Castellon 1

Castellon, Julia Antonina P.

2017-00348

BS Economics

March 12, 2021

308 words

A Story of Firsts: Beach Visit

Initial Description – 205 words

It was a rather hot and sunny day. I felt the warm sand underneath my feet. I could smell the

salty ocean. There weren’t that many people on the beach at the time. Some children were

swimming. Their parents were wading through the water, and they were watching over the kids. I

looked over to my parents. My father was sunbathing, and my mother was cooking while watching

over my brother. I, on the other hand, was absorbed in my own little world. I felt content as I

walked along the shore, looking for shells to bring home for our aquarium. The sun was beating

down my back as my eyes sifted through the sand. Shells were hard to come by, but I didn’t feel

frustrated, nor did I get bored to death throughout my search. I was at peace. My mind felt the

ocean’s serenity and I, too, felt the calmness it embodied. After two hours passed, eight shells of

varying shape and size were piled up on the palm of my hands. I was beyond excited, and I couldn’t

stop myself from smiling. All I started thinking about was running back to my family to share that

exhilaration – and that’s what I did.

Revised Description – 95 words

It was a sunny day. I could feel the warm sand and smell the salty ocean. The beach wasn’t

crowded. Children were swimming, with parents guarding them. I saw Dad sunbathing, and Mom
 Castellon 2

cooking while watching over my brother. I was absorbed in my own world. I contently walked along

the shore, looking for shells to bring home. The search was hard, but I felt serene – not frustrated or

bored. After two hours, I found a variety of shells. I couldn’t stop smiling. I wanted to share this

excitement with my family – and I did.