Research Paper: Application of Virginia Satir

Iceberg Model in Coaching

2016/10/19

Research Paper By Darya Haitoglou

(Systemic Relationship Coaching, UNITED KINGDOM)

Virginia Satir (1916-1988) is a world-renowned communication expert

who is known to be a ‘mother of family therapy’. Virginia worked with
families around the world using a number of very effective tools. Iceberg
Model is one of them. Whenever a communication was an issue inside
family dynamics, Virginia would share this model with family members to
bring their awareness to the deeper levels and structures rather than
behaviours that can be observed on the surface and hence the Iceberg
Model was formed.

Work of Satir inspired the creation of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and

she served as one of three role-models, to become a foundation for
development of this field.
Iceberg Model
Iceberg can be seen on the surface of water and this metaphor
corresponds to different behaviour stances we see when people are in
stress or flow.

Virginia and her colleagues talked about five coping stances or

behaviours when people experience stress: blaming, placating, super-
reasonable, distracting and withdrawing.
When these stances are observed, it is helpful to look deeper
underneath the surface area, where they come from and understand the
deeper structures that formed these behaviours and what a person
needs to change them.

The deeper structures are the feelings, feelings about feelings,

perceptions, beliefs, expectations, values, yearnings and the sense of
Self.

Let’s look into the components of the Iceberg Model:

A blaming stance is often associated with feelings of anger and

frustration. Feeling angry is a negative feeling in many cultures and
hence, is not ‘welcomed’ in the person. As a consequence, they may feel
bad about feeling angry.

On a level of perceptions a person could perceive someone else’s

behaviour as threatening when they use a loud voice like shouting.

On a level of beliefs, a person could believe that when people shout, that
is a form of an attack and hence a protection is needed.

On a level of expectations, a person may expect to be respected and

talked to in a calm voice.

On a level of values, one of the values of a person could be harmony or

peace. And behaviour of calm speech could be one manifestation of
that.

On a level of yearnings, a person may long for being seen and accepted.

On a level of Self, a person is a manifestation of a life force and has its

own intentions in life.

Application of the Iceberg Model in Coaching

When a person feels stuck or has strong negative emotions regarding
certain behaviours of people around them, the Iceberg Model provides
an effective tool to resolve and move towards the feeling of flow.

Let’s take an example of an application of this model to a coaching

conversation.

A coachee brings an issue of a blaming behaviour of their boss towards

them causing the coachee to blame someone else. During the discovery
session the coachee expresses that they want to change their own
blaming behaviour but they can’t seem to be able to do that.

Coach: If you allow, we can explore this using a framework called

‘Icerberg’ where the behaviour is what people see on the surface of
water and below we have feelings, perceptions, beliefs, expectations,
values and yearnings.
So let me ask you a few questions in relation to the blaming behaviour
that you want to change.

How do you feel when you blame another person?

Coachee:  I feel angry and frustrated.

Coach: And how do you feel about feeling angry?

Coachee: I feel sad. I feel bad about it.

Coach:  So you feel sad about feeling angry. What makes you feel
angry?

Coachee: When I see someone’s accusing me for something I haven’t

done or what I deem not fair.

Coach: What is is about fairness that is important to you?

Coachee: I believe it’s important to have a fair attitude to people.

Fairness is something I try to have in my life and I apply this principle to
other people.

Coach: So you want other people to be fair to you. And you want to be
treated fairly. What is a deeper longing behind that you think?

Coachee: (Pause) I think there is a longing for harmony and justice. It’s
been an important part of my life.

Coach: What is the best belief that can help meet the need for harmony
and justice?

Coachee: (Pause) Whatever people say or do, harmony is much more

important as it allows for loving-kindness.

People know themselves if they are not fair. Giving them information and
sharing alternative perspectives, and giving them space to make their
own decisions.

Coach: How would you feel about this?

Coachee: Good. It would give me strength. I wouldn’t need to protect
myself as much.

Coach: Good. What about if someone still behaves unfairly or

disrespectfully, what is the best response, if harmony is the need?

Coachee:  Just explain additional information without making it personal.

Coach: How would that make you feel?

Coachee: Great. I think I got it. I used to make it personal but I don’t
need to. I can just share the same information and without blaming
others, or feeling bad. I can still keep harmony and justice. Thank you.

Here is a list of questions using ‘Satir Iceberg Model” in coaching

conversations.

 What happens on the surface?

 What might be below the surface?
 What does it serve?
 How do you feel about the feeling you have?
 What is the need behind this value?
 What is the yearning behind the need?
 What is the deeper meaning of what’s happening?
 What drives your actions?
 What beliefs are the most helpful for you?
 Which beliefs would you like to change?
 How do you feel about feeling…?
 What is about… that is important to you?
 What is the best belief that can meet your need for…?
 How do you feel when you…?
 How would you feel about this?
 What if you changed your belief, how would that be for you?
 What would be the most helpful frame of reference?
 What would be an empowering belief for you instead?
 What values are the most helpful in this situation for you?
 What values would you like to have more in your life?
 Who is a great role model for you to learn rom?
  What can YOU do to change this situation?
 How can you learn from this experience?
 How could an Iceberg metaphor help you in this respect?
 What would be below the surface that could give you a clue?
 How can you use this learning in your life?
 What applications do you see possible of what you have said?
 What is your deepest learning from this model?
 What interesting have you learnt looking below the surface now?

References
Satir, Virginia, et. al., The Satir Model: Family Therapy and Beyond,
ISBN 0831400781, Science and Behavior Books, 1991.