Family Law and Policy Speech

Picture the child who whines until they get what they want and the parent who has given

up on maintaining limits. They are likely embarrassed and may even feel resentful towards their

child. Does this parent really understand what yields lasting positive behavior?

Rewards and punishments are ineffective in the long run. Alfie Kohn has said that

rewards are just as undesirable as punishments because they aim to control, not to teach (Brandt,

1995). Many parents connect “discipline” with punishment. When they feel overwhelmed, they

may resort to things like corporeal punishment, which often leads to abuse.

Idaho law mandates its citizens to report suspected abuse. “Any ... person having reason

to believe that a child under the age of eighteen years has been abused, abandoned or

neglected ... shall report or cause to be reported within twenty-four hours such conditions or

circumstances to the proper law enforcement agency or the department” (Child Protective Act,

2020, 16-1605).

This child-focused law only addresses symptoms of a problem. Many parents do not

know how to guide their children without using external reinforcement. The public needs greater

exposure to effective parenting practices. High school students should be required to take a

parenting class. Parents who were unable to take this class may receive similar instruction as

made available in the community. Many students have hauled around a bag of flour or an

automated baby for a day. Is this going to help them know how to calm their young child’s

endless tantrums? If high quality parenting programs were instituted in schools, young people

would be more prepared to face the challenges of childrearing. They will be more inclined to

teach in meaningful ways.

 Diana Baumrind classified authoritative parents as high in acceptance, supervision, and

psychological autonomy granting (Steinberg et al., 1992). Parents can show their children that

they love them while having reasonable boundaries for acceptable behavior. I am learning how

to become an authoritative parent myself.

My one-year-old daughter Emma thrives in her newfound independence. Our first

outdoor walk was cold but refreshing. The pitter-patter of her new walking shoes resounded off

the sidewalk loud and clear. After a while outside, I deduced that she intended to stay outside for

the rest of the day, nap or not. When she misses a nap, she gets hysterical. I don’t mean in a

happy, funny way. I mean in an overtired, meltdown way.

I was impressed by this little adventurer’s stamina. When I picked her up, she began to

scream, so I reluctantly put her down. Repeat. Like many parents, I do not easily endure high-

pitched wails. I was giving in, letting her cries govern me. I finally decided to be firm and take

her home. Others might say, “Why don’t you let her have fun? A long walk isn’t hurting

anything.” I know that children need time outside; I also know the effects of an overtired Emma.

Tears were streaming down her tiny face as I carried her inside, but she began to rub her

eyes and even began to fall asleep on the changing table. I validated her feelings, saying things

like, “You’re very sad...”. She soon went down for a nice, refreshing nap and was all smiles

when she woke up an hour later. Whether you’re the parent of a one-year-old or a seventeen-

year-old, being firm and loving can make all the difference in a child’s life. Authoritative

parenting styles yield happy, capable, and successful children (Maccoby, 1992).

Do you need help in this area? Evaluate your general discipline tactics. Do you bribe your

children to comply with requests? Are you giving punishments that don’t align with your child’s

behavior? How much teaching is really going on? Reevaluate boundaries you have set. Stick
with logical consequences. Don’t protect your children from responsibility. Reassure them of

your love for them. Spend time with them. They will learn from you and love you for it.
 References

Brandt, R. (1995, September). Punished by Rewards? A Conversation with Alfie Kohn.

Educational Leadership. https://www.alfiekohn.org/article/punished-rewards-article/

Child Protective Act, Title 16, Juvenile Proceedings, Chapter 16 (2020).

https://legislature.idaho.gov/statutesrules/idstat/title16/t16ch16/sect16-1605/

Maccoby, E. E. (1992). The role of parents in the socialization of children: An historical

overview. Developmental Psychology, 28(6), 1006–1017. https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-

1649.28.6.1006

Steinberg, L., Lamborn, S. D., Dornbusch, S. M., & Darling, N. (1992). impact of parenting

practices on adolescent achievement: Authoritative parenting, school involvement, and

encouragement to succeed.  Child Development, 63(5), 1266-1281.

https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.1992.tb01694.x