University of the Philippines

DILIMAN Campus

COLLEGE OF MEDICINE
SY 2022-2023

Sidewalk Journey
(Gwynn C. Dubouzet)

Walking down the alley to my elementary school, passing by different kinds of people, I
would usually daydream of what I want to become when I grow up. Initially, it would be being a
mother exactly like mine’s and maybe, marry someone akin to my dad. Never once throughout my
childhood did I feel smothered nor drowned by their care. To the young, innocent me, they seemed
like the perfect figures whom I should conform to. Not to mention, their "sana all" and "when
kaya" type of love. Well, at least not until I started to understand how things work; everything was
a mere facade to protect me. It was nothing like I have imagined.
Six years down the same street, I still take a second glance at the pavement cracks, now
envisioning myself as the famous Maureen Wroblewitz. For a person who loves engaging in
fashion shows and being the center of attention, to be a notable person in the modeling industry is
like living the impossible dream. The fangirl side of me had surfaced, in which I did come to a
point where I attempted to completely copy her style – the way she dresses, the way she walks,
almost everything; as if I was extremely devoted to emulating her. Can I truly be like the Maureen,
though? Probably not. Hence, once again, I am at loss, not having a single idea of the person I
desire to change into.
Now riding on the back of my mom’s motorcycle, driving through the ever-peaceful lane,
here I am contemplating about what I would put in my 500-word “where do you see yourself 10
years from now” essay, when I, too, have no clue. I could not picture my future self doing what I
am truly passionate about. Everything was a total blur. Out of the blue, I thought of Rexter, my
best friend. Since day one, the exceptionally light aura that he gives off has drawn me. His
personality is indeed something else, yet the reason why I admire him, or perhaps sometimes feel
a little envy, is that he has his peculiar ambition. Watching Rexter from afar, drowned in my
thoughts, it suddenly occurred to me that we were very much different from one another. He never
ought to become someone else, whereas, I have always been looking up to everyone but myself.
Technically, it is not wrong to idolize others, howbeit forgetting your own identity in the process
instead of finding your original voice is a separate issue.
Without realizing it, I became desperately committed to following others’ footsteps that I
never gave myself a chance to think of who, rather than what I aspire to be in the future. To be
honest, it did pressure me that everyone got themselves figured out whilst I was left in the dark.
My batchmates were aiming for one thing, and conversely, I had a rainbow of possibilities on my
mind. I was never sure of myself, much less my career path, which scared me because it felt like I
did not fit in. Thus, I decided to go with the flow because I thought if not, I would already have
fallen apart at the presence of such uncertainties. Yet, the efforts I did in seek of the validation I
longed for had drifted me away from the person I truly am. All these years, my only goal was to
be the top 1 in my batch, in which I had subconsciously forbidden myself to simply enjoy and
make the most out of my high school life. I was too focused on getting high test scores and
recitation points for I believed that academic perfection would be able to determine my future.
Perhaps, the satisfaction I felt from obtaining good grades became a mere addiction and chained
me to the ground.
Senior year arrived; the passageway had become wider. I was no longer looking anywhere
else but the path ahead of me. Ten years from now, I’ll neither be my parents nor Maureen. Rather,
I will be a person who can face this serendipitous world with confidence, optimism, and
preparedness. It doesn’t matter if I cannot conceivably plan out my entire life at the age of 16, all
I can do is ride the waves if I must and sail on my own. Becoming financially successful has never
been my dream. Right from the start, all I’ve ever wished for is to be people’s hope, courage, and
model. To grow into a woman who’s ready to take the risk of walking through darkness, only
holding onto the light of determination for her dream. I want to be someone who represents true
beauty, soul, and love. In that way, my childhood self would definitely be proud.