Better Sentences for the IELTS

The sentences below, listed by their main types of writing problems, were all written by students in
an IELTS writing class in response to this topic:
The increasing rates of juvenile delinquency in modern societies are certainly the result of
excessive crime reporting by mass media. Is this justifiable?
Read the sentences carefully, then discuss with your partner how they could be edited to become
more correct, clearer, more coherent, & more concise.

Grammar Problems

1. Adolescents are all growing children, they carry a curiosity, dynamism and a desire to be recognized
in them.
2. Children in modern cities easily get approach by violent scenes such as murder, robber when they
watch movies or play video games.
3. Therefore, if the rates of school dropout or poverty increase, so are the rate of juvenile deliquency.
4. And so, just from a very small conflict affecting them can also lead to serious violations of the law

Word-Choice Problems

5. Indeed, it is undeniable that mass media is one of the main factors that contribute to the flourish of
juvenile delinquency.
6. It is widely believed that nowadays more and more news – especially unconfirmed crime-related
news - is being transmitted on social network.
7. The criminal reporting and young teenagers’ illegal actions may associate in some aspects.

Coherence Problems

8. As the world develop, the gap between the poor and the rich will exponentially increase; therefore,
countries where there are too large a gap, there usually exists a phenomenon: youngsters stealing food
in order too feed themselves and their families.
9. What is more, the lack of moral training ranks as an equal place in the essence.
10. Being young and naive, many adolescents fall into the pit of wrongdoings to keep up with the Joneses
11. Otherwise, they cannot tell right from wrong and easily accept such misleading things as committing
crimes, hence increasing rates of juvenile delinquency.

Redundancy Problems
12. There are a number of critical factors that are the causes of juvenile delinquency, one of which is
domestic violence.
13. On the other hand, however, juvenile delinquency can also be attributed to broken families and lack
of moral training.

sent.wri/types.of.probs/archiv.32.5/LDQ