I’ll talk about the good points of this assignment before talking about the portions that you

can
greatly improve in. Firstly, I think that this paper is well organized. There is both an introduction and
a conclusion included together with clear headings stating the parts which you are answering in a
good flow. This is helpful in identifying to which part of assignment are you answering to.
Furthermore, I think you have done well in providing information on the main water pollutants and
possible causes. Just that, you have concentrated on the nutrient pollution from fertilizers in your
assignment. I would like to know more about the possible causes for the other types of pollution in
your area like plastics, e-coli, solvents and petroleum.

Lastly, I think you have adequately described how your interest in gardening could be applied to help
improve water quality in your community. Planting those deep-rooted grass seems to be an effective
way of dealing with water pollution. However, I don’t really get how reducing car usage helps with
dealing with water pollution. It seems like it has a more direct impact on air pollution than water
pollution. Maybe you can elaborate in more details on how it actually helps?

For the portions that you can greatly improve in, there are three in number. Firstly, you have failed
to write within the words limit that you should be writing for this assignment. The second point
which is related to this is that I think you could have elaborated more on how your community
compare to others when it comes to water pollution like for example: Where or which communities
are you comparing with? How far are they from you? What is the main industry the people are
working in and the extent that it contributes to the water pollution in their area? What are some of
the measures that they took in dealing with water pollution and are they effective? How about your
own area? I think these would be helpful in helping you get the additional 200 words to meet the
word count. As what you wrote for this component is too brief, it affects the word count of your
assignment by a lot which can affect your grading.

Last but not least, you can further improve in your spelling and in particular, grammar. Irecommend
that you do a spelling and grammar check by using Microsoft Word or download Grammarly to do a
similar check. I have found the latter to be useful in their promptings of better word choices in
addition to the grammar and spelling checks. To start off, you have spelled environmentally wrongly
in the introduction. In addition, I think you mean, “Reducing” when you write, “Reusing pollution…”.
(Second line, Second last paragraph) These can be avoided easily with what I have said above and
checking your work before submission. The sentence structure is also a little weird whenyou say,
“Water pollution especially we need to do better and we can reduce our levels of water pollution.” I
think you can better phrase it as, “We need to do better in reducing water pollution in our area.”
There are also areas whereby a comma should be inserted as the sentence is too long. These are: “In
my community we live along a river system so it is especially important …” (First line, second
paragraph), “Unfortunately this gets into the water, …” (Third line, third paragraph), “First, I like to
go for walks, and I think if we had more park paths and usable side walks” (Seventh line, third
paragraph), “If I had the resources I would build more sidewalks ...” (Second last line, fourth
paragraph) and “Planting deep-rooted plants like ornamental grasses or wildflowers and such along
the rivers can help reduce nutrient pollution because these plants absorb the nutrients so they don’t
go into the water” (Second line, fourth paragraph). Moving on, you also used the word wrongly
when you write, “This makes it hard for animals to have clean drinking water and effects the plants
and animals in the area.” (Third line, second paragraph) You should write affect rather than effects.
“Affect” is a verb while “effect” is a noun even though they are similar in their definition.

To sum it all, I think that you should place in a little more effort to do the necessary checks for
grammar and spelling as these can be very much avoided. Try to use shorter sentences and your
assignment can come out as being clearer than what it is now. In addition, try to be focused on the
assignment requirements and elaborate more on eachpoint. With that, I think you will be able to do
much better. Based upon your work, I think English is not your main language. I’m sure it is much
harder for you than for everyone else. I hope that whatever tips I have provided will help you in your
work in the future. All the best!

Grading:

Element 1: 7.5 points

Element 2: 2 points

Element 3: 4 points

Element 4: 6 points

Element 5: 0 points

Element 6: 10 points

Total: 29.5/60 points

n element 1, I felt like the student provided information on both the main water

pollutants and a possible cause. Because the rubric states that there should be possible

causes for the main water pollutants and the student has just concentrated on one

possible cause for one water pollutant, I gave a middle grade between 10 points and

5points whereby five points is when the student only provide one of these two

components.

In element 2, I think the student’s answer was too brief to get 4 points as he/she only

wrote a sentence about it. As the answer is in need of much further explanation, I gave

2 points instead of 4 points.

In element 3, I felt that the student thoroughly described and answered for at least one

skill hence I gave him/her 4 points. The point which he made on driving lesser seems out of point in
the skills which could be used to reduce water pollution or at least need to be further elaborated
upon hence I only accept one of the skills which the student wrote.

n element 4, I did a word count using Microsoft word and found a total of 506 words being written
excluding sources. With no word count provided, I gave the student 6 points in line with the rubric.

n element 5, the assignment is not clearly written with much errors as I have placed in the feedback,
hence I have given the student 0 points for this assignment.

Lastly, in element 6, the paper included an introduction and a conclusion hence I gave the student 10
points in rating in line with the rubric given.Please let me know in the comments if I have done
anything wrongly.