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would you like to know how to be happy

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well the answer believe it or not is
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known you may already know it
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it took one of the most brilliant minds
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ever to appear on the earth to come up
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with the answer his name was John Stuart
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Mill who lived from 1806 to 1873 became
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an outstanding philosopher an economist
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he's believed will had perhaps the
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highest IQ of any person who has ever
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lived so unless you think you're smarter
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pay attention John Stuart Mill said
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those only are happy who have their
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minds fixed on some object other than
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their own happiness on the happiness of
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others on the improvement of mankind
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even on some art or pursuit followed not
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as a means but as itself an ideal and
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aiming thus at something else they find
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happiness by the way okay the my mind is
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no doubt whatever that that is the true
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and only lasting path to lasting and
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meaningful happiness the definition is
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so excellent and people so often seem to
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be confused as to what happiness is all
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about let me repeat it those only are
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happy who have their minds fixed on some
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object other than their own happiness on
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the happiness of others on the
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improvement of mankind even on some art
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or pursuit followed not as a means but
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as itself an ideal and it mean less it's
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something else they find happiness by
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the way I wonder why that isn't taught
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in school I believe it's safe to say
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there not one person in five thousand
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could give you an intelligent definition
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of what true happiness is all about we
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must have our minds fixed on something
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other than happiness in order to find it
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if we seek it directly it will elude us
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forever people say I want to be happy as
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though it's something that can be done
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to them whether they do anything about
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it or not such people can never know
01:44
happiness until they break out of the
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tiny world of themselves those only are
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happy who have their minds fixed on some
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object other than their own happiness
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therein lies the secret the happiest
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people are usually the busiest people
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almost always those whose business
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consists of serving others in some way
01:59
by losing themselves and what they're
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doing and where they're going happiness
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quietly joins them and becomes a part of
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them the MS
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unhappy people because such misery and
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unhappiness to others or the
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self-centered people people who worry
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constantly about what they are getting
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out of it rather than what they're
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giving and the world is Chuck a bankful
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hub unfortunately we we see they're
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harried unhappy furtive ferret-like
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faces everywhere pushing their grasping
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hands extended they fear life they fear
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death they're the pitiful caricatures of
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humanity and they pay a terrible price
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for their ignorance all right no more
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mystery then as to what happened this is
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all about if you're not happiest because
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you're not meeting John Stuart metal
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simple directions and definition if you
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do qualify you're a happy person the
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thing I like about the definition other
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than the fact that it's the best I've
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ever found is that it places a
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responsibility for happiness directly
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where it belongs I was staying at a
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resort hotel the Grand Hotel on Mackinac
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Island in northern Michigan one evening
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after dinner I settled myself
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comfortably in a chair on the porch that
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runs the entire length of the old frame
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hotel supposedly it's the longest porch
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in the world just to relax and enjoy the
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delightful evening there was the light
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breeze and a good moon the lake was
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beautiful and the lights of the passing
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ships could be seen the evergreens stood
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out clearly in the moonlight and it was
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altogether one of those really great
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times you remember before long a young
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couple came strolling down the long
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porch they were walking arm-in-arm and I
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thought that they were all that was
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needed to make the picture complete they
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walked slowly by me and then took seats
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not far away they were silent for a
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moment and I naturally thought that they
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were enjoying the remarkable beauty of
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the scene than the night as much as I
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was when the young woman spoke I know
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these were her exact words because I
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wrote them down as soon as I could stop
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laughing she said I hate the smell of
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horses there are no automobiles on
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Mackinac Island all the transportation
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is done with horses and they naturally
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lend their own unique flavor into the
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islands atmosphere I found it charming
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and a lot less irritating than the noise
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and fumes of cars taxis and trucks but
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what made me laugh of course was that in
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the midst of all that beauty I'm one of
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the most beautiful even
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of the year in so romantic and charming
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a setting the only thing the young woman
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noticed that was worth mentioning was
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the faint odor of horses they looked at
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me and surprised when I laugh so I had
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to explain why which neither of them
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found to be amusing at all in fact the
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young woman seemed somehow offended and
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they they soon moved away from the
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strange character not only eavesdropped
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but also laughed at them the sad thing
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about it all was that the attractive
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young woman belongs to that vast army
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whose members make it their business to
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spend their lives focusing on the wrong
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things I'll bet if the young man gave
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her a string of pearls she'd busy
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yourself for the minut inspection of the
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clasp on a beautiful day such people can
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spot that tiny cloud on the horizon they
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don't appreciate the good qualities and
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people but complain about their defects
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if their children bring home report
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cards with five B's and 1c it's the C
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that will get the comments and the
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attention they don't look for what's
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right but what's wrong in a world of
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miracles and beauty they see only horse
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droppings if you mention this to them
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they'll usually say you have your head
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in the sand and they have it all
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backwards there's nothing in the world
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that's perfect and it's our job to
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eliminate as many defects as we thin but
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pity the poor people who go through life
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seeing only the fly specks on the window
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of the world we speak of recreation
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without being mindful of its original
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meaning it's real meaning which is to
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recreate oneself recreation should be
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re-creation a time so spent that we can
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re-evaluate things our lives our work
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our goals our reasons for living our
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service our contribution our education
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our hobbies our enjoyment of ourselves
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and others a round of golf great as it
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is simply is not time enough there are a
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few sets of tennis or an afternoon
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poking around in the garden when he
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bought time than that several days a
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couple of weeks along and on a regular
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basis for me it's getting on the water
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in a boat it's wearing comfortable old
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clothes and sailing out of sight of land
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was just the sea and the wind and the
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sky and it's puttering and fixing things
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around the boat sanding and varnish
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making little improvements there's the
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therapy of the fresh air they see itself
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the elements and it's using it two hands
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the most versatile instruments on earth
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and the tools they have fashion to help
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everyone has his own way or should have
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his own way of recreating himself of
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renewing himself so that he can turn
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again to the necessary pursuits are
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living with new interest and enthusiasm
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what's yours
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with one friend of mine it's growing
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tomatoes for others it's painting or
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cooking or mountain climbing or fishing
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or camping and traveling everyone needs
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recreation in its true sense Robert
07:00
Adler points out his marvelous book the
07:02
social contract of the three most
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important factors to any human being are
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in this ordering number one identity
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recognition as a separate original human
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being number two
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stimulation change the opposite of
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boredom and number three security the
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opposite of anxiety while this
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recreation business comes under headings
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one and two and must have certainly
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helps us establish number three that is
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occasional renewal helps us find
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ourselves reestablish just who we are
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and what we want so it helps with our
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identity problem it most certainly
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involves change stimulation the opposite
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of boredom and it helps us develop inner
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security the only time that's worth
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anything anyway if a person has this
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inner security real security as a person
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his world can come crashing down all
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around him and he can still emerge
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secure with it himself and build a new
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and possibly better one so when you find
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yourself getting stale you need some
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meaningful recreation you need to stop
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the world and get off for a while and
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look back at it as a man from Mars might
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if surprising new ideas you'll get and
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good ones the new opportunities you'll
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see opportunities that have been lying
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about in your own backyard in your own
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working world that you were a little too
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close to the forest to see before and
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when you're lost in the recreation you
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love you're really living you're living
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as fully as it's possible to live and
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you know that's the whole idea isn't it
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have you noticed how most people seem to
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be waiting to be happy in the
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future they seem to be so intent on
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getting through the day they forget to
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enjoy it it's as though happiness is a
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distant City to them a city they're
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striving to reach but happiness is
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something that must be learned and
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practiced if were to become skilled at
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it pushing it out into the indeterminate
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future involves running the risk that we
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won't know how to be happy when we get
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there it's like saying someday when I
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can afford to buy a piano I'll sit down
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and play beautiful music it doesn't work
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that way
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owning a piano doesn't confer the
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knowledge of how to play and arriving in
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a particular stage of life whether it's
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measured in terms of age or income
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doesn't mean that will suddenly become
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happy people a reporter interviewing Jay
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paul Getty who could at that time of
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cashed in his chips for several billion
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dollars ask mr. Getty what is that that
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money cannot buy and he replied I don't
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think it can buy health and I don't
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think it can buy a good time some of the
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best times ever had didn't cost him any
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money the fact is that most of the
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ingredients necessary for happiness are
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present in the lives of most people
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every day they're things and conditions
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for which we need not wait they're ours
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today and most of them are things were
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so used to we take them for granted
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they're the people with whom we live and
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work our children our homes
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there's the anticipation of the day and
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what it will bring the opportunity to
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work well and honestly so that we can
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take pride in satisfaction from it and
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by so doing enjoy our leisure and I rest
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there's the happiness that should come
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from being with our friends and our
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neighbors and the thoughtful person
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finds happiness and just being alive he
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enjoys walking on a sunny day but he
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likes to walk in the rain too he can
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find happiness from the sound of the
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surf or the crafting of a fire Abraham
10:22
Lincoln said that people are about as
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happy as they make up their minds to be
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and that seems to be it the making up of
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the mind happy people are happy most of
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the time and it must be because they
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just made up their minds that the
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alternative doesn't hold much hope of
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fun if a person must wait until
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something happens to him to make him
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happy he's not going to get much fun out
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of life happiness should not be just the
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reaction to an how
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side stimulus rather it should be a
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state of mind a regular condition that
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will fail at times because of
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unfavorable outside stimulus now when
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you practically tear your little toe off
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walking barefoot through a darkened room
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you're not gonna be the happiest person
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in the neighborhood for the next 10
11:04
minutes life is full of things that can
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cause our happiness our sense of
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well-being to evaporate for a while
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knowing that sorrow and disappointment
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are natural and inevitable conditions of
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life let's let them be the stimuli to
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break our happiness rather than leaving
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it the other way around the way so many
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seem to have it so be happy now a person
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can go a long way toward alleviating and
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understanding his discontent if he will
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understand the perverse nature of the
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human being when a person works too hard
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it just works for a long steady time he
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becomes discontented and once rest and
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relaxation when he relaxes too long he
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seeks work when he's around too many
11:46
people for too long he longs for
11:47
solitude when he's alone too long he
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longs for human companionship the young
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and videoed a person along for the years
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to quickly pass the older envy the young
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and often wish they could somehow turn
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back the clock of time you'll be a lot
12:03
happier and have a much better sense of
12:05
humor if you understand that it's an
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integral and indiscernible part of human
12:09
nature to become dissatisfied to want
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what you don't have at the moment
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moments of complete and blissful
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satisfaction are wonderful but rare and
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soon give way to a nagging desire for
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something else
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and that's good if we understand this
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part of ourselves we can avoid
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frustration it is this godlike
12:30
discontent that lurks in the growing
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person that's responsible for all human
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progress that our discontent is also
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responsible for a great deal of pain and
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unnecessary suffering is simply the
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other side of the corinne do you
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remember the old fable about the
12:45
fisherman who caught a magic prince in
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the form of a fish and the fish told the
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fisherman that if he's letting go the
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fish would grant any wish the fisherman
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let him go
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talked it over with his wife and they
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started wishing each time their wish was
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granted
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they then wish for something greater
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finally they lived in a great gleaming
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castle with hundreds of servants but it
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wasn't enough the wife wanted them to
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control the Sun to make it obedient to
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her whim and when the fisherman asked
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for this wish the Finny Prince was
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disgusted and took away everything they
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were once again in the simple shack
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thanks sir when the old fables it's the
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commentary on human nature and it comes
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uncomfortably close to the truth we say
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if only I had such-and-such I'd be
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completely happy for the rest of my life
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it isn't true
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as soon as we have such-and-such for a
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while a surprisingly short while we then
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want something else
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discontent comes with the territory it
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comes with being human
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are you discontented if you are that's
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good that's why we're not still
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squatting in a filthy drafty cave and
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grunting and scratching divine
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discontent to understand it is to use it
14:06
properly let me give you some tips on
14:09
how to be miserable and don't laugh
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there are literally millions of people
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who wouldn't trade their daily misery
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for all the gold in the world you may
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know some of them in fact if you know
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ten people you probably know several of
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them this may be an exaggeration and a
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may not to the first step to real
14:24
professional type solid unremitting
14:26
misery is to get all wrapped up in
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yourself and your problems real or
14:30
imagined become a kind of island
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surrounded on every side by yourself by
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turning all of your thoughts inward upon
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yourself you can naturally not spend
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much or any time thinking of others and
14:40
other things and so finally the outside
14:42
world the real world will disappear into
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a kind of Hitchcock type fog you know
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the world is there because every once in
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a while you'll bump into it but for the
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most part it will be murky and
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indistinguishable and it's right here
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that you have to understand an important
14:57
but little-known fact the type of person
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who turns inward upon himself doesn't
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have much in the wisdom Department or it
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never do it and as a result he doesn't
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have much to turn inward upon he finds a
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kind of vacuum so he must then invent
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things and he invents things like the
15:15
world is against him which is the worst
15:16
possible kind of conceit the world isn't
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against him it doesn't even know he
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exists and as a result it ignores him
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completely so since this person doesn't
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get much attention from this attitude he
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tries to get attention through various
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other means one is to hunt for illnesses
15:31
of various kinds if you look long enough
15:33
and it doesn't take long you can find
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symptoms of any condition or disease
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known to man and some that are unknown
15:39
ranging from yours to rabies with your
15:41
newfound illness you've got something
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with which you hope to make everyone
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else as miserable as you are so you tell
15:47
them about it they don't want to hear
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about it
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but you tell them anyway and you watch
15:51
for signs of sympathy and at first you
15:54
get them so you think you've got it made
15:56
and and you keep this up with new and
15:58
interesting medical problems you wake up
16:01
every morning feeling rotten and you
16:03
left the world know about it but soon
16:05
you detective change people begin to
16:07
walk away as you approach they don't
16:09
want to hear your deadly recitation
16:11
anymore even your family turns an
16:13
uninterested deaf ear to your
16:14
protestations of being on the brink of a
16:16
slow and painful death well this makes
16:19
you angry so childlike you cry out that
16:22
nobody cares whether you live or die and
16:24
by this time you're pretty close to the
16:25
truth so the bitterness deepens the
16:27
misery thickens and you draw farther and
16:30
farther back into your cave shouting
16:32
implications of the world throwing an
16:34
occasional stone at a passerby and in
16:36
general making a complete ass of
16:38
yourself well there you have it one of
16:41
the best and most common formulas for
16:43
being miserable and making those around
16:45
you miserable as well and it all starts
16:47
with becoming too wrapped up in yourself
16:49
feeling that you're important somehow
16:51
Samuel Johnson wrote many of our
16:54
miseries are merely comparative we're
16:56
often made unhappy not by the presence
16:58
of any real evil but by the absence of
17:00
some fictitious good and a Hindu proverb
17:02
says the miserable are very talkative
17:04
and they are aren't they I ran across
17:07
something interesting called the master
17:09
word it's about a word that will work
17:11
wonders for a person regardless of his
17:13
age or what he does with his days man
17:15
woman a child the master word will bring
17:17
meaning and usefulness into his or her
17:19
life new clarity and self respect and
17:22
satisfaction into the passing days this
17:25
was written by the great physician Sir
17:27
William
17:28
though little the master word looms
17:31
large in meaning it is the Open Sesame
17:34
to every portal the great equalizer the
17:36
Philosopher's Stone which transmits all
17:39
base metal of humanity into gold the
17:41
stupid it will make bright the bright
17:44
brilliant and the brilliant steady to
17:47
youth it brings hope to the middle-aged
17:49
confidence to the aged repose
17:52
you know what the master where it is
17:54
well guess I used it in my opening
17:57
comments today did you recognize it well
18:00
the master word is work I've talked
18:04
about this before but it's been said
18:05
that we need reminding as much as we
18:06
need educating human beings have the
18:09
strangest and most perverse tendency to
18:11
take the best parts of life for granted
18:13
in fact the human being has the capacity
18:15
to take anything no matter how great it
18:18
might be for granted once he becomes
18:20
used to it the actor in front of the
18:22
camera is the captain of a great ocean
18:24
liner the man of the controls of a giant
18:26
earthmoving machine the writer the
18:28
painter the mother all seemed to let the
18:31
charm and excitement of their work fade
18:33
after a while until it becomes as
18:35
humdrum to them as candling eggs William
18:39
Osler and the other great men of the
18:41
past and present knew the real value of
18:43
work not just its value to those who
18:45
benefit from it but its incalculably
18:47
great value to the person performing it
18:49
these people seem to have the capacity
18:52
for never taking their work for granted
18:55
instead they found it filled with
18:57
interest and reward and became great
18:59
because they did I was talking that long
19:02
ago with a top executive of one of our
19:04
major oil companies
19:05
he started his career working as a
19:07
helper in a service station of the
19:09
company whose nationwide sales he now
19:11
directs why did he happen to see so much
19:14
opportunity adventure and reward hidden
19:17
in what the average person would
19:18
consider to be the most menial and
19:20
uninteresting work it makes you wonder
19:23
how how many young men in the same work
19:25
today are looking beyond the gas tank
19:27
they're filling are the windshield
19:29
they're cleaning and it makes you wanted
19:31
to how a person can take his most
19:33
precious possessions for granted until
19:35
they become dull and dreary or lose
19:37
their charm and become uninteresting
19:40
loved ones his home his health his
19:43
abilities and his work what happened to
19:46
the excitement of the first days when
19:48
his wife his home and children and his
19:50
work were new in his life like the
19:52
finest silver these valuable things need
19:54
regular polishing and regardless of what
19:56
it is we do with our days they should be
19:58
kept as bright as they were in the
20:00
beginning in this way they can lead us
20:02
to the new and even more interesting
20:03
years ahead dr. Paul Shearer speaking of
20:07
jobs impatience to get immediate and
20:09
direct answers to his questions said
20:10
greatness and peace and happiness are
20:13
simply not proper ends for any human
20:15
soul to set for itself
20:17
they are the byproducts of a life that
20:19
has held steady like a ship at sea to
20:21
some true course worth sailing terrific
20:25
isn't it greatness and peace and
20:27
happiness and not proper ends for any
20:28
human soul to set for itself
20:30
they are the byproducts of a life that
20:33
has held steady like a ship at sea to
20:35
some true course worth sailing in other
20:38
words if the course to which you're
20:39
holding is right everything helps you
20:41
one who comes by-products some true
20:43
course how does a person find some true
20:46
course worth sailing I remember some
20:48
time back a man came to me for advice on
20:50
how he might become a popular
20:51
sought-after platform speaker he told me
20:54
he enjoyed making speeches and wanted to
20:56
make a career of it I asked him what he
20:58
wanted to say and drew a complete blank
21:00
it became clear that he was ready to
21:03
speak on any subject the entertainment
21:04
committee wanted him to speak on it
21:06
wasn't the subject it was just that he
21:08
wanted to make speeches I told him that
21:11
he'd never become a great and
21:12
sought-after speaker until he had
21:13
something he wanted very much to say
21:15
something inside of him that burned to
21:18
get out that he felt needed telling
21:20
speakers become great because of what
21:23
they want to say greatness follows the
21:25
zeal of this subject and it's the same
21:27
with some other true course worth
21:30
sailing a person needs to find the
21:32
course in which he can lose himself
21:34
dedicate himself and then the greatness
21:37
and the peace and the happiness will
21:40
come to him naturally as the bee comes
21:42
to the blooming flower or a child runs
21:45
to its parents people who find their
21:48
lives filled with confusion and
21:50
uncertainty with boredom and I'm
21:52
- need to find a meaningful vehicle for
21:56
their lives something in which they can
21:57
lose themselves completely it needn't be
22:00
some great cause although it can be it
22:03
can be found usually and I present work
22:05
as a rule it needs only be ferreted out
22:08
we need to know we need to become in the
22:11
words of dr. Maslow self-actualizing we
22:15
need to become people who are steadily
22:17
moving toward fulfillment toward
22:18
personal enrichment dr. J Wallace
22:21
Hamilton puts it pretty well when he
22:22
asks and answers his own question he
22:24
writes what then are the basic laws of
22:26
happiness and how do we learn them
22:28
I suppose the clearest law upon which
22:30
there's fundamental agreement is that
22:32
this inner music of the soul which we've
22:34
named happiness is essentially and
22:36
inevitably a by-product that it comes
22:40
invariably by indirection
22:42
to pursue it two pumps upon it to go
22:46
directly after it is the surest way not
22:49
to obtain it people who make a mission
22:52
of seeking happiness miss it and people
22:54
who talk loudly about the right to be
22:56
happy seldom are it's a byproduct an
22:59
agreeable thing added in the pursuit of
23:00
something else way back in the days of
23:03
sailing ships sailors who ventured into
23:05
Antarctic waters would occasionally see
23:07
a strange and awe inspiring sight they
23:10
see a great iceberg towering a high out
23:12
of the sea moving against the wind now
23:16
since they depended upon the wind to
23:18
drive their ships they were keenly aware
23:19
of its direction and to see this great
23:21
shining apparently inanimate monolith of
23:24
ice moving mysteriously into the teeth
23:26
of the wind was to them uncomfortably
23:28
curious it was not until much later that
23:31
students of the sea learned of the great
23:33
currents which like titanic rivers moved
23:36
their mysterious ways through the body
23:38
of the sea these icebergs some so huge
23:41
that it took days to sail past them had
23:44
their roots 90% of their bulk caught in
23:46
these great currents and they moved
23:48
majestically along their way regardless
23:51
of the winds and tides on the surface I
23:53
like this story because to me it's a
23:55
wonderful example of the way a person
23:57
should live his life a person should
23:59
have his roots deep in a great moving
24:01
current a moving stream of conscious
24:04
direction which will keep him on course
24:06
saving steadily toward the destination
24:07
he's chosen regardless of the economic
24:10
and social winds that blow first this
24:13
way and then that on the surface in such
24:16
a life there's no great hurry
24:17
no frantic running about no doubt or
24:20
confusion instead each day he moves a
24:22
little way along his course steadily
24:24
unrelentingly in one day he doesn't seem
24:27
to make much headway to the casual
24:29
observer but like the iceberg is he come
24:31
back in a week you'll no longer find him
24:33
at the exact latitude and longitude of a
24:35
week ago
24:36
and in a year he have covered a really
24:38
marvelous distance while most of those
24:41
about him will still be moving in
24:43
circles and by fits and starts they'll
24:46
go tearing past in one day like their
24:48
hair sped by the turtle if you don't
24:50
mind my mixing my metaphors but he plod
24:53
steadily on never looking back
24:54
thoroughly enjoying the trip and above
24:57
all he has the wonderful calm knowledge
25:00
of his destination and knows that each
25:02
day finds him closing the distance that
25:04
still separates him from it sometimes in
25:07
his life as in all lives there are
25:09
storms which tend to throw him off
25:11
course and obstacles which for a time
25:13
may delay him but soon he's right back
25:16
on course again moving ahead this is the
25:19
life of the strong serene person the
25:21
person of wisdom the person who knows
25:23
the cannot do or become everything in
25:25
this lifetime so calmly chooses that
25:28
which he desires and which best fits his
25:30
proclivity pushing everything else from
25:32
his line and begins his life's journey
25:34
the life of such a man a woman always
25:37
demonstrates the almost unbelievable
25:39
cumulative effect of time well-spent
25:42
his steady unswerving use of time seems
25:45
to make it compound and tell in a very
25:47
few years he's miles ahead of all but
25:50
the few who live as he does he's like
25:52
that great iceberg
25:54
his roots are firmly held by the steady
25:57
stream of his belief Emerson thought a
26:00
point of education that I can never too
26:02
much insist upon as this tenet that
26:04
every individual man has a bias which he
26:06
must obey that it is only as he feels
26:09
and obeys this that he rightly develops
26:11
and attains his legitimate power in the
26:13
world
26:13
there are few things more interesting
26:15
than words
26:16
here's one you can add to your
26:17
vocabulary and your way of life if you
26:19
other the word is serendipity ser en di
26:23
P ity serendipity the meaning of
26:27
serendipity according to the Oxford
26:29
Dictionary is the Faculty of making
26:31
happy and unexpected discoveries by
26:33
accident and it means also the good
26:36
things that almost always happen to a
26:37
person following a bold course of action
26:40
serendipitous things the word was coined
26:43
by the British author Horace Walpole who
26:44
based it on the title of an old fairy
26:46
tale of three princes of Serendip the
26:49
princes in the story were always making
26:51
discoveries of things they were not
26:52
inquest oh let's say you're trying to
26:54
invent something frequently you will
26:56
stumble on to something entirely
26:57
different and wonderful that you had no
26:59
idea of discovering well that's what
27:01
serendipity means now the point I want
27:03
to make is that you wouldn't have made
27:05
the serendipitous discovery if you
27:07
hadn't been looking for something else
27:09
how bet you've heard people say of
27:11
someone that's the luckiest guy in the
27:13
world but if you'll get to know the man
27:15
you'll usually find he's a busy positive
27:17
kind of individual who's always looking
27:19
for new and interesting ways of doing
27:20
things someone wants to find luck is
27:23
something you find when preparedness
27:25
meets opportunity it just won't happen
27:27
usually unless a person prepared for it
27:29
there are lots of interesting and pretty
27:31
wonderful things that will be happening
27:32
all the time to a lot more people if
27:34
people weren't such stick-in-the-muds as
27:36
a rule take the person who hates his
27:38
work for example there are millions of
27:40
people I suppose who actually hate
27:42
loathe the work they're doing but they
27:44
stay with it because of some warped
27:46
sense of security
27:47
now if they'd find out what it is they
27:49
really love to do and prepare themselves
27:50
for it they could cut loose from what
27:52
they're doing now and the minute they do
27:54
this word serendipity comes into action
27:56
the good things that happen to a person
27:58
following a bold positive course of
28:00
action it's frequently found that a lot
28:03
of boredom and frustration in our work
28:05
comes from not knowing enough about it
28:06
you'd be surprised at the number of
28:08
people who know only their own job and
28:10
that in a limited way and who have no
28:12
idea what's going on in the rest of
28:14
their business frequently a person in
28:16
any given line of work can find interest
28:18
challenged and just the job he's looking
28:20
for right in his own business or
28:22
industry if he's just taking the time to
28:24
find out more about it one of the
28:26
greatest explorers who ever lived
28:29
Captain James Cook began as an ordinary
28:31
seaman in four years he had learned
28:34
enough to become a master of his own
28:36
ship and later made the discoveries that
28:38
of course made him famous a happy
28:40
successful serendipitous life beginning
28:43
as a common seaman another common seaman
28:46
named Joseph Conrad studied and worked
28:48
his way to become a ship's captain and
28:50
later wrote the wonderful stories of the
28:52
sea that made him loved and famous there
28:55
isn't a single line of work where this
28:57
hasn't happened I just picked beginning
28:59
as a common seaman as an example because
29:01
that's fairly a small beginning but the
29:04
same applies to anything else
29:06
serendipity it's quite a word and it'll
29:09
apply to whatever you do for a living
29:11
sometime back I was in San Diego for a
29:13
meeting and I met a wonderful young
29:15
couple who've been married only a few
29:16
days handsome young intelligent lad it
29:19
was a pleasure to see them together
29:21
after the meeting they drove me back to
29:23
my hotel in Mission Bay and we got to
29:25
talking about marriage I mentioned to
29:28
them what HL Mencken had said to
29:30
reporters who asked him what he thought
29:31
the secret to a happy marriage was they
29:34
had probably expected one of his
29:35
devastating iconoclastic comments but
29:39
his reply simply was courtesy there's
29:43
the secret to happiness in marriage and
29:45
convinced of it no matter how you turn
29:47
that word it comes out winning the young
29:49
couple was thoughtful and they agreed
29:51
with me courtship marriage should have
29:54
its foundation on love and mutual
29:56
respect but the years ahead a lifetime
29:58
together will depend upon that word
30:00
Menken passed along as the secret of a
30:03
happy marriage courtesy if a man and
30:06
woman will be courteous to each other
30:08
they'll never take each other for
30:10
granted their marriage will never become
30:12
dull and common and stale courtesy is
30:15
the thing that keeps a love fresh and
30:17
alive it's a strange thing but if
30:21
there's one person on the face of the
30:24
earth you should show courtesy to it
30:26
should be the person to whom you're
30:28
married that person before anyone else
30:30
and yet well you know as well as I do
30:33
that in all too many homes that's the
30:36
last person to be treated with courtesy
30:38
thoughtfulness and respect it takes
30:41
thought and
30:42
to be courteous everyday to the person
30:44
you're married to and that's exactly
30:46
what makes a marriage work
30:47
thoughtfulness and working at it people
30:51
often think there's some kind of mystery
30:54
to a really great and successful
30:56
marriage there's no mystery at all
30:59
everything operates on the same law
31:01
cause and effect the yard around your
31:05
house will reflect exactly the care
31:07
you're giving it it can return to you in
31:10
beauty and abundance no more than you
31:14
put into it it's impossible it's the
31:17
same with a a job a business a human
31:20
life a marriage with everything no
31:24
secret no mystery you can tell exactly
31:27
precisely what people are putting into a
31:30
marriage by observing what the marriage
31:33
is returning to them and the most
31:36
important ingredient is courtesy how do
31:39
you feel toward anyone who treats you
31:40
with courtesy and respect you like that
31:42
person and you like to be around him and
31:44
when this same common sense is applied
31:47
to the one person on earth you've
31:49
decided to spend your life with it takes
31:51
on whole worlds of new meaning and
31:53
builds a foundation of solid rock under
31:56
the love you have for each other
31:57
the children grow up taking courtesy as
32:00
a matter of course they see the fine and
32:02
gentle way their parents treat each
32:03
other and they'll know how to treat
32:05
their partners someday courtesy one word
32:07
in the English language that can make of
32:09
a marriage a thing of warmth and beauty
32:10
if it's there or a living hell if it is
32:13
back in the days of ancient Rome during
32:15
the years of the Caesars there was a
32:17
person whose only job was to hold a
32:19
laurel wreath over the head of the
32:21
Caesar and from time to time in tone the
32:24
words thou art mortal now the purpose of
32:28
this was to remind the man in whom such
32:29
great powers resided that he too was
32:32
after all only a man and as such mortal
32:35
when we're young we tend to think of
32:38
life as never-ending time for a
32:40
stretches awful limitlessly into the
32:42
future but as we get older even in our
32:44
40s which should be a time of vigor
32:46
interest in activity really a time of
32:48
young maturity we begin to get from time
32:51
to time
32:51
small reminders of our mortality or what
32:54
might be a sudden shortness of breath or
32:57
a perfectly normal twinge in the chest a
33:00
bit of back trouble but we get these
33:02
occasional reminders that time is not
33:04
after all standing still for us that we
33:07
like these theses of old are indeed
33:09
mortal to the neurotic this sort of
33:13
reminder fell seam of dread and plunges
33:15
him into even deeper depression but to
33:18
the fairly normal reasonably
33:19
well-adjusted person this comes as a
33:21
reminder to enjoy to the fullest the
33:24
time that is remaining that days are not
33:27
things to be waited through until
33:29
Saturday or a birthday or Christmas but
33:32
rather to be savored and enjoyed one by
33:34
one hour by hour we come to an
33:37
understanding that to kill time as we so
33:40
aptly put it is really nothing more than
33:43
to kill a little part of ourselves since
33:45
time is all we have it reminds us to at
33:48
least it should to be more patient more
33:50
tolerant of others particularly those we
33:53
love if we're mature enough to love
33:56
anyone it means exactly that and it
33:58
reminds us to follow our hunches and
34:01
obey our sudden impulses especially
34:03
those which involve a kind word or a pat
34:05
on the back or a sign of tenderness
34:07
those we love as well as ourselves are
34:10
only passengers for the journeys
34:12
duration so let's let them know we enjoy
34:14
sharing it with them and if we don't
34:17
always enjoy it let's fake it let's
34:19
pretend we do after all the trip really
34:21
isn't all that long I saw a newspaper
34:24
picture not long ago of a woman of 75
34:26
ice skating it reminded me that 75 is
34:29
only older people under 60 the people 75
34:33
it's a good thoroughly enjoyable age and
34:35
maybe we'll all live to be 85 or 95 and
34:37
maybe we won't in any case there is a
34:40
limit and this should be here it
34:41
wouldn't be there and since there is why
34:44
not relax a little not take things too
34:46
seriously and there's an old friend of
34:48
mine once said in a life where death is
34:49
inevitable never worry about anything
34:51
sure it's easier said than done
34:53
I remember reading a story about an old
34:55
man who was planning a young tree in his
34:57
yard his neighbor hailed him I said what
34:59
are you planting the tree for you'll
35:00
never live to see it grown
35:01
and the old man calmly went on with his
35:03
planning and said I believe you have to
35:05
plan on dying tomorrow or living forever
35:07
well I'm not planning on dying tomorrow
35:10
George Santayana once wrote that there's
35:13
no cure for birth and death saved to
35:15
enjoy the interval is no cure for birth
35:18
and death saved to enjoy the interval
35:21
you know it's being reminded to
35:23
something like that which can shake a
35:25
person up a little bit never thought
35:27
much about how much time we waste and
35:29
unhappiness we bring on ourselves by
35:31
worrying about the future and reliving
35:33
in our minds the mistakes of the past
35:35
one of the neatest tricks in the world
35:37
is to learn to enjoy the present since
35:39
the present is the only time we'll ever
35:41
own distance is no longer a serious
35:43
obstacle due to modern means to travel
35:45
but time remains unconquered it cannot
35:48
be expanded accumulated mortgaged
35:50
hastened or it's the one thing
35:53
completely beyond man's control and
35:55
while the supply of time is certainly
35:57
limited for anyone generally it's
35:59
squandered as though there's no end to
36:01
it
36:01
the man on the commuter train board
36:04
waiting to get home and waiting for
36:06
dinner then waiting to go to bed or for
36:08
a particular television program and he
36:10
thus spends his time slightly behind
36:12
reality waiting for something that's
36:15
coming up and while it'll keep him going
36:17
he never or seldom learns to enjoy the
36:19
time he's using right now but what it
36:22
takes seems to be an awareness of living
36:24
it means being aware that you're alive
36:26
at this moment and that the world and
36:29
people are interesting enough at any
36:30
time so that we needn't waste so
36:32
precious a thing as time in boredom if
36:35
we know where we're going in the future
36:37
we can do our work the best we can give
36:40
it everything we've got and we don't
36:42
need to worry about it or the future and
36:44
as for reliving our mistakes of the past
36:46
this is the easiest advice on earth to
36:49
give and probably the most difficult on
36:52
earth to follow everybody knows that
36:54
it's perfectly useless to relive in our
36:57
minds that dumb stunts we've pulled in
36:59
the past but this doesn't keep us from
37:01
doing it and again according to the
37:03
experts the solution may be found in
37:05
living for the present and enjoying it
37:08
as much as we can now this does not mean
37:10
that we should not plan for the future
37:11
we should but once their plans are laid
37:14
fine work on them but don't stew and
37:16
fret over them all we will ever have is
37:19
today yesterday is gone forever can
37:22
never be recalled and tomorrow really
37:25
never comes if we find it difficult to
37:27
enjoy the day in which were living we
37:29
should remember that what we're waiting
37:31
for will be made up of the same kind of
37:33
days we're getting now frequently a
37:36
person who's unhappy by nature will
37:38
believe that when something happens in
37:39
the future such as marriage a better job
37:41
more money or whatever it happens to be
37:43
that it'll suddenly be a happy person
37:45
but the facts don't bear that out if
37:47
we're living in the past or worrying or
37:49
hoping for happiness in the future the
37:51
best thing we can do is ask ourselves
37:53
how am i doing with the days I'm getting
37:55
right now how am i doing today it's not
37:58
how much we have but how much we enjoy
38:00
that makes happiness try that business
38:03
of being aware of the present and its
38:04
possibilities and the chances are you'll
38:06
enjoy it
38:07
the head of a great corporation died in
38:10
his New York office of a heart attack
38:12
later when it came time to clean out his
38:14
desk and collect his personal effects
38:16
the hand fishing line wrapped on a stick
38:19
complete with Barbara's sinker and
38:21
rusted hook was found in his bottom desk
38:24
drawer it was probably the one he'd use
38:27
as a small boy on the farm in the
38:28
Midwest had that relic of younger
38:31
carefree days represented his real dream
38:33
of what living was all about he had gone
38:36
to school found a job got married worked
38:38
hard purchased a home on the installment
38:40
plan and the other niceties of living
38:41
children had come along and there was
38:44
their education to think about there
38:45
were the promotions that came from hard
38:47
work and native ability in the passing
38:49
of the years there were the clubs and
38:51
civic things the professional
38:52
associations the crises on the job and
38:54
at home and finally the top job with a
38:57
company that had grown very much largely
38:59
with the passing of 30 years the top job
39:01
with its responsibilities to
39:03
stockholders employees customers
39:04
research and development finance the
39:08
kids were out of school too made
39:09
themselves now it all happened so fast
39:10
and was no real plan of any kind it had
39:13
been schooled and job then worked in
39:15
promotions and family and income
39:16
problems and suddenly there he was on
39:19
top of the pile and rummaging in his
39:21
things in the Attic of the basement one
39:23
day he had come across that old worn-out
39:24
fishing outfit
39:25
with his tiny hook four blue gills and
39:27
the red barber with the paint all peeled
39:29
off the string had almost come apart in
39:32
his hands that he'd sat there and
39:33
remembered that cool little creek with
39:35
the summer smell of it and the green
39:37
moss along the bank the frogs popping
39:39
into the water in the water bugs
39:40
skimming in the Willows along the bank
39:42
he remembered the excitement of seeing
39:44
that bobber suddenly disappear in the
39:46
frantic tug of the fish on the line and
39:48
finally a nice string of them for dinner
39:50
and suddenly he had wanted to go back he
39:55
had realized that that had been living
39:57
that that had been real and elemental
39:59
and unsatisfying and somehow he hadn't
40:02
done enough of it he hadn't had the time
40:04
to jessica's sit on a banking fish for a
40:07
while and she won a twig and feel the
40:09
Sun on his back and wait for the Barbara
40:11
to disappear the time and the leisure to
40:13
listen to the voice inside and get
40:16
things straightened out in his mind as
40:17
to what was important and what wasn't
40:19
things like goals and roles so someone
40:24
had called him and he put the fishing
40:26
outfit in his jacket pocket and he'd
40:28
thought about the next morning - when he
40:30
took the outfit to his office and looked
40:33
at it again and then finally put it down
40:36
in that bottom drawer tucked away out of
40:39
sight but not out of mind and then
40:42
there'd been the coronary and that had
40:44
been the end of that the fishing outfit
40:46
was still in the bottom drawer then when
40:49
his wife went through the effects that
40:51
they had sent home from the office
40:53
she sat with the fishing outfit in her
40:55
hands for a long time she saw him as a
40:58
little boy - and maybe one day divided
41:02
the course he'd chosen in interviews
41:04
with very old people people who realize
41:07
that their remaining time is drawing to
41:09
a close
41:09
you feel me hear them say I waited too
41:12
long to start living when the
41:15
researchers or others who hear this kind
41:17
of response are young they find it
41:19
strange but what these older people mean
41:21
is they often fail to enjoy life even
41:24
during the years that they were living
41:25
at most fully and it seems that most
41:27
people during the richest and fullest
41:29
years of their lives failed to develop
41:32
and awareness of living and enjoyment of
41:36
the living it's like the person who puts
41:38
the best china and silver and linen away
41:40
for some future time or very special
41:43
time and dies before any of its ever
41:45
used or it's like the person who put
41:47
seat covers in his car and thus passes
41:49
on to the second person to buy it brand
41:52
new upholstery that he himself never
41:54
used or enjoyed and so millions of
41:56
people with the miracle of sight and
41:59
never really see the world about them
42:01
until it's practically too late
42:03
millions with the inborn capacity to
42:05
love and to know that your way that
42:07
loving brings wait too long to express
42:10
it they lived through the passing years
42:12
without really being aware of the days
42:14
of the riches that are passing through
42:17
the hands a few people that seems
42:20
developed an awareness of daily living
42:22
in possession of the miracle of life
42:25
they passed through their days like
42:28
automatons in possession of the greatest
42:31
gift on earth life itself
42:34
they tell us by their actions that they
42:37
don't even know they have it and haven't
42:39
the slightest conception of its value
42:40
let alone an awareness that is to be
42:43
enjoyed to the fullest every day I
42:45
remember reading an account of a famous
42:47
show business personality a woman of
42:49
Greek talent who is she made the
42:51
announcement of her impending fourth or
42:53
fifth marriage said after all these
42:56
years I'm finally going to be happy she
42:59
thought another husband could somehow
43:00
give her something she should have been
43:02
enjoying all along she obviously had no
43:04
idea as to what happiness is where it's
43:06
to be found or what living is all about
43:08
and she belongs to a big club it's only
43:11
when life is threatened that a
43:13
conception of its value begins to dawn
43:15
on the average person a man prodded a
43:18
kidnapping for months his mind was
43:21
filled with the thought of the million
43:23
dollar ransom he was going to get more
43:25
important to him he thought at the time
43:27
than anything else on earth yet when he
43:29
was surprised by the police he dropped
43:32
the suitcase containing the ransom and
43:34
ran for dear life ran for dear life it
43:39
took the sudden threat of death to put
43:42
things in their proper order for this
43:43
poor
43:44
stooop
43:45
person it's amazing isn't it how few
43:48
people seem to get the word most people
43:51
place the greatest value on the cheapest
43:53
things in life while the greatest of all
43:55
life itself
43:57
those are noticed the most fortunate
44:00
people in the world are those who have
44:02
the wisdom to place value where it
44:04
belongs those who have an awareness of
44:07
life I read a great Greek poem once by a
44:11
Fafi titled I believe it was titled
44:14
journey to Ithaca something like that
44:16
which reminds us that it is the voyage
44:19
and the adventures on the way that count
44:21
not the arrival itself this seems to be
44:24
the most difficult truth to understand
44:26
this is not to say that a man's goal in
44:28
life is unimportant on a country is
44:30
vital for without a goal a distant
44:32
destination we would not begin the trip
44:34
at all instead of an odyssey we've ever
44:37
running around in circles and endless
44:39
following of the shoreline around and
44:41
around a tiny island every man needs a
44:44
great and distant goal toward which to
44:46
strive but in travelling toward it he
44:48
should try to keep in mind that the
44:50
fabled land he seeks as sure as much
44:52
like the one he left behind
44:53
that its purpose is not so much a
44:55
resting place but rather the reason for
44:58
the trip where a person goes is not
45:00
nearly as important as how he gets there
45:03
that a house is built is not important
45:05
it's the manner in which it's built that
45:07
makes it great poor or average that we
45:11
live is not nearly as important as the
45:13
manner in which we live I think it's in
45:16
misunderstanding this that often keeps
45:18
people in a state of unhappiness and
45:20
anxiety they forget what they're really
45:22
looking for or what they really should
45:24
be looking for the discovery of
45:26
themselves this is the island toward
45:29
which everyone should journey it's a
45:31
difficult journey be set like the
45:32
travels of Ulysses with many dangers and
45:35
hardships but it gives meaning to life
45:37
and there are many rich rewards to be
45:39
found along the way it means asking the
45:42
questions that are hard to answer
45:44
questions like what am I going why am I
45:47
going there what is it that I really
45:49
want and why do I want it am I making
45:52
the best possible use of myself as a
45:55
person am i gradually realizing my real
45:58
potential
45:59
am i discovering my best talents and
46:01
abilities and using them to their
46:02
fullest am i living fully extended in my
46:05
one chance at life on earth am I really
46:07
living Who am I
46:09
these are the questions everyone must
46:11
ask himself and find the answers to as
46:14
Emerson wrote though we travel the world
46:16
over to find the beautiful we must carry
46:18
it with us or we find it not whatever it
46:21
is you're looking for must first be
46:23
found within yourself whether it be
46:24
peace happiness riches or great
46:27
accomplishments everything we do
46:29
outwardly is only an expression of what
46:31
we are inwardly to ask for anything else
46:33
is as absurd as looking for apples on an
46:36
oak tree so the person who knows what he
46:38
wants
46:39
knows what he must become and so he
46:41
fixes his attention on the preparation
46:43
and development of himself and as he
46:45
grows toward the ideal he holds in his
46:47
mind he finds interest zest and joy on
46:50
the journey he looks forward to tomorrow
46:52
but he also enjoys today for it's the
46:54
tomorrow he looked forward to yesterday
46:56
he knows that if he cannot find meaning
46:58
and value in his present it will very
47:00
likely be missing from his future today
47:02
is the future of five years ago these
47:05
are questions that need answering some
47:08
4,500 years ago one of the most
47:11
inspiring thoughts the world's ever
47:13
produced was written in Sanskrit and
47:15
here's its translation it goes look well
47:19
to this one day for it and it alone is
47:22
life in the brief course of this one day
47:25
lie all the verities and realities of
47:27
your existence
47:28
the pride of growth the glory of action
47:30
the splendor of beauty yesterday is only
47:33
a dream and tomorrow is but a vision yet
47:37
each day well lived makes every
47:40
yesterday a dream of happiness and each
47:43
tomorrow a vision of Hope look well
47:46
therefore to this one day for it and it
47:50
alone is life with that one bit of
47:54
ancient philosophy and little else a
47:56
person could live an ideal and richly
47:58
successful life it applies to everyone
48:00
in every walk of life certainly the
48:02
student the teacher the businessperson
48:04
the worker whatever his task may be the
48:07
housewife the politician the Kuragin
48:10
I remember reading somewhere about a
48:11
businessman who visits his barber shop
48:13
every morning for half an hour he
48:15
doesn't want to shave a haircut every
48:17
morning he buys stretched out in the
48:19
chair with a hot towel on his face not
48:21
just because it's soothing and relaxing
48:23
but so no one will recognize him speak
48:26
to him and during that half hour he gets
48:28
himself organized mentally for the day
48:30
ahead sounds like a good idea but I
48:33
think everyone could accomplish much the
48:35
same thing by sitting quietly and slowly
48:37
reading that great piece of wisdom from
48:39
the sanskrit look well to this one day
48:43
for it and it alone is life it's true
48:46
today right now it's all the life there
48:48
is for any person on earth we can look
48:50
toward and plan for the future certainly
48:52
but if we pass up living and enjoying
48:54
today we're passing up all we've got for
48:56
something we hope to get in the brief
48:59
course of this one day by all the
49:01
verities and realities of your existence
49:03
the pride of growth the glory of action
49:06
the splendor of beauty in reading and
49:08
thinking of this at the beginning of
49:10
each new day we could remind ourselves
49:12
of these points the truth and reality of
49:16
our lives in themselves a miracle and we
49:19
would remind ourselves of the duty to
49:22
grow a little as persons to rise above
49:25
the petty and the trivial to become
49:28
stronger and more serene and we would
49:31
remind ourselves to take some action
49:33
calculated to move us our nots closer to
49:35
our goals and toward fulfillment as
49:37
persons and to recognize and be aware of
49:41
the beauty around us the proof of the
49:44
greatness and the truth of this piece of
49:46
writing is in the fact that it
49:47
successfully withstood the test of time
49:49
and has endured for more than 4000 years
49:52
it's as modern and important today as it
49:55
was the day at first flashed across the
49:56
mind of some person whose name has long
49:59
been forgotten and it'll be just as
50:01
important to thinking men and women 4000
50:04
years from today
50:05
for real truth is as ageless as the
50:08
mountains as enduring as the sea Emerson
50:11
wrote there is a time in every man's
50:13
education when he arrives at the
50:14
conviction that Envy is ignorant that
50:17
imitation is suicide that he must take
50:21
himself for better or worse as his
50:23
portion and that though the wide
50:25
universe is full of good no kernel of
50:28
nourishing corn can come to him but
50:31
through the toil bestowed on that part
50:33
of ground which has given him to till
50:37
the power which resides in him is new in
50:41
nature and none but he knows what that
50:44
is which he can do nor does he know and
50:46
to be stride trust thyself every heart
50:51
vibrates to that iron string there is a
50:55
bit of advice that a person would do
50:57
well to reflect upon every morning of
51:00
his life no one can even estimate the
51:02
number of people with nervous anxious
51:04
unhappy lives because they daily attempt
51:07
the impossible which is to be like
51:09
someone else there people who don't
51:11
realize the truth of Emerson's words
51:13
that envious ignorance that imitation is
51:16
suicide he must have used the word
51:19
suicide because we have to kill that
51:21
which is natural in ourselves when we
51:23
attempt to be like someone else they
51:25
need to recognize the truth also that
51:28
the power that resides in them is new in
51:31
nature that it has never appeared before
51:34
incest that way on earth that if they
51:36
learn about and develop their own powers
51:39
they'll have no need of envy or
51:41
imitation envious ignorance because it
51:45
means a person is ignorant of his own
51:47
powers and abilities is one of a kind
51:49
natural talent he's never looked within
51:52
himself for his own road to greatness
51:53
but instead seeks it in the lives of
51:56
others and when he fails to succeed as
51:59
do those he envies as fairly must
52:02
because he can't possibly be exactly
52:04
like them his image of himself shrinks
52:06
not understanding that he is unlike
52:09
those he envies he doesn't realize that
52:12
this simple fact lies at the bottom of
52:14
his failure nor does he understand that
52:16
he can be as successful as anyone on
52:18
earth if he will build upon that power
52:20
that resides in him as emerson put it
52:24
the power which resides in him is new in
52:26
nature and none but he knows what that
52:30
is which he can do nor does he know
52:32
until he's tried this is why a parent is
52:36
off base when he says to a child why
52:38
aren't you like so-and-so like a brother
52:40
or some model child look what he's doing
52:44
the parent doesn't understand that it's
52:46
a human impossibility for the child to
52:48
be like so-and-so and to do what he does
52:51
in the same way instead a parent would
52:54
be wise to say don't worry about
52:56
so-and-so he's found his strength and
52:58
he's building on it you have a strength
53:00
of your own and when you find it you can
53:03
build it just as high and then those
53:07
great words trust thyself every heart
53:12
vibrates to that iron string when a
53:15
person finds himself when he stops
53:17
imitating and envying others there's
53:20
something in his nature that says to him
53:21
this is it you found your Road at last
53:25
every person is born to be a star at
53:28
something the purpose of his or her life
53:31
is to discover it and then to spend his
53:34
or her years building upon that plot of
53:37
ground it was given to him and to her to
53:41
tell what makes you happy will depend
53:44
upon your own personal nature which is
53:46
different in many ways from that of any
53:48
other human being to try to find
53:50
happiness by doing what seems to make
53:52
others happy is to fall headfirst into
53:55
the identity trap so writes Harry Brown
53:58
in his book how I found freedom in an
54:00
unfree world mine's an Avon paperback he
54:04
believes that there are two identity
54:05
traps one the belief that you should be
54:07
someone other than yourself
54:08
and two the assumption that others will
54:10
do things in the way that you would now
54:12
these are the basic traps of which many
54:14
others are variations in the first trap
54:16
you necessarily forfeit your freedom by
54:18
requiring yourself to live in a
54:20
stereotyped predetermined way that
54:22
doesn't consider your own desires
54:24
feeling and objectives the second trap
54:27
is more subtle but just as harmful if
54:29
freedom when you expect someone to have
54:31
the same ideas attitudes and feelings
54:33
that you have you expect him to act in
54:35
ways that aren't in keeping with his
54:37
nature as a result you'll expect and
54:39
hope that people will do things they're
54:41
not capable of doing others can suggest
54:44
what you should do or what ought to make
54:47
you happy but they'll often be wrong you
54:49
have to determine for yourself who you
54:51
are what makes you happy what you're
54:53
capable of doing and what you want to do
54:55
the open suggestions but never forfeit
54:58
the power to make the final decision
54:59
yourself only then can you act in ways
55:02
that will bring you happiness you're in
55:04
the identity trap when you let others
55:06
determine what's right or wrong for you
55:08
when you live by unquestioned rules that
55:10
define how you should act and think your
55:13
any identity trap says mr. Brown when
55:15
you try to be interested in something
55:16
because it's expected of you or when you
55:19
try to do the things that others have
55:20
said you should do or when you try to
55:22
live up to an image that others say is
55:25
the only legitimate valid image you're
55:27
allowed to have you're in the identity
55:30
trap if you allow others to define
55:32
labels and impose them upon you such as
55:34
going to PTA meetings because that's
55:36
what's so-called good parents are
55:38
supposed to do are going to visit your
55:40
parents every Sunday because a good
55:42
child would never do less or giving up
55:44
your career because a so-called good
55:46
wife puts her husband's career first
55:48
you're in the identity trap
55:51
if you feign an interest in ecology to
55:53
prove your civic interest or give to the
55:56
poor to prove you aren't selfish or
55:58
study dull subjects to appear to be
56:00
intellectual you're in the identity trap
56:03
if you buy an expensive car to prove
56:06
you're successful or a small foreign car
56:08
because your friends are anti Detroit or
56:11
if you shave everyday to prove you're
56:12
respectable or let your hair grow long
56:14
to prove you don't conform in any of
56:17
these ways you allow someone else to
56:19
determine what you should think and be
56:21
you deny your own self when you suppress
56:24
desires that aren't considered
56:25
legitimate or when you try to appear to
56:28
be having fun because everyone else is
56:30
or when you settle for a certain life
56:32
because you've been told that's all you
56:34
should expect in the world
56:35
a little book that's meant a great deal
56:38
to me and I suppose thousands of others
56:40
is as a man thinketh by James Allen one
56:44
of the chapters of the book is entitled
56:45
visions and ideals and it's one of the
56:48
most beautiful things I've ever read it
56:50
goes like this the dreamers are the
56:53
saviors of the world as the visible
56:56
world is sustained by the invisible so
56:59
men through all their trials and sins
57:01
and sordid vocations are nourished by
57:04
the beautiful visions of their solitary
57:06
dreamers humanity cannot forget it's
57:09
dreamers it cannot let their ideals fade
57:12
and die it lives in them it knows them
57:15
as the realities which it shall when
57:17
they see and know composer sculptor
57:20
painter poet prophet sage these are the
57:24
makers of the afterworld the architects
57:26
in heaven the world is beautiful because
57:29
they've lived without them laboring
57:31
humanity would perish he who cherishes a
57:35
beautiful vision a lofty ideal in his
57:38
heart will one day realize it columbus
57:41
cherished a vision of another world and
57:43
he discovered it Copernicus fostered the
57:46
vision of a multiplicity of worlds and a
57:48
wider universe and he revealed it Buddha
57:51
beheld the vision of a spiritual world a
57:54
stainless beauty and perfect peace and
57:56
he entered into it Sara share visions
57:59
cherish your ideals cherish the music
58:02
that stirs in your heart the beauty that
58:05
forms in your mind the loveliness that
58:07
drapes your purest thoughts for out of
58:09
them will grow all delightful conditions
58:11
all heavenly environment of these if you
58:15
but remain true to them your world will
58:17
at last be built to desire is to obtain
58:21
to aspire is to achieve shall man's
58:25
basest desires receive the fullest
58:27
measure of gratification and his purest
58:29
aspiration starved for lack of
58:31
sustenance such is not the law such a
58:35
condition of things can never obtain ask
58:37
and receive dream lofty dreams and as
58:43
you dream so shall you become your
58:46
vision is the promise of what you shall
58:48
one day
58:49
your ideal is the prophecy of what you
58:52
shall at last unveil the greatest
58:55
achievement was at first and for a time
58:57
a dream the oak sleeps in the Acorn the
59:01
bird waits in the egg and in the highest
59:03
vision of the soul a waking angel stirs
59:07
dreams are the seedlings of realities
59:10
your circumstances may be uncongenial
59:13
but they shall not long remain so if you
59:15
but perceive an ideal and strive to
59:17
reach it you cannot travel within and
59:20
stand still without you will realize the
59:25
vision not the idle wish of your heart
59:28
be it base or beautiful or a mixture of
59:30
both for you will always gravitate
59:32
toward that which you secretly most love
59:35
into your hands will be placed the exact
59:38
results of your own thoughts you will
59:41
receive that which you earn no more no
59:45
less
59:46
dream lofty dreams and as you dream so
59:50
shall you become your vision is the
59:53
promise of what you shall one day be
59:55
your ideal is the prophecy of what you
59:58
shall at last unveil here's something
60:01
worth keeping in mind if one advances
60:04
confidently in the direction of his
60:06
dreams and endeavors to live the life
60:09
which he has imagined he will meet with
60:12
a success unexpected in common hours it
60:16
was written by Henry Thoreau and it
60:18
contains the truth most people don't
60:20
even dream exists if they did the entire
60:23
country might be turned into total chaos
60:25
the truth most of us missed in that
60:27
great quotation is that success beyond
60:30
anything we might now imagine lies in
60:32
wait for those who can put together
60:34
enough courage to actually live the life
60:37
they imagined you know most people live
60:39
in two worlds there's the real world the
60:42
world in which they move and work and
60:44
live
60:45
the world of the nitty-gritty and
60:46
there's the world of the imagination the
60:48
world they would secretly like to live
60:50
in and what keeps them from moving from
60:53
the world of reality into the world of
60:55
their imagination his habit and the fear
60:58
of falling flat on their faces in the
61:00
attempt and losing even the little that
61:02
they presently have and perhaps looking
61:03
ridiculous in the eyes of their loved
61:05
ones and friends there the Walter
61:07
Mitty's of the world were all Walter
61:10
Mitty's to some extent what we fail to
61:12
realize is what Thoreau discovered that
61:16
if one advances confidently in the
61:18
direction of his dreams and endeavors to
61:21
live the life which he has imagined he
61:24
will meet with a success unexpected in
61:27
common hours Thoreau knew this because
61:31
he did it
61:31
so did Paul Gauguin the painter some of
61:34
thousands of others who have found that
61:36
the line and surprised that life pays
61:38
off most handsomely when we're doing
61:40
that which we most want to do when we're
61:43
actually living the life we've imagined
61:45
for so long well that doesn't mean that
61:48
we run off after every vagrant whim but
61:51
it does mean that we should live the
61:52
life that we know deep down in our very
61:55
being we would most like to live it
61:58
means that we should be doing that which
61:59
every indicator of our makeup every
62:02
fiber of our being tells us we should be
62:04
doing and has been telling us for some
62:06
time Cogan didn't tear off the Tahiti
62:09
the first time that delightful thought
62:10
popped into his strange head nor did
62:13
Thoreau gonna live at Walden Pond the
62:15
first time the idea struck him to go off
62:17
by himself and meditate and think and
62:19
write and try to discover for himself
62:21
what was important and what wasn't but
62:24
when an idea tugs at us day after day
62:26
year after year when we think about it
62:28
as we lie awake in bed or the first
62:30
thing when we wake up every time there's
62:32
a lull in our days when it worries our
62:34
consciousness like a puppy with a
62:36
slipper then it's time to do something
62:39
about it and even though making the move
62:41
might seem to jeopardize everything of
62:43
order in our lives it's very likely as
62:45
Thoreau suggested that we will meet with
62:48
a success unexpected in common hours
62:50
the most commonly voiced thought after
62:53
taking such a step is why didn't I do
62:55
this years ago
62:57
Emrys
62:58
said a man should learn to detect and
63:00
watch that gleam of light which flashes
63:03
across his mind from within more than
63:05
the lustre of the firmament of bards and
63:07
sages yet he dismisses without notice
63:10
his thought because it's his once upon a
63:14
time there was a man who felt he'd
63:16
reached the end of his rope it seemed
63:18
that all the interest had suddenly
63:20
vanished from his life his creative
63:22
wells had seemingly dried up he still
63:25
had his work but it suddenly seemed
63:27
meaningless to him even his family and
63:30
his home receded darkly in his mind
63:32
finally nearing the point of desperation
63:35
he went to see his old friend the family
63:38
doctor the doctor listened to his story
63:41
saw the depth of his depression and then
63:43
asked him when you were a child what did
63:45
you like to do best and he answered I
63:48
like to visit the seashore all right the
63:51
doctor said you must do exactly as I
63:53
tell you
63:54
I want you to spend all day tomorrow at
63:56
the shore find a lonely stretch of beach
63:59
and spend the entire day there from 9:00
64:01
in the morning until 6:00 in the evening
64:03
take nothing to read and do nothing
64:05
calculated to distract you in any way
64:08
I'm going to give you four prescriptions
64:10
in order take the first at 9:00 the
64:13
second at 12:00 noon the third at three
64:16
o'clock and the last at six don't look
64:19
at the mail wait until you arrive at the
64:22
shore tomorrow morning well the man
64:24
promised he'd take the doctor's advice
64:26
and the next morning a little before
64:27
9:00 he parked his car in a lonely
64:30
stretch of beach there was a strong wind
64:32
blowing him from the sea and the surf
64:34
was high and pounding he walked to a
64:37
sand dune near the seething surf that
64:39
sat down he took out prescription number
64:42
one opened it and read it it said listen
64:46
that was all that was written on it the
64:48
one word to listen and so for three
64:51
hours that's all he did he listened to
64:53
the sound of the buffeting wind and the
64:55
lonely cries of the gulls he listened to
64:58
the sound of the booming surf he sat
65:00
quietly and he listened at noon he took
65:05
out and read the second prescription
65:08
this said simply
65:10
back and so for the next three hours he
65:14
did just that
65:15
he that his mind go back as far as it
65:18
could go and he thought of all the
65:20
incidents of his life that he could
65:22
remember the happy times that good times
65:24
the struggles and the successes at three
65:27
o'clock he tore open the third
65:29
prescription
65:30
it said re-examine your motives and this
65:34
took so much intense thought and
65:36
concentration that the remaining three
65:37
hours slipped quickly by for three hours
65:40
he reexamined his motives his reasons
65:42
for living and moving closer to
65:44
fulfillment he clarified and restated
65:46
his goals and at six o'clock and red
65:49
gray darkening sky with a taste of self
65:52
spray on the wind he read the fourth and
65:54
final prescription it read write your
65:57
worries in the sand there had been one
66:00
thing that had been worrying him
66:01
particularly so he walked to the hard
66:03
sand and with a stick wrote this worry
66:05
in the sand and stood looking at it for
66:06
a moment then as he walked toward his
66:08
car he looked back and saw that the
66:10
incoming tide had already erased his
66:12
worry he got in his car and drove
66:14
homeward my old friend norman vincent
66:16
peale told me that story some years back
66:18
about the man the seashore and the four
66:20
prescriptions listened reach back
66:23
re-examine your motives and then let
66:26
your worries in the sand dr. Kenneth
66:29
Hildebrand
66:30
for many years a midwestern minister and
66:32
author of the book achieving real
66:34
happiness told of a woman who was
66:36
married to a cruel shiftless alcoholic
66:39
when drunk he would beat her in the
66:42
children that's accumulated often there
66:45
was no food in the house when the eldest
66:47
child was seven the husband deserted his
66:49
wife she had no money no credit no
66:52
business training she had to undergo
66:55
surgery thus adding to her mountain of
66:57
debt a few months later the youngest
66:59
child became ill and died when the
67:03
father received the news by wire he
67:06
telegraphed and reply terrible shots
67:08
sorry to hear the news
67:11
his heartlessness so angered the woman
67:14
that she resolved to rear the children
67:16
without him at whatever cost to herself
67:18
the following nine years she twirled at
67:21
any work available
67:22
she never lost her determination or her
67:24
sense of humor and she prided herself
67:26
and not saying or doing anything to turn
67:29
the children against their father she
67:31
managed to keep the home together and to
67:33
make it a cheery one at the end of nine
67:36
years she married a man who loved her
67:38
and the children devotedly to encourage
67:42
other women undergoing difficult
67:44
experiences she said any woman can bring
67:47
happiness out of life if she's worthy of
67:50
happiness her words are what's
67:53
remembering her happiness and well-being
67:55
did not depend upon circumstances she
67:58
was superior to them she rose above them
68:02
the no woman would enjoy going through
68:04
what this woman had to endure and every
68:06
life has its problems but if we permit
68:09
our circumstances to dictate how we feel
68:12
an act will relinquishing control of our
68:15
own lives and it's our attitude toward
68:18
others in the world that determines what
68:19
happens to us if the woman I mentioned
68:22
had not developed her cheerful friendly
68:24
successful attitude toward her life the
68:26
chances are excellent that she never
68:28
would have found the right man and
68:29
married again he popular fallacy held by
68:33
almost all young people in a large
68:35
segment of the older adults is that
68:37
happiness hinges on present
68:39
circumstances and congenial surroundings
68:41
these people think that if their
68:43
circumstances were better they'd be
68:45
happy this isn't true if a person cannot
68:49
find happiness in his daily life now
68:52
unless he wakes up he will never be
68:54
happy regardless of his circumstances
68:57
the fact is whether or not we admitted
69:00
to ourselves that genuine happiness is
69:02
hidden in the quiet simplicity's and
69:04
fundamental virtues of life these cannot
69:07
be purchased even though you could
69:09
afford the pay a king's ransom and they
69:11
have the same time exists for anyone
69:14
every day of our lives is either
69:16
successful or unsuccessful if we permit
69:20
the success of our days to depend upon
69:22
things such as the weather they talk and
69:25
the actions of other people and if we
69:26
concentrate not on what we have but
69:29
rather on those things we do not have
69:31
when we become little more than small
69:33
mirrors of our surroundings what we
69:36
should remember is that each of us in
69:38
reality sheeps his world in his own
69:41
likeness if ours is not a happy world
69:44
it's because that's the way we see it