TINDER SUCCESS SECRETS

How to find quality men on Tinder

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HOW TO MEET QUALITY MEN USING TINDER
Though most people think of Tinder as a “hook up app,” it has
changed significantly in recent years and is now a fairly
sophisticated social media service in its own right. However, its
primary function is still as a dating site, although it differs from
almost every previous dating site you may have ever used.

In the past, online dating sites (and their dinosaur ancestors,

dating services) connected potential mates by using

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sophisticated algorithms to look for “compatibility” based on
mutual interests or other answers to questions in their
personal profiles. Yawn – it’s boring even writing about it.

Tinder changed everything by basing connections on photos –

you swipe one way to say you like somebody and the other
way to say you don’t. It’s an instant, instinctive decision based
on their picture and you can go through hundreds of potential
profiles in a day. Only if you “swipe right” on someone’s photo
and he also “swipes right” on yours will you be put in potential
contact.

Used carefully and correctly, Tinder can be a powerful tool

to help you meet quality men. However, because of its
origins as a “hook up app,” you need to change your dating
strategy to use Tinder most effectively.

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 YOUR PROFILE PHOTO IS EVERYTHING
Since Tinder is built around photos, the most important thing
for you to do when you decide to use the service is to pick a
great profile photo.

Just as real estate is all about location, location, location,

Tinder is about photos, photos, photos. Here are some tips on
the photos that men like most:

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Smile
This is the most important tip of all. Use a photo where you
are smiling. Since a smile is friendly, welcoming, and happy it
will make you more attractive. For millions of years, back into
our prehistory, humans have been smiling to say hello to each
other. If you meet someone from a foreign country who
doesn’t speak your language, you smile to let them know you
are friendly.

A man going through Tinder profile photos on his phone

during an idle moment on the subway or at work is going to
look at each one for a second, perhaps for even a shorter time.
If you aren’t smiling, he’s probably just going to skip right by
you – “swipe left.”

Try to make it a natural smile, rather than a forced one. If you

don’t have any good pictures of yourself, get one of your
friends to take some. Have them tell you a joke and get you to
laugh, or think of something funny while they are
photographing you.

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Don’t use photos where you are scowling or frowning or
looking too serious. You don’t want him to think, “She’s a bitch”
in that one second he’s looking at you. A cold, haughty stare
might work very well as reverse psychology in a bar or
restaurant to make a man more interested in “conquering” you
and getting your number, but not in one second on his phone
when you are one picture among dozens of others. For the
same reasons, don’t try a sexy pout. It is more likely to
backfire. Smile, smile, smile.

Other than that, don’t overthink it. You can read a lot of advice
online about whether to smile showing your teeth or not –
some people swear men prefer to see women’s teeth, others
say the opposite. Don’t exhaust yourself trying to figure it out.
Instead just get a good picture of yourself with a friendly, cute
smile and you’ve done 90 percent of the work of getting
noticed.

Go Old School
Oddly enough, research has shown that black and white
photos work surprisingly well on dating sites. You can use a

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simple filter on your phone to process a color picture and
make it black and white, or get someone who knows what
they’re doing to fix it up for you.

Black and white photos are still fairly rare as profile pictures,
so that’s another way you can stand out from the crowd. By
the way, don’t go crazy with those filters and special photo
processing effects – keep your photo simple and
straightforward, and by all means, don’t airbrush away your
wrinkles. Be yourself!

Eye Contact
The best profile photo is a simple one where you are smiling
and looking straight at the camera. After all, you’re looking at

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the man who is swiping through pictures on his phone.
However, you may choose to switch up some shots, and
include those where you’re looking away from the camera too,
as this increases the odds someone will like them.

That said, it doesn’t really matter too much whether you look
at the camera or look away. As I said above, don’t over think it.
Smiling and looking friendly and happy is by far the most
important thing.

Body Shots
On a traditional dating site it’s usually recommended that you
use at least one full body shot – men like to see all of you.
When choosing photos for Tinder account I would suggest you
use at least one full body shot in your profile or on a linked
Facebook or Instagram page (though it doesn’t need to be your
main photo).

For your profile pic a head and shoulders shot of you smiling is
the best – remember he’s looking at you for one second on his
phone, so if you are trying to show your whole figure your face

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is going to be pretty small. Chances are he’s not going to take
time to stop and zoom in.

Be The Only Person In Your Photo

This may seem like a no brainer, but you’d be surprised how
many women use a photo of them with their friends, or their
dog, or whatever as their Tinder profile picture. Not only is this
a bit lazy, it’s also counterproductive.

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Keep in mind that the guy viewing your profile is looking to
date you, not your friends, family, or dog, so show him a
picture of you, just you.

Sexy vs. Slutty

If you’re just looking for sex then I’d give you different advice,
but since you’re looking for a relationship with a quality guy
then use a photo of yourself that is sexy, without being slutty.

Remember that 90 percent of being sexy and attractive is your

smile, and you’ve already taken care of that. Don’t try to attract
more men by showing a lot of skin in your photos, instead
keep it classy.

Say ‘Sayonara’ To The Shades

Although big Sophia Loren sunglasses look mysterious and
sexy when you’re sipping cappuccino in a café, they don’t work
too well in a dating site photo. They hide your eyes and a
significant part of your face. You aren’t sitting in a café sipping
cappuccino where the man can watch you for several minutes,

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see you flip your hair, hear you laugh. He’s looking at your
photo for a second or less on his phone and deciding which
way to swipe.

Ditch the sunglasses and let him see your eyes.

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 THE REST OF YOUR PROFILE
A good photo of you smiling is the most important thing to
include in your profile, but there is a bit more information you
need to consider when getting ready to look for love online.

Seeing as Tinder is based on an instantaneous sense of

attraction, any potential dates you encounter through the
service won’t be spending lots of time pondering your profile
in great detail, at least not at first. This is why the data DO you

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include is important, so pay attention to it, please. Here are a
few guidelines to help:

Be Yourself
Sometimes it is easy to forget that romance should be about
honesty, and instead we get caught up on the idea of
“winning.” Even our language talks about “catching” a man,
which itself seems to acknowledge, with a wink and a nudge,
that a little bit of deception is part of the “game.”

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So instead of being ourselves we shave a few pounds (or
twenty) off our weight, we reduce our age by a year or two,
and we squeeze into a pushup bra or add some extra padding.
The ends justify the means, right? After all, the goal is to get a
man’s attention – once he pays attention to you then you can
start working on getting him to like the “real” you.

Yet isn’t that just what I was just saying about Tinder and how
it’s based on split-second decisions about how attractive you
are? Shouldn’t you do everything you can to catch his attention
in that split second he sees you on the screen?

Yes and no. See there’s a difference between finding an

attractive, smiling photo of yourself, one that shows your most
beautiful side, and lying about your age or your weight or
whatever.

Lying may seem like it might help you in the short run, but
deception will likely come back to haunt you later. If you do
end up meeting a man and making a genuine connection with
him, that miracle can be undone, or weakened, when he
realizes you lied to him at the start. He may well wonder what

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else you might lie about during any relationship he has with
you.

This especially applies to the description of yourself on your

profile, so keep it short and truthful. If you’re an intellectual
and looking for that type of guy, then put in something about
your education or the books you read. If you like street food
from taco trucks and are looking for a similar, down-to-earth
type of man, then emphasize that. Putting in your job title is
fine, since one of the main ways we identify and categorize
people is by the work they do.

If you’re single, great. Don’t lie if you are married, but

separated or divorced, or if you have kids. Be candid about
who you are and your situation, and at the same time, don’t
feel obliged to put any personal information you’re not
comfortable sharing with a stranger. As I’ve emphasized, the
text in your profile is secondary, even supernumerary, to the
photo, which is everything.

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The Music of Love
Tinder can be linked to your Spotify account, so that the app
can suggest connections based on mutual interests in music.
Shared musical preferences are a big indicator of possible
compatibility, so it’s a good idea to take advantage of this
service. You can also mention in your brief description of
yourself on your profile (and on your Facebook page and other
social media accounts) what type of music you like, what
artists you follow, any concerts you’ve been to, and so on.

Once again, be yourself. Don’t pretend to like popular music if

you never listen to it. If you hate hip-hop, don’t claim to love it
just because you think it will make you seem cooler and gain

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the interest of more men. Be truthful about the music you love
– remember, you are seeking an honest connection, a genuine
spark of mutual attraction, with a man.

Protect Your Data (And Yourself)

Just as in using any online site or social media, be judicious
about what information you put into your profile. Not only do
social media companies collect and mine and sell that data,
but they sometimes fail to protect it from data breaches or
hackers. This means you shouldn’t disclose anything online
that you aren’t absolutely comfortable having become public
knowledge.

If you don’t feel comfortable revealing certain information

about yourself and your life on your Tinder profile, don’t. You
can either add a serious, straightforward bio of yourself to
your profile, or you can choose a pithy, witty, fun message to
appear under your name and age. Let this message reflect
your personality – it’s not easy to give strangers a sense of
yourself or to communicate humour via a brief glimpse on a

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smartphone screen, so don’t agonize too much about what to
say. Remember that your emphasis is on the photos you pick.

Also, be aware that, although you and some other people are
using Tinder to look for a more serious, quality relationship,
some people still see it as a “hook up” service. If you aren’t
looking to “hook up,” then be cautious about the men you
connect with. Don’t send messages to guys who are just
looking for casual connections or free sex. Don’t think you can
meet them and change their attitude. Stay focused on finding
men who are looking for a girlfriend and a long-term
relationship.

This will probably require a bit more work from you – instead
of just swiping right on a whole bunch of cute guys, you’ll have
to take a moment to consider a bit more about them. Although
Tinder itself gives you advice to “when in doubt, Swipe Right,”
saying that quantity is better than quality, be careful. This is
where the sheer volume of people on Tinder can work against
you – yes, you might get more queries from guys if you swipe
right on a whole bunch of them, but you’ll also have to sift
through them afterward to eliminate the duds and those just

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looking for a quickie. If you end up having to fend off too many
men just looking for sex, it can be discouraging and could even
change your attitude about men, which will damage your
quest for a more serious relationship.

What Are ‘ELO Scores’?

You may have heard something about an “ELO score” that
Tinder generates for you once you start looking at and swiping
photos. How will this affect you?

When you first sign up for Tinder, you don’t yet have an ELO
score, which is a complicated mathematical ranking based on

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how many people like you and how many people you like like
you back. The formula comes from the world of competitive
chess, where it was first used to rank players on how many
people they beat and who beat them in matches. It’s also used
in many other sports to rank players against each other.

Since you don’t start with a score, your picture will be shown
to a wide range of men for a few days, and you are likely to get
an early burst of activity. That tends to taper off after a few
days, once the Tinder software has begun assigning you an
ELO score that narrows down the group your photo is shown
to and also changes how many pictures are sent to you. Don’t
be discouraged if the number of photos you see decreases
after a few days, it just means the system is getting to know
you and your choices.

You can expend a lot of energy and drive yourself insane by

trying to figure out how to game the system and improve your
ELO score, and there’s a lot of advice out there about how you
might do this.

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However, beware of going down that rabbit hole, by using an
ELO score Tinder is trying to match you with people who are
approximately as attractive as you are, although attractiveness
is not a mathematical thing that can be easily defined. So you’ll
see advice to “not swipe right” on men who are “out of your
league,” as this could decrease your ELO score, but I wouldn’t
worry so much about this – as I said, you can lose a lot of sleep
stressing about something that’s really out of your control.

The easiest way to keep your ELO score as high as possible is

to change your profile photo every so often and to be a bit
picky in your swiping. Don’t swipe right on every single guy
– aim for a moderate percentage, say half.

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 ONCE YOU MAKE A CONNECTION
At some point, a few of the men you’ve swiped right on will
swipe right on your picture, too, and the spark of contact will
happen. Remember though, that contact isn’t the end goal
you’re seeking and once you’ve connected with a guy via
Tinder you need to be attentive to the next steps you take if
you’re going to keep him interested and find out whether you
like him.

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Here are some important thoughts about this next stage:

Follow Up
Given the way the app functions, it can be easy to forget your
objective when using Tinder. After all, viewing lots of pictures
and swiping left or right can become like plunking coin after
coin after coin into a Las Vegas slot machine and pushing the
button that spins the reels (pulling the lever takes too much
effort, if the machine even has a lever anymore).

When you open the app on a new day, you need to review and
remember what you did yesterday and the day before. Whom
did you interact with? Did anyone send you a message? If so,
you should make sure to reply to it. He may be looking at a
whole new set of women’s photographs right now when you
want him to be remembering the connection he made with
you yesterday.

The irony here is that although Tinder may be a fantastic tool

for you to meet a new guy, as soon as you get into contact with

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him the best thing for you is if he stops using Tinder right
away! Of course, that’s a pretty unrealistic outcome, so you
want to make sure you maximize the impression you made on
him and keep your connection going. Don’t give him too much
time to start looking through hundreds of your competitors’
photographs.

Your first contact with a man via Tinder is, appropriately

enough, like trying to start a fire using tinder. Once you get a
little spark, you have to blow on it and protect it from
smoldering out. You need to add more tinder – bits of
flammable fluff or shredded paper or tiny twigs that will burn
easily – until the fire actually catches and you see flames.

If you exchange messages with a guy and then forget to

contact him again the next day, well, at the speed people move
through profiles on Tinder, you run the risk of losing him, or
rather of him losing track of you in the deluge of new photos
he’s just started looking at.

Don’t let that happen! Take immediate action. Using the

information you have on him from his Tinder profile and from

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anything linked to it, such as his Facebook or Instagram
account, a Spotify playlist, or other social media data, find
something the two of you share in common and send him a
message related to that subject at once. Don’t delay.

This runs counter to advice I’ve given regarding other dating

services, where being too pushy can be off putting and drive a
man away. On Facebook, with texting, or when communicating
in person, you can enjoy the luxury of sitting back and playing
hard to get, which is a great way to increase a man’s interest;
not on Tinder though! By its very nature, Tinder makes taking
your time and playing coy nearly impossible. Try playing wait-
and-see games and you’ll be long forgotten.

So once you’ve made contact with a guy you are interested in,
keep that contact burning. If you two have a music connection,
send him a message about music. Ask him what he listens to at
work, or while he’s working out. Even if he doesn’t work out
much, you have started a conversation – he may reply, with a
laugh, that he needs to work out more often but can’t always
find the time, to which you can reply with the playlist that
really gets you going during a workout. Suggest that he try it to

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make exercise more fun and exciting. Maybe he will, and when
he does work out, he’ll be thinking of you as all those happy
endorphins are triggered in his brain by exercise.

If you have a connection through friends, or friends of friends,

use that as a way to spark a further conversation. Ask him to
tell you some stories about someone you know in common, or
tell him a funny story about the friend you two are connected
through.

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A conversation about his work is also likely to be fruitful. Men
often define themselves through their jobs – the three things
they talk about most are work, women and sports, not
necessarily in that order – so his career is one of the “big
three” topics you can use to deepen your connection to him.

Ask him about how he ended up in the job he has. Did he

always have that career in mind, or did he sort of fall into it
through serendipity? Whichever one of those is true, there will
be a good story there. Ask about his office, what his coworkers
and boss are like, and maybe tell him a few stories about your
work. How does he get to work? Does he have a long
commute? Does he drive or take the bus or subway? Maybe he
rides a bike. What does he do when it rains or snows?

You might think sports, as another of the “big three” topics, is a

good way to chat him up, but unless you are pretty well versed
in whatever sport he likes, and unless you know something
about his team or a rival team in the same sport, talking about
it is risky because you aren’t likely to be able to sustain a
conversation in this area.

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One other advantage of these types of follow up conversations
is that they will quickly give you a sense of him. Maybe he’s
good looking and is a fine match for you based on Tinder’s
analysis of his social graph, but it’s still possible that he’s a
dud, and you’ll want to get an idea about his personality as
soon as you can. If he’s dull or doesn’t get back to you, forget
him – Tinder can work to your advantage by helping you forget
him quickly, too.

Suggest Meeting Up
Again, given the nature of Tinder, you don’t want to use the
typical dating playbook. You need to move a bit more quickly.
After all, now that you connected with him using Tinder, Tinder
has become your worst enemy – it’s the thing most likely to
distract him and draw him away from you.

This means that you’ll want to meet this guy in person as soon
as you can. Of course, you can “meet” him via other types of
social media, too, and that can deepen the connection you
have with him. Become friends on Facebook as soon as

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possible, and get his email address and phone number so you
can text him directly.

Once you’ve connected via Facebook, email, or text message,

start using the rules for connecting with a man via those
systems... since you’ve already made the wise choice to
register for my Text Chemistry program, then you already
know the type of texts you can send your love interest to win
him over, which means you won’t be relying solely on Tinder to
communicate with him.

Still, it’s important to meet in person, and soon. No online

photograph, social graph, or dating algorithm can tell you
whether the two of you will have personal chemistry. There’s
only one way to find that out, and that’s by meeting in person.

This can be a bit of a scary step, but don’t put it off. If you
like what you’ve seen so far, and if you’ve made a decent
connection via social media, ask him to meet up and do
something informal together.

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Since you’re going to want to keep it simple, easy, and as
stress-free as possible, don’t put too much pressure on
yourselves at this time with a dinner date or movie.

Instead, opt for getting a coffee together so that you can end
the date at any time should it not go well. After all, it’s a much
harder to get up from dinner at a restaurant than it is to
casually leave a cafe!

Once you’ve met him in person, Tinder has done its job and
the rest is up to you. Wishing you the best of luck!

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