HURT

Hurt is a simple word but can have so many different connotations. Hurt is a complex

feeling. It is not simply a pain that might bother you for a time. It is deeper than that. It is

stronger than that. This emotion is able to dominate you and your perspective of the world if you

let it. For this reason, it is crucial to work through the hurt that we feel. I find it helpful to do this

by putting my feelings into words. Hurt can control you if you let it, but by the grace of God, we

are able to overcome it.

My definition of hurt comes from the feeling of betrayal. It is what has stung me many

times and lives in my memory most vividly. Yes, it is the endless tears that come flowing down

your face even as you fight to pull yourself together. But it is more than that to me. To hurt is to

be blindsided. It is to feel that pain churning in the pit of your stomach as you hope that you are

only dreaming. It is to pray that you can wake up and everything will be just as it had been. It is

the sharp pain that you feel when you know that they do not value you as you do them and the

dull ache as the reminders and memories remain. This type of hurt does not last for a mere

moment or even for only a few days. This hurt takes years to fully get past if you can ever

completely put it behind you. This hurt I am still struggling with today.

I have always valued loyalty in my relationships but I didn’t really realize this until about

a year ago. Even when I was little, I always wanted to portray the people that I loved in the best

light possible. I often made excuses for them if others questioned their actions. I thought that that

was normal. Isn’t that what you do when you love someone? I think for the most part that is the

common thing for people to do, but I have met some who do not act as though it is all that

important.
 A few of these individuals hurt me deeply with their insensitive words and actions. They

were good friends of my family and myself for a while before they stabbed us in the back. It

seemed to come out of nowhere, like they flipped a switch. It was a blow that knocked me back

and one that still hurts. It is hard for me to understand what would motivate someone to act that

way. Why would an individual turn their back on someone they used to be very close to and

claimed to love?

To struggle with this sort of pain is very difficult. I fight against my own negativity and

hate. I fight to stay optimistic and happy. I fight to trust again. Sometimes the fight against

myself is more painful than the hurt that caused my pessimism. I become frustrated with my

inability to be “normal.” I just want the history that affects my view of life to go away. I want a

simple life.

There are ups and downs in the fight against hurt. For days or weeks, I feel completely

normal and nothing can bring me down. Then I crash. I hear a lyric of a song or read a particular

passage of the Bible that touches my heart in a special way and I wonder why. Even though I

know that God does it to strengthen me, I want to know ​why​ I needed to be strengthened. I want

to know ​how​ it is actually good for me. I want a less abstract answer that fits my wants more

conveniently. Even then, I remember that His ways are better than mine and I am once again able

to fight past the hurt as He pours out His grace on me.

The feeling of hurt can feel overwhelming at times, but it is important that we find a way

to work through it. God has given us His Word to be our comfort and strength. He gives us grace

in amazing measures so that we always have enough for every day. Stop asking why and simply

trust. He will get you through.