Kamu 1108

Monday, November 11th, 1996

Three Steps Forward

It’s almost the end of the year. Time passes by very quickly once you start enjoying your life. I finally took up

volunteering work at the Argenon hospital. I’ve thought it through a bit, not only do I get to meet and help those who

feel the same way as I did, I also get to meet with some of my “friends”. People with the most problems give the best

advice, that’s what I learned. I don’t really care about the school credit for doing volunteer work because that’s not

the reason I’m back here and I will be transferring soon anyways.

It’s been less stressful in school after my mom contacted them about my decisions. I can now take it easy. But

it can still get stressful sometimes, after the news about my problems spread out. Most are chill with it, cause they

understand (or at least show some compassion). Some people would make fun of me and treat me like I’m not normal.

Well. I’m not, and not in the good way. But I’ve learned to live with it. Those who treat others like shit, are in a way

insecure themselves. I would describe them as having very simple networks of neurons in their head. One leading

down a river, one leading to a landfill and the rest is just winding around and around keeping the driver stuck forever. I

digressed. Back to the volunteering work. Today was the first day and I had mixed feelings about it. I heard him again,

the voice in my head. He would come back from time to time. But, I’m no longer the soldier though. It’s like I rose in

rank or I’m finally discharged after winning the war. He asked me why I decided to return to the battlefield, it might

remind me of what I lost during the fight. I was unsure of my answer.

It was a week ago that I decided to take up this program though, but before I could even start, the paperwork

overwhelmed me. Even with my mother’s help, it was still a hurdle. There was this one section about the school I went

to and I didn’t know whether I need to consider my transfer. My mother did know either. That’s when I remember that

I can contact Neil, since I had his business card. He’d helped me through the forms, all of it. He was stoked (is that

what people say now?) for me to come out and help those who faced the same problems as me. I would say they faced

the “same” problems as me, especially the reason of admission, but I guess it’s similar enough. Drug abuse, depression,

in a way, they are kind of realated. Neil is of course still doing volunteer work playing his music for the people after his

shift at the local coffee shop. I might go play music with him once in a while, but I’ll stay with the art department for

now. Neil also advised me to take breaks from time to time. Funny enough, I’d never thought of that. Anyone who

works here for too long might convert from volunteer to patient at any time. Anyways, with the papers. It took around
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one week for them to do all of their things and finally I’m here, back at the Six North. Only for 2 hours a day, 5 days a

week. I applied for the 5 to 7 shift cause, after all, I still have to go to school.

Being back here is kind of “nostalgic” I would say. It’s almost exactly the same as when I was here. The teen

section is now done renovating though. It’s basically the same but with more teen friendly environment and more

guards. Because, as the nurses explained, teens are more volatile and violent than adults. That’s probably why Neil

told me to apply for the adults section. Most of the teens that ended up here are drug abusers anyways and they are

very keen on making friends. Ah, that’s probably why the teen section is renovated more often than the adults, it’s not

a fact but that’s probably why.

Then I met Smitty. He was cool as always and still sitting at the same desk. He took me on a tour around

the place, not to get a feel for the place because believe me when I say it, I know this place like it’s the palm of my

hands (is that how you say it?). Even Though I was here for no more than two ​gastrotrich’s life span (don’t even ask

me how I know that), I remember almost every detail of this building. The H- shaped hallway, the table I ate food on,

that chair and the bed. Instead I got a tour of the people/patients who are there. Most of them are gone though, the

one I know of course. Humble and president Armelio are at Seaside Paradise (that’s what he told me). Johnny and

Bobby are nowhere to be found, as well as Ebony and the Professor. Smitty had no detail of where everyone is

because he just came back from his months-long break. I really hope everyone is doing fine. It’s kind of a funny story,

right? When you look back at the times you are sad, you laugh about it. But when you look back at the good times, you

feel sad. Muqtada is still here though. He’s finally out and about now and not just staying in his room. He was happy to

see me of course, we hugged and yeah, he still smells (I’m used to it though). Now that I think about it, I never drew a

map for Muqtada. It’s a good opportunity during the activity time to make him one. Other than Muqtada, Human Being

is the last one I know (not like know know though).

The rest of the patients are all new to me, like Richard Feinmen who’s obsessed with mathematics and

Johnny Depth who’s kind of crazy and looks like he’s always high. Then, before getting to meet the female patients, I

was pulled out of the tour to meet with Dr. Minerva. The staff told me that it’s like an interview about my experiences

and why I’m back here to help. It’s for those kind of videos/interviews they do to both to “inspire people” and promote

the hospital. I’m back in the same room with Dr. Minerva. Although most of the things are the same it felt different.

Excluding the camera and the crew and the missing poster in the room though. It was like I’m no longer the sheep
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targeted by wolves or like a prisoner standing in front of the judge waiting for the sentence. It was like I’m a normal

person talking to another normal person. It was surprising though. Because I’m no longer the patient, Dr. Minerva

dropped her poker face and spoke with me normally. She, of course didn’t lose her professional looks and her formal

wordings, but the tone and reaction of her questions and speeches are genuine (or that’s what I think at least). I wish

all of them were like this, it would have helped me more (or maybe not now that I think about it).

The interview was fun, and although there are cameras around, I didn’t feel pressure squeezing me to speak

out and so I didn’t hold back any information, it just all went out like a waterfall. Before I knew it, it was over, the

interview, my shift; the day was over. Time passes by fast when you are enjoying the moment. It’s still kind of weird to

see/feel the real Dr. Minerva came out, but I enjoyed our talk. I however don’t think the interview would help anyone,

because it wouldn’t have helped me (maybe, but I don’t think so). But if it did help even one person, then that would be

awesome.

The day went better than I would have ever expected. I’m still unsure of the other days to come though, I’ll

have to see what happens next. Good or bad, I’m (probably) ready for it. I guess the man was wrong, the voice in my

head. Visiting the battlefield might remind me of the things I’d lost, but it also reminds me of what I’d achieved on it.

One step back, two steps forward. So, I guess from this day onward, it’s only stepping forward. Hopefully.