https://static.mygov.in/rest/s3fs-public/mygov_160102244745586361.

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DR. ARUP BARMAN

Reflection Note: Non-violence Communication
Email: abgeet@gmail.com

Reflections
a) You have gone through the modules. Please share on what you understand by NONVIOLENT
COMMUNICATION in your own words. Please share on how you will attempt to make
NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION as part of YOUR DAILY HABITS.

My Reflection:
I learned from the module, Nonviolent Communication normally bordering around- how we
express ourselves, how we hear others, how we resolve conflict before conflicts occur by
focusing our realization on what we are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting. It is tool
leads us toward a quality of connection among people. I would say rather it is nothing but a
compassionate giving-- out of the joy of contributing to another human being. I consider Non
Violent Communication as a tool to connect to the life in us and with others. It inspires
ourselves and to others to give the heart through relationship.

Strategy for Non-Violent Communication (Daily Habit)

Firstly – Before initiating communication-
1. I feel and realize that how much vulnerable what I am going to express’;
2. Emphatically listen to the feelings and needs of the others;
2ndly,
 I observe the issue (with free of judgments, labels, diagnoses, opinions, etc)
 I try to express my feeling (as needs are fulfilled), with helped to churned words that
represents; such as- affectionate, confident, exuberant, inspired
 I try to express honestly
 Then I try to listen the things emphatically to the others feelings and the needs.
These are regular exercises I do and express in my surroundings.

b) Try to revisit a situation where you were indulged in a fight with your friend. It was a bitter
experience. Now that you have tried to understand the nuance of nonviolent communication,
reflect on how you could have handled the situation.

My Reflection on Situation:
I am a professor in a Management Department in a University located in Assam. As everyone under the
pandemic situation we everyone working from distance with the help of internet, this is not great but a
common solution. Good institutions in the states facilitates the employees through Wifi, Or other technology
supports. But, this university where we are serving is full of mismanagement due to over calculation, mis-
interpretation, or critical stereotypic mentality of administrators and supportive staffs. Due to these
backdrops the efficient could not show any productivity. Under all constraints, myself as a committed worker
(Professor) delivering all assignments on time by spending hefty bills on 2 internet connections, dongal for 24
hours job. When the official meeting was held, the vice chancellor of the university took stocks and state of
affairs about official works. In the meeting I reported, under what constraint I am (was) working. Inside my
mind there were some angriness, and dissatisfaction. Finally, in the meeting said I gave a proposal to set up
facility. The Vice –Chancellor said tomorrow, tomorrow. Then in mind I recalled the past behavior of vice-
chancellor. He does not enter to any problem in detail, all moment somehow wanted to avoid the problem at
the situation.

c) Think of a person who might have hurt with her/his actions. Think of the ways they might have met
their needs without doing the action which hurt you. Can you think of how you would convey these
options to the person?

My Reactions:
This is in connection to corona pandemic lock down period. In the month of March 2020, there was lock
down for week in my place. Shops remain close till 2.30 PM. I went to a shopping corner of a city place
to buy cheese packets for my daughter. Because, she likes, that I searched it in 2-3 shops but that not
available. In a shop I enquired- and found. During this time, we had to main the distance from each
other. There were 6 customer in the queue. I was in second of the raw. I told by little loudly to shop
keeper please give me 2 packets of cheese. By that time, my former customer ended payment counter. I
reached the counter. The prices were of total Rs. 235. I told, do you have a change, I do have 500-rupee
note. The shopkeeper told me go for online pay. I listened to it and took out my mobile; I am asking the
shopkeeper’s bank account number to pay the price of item. Shopkeeper said the mobile number to
enter in a mobile. I did and immediate tried pay by standing the counter. The customer in back pushed
so badly an shouted to if you do not money you should not come. Do not disturb, go to home and pay
what -ever you do, do at your home. He came to counter as taken my cheese packet put in his bag. I
told this my item I am going to for it. He said, you have not paid, so leave and I now customer. Then
there were ……………… . Now in this case I was gently in the queue, I am legally, ethically, physically right.
The customer who misbehaved had hurt me. Because, I never misbehave like this way at any place even
though I was born and brought up in village.

In this incident, the bad behaved customers could have say to me – mr... , please a bit fast, I am in the
cue I have some urgent work and shop is going close, please be in side, we will order now? One please
word was enough? I would have not even stand before him, stood after him. I feel on me, no need to
say any roughly to me like person. I understand if I postpone for 2 minutes nothing change will happen.
I understand the urgency of mine as well as for others too.

d) Each one of us has our likes and dislikes. There might be number of persons whom may not like.
Think of one such person whose image in your mind is like an enemy. However, now you wish to
develop connection with that person. How will you turn the conflict with the person into a connection
and build bridges?

My Reflection:
In educational and professional spaces of India, you would find numberless persons. I understand every
jealous full person/individual is a enemy. In my workplace (at my university where work) I have around
me many person whom I dislike. I as a teacher, I have my own principle of sincerity, simplicity, audacity
for knowledge, and dedication along with my commitment aligned to my dream. As a deep psychologist
and a NLP trainee, I can understand to some extent the inner voice of other. So my assumptions are not
false but 80 percent become truth. In my workplace, Prof. Apurbananda Mazumdar, a senior professor
who seems to be my friend like at all ordinary situations. But when my promotion and some better
responsibility issues arose, he played so many critical role that I got any way deprived. Applying
simplicity and common sense logic, I find enmity in him, which is created by his action of nepotism, and
hypocritic characters. Whatever is the fact, we must stay good in relations and so that our junior do not
take advantages from our bitter relations. So my principle is, I always greet him first even through he
does not accept it to maintain good continuity of good ambiance. To make a bridge of relations I visited
his chambers , asked about his health during corona time, I asked about his family members. Even I told
even shopping at market during corona period also, I can serve. At the time of crisis I am good to serve
that I wanted convey the meaning to him. He understand that Dr. Barman by behavior a good person.
Finally, I apply the “appreciation of his good behavior and characters”. I know appreciation of a
undiscovered good side of person is always a good too to bridge the enemy. I understand talk to enemy
with more decent language so that he does get weak points to shout on us.

e) Mahatma Gandhi had said, “When we channel electricity intelligently, we can use it to improve our
life, but if we abuse it, we could die. So as with electricity, we must learn to use anger wisely for the
good of humanity.” Each one of us gets angry with some of point of time or the other. How do you
think you can manage your anger effectively?

Reflections
Yes, the above quote is so important for our life. In my life too I faced many situation where I had to
express my anger. I understand anger is a natural things when it become unnatural then only it become
deleterious. I do not like anger from myself or from others. I want to manage it – my efforts for
management of anger are-
1. I try to think before I speak,
2. I take time to be calm to express my anger;
3. I usually try to do exercise, yoga and exercise of listening wisdom quotes on anger.
4. I take a time to out while me is angry or other is angry.
5. I always Identify my possible outcome of angriness
6. Stick with my I statement and also control it according to requirement.
7. I do not hold grudges as far as possible.
8. I usually release humour to release tension
9. I make my fun to myself and laugh on myself for my foolishness.

f) How do you think the habit of expressing gratitude change your life?
Gratitude is a divine attitude that can change to life. As we know that attitude is important for life and
impact positively or negatively. In my life I had nothing but I used gratitude. Until today, I am getting
change of my life through the gratitude only. I am grateful to my mother & father, to my god, to my
seniors, to my situations, to my colleagues, to my friends, children and to my wife to life and to my
health. Gratitude impacted my life through following tracks –

1. Due to gratitude I could change my focus . As the life is consequence of focus – hence once
focus become positive, so the life become positive.
 2. As a professional of psychology and behavior, I could realize that gratitude impacts on the
quality of my life. The quality of happiness comes from gratitude. We must create an attitude
for a gratitude to create quality of life. Otherwise, we will continue our mistakes and mistakes.

3. I understand the gratitude is an other name of happiness. If we are not grateful then we become
un happy, or we are not accepting any thing, will angry enough. Thus we will destroy happiness
by not becoming a grateful person.

4. I can tell with my own experience that gratitude reduces my innermost fears of life. We can
overcome the fear of problem with the help of gratitude.

5. Gratitude has another capacity, i.e. it strengthen faith, may be on god, may be on relationship,
may be on the work, and experiences. Once we bear the attitude of gratitude, we will have a
great power to appreciate the situations.

6. Gratitude, work as the source of mind. I have seen so many professor colleagues, they are not
grateful, they need more plus. They could not become happy on searching this pluses. But, I
experience the two minus can make plus. As I find it is as interesting to get the plus without
gratitude, makig plus from the minus with gratitude is attitude which make a man happy.

I could experience of the above-mentioned points on my life. I tell to my student to posses the quality of
attitude for gratitude and gratitude for shaping attitude in life. I got a lot, and I am grateful to my god
and parents.

g) You are part of a team engaged in social change. Put together a framework of how will you
introduce NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION amongst team members so that there is greater
engagement and efficiency.

Reflections:

Introducing non-violent communication to youth in a college or university requires some systemen

efforts. In our department I introduce non-violent communication pattern o=our students. The steps
are –

1. I will speak on the importance of non-violence communication in life, career, success and
prosperity in life

2. I would explain systematically on thinking and language that alienate us from one another. At
this stage we diagnose, judgment, labels and analysis, criticism and comparison.

3. Next I would explain about objective of Non-Violence commutation and Will further explain on
background of non violence communication.

4. Explain the components of non-violence communication in terms of in terms of observation

(Free of judgement, labels, diagnose, opinions and opinions those impacts on the formation of
expression and language)
 5. Then I will explain on feelings (i.e. Free of though, how we feel) say – affection, excited, inspired,
joy, confident and calm creates language of positive vibe. I will differentiate the negative
feelings – annonyed, angry, detached, tired, sad, pain, Scared, Vulnerable etc.

6. Then I would explain on the universal human needs those are always free of strategies- Beauty,
Autonomy, empathy, Safety, contributions, acceptance and support, play etc.

7. I will explain on the way of moving toward connection by using the sense of empathy and
honesty.

8. I would explain about blaming behavior and later on consequence on violence; will explain the
life saving words and actions, life alienating words actions how to use in our life.

Finally, I would say on the books and study materials for NVC, about lot of online course on NVC, those
impacts in general day to day and professional and social life.