Your Kingdom Come!

Complementary between man and woman

A. INTRODUCTION

We have been seeing in different conferences the situation of women throughout

history, how the radical feminist movement has been developing and why. After that we
saw the great influence that all these topics are causing now a days thanks to the means
they use such as the UN or European Parliament so before we try to come to a conclusion
on what are we going to do as women we can’t ignore an essential topic…

Men and women live together in this world. How can they live at peace?

“God created man in His own image; in the image of God he created him; male and
female he created them” (Gn 1: 27). A man is a man, and a woman a woman. This
assertion seems evident, but it is the source of many misunderstandings and tensions
which produce terrible consequences within society. At all levels: marriage, family, work
place, politics, Church, etc..

In the biblical account of Creation, we read that after creating man God took pity
on his loneliness and decided to give him a suitable partner Gn2,18. But no creature was
bale to fill tis void. Only when woman taken form his own body was preented to him,
could the man express his deep and joyful amazement recognizing her as flesh of his
flesh and bone of his bones Gn 2, 23
Woman is different from the man, nevertheless putting herself at the same level,
she can really be his helper. On the other hand, the help is anything but unilateral: the
woman is a helper for the man, just as the man is a helper for the woman.1

God saw that it was not good for man to be alone. He created Eve us to
exist in relation to another, both men and woman were created not only to exist side by
side or together, but they are also called to exist mutually one for the other. MD 7

In the Hebrew language we can see that the words man and woman come from
the same root, which underlines their complementary role.

Man is: is: aleph-jod-shin woman is: issah: aleph-shin-he. When a man and a woman
are united in love jod-he is formed, two letters which form the name of God: Jah. In the

1
JPII July 9 1995
word man the letter Jod appears, which means that the hand of God is upon him and
reminds man that God has created him. And woman contains the letter he which is the
sigh of the spirit. This predisposes her for a more immediate comprehension of spiritual
values.

Thanks to the duality of masculinity and femininity “human” is fulfilled. Femininity

fulfils humanity as well as masculinity, both in a different and complementary manner.

This complementarity that we are going to be talking about is not only in the physical
and psychological point of view, but also from an ontological standpoint. As we human
beings have unity in our souls and bodies then the fundamental vocation of the person is
inscribed in the totality of body and soul. Sexuality is constitutive of the person and
defines his or her personality. This means that the sexual aspect of the human body does
not end on the physical plane but penetrates every dimension on the person. As you can
see this is very different of what the radical feminist are trying to proof as we saw earlier
today. This complementary is not only physical but as John Paul II said in a General
Audience in January, 16, 1980 the masculinity and femininity is also a value and beauty
that surpasses the mere physical dimension of sexuality.

B. RECIPROCITY

Revise:
A good fundament to proof this complimentarily between men and woman we
have the reciprocity. As we see the human body, with its masculinity and femininity it
manifest a communion of persons. In the human persons we see this call for
reciprocity, a call to unity of the two lies within the persons.

But if there is an inadequate understanding of anthropology outside of natural law

and Divine Revelation, the identity of the person in two sexes disappears, the sexual
identity of all humanity, and with it the complementary aspect of femininity and
masculinity. That’s why “new” ways of manifesting human and sexual relations are
proposed, as well as “new identities” which goes contrary to man’s own nature.

The call that a woman has to complement man does not consist in something
extrinsic to herself as it were imposed on her. The truth is that woman feels interiority
the need for reciprocal surrender to another, who in his masculinity complements her
and allows her to develop fully as a woman, spouse and mother. And man does the
same thing he discovers the “other” who complements him.

Having this clear we are going to go more into analysis of these ways of
complimentarily and differences between man and woman because we could continue
talking about the spousal reciprocity but that is the content of another talk.
 C. WHY COMPLEMENTARITY?

A very important thing we need to do is to help woman and men (it’s important to
include them in all this) that are out there to first of all accept the idea that: Man and
woman are, simply, different and we can’t deny this. Reminding people that both
contributions are equally valuable. None is better or worse. They complement each
other, enrich each other’s nature and build up a fulfilling relationship. We need to really
know oneself and the other, and not only that but also accept oneself and the other
because you yourselves know that it is very different knowing than accepting. So here we
need to achieve both steps.

Nothing on earth exists in a pure state, not even the most precious metals. So, the
archetype of man or woman is not pure. Thanks to each individual personality’s richness
of nuances, the most typical values of one and the other can be mixed. (There are men
with a truly rich intuition and women with a PC in their brain).

What is complementarity?:

We could say that complementarity is about common objectives and

interdependence, is about sharing efforts, interest and actions. Is about achieving results
which many times we know that are unachievable without another persons help, with
only 50% of the effort we can’t. But most of all complementarity is about finding true
happiness that by ourselves and by not complementing someone else we won’t find.
Finally we could say in a summary that it is about loving each other and wishing to build
up together.

And why is it complementarity important?

It contributes to build up society, in all it’s areas. It is the key for human progress
and personal enrichment in every aspect of life. And best of all because complementarity
between man and woman is the source of self fulfillment.

Attention to this

D. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN

I suppose that almost all of you have heard about Stephen Gray’s book or even read
it… “ Are men are form Mars and Woman from Venus?” well according to him, man and
woman are as different as two beings from different planets. Thus, they would be damned
to never-ending conflict and misunderstanding.

And have you herd about the “hermaphrodite myth”? is it true? Well according to the
Greek Mythology, was a being in which both sexes were present. So perfect was it (not
he/she) that the Greek gods became jealous and divided it into two halves, each one of
them lacking something, permanently unsatisfied and eternally looking for the other half
to become again a perfect being.

We do not agree with any of these two visions, since:

- We are different but have been called to reach a full development through the gift of
ourselves and the loving acceptation of the other’s gift.
- We certainly achieve a fulfilment in our reciprocal donation, but not less than in any
generous donation to the others, as many unmarried people experience (only as far as
it is not a decision taken out of egoism).
- Somehow it is true that a real union (body and soul, forever) between man and
woman has a very profound intimacy, incomparable to any other.

So this means that this differences respond to the marvelous design of God in the
human person? Well we believe that: God created us willingly different, carefully, like a
craftsman moulding his masterpiece!

We are going to start analyzing a few of the areas in which we differentiate from
one another so that at the end of this part we’ll have a clear and general view so that we
can accomplish the two steps that we mention earlier about knowing and accepting
ourselves and man.

I. Some of the greater differences are that:

Woman has:
- A delicate constitution
- Variable mood
- Impressionable
- Interest for details and present issues
- Constant adaptability
- Involving influence
- Sense of nuances

Man has:
- Strong constitution
- Deep, stable emotions
- Intense passions
- Interest for global and long term issues
- Tenacity in resolutions
- Agressivity, leadership
- Clear-cut, rational

II. In our sense of one self:

Woman:
- Get their sense of self from: Relationships, the person. Full gift of herself and
prone to engage.
 - Because we are relation-oriented
- And we live: a unity in life, all aspects are united, we surrender with no reserve

Man:
- Get there sense of self from: Achievements, tasks and actions. Self donation with
measure.
- Because they are task-oriented
- And they live a life full of diverse ambits. They can harm without noticing it

III. How do we usually work: (Note: It’s important to mention that in everything they are
exceptions)

Woman:
- We pay attention to the process
- Our key to success is interdependence and cooperation
- Our energy is disperse and constant
- Our occupations can be many things at a time but we can miss the important ones
Man:
- They pay attention to a goal or a task
- The key to success in competition
- The energy is concentrated
- Their occupations are lineal, everything with rational cause and step by step.

More than 20 years ago, some studies were done about the dynamics of groups of
girls and boys playing. They are now the adults managing and presiding big companies.
As children, boys played in big and heterogeneous groups, and girls in very small groups,
from 2 to 4, building up special bonds of friendship among them and developing their
sensitivity. But they also differed in the games they chose: boys chose those more
competitive, requiring a high degree of physical abilities, and they had continuous
fighting that they succeeded in solving quite easily. Girls, instead, preferred more social
games, in which the success of one did not depend on other’s mistakes, and they were
more prone to interrupt their game in case of rows, before putting at risk their friendship
or feeling hurt.

In sports, something similar happened. It is striking to see the case of the first
female team in the Cup of America yachting competition. In their first race, they
competed against a team of men and lost, even though they were excellently prepared.
When they analysed the causes, they identified as the main cause, the fact that when a
quick decision had to be taken in a critical moment, they opted for team vision and joint
discussion. Instead, the men had implemented the order given by that who was the leader.
Not because of his knowledge or experience, but due to his ability to assume the
commandment and the risks of a decision.

All these attitudes come also in the professional world.

Men:
- Strategy of the best one
- Respect to hierarchy
- Independence
- Organization of a heterogeneous group
- Do not like to ask things but to achieve them by themselves (challenge)
- More interested in the task to do that in building up a trusting and long-lasting
professional relation
- They would ask a favour to an acquaintance to whom they have not seen for ages if
they can meet a goal (a woman would be embarrassed to do that “What will he think
of me?”).
- Prone to do networking even if it interferes with his personal life.

Women:
- In a meeting, she listens and gives the word to the one with more difficulties to be
listened to
- Long meeting, dealing with a great amount of issues
- Facing a criticism about her work, she feels personally recriminated
- Takes into consideration the other’s feelings and perceives easily their mood.
- In negotiations, more reluctant to taking a decision until she has all the necessary
information
- In an interview for a job, she shows less self-confidence and stresses the “work of the
team”.
- Prefers to remain for hours in the office, to get her boss’s recognition

But the professional world needs the values of masculinity and femininity: it is a
complex world and needs balance. In the same way, both man and woman get better with
each other’s contribution: women will humanize the men’s competitive tendency with
their sensitivity, and men will reaffirm their colleagues in their work, encouraging them
to make decisions, improve their self confidence and work more efficiently and flexibly.

IV. How do we think?

Woman:

- Our type of knowledge is intuitive, with the heart

- Our brain activity we use both hemispheres and communicating constantly
- Our consequences are multi-task and everything connected

Man:

- Their type of knowledge is logical and analytical

- Their brain activity they use only one hemisphere working at a time
- And the consequences are compartmentalized
V. What do we need the most?

Woman:
- To be cherished
- To be cared for
- Understood
- Reassurment
- Protection and provision

Man:
- To be needed
- To be respected and trusted
- Encouragement
- Admiration
- Acceptance

E. CONCLUSIONS

A balance between the feminine and masculine qualities is needed in all the spheres of
our life and society.

We have imagined those companies or policies in which only one of these

contributions was present. Try just to imagine its value for the education of a child:
tenderness and security are equally necessary for the full development of his/her
personality.

So, we are fully convinced that this is a marvellous design of God, who wanted us just
as we are. Let us celebrate our differences, live them proudly and thank the daily
enrichment we ourselves experience through a look at “the other way to be a person”.