ARCANGEL, DOWELL D.

BABR 1-2N

ACTIVITY 1: EFFECTIVE LISTENING

NAME OF A FRIEND: KAYEANE MONTILLA

TOPIC: TOXIC MUSCULINITY

If there's a thing that really bothers me is when society discuss toxic and fragile masculinity, people
often jump and ride into conclusion that it is not a thing and it’s okay to label a man as someone who’s
supposed to be muscular, brave and secure.

So today, my friend and I talked about it and tried our very best to be as transparent and as open as
we can. And here are the things I have learned and realized as we dig deeper.

 THE STIGIMA IS STILL GOING- I love how my friend emphasized the phrase “man up” as a sign of
rampant disgrace to all the men who are trying to be transparent. Growing up, I was surrounded
by people who thought that venting out, showing soft sides and being hygienic is something that
shouldn’t be showed off. I’m a victim of “Parang hindi ka naman lalaki” kind of criticism just
because I never met those “standards” they’ve looking for to be so-called “MAN”.
I hate that we’re now in a modern world, but toxic masculinity is still a thing and calling
someone to “man up” is like saying we’re not allowed to show our feelings.

 Skin care- One of the great realizations we’ve discussed as well is the idea of men having “skin-
care” routine. Being clean, hygienic and dirt-free is something we should normalize to all the
men out there. It’s not a sign of being homosexual. In fact, according to my friend, a guy who’s
always clean is such a major turn on for her.

 Dress Codes- My friend and I also came up with the thought that toxic masculinity triggers the
way of how men dressed up. That men who wears pink and pastel colors always labeled as
“soft”. Someone who wears shorts is “fuck boy”. Seriously? Can’t we just wear it because we’re
way comfortable about it? I mean, we all have different outlooks but minding others? I think
that’s not healthy.

 It’s not the masculinity, it’s the toxicity- It’s not that masculinity in itself is the problem, but
rather that there is a version of masculinity in communities that is particularly toxic – where
 dangerous and toxic behaviors and attitudes are associated with ‘being a man’ because of the
24/7 nature of social media, there is a pressure to never stop performing the hard man role, and
to keep curating and recreating online. That a public image of masculinity is associated with
violence and aggression. We discussed that the more people feel they need to fit in with a
macho masculine image, the more pressure this creates for others. And that’s toxic.

 Never look a man as a “man” but “human”- My friend knows that I am an introvert. I love
reading, just staying all day long inside my room, studious, and someone who has a girl best
friend. I am never the sporty one, the cool guy and tough. I asked her if being me makes me less
of a man and she told me that she never looked at me as a “man” but a normal human being.
She believed that a man has distinct traits and qualities but she also believes that we’re a free
mankind, we are free to love, like and do the things that makes us happy and a real man is
someone who knows how to respect and showcase unconditional love.
