Frédéric R EMI

DESCRIPTION OF THE EXPERIENCE:

I was in my apartment in Marseille, in the living room, it must have

been around 10 am, the morning was clear and sunny. Very invested
in obtaining a permanent position at the university, I had just learned
of a second refusal which immediately plunged me into great
psychological distress, an intense feeling of depression and loss of
hope for my future.

I then decided to write a form of will listing the failures of my life. The
moment I grabbed my paper and pencil I was inspired to write a poem
that felt like it was 'dictated' but I couldn't hear any audible voices, it
was all in the form of an inner thought. I felt like I was discovering my
own poem by writing it as if I didn't know what I was going to
write. The poem was about longing for love. I felt a strong urge to cry
in me, but I held back. I then had the thought 'God is calling you'
several times insistently as if this thought was a message sent to me
(I was not consciously producing this thought). However, it seemed
totally absurd to me since I was a declared atheist, philosophically
close to Nietzsche and the 'death of God', as well as an avid reader of
Arthur Schopenhauer and Sigmund Freud. I resisted that thought and
refused to let it take hold of me but (this is almost impossible to
describe correctly), I thought my face behind me and I was
immediately thrown into a black well which formed a tunnel of very
dense and compact regular stones.

Almost immediately, I felt a vertical movement without knowing if it

was starting from the bottom up (or the other way around) and all the
stones turned into light. I found myself in the midst of a light of
inconceivable intensity. Beside her, the sun, staring straight in the
face, looked like a weak light bulb. This light was completely
transparent to the point that normal light actually looked thick and
compact compared to it. I knew from my feeling that this light was
God without having the slightest doubt (when I was an atheist ...) in
the same way that one does not doubt the existence of the sun when
one receives its rays on oneself. . I couldn't reason intellectually
anymore, I just felt things. This light me loved with unconditional love
and did not judge me. She made me totally transparent to myself, I
saw the truth about myself without being able to lie to myself. I have
watched my life go by at an unimaginable speed as if you were
flipping through a book with your thumb in a few seconds. I didn't
even have the time to stop and meditate on each of the events, but I
had the feeling that everything was listed, it was like a series of
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photos that paraded in a line. Seeking to justify myself for the love I
received from the light, I tried to put forward my 'good deeds' (various
charitable aids) and I saw each time the deep motive of my action
which was only pride. . This motif kept coming back, even in the good
things I had done. I was then instantly convinced that there was not a
single atom of love in me unlike this light that I was in (although it was
both inside and outside of me) . Unworthy in my own eyes, I I then
took like a step back (although the notion of space made no sense
where I was) to voluntarily come out of the light and I regained
consciousness in the 'real world'. I then began to cry over my entire
life so far without love and immediately wrote a second inspired poem
which described my experience and which spoke of the love of God
present in each of us.

Psychologically and right after that moment, I was filled with

conflicting feelings. I felt terrible that my life had been scanned and
failed a 'validity test' and on the other hand I felt the peace of love
received in the light. I had the impression of having received the
knowledge of everything that exists but without being able to express
it in words and concepts. I immediately consulted my library and my
philosophy books and I had the impression that all thinkers were
trying to talk about this light without really succeeding, I felt that it
was at the base of everything without being able to be expressible in
thoughts and words.

At the time of your experience, was there a life-threatening

situation? No

Is this experience difficult to describe in words? Yes The experience

was a matter of sensations and not of thought. It is then impossible to
find words because they refer only to concrete experiences of
everyday life. It is only possible to draw comparisons or parallels but
no exact description can be given.

At what point during the experience were you at the maximum level of
consciousness and lucidity? More aware and lucid than usual I was
perfectly lucid and aware, even more aware and lucid during the
experience itself! I perceived things with an intensity a thousand times
higher than normal: the love which was without limits, the light which
was deep, transparent and penetrating, the universe which formed an
organic whole.
Frédéric R EMI
Please compare your eyesight during the experiment to that which
you had immediately before the experiment. I saw nothing
physically, I received like 'rays' which directly gave me the knowledge
of things.

Please compare your hearing during the experiment with what you
had just before the experiment . The experience was totally silent,
there was the image but no sound ...

Did you see or hear any earthly events taking place while your
consciousness was separated from your physical / earthly
body? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Unconditional

love, fusion with the universe, feeling of infinity, despair linked to
judgment on myself, form of certainty about the existence of a
universal reality

Did you go through a tunnel? Yes The tunnel was in reality a well, I
was at the bottom of the well then its stones were transformed into
light. I felt a vertical movement without being able to understand if I
was sinking or if I was rising.

Have you seen a supernatural light? Yes All of my experience is

summed up and built around the experience of light. She was love
itself, unconditional, infinite and powerful.

Did you seem to encounter an esoteric being or presence, or hear an

unidentified voice? No

Have you met or detected deceased (or alive) beings? No

During the experience, did you become aware of any events from your
past? No

Did you seem to enter a different, supernatural world? A distinctly

esoteric or supernatural world It was a place without dimensions (no
height, width, depth), entirely made of light and connected to
everything that exists.

Did the weather seem to speed up or slow down? Everything

seemed to happen at the same time, or time stopped, or there was no
notion of time The experience in earth time seems to have lasted a few
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seconds but each event took place in the experience of very slow and
distinct way. I understand that this description is totally contradictory
but it is as if the experience is a decomposition slowed down for a
brief moment.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? About you or about

others I had access to knowledge about the whole universe but
without being able to memorize it consciously (it's very frustrating,
moreover). On myself, I saw myself as if I was outside myself and I
was able to judge myself with the same objectivity as that with which
one declares that there are three pens on a table.

Have you reached a boundary or a physical boundary

structure? No

Have you seen any scenes from the future? No

Do you feel that you are aware of a particular knowledge or

purpose? Yes Yes, a knowledge on the totality of dece that exists but
a knowledge that is 'felt' and not rational. Suddenly, there is no trace
that can be memorized by intellectual means but only as a form of
'bodily memory'. This total knowledge was alive and not as an
analyzable object.

Please explain any changes that may have taken place in your life
after your experience: Large changes in my life Before my
experience, I adhered to a nihilistic and pessimistic philosophy, I
thought that life was governed by the absurd and by our vital
impulses. After the experience, I gained a deep conviction that life is
worth living despite the horrors and suffering it can bring because
love redeems everything in a way. Before my experience, I didn't want
to get married or have children, I wanted to 'make a career'. After my
experience, I got married, had children, and had a career naturally,
without obsessing over it. Before my experience, I was an
atheist. After my experience I don't believe in God, I know he exists
(which is very different!). My experience plunged me into an intense
spiritual quest. I I looked in all the works of spirituality and I was
interested in many religions especially in their mystical sides (new-
age, Hinduism, Sufism, Christianity). Finally, I was baptized by total
immersion 7 years after my experience and I began to attend a
Protestant church.
Frédéric R EMI
After it happened, did your experience cause any changes in your
values or beliefs? Yes Love is at the center of
everything. Compassion and mercy are more important than our outer
successes. We can be happy in whatever we do if we are connected to
the source of light. Our happiness has nothing to do with material
things even if of course they are necessary for our life on earth.

After your experience, did you have any paranormal, unusual or other
abilities that you did not have before the experience? Yes I mainly
acquired a gift of introspection into the suffering of others. I perceive
without intellectual analysis (by instinct) if a person suffers even if
they pretend to be well in order to save face in the social world. I can
sometimes receive images of the inner state of people. Sometimes, I
have external thoughts that 'encourage me to go to people who are a
priori unknown to just talk to them. However, I do not hear any
physical voices and am never forced to do anything. I am more
sensitive to some sort of 'divine suggestion'. However, this state is
not systematic and permanent, it is intermittent and can be dormant
for several weeks.

Did you tell anyone about this experience? Yes I told it in the
evening to my girlfriend at the time who is now my wife. She didn't say
anything, she read my poems, at the time she approached a
Protestant church and believed in God. I did not share my experience
for 7 years and then people attending church urged me to talk about
it. Today (12 years later), I speak about it much more freely without
fear of being judged.

Before your experience, did you know about near death experiences
(NDEs)? No

Shortly after having lived your experience (a few days or weeks), how
did you view its reality: the experience was very real The reality of
the experience comes from the emotional and physical intensity. I feel
like I've tasted something that doesn't exist on earth and that feeling
was indelible.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience: the

experience was quite real I experienced a moment of doubt 5 months
after my experience because of my knowledge in psychology and
psychoanalysis. I thought I had made an 'ab-recation' mechanism of
decompensation described by Freud in his work Metapsychology in
the chapter 'Mourning and melancholy'. My poems first served as
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testimony. Then, I discovered works of spirituality which comforted
me. Finally, I discovered that my experience was very similar to many
NDEs.

Have your relationships changed directly because of your

experience? Yes I considered changing jobs, leaving town. I was
ready to make a fresh start.

Have your religious beliefs / practices changed directly as a result of

your experience? Yes I started a long spiritual quest (7
years). Finally, I turned to Christianity but the figure of Jesus was at
first a foil for me (it was cutesy). Although 'practicing', I do not give
religion a central place because our life depends on our connection
with God and not on obedience to rules or codes of conduct. We
cannot play the hypocrite because the true motives of the heart will
one day be revealed to us in full light and at that time, we will have to
be able to accept them in order to accept ourselves. The bible remains
the closest to what I evoked: importance of love, light and forgiveness
towards oneself.

In your lifetime, has anything, at any time, reproduced any part of the
experience? Yes Yes I had flashbacks are by rereading my poems
written for the occasion, either by praying, or by reading certain
spiritual texts. But I have never yet done an experience as intense as
the first.

Do the questions asked and the information you just provided

describe your experience completely and accurately? Yes I find in
the questions several key elements of the experience: light, love,
meaning of life, personal transformation.

Should we ask any other questions to help you express your

experience? The questionnaire seems very complete to me, I was
able to mention everything. Are there one or more parts of the
experience that are particularly significant or of particular value to
you? The most valuable part of the experience is that which is at the
same time its center: love. Without this revelation, it would be difficult
for me today to live in today's world of injustice, suffering, wars and
other abominations.
Frédéric R EMI
Would you like to add anything else regarding the experience? She
has completely changed my life and I am grateful for this second
chance given to me.