you had no experience or impression of motorcycles,
then what is your response going to be? You might not have
anything to say about motorcycles, but what if you took
away the statement and context and focused on the word
and concept of motorcycles?

With simple free association, you can find a way to quickly
and efficiently breathe new life into the conversation,
regardless of how deeply stuck it may feel.

Just free associate five things about motorcycles. In other
words, blurt out five things (nouns, locations, concepts,
statements, feelings, words) that flashed into your brain
when you heard the word “motorcycles.” Allow your mind
to go blank and zero in on the word "motorcycles." Stop
thinking of the word as a trigger to past experiences and
memory. Instead, start looking at it as a fresh concept
unconnected to what you've experienced before.

Let’s try to play a word association game.

For most people, when the word "cats" is mentioned, they
think of kittens, cuddles, sand boxes, cheetahs, lions, fish,
sushi, fur, dogs, allergies, the musical, etc. Keep in mind
that there is no right or wrong answer here. It’s all free
association. What's important is that you're rapidly filling
out that list of things that you can intellectually connect
with the word "cats."

You’ll notice that doing this is much easier than coming up
with a responsive statement or question to the declaration,
“I love cats.” Yet, your task and challenge is exactly the
same—where do you go with what the other person said?
With that framework and perspective, it’s much easier to
disassociate from the actual statement and free associate
with the subject matter.

Doing this will train your brain to think outside the box,
approach conversation in a non-linear way, and see the
many possible directions one simple concept or word can
take you.

Now suppose that someone proclaimed their love for car
racing, and suppose that you know nothing about that
either. What are the top five or six free associations that
come to mind for car racing?

For me, it’s a mixture of (1) NASCAR, (2) gas, (3) tires, (4)
The Fast and the Furious movies, (5) Japan (don’t ask me),
(6) Mustangs. Here’s the magic part: each of these six
associations are perfectly normal topics to switch to while
remaining in the flow of the conversation.

“I love watching car racing! It’s so fun!”

“You mean like NASCAR, or illegal street racing?”

“I always wondered what kind of gas mileage those cars
get.”

“Do those cars have specialized tires? I don’t think my car’s
tires could take that!”

“So are The Fast and the Furious movies your favorites?”

“I heard they do some kind of drift racing in Japan—do you
mean like that?”

“I always imagine car racing happens with huge, powerful
Mustangs. Is that the kind of car races you watch?

Try free association with the words “coffee” and “trains”
and think about how much easier it is to construct
questions and generally converse about something once
you can form a mental map of the topic and its related
topics.
Here’s how to practice: on a piece of paper, write five
random words. They can be anything—a noun, verb,
memory, or even an emotion or feeling. Suppose the first
word you write is “napkin.” As quickly as possible, write
three associations for that word. Take the last word you
came up with, and then as quickly as possible, write three
associations for that new word. Repeat three times, and
then move to the next set of words.

Napkin -> table, spoon, fine dining.
Fine dining -> France, Michelin Star, butler.
Butler -> Jeeves, white gloves, Michael Jackson.
And so on.

Or pick a word at random from a dictionary, and list out
fifteen words in a free-association word chain as quickly as
possible. Then, do it again and again—verbally, because
that will require the quickest thinking.

After you grow more comfortable with random free
association with words, you can take the next step and
choose two random words from a dictionary and think of a
way to make a story involving both words. Remember,
speed is the name of the game!