Consent and respectful relationships

Dear parents and guardians,

This week and next, Wesley College celebrates International Women’s Day. It seems like
there has never been a more appropriate time to do this. Its urgency has been made
clear in a number of ways.

You will all be aware of the petition, started in Sydney, containing personal testimonies
from young women who have endured sexual assault at the hands of male peers. This
has sparked a national conversation of great importance. This conversation is overdue. I
have been shocked not just by the nature of the testimonies and the fact of sexual assault
but by the scale. One must not forget, when confronted by such numbers, that we are
talking about crimes.

We have conducted an audit of our approach to respectful relationships and consent on

all three campuses. I am confident that we teach these important topics. I am less
confident in how this is being received by those in our charge.

We live in a world in which the life of the teenager, or indeed the “tween”, is lived far more
in private than when I was their age. I shared this with the Prefects of the College at their
annual dinner last week. When I was 16, when I had a conversation with anyone on the
phone, the entire house knew. They knew because the only phone was in the living room.
The whole conversation was heard by all. When I went out, my parents knew where I
was, who I was going with and they had a fair idea of what I was going to do when I got
there. It is much harder for parents to find the same information now. My tales of
yesteryear provoked disbelieving giggles among the Prefects. The thought of phone
calls curated by their parents was clearly anathema to them.

This means, of course, that the world of the young can be a difficult one in which to gain a
foothold. Teenagers have always had their own language and rituals. The point of
adolescence is to set yourself and your identity apart from your parents. Not
allowing parents to participate in their lives is one of the most effective ways
teenagers have to establish independence. The natural result of this is a reluctance by
many teenagers to communicate with parents, or indeed any adults.

But the conversation about consent, about respectful relationships, is one that we must
have with our young people. It is confronting and awkward but necessary. It is a
conversation that schools must have with their students. It must be an honest and safe
conversation that not only reinforces messaging outlining the seriousness of this issue
and the laws in place, but a deeper values-based discussion with our students. I asked
the Prefects last week to engage with us in order that we better understand their world
and their experience. We will extend this conversation over the coming weeks and
months. We are also undertaking a review of the way in which we teach and when we
teach both respectful relationships and consent.

It is also a conversation, confronting and awkward as it may be, parents must have
with your children. There has understandably been a great deal of focus on schools in the
commentary over the past week. That is right and proper. There is more we can, and
must, do at Wesley. But this is also the moment for all parents who read this to begin the
conversation with your children. About respect. About sexuality. About pornography.
About consent. As the news from Canberra has reminded us so pertinently over recent
weeks, this isn’t simply about schools but the world we live in and the culture within it. For
time immemorial, too many boys and men have treated girls and women as the other.
When people are treated as the other, on the basis of gender, race, sexuality, religion or
any other reason, they are immediately dehumanised. Dehumanisation leads to an
absence of empathy, and the consequences of a lack of empathy throughout history have
been tragic.

It is for this reason that the word respect needs to be at the centre of this
conversation. Respect leads to open and honest communication. Communication leads
to empathy.

We look forward to working in partnership with all members of our community as we

continue to improve our existing curriculum, program offerings, practises and behaviours
to protect the health, well-being and safety of our community.

With every good wish,

Nick Evans
Principal

Our campuses have well-being support structures in place for all students including
School Counsellors who are specialised and available to support our students. You can
contact the School Counsellors at the various campuses here.

Wesley College Melbourne