NEGOTIATION ESSENTIALS

Techniques and Strategies for Success

© 2020 by Katalyst Partners

2|P A G E
 Negotiation
ESSENTIALS

Agenda
8.00 Registration

9.00 Persuading, Negotiating, and Influencing

10.00 Influence at Work

10.45 Coffee Break

11.00 Your Influencing Style

12.30 Lunch

1:30 Key Concepts in Negotiation

2.15 Preparing to Negotiate

3.15 Coffee Break

3.30 Negotiating and Influencing: Following a Process

5.00 Program Close

3|P A G E
4|P A G E
Exercises, Tips and
DISCUSSIONS

5|P A G E
1. Exercising
INFLUENCE
What are all the ways you can get someone to do something?
Make a list.

6|P A G E
 2. Defining
TERMS
Persuade, negotiate, influence – what do they involve?
How are they similar? How are they different?
Discuss in your group.

PERSUADE:

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

NEGOTIATE:

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

INFLUENCE:

_________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________

7|P A G E
 3. Mateo:
THE CUPCAKE KID
'Linda, honey, just listen!': Three-year-old boy makes compelling argument for cupcakes for dinner
 Three-year-old Mateo was videoed arguing with his mother, who he calls 'Linda'
 Mateo wanted a cupcake and went behind his mother's back to his grandma
 Sensing his argument is not going well, he begins sweet talking his mother
 'Linda, honey, honey,' he says to his mother Linda Beltran, who manages to keep a straight face

A little boy made a powerful argument as to why he should have a cupcake for dinner - and the video his mother took of
him making it went viral.
Three-year-old Mateo didn't want to eat dinner. He felt that since he'd already eaten lunch, a cupcake would make a
suitable compromise. When this argument failed to win over his mother Linda Beltran, he decided he might have better
luck with his grandmother.

Beltran says that if Mateo thinks he has a valid argument, he's sure to speak his mind. This time, Beltran happened to
have her phone with her so she hit record just as Mateo got into his stride.
Mateo, looking up at his mother and unaware he's being filmed, entreats his mother to 'Listen to me, listen to me, listen to
me!'
While most of the argument is unintelligible, the gist seems to be that he deserves a cupcake and definitely not 'pow pows
in the butt [a spanking].'
His love for his little brother Kevin is admirable, too. Linda says that she's going to have to spank both Mateo and Kevin,
but Mateo says she shouldn't spank him, nor his little brother.
'But he's my little Pa-Paps!' he says.
The video goes for two minutes and 35 seconds, but arguably the most hilarious part comes at 1:42, when he begins to
refer to his mother as 'honey.'
8|P A G E
'Linda, honey, honey, lookit, look at this,' he says.
Beltran says Mateo calls her Linda when he is very serious and wants to make sure she is paying attention. He began
using his parents' first names after the family went on a trip to a theme park and came across a little boy who had lost his
family. He didn't know his parents' names, other than Mommy and Daddy, and Beltran and her husband realized their
children might not know their names either, in a similar situation. Knowing his parents first names, Beltran said, 'made
Mateo feel a little empowered.'
'For the most part we are still Mommy and Daddy, but when he is serious and wants to make sure we are paying
attention, we quickly become Linda and Kenneth,' she told UberConference blog.
Beltran says Mateo is never disrespectful, but loves to engage in healthy debate.
'The boys know when mom is serious and when they can engage in some healthy debate. In an effort to raise my kids
with a voice, I pick my battles and sometimes let them feel like they’ve won... or at least give them the chance to try!'

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2578039/Three-year-old-boy-makes-compelling-argument-cupcakes-

dinner.html#ixzz5AMfXoGXx

9|P A G E
4. The 7 principles of
INFLUENCE
Principle Notes

Reciprocity

Scarcity

Authority

Consistency

Liking

Social Proof

Unity

10 | P A G E
5. Warren Buffet and
ROBERT CIALDINI
Warren Buffett uses this simple psychological trick to be persuasive and so can you, says influence
expert
Warren Buffett is perhaps the most famous and most successful investor alive today. Dubbed the "Oracle of Omaha,"
the 86-year-old CEO of Berkshire Hathaway has a net worth of more than $75 billion.

Most people excitedly await Buffett's annual letter to Berkshire shareholders for the sage advice he gives. But
psychology professor Bob Cialdini, who has spent his entire career studying the science of influence and persuasion, is
drawn to something more subtle.

"I've been getting his annual shareholder reports for more than 15 years now. And I've noticed something that he does
as a CEO of the company Berkshire Hathaway that I've never seen in any other report," says Cialdini of Buffett.

"On the first or second page of the report he describes an error, a mistake, that he and his company made the previous
year.” It is so disarming," Cialdini tells CNBC. "I say to myself every time, 'Oh! This guy is being straight with us. What is
he going to say next? I need to pay attention to everything he says next!'
"And that's where he describes the strengths," says Cialdini, author of New York Times bestselling books "Influence:
Science & Practice" and "Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade."
"He's established himself as a trustworthy credible source of information before he describes the things that are most
favorable, that he wants me to process and recall. Brilliant."
In politics, Cialdini points to Presidents Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton as naturally persuasive people.
11 | P A G E
"Both were able to get what they were saying to resonate with audiences by virtue of their engagement," says Cialdini,
who is Professor Emeritus of Psychology and Marketing at Arizona State University.
"Persuasion is both an art and a science — that is there are people who are born masters of the process who know just
what to say at exactly the right moment. What about the rest of us though?" asks Cialdini. "It turns out that because
persuasion is also a science the rest of us can learn how to be as effective as those naturals at the process."
Anyone can use Buffett's move, for example. The next time you are trying to get a new customer, colleague or business
partner to trust you, disarm them by sharing a misstep you made — then hit them with your credentials. Showing that
vulnerability first will make your audience more receptive to believe what you say next, says Cialdini. Luckily, even if you
aren't born with such abilities, you can still draw lessons from the masters of influence to improve your game.

Source: https://www.cnbc.com/2017/07/12/use-warren-buffetts-simple-psychological-trick-to-be-persuasive.html

12 | P A G E
 6. The 2 Dollar
NEGOTIATION
You and another person must divide $2 between you. What you get, the other person loses. You can’t make any side
deals, or promises to pay back tomorrow, or anything else; this is straight win/lose bargaining.
You will have secret instructions with each new partner. They will be different each time. You may not tell anyone else
about these instructions until the bargaining is over. Please try very hard to follow your Secret Instructions each time.
There will be three round. Before each round, you’ll have a few minutes to consider strategy and tactics. Make notes on
your plans and ideas about how you will bargain in the spaces below. Try to answer these questions:
 What do you want here? What is your most optimistic hope? Your realistic expectation? What will you
settle for?
 What does the other person probably want? How will you find out?
 How will you influence the other person?
It’s not possible to ask questions for more instructions; just do as well as you can.

ROUND 1:

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

ROUND 2:

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

ROUND 3:

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________

13 | P A G E
 7. TKO
QUESTIONNAIRE
Consider situations in which you find your ideas, needs, or wishes differing from those of another person. How do you
usually respond to such situations?

On the following pages are several pairs of statements describing possible behavioral responses. For each pair, please
circle the "A" or "B" statement which is most characteristic of your own behavior.

In many cases, neither the "A" nor the "B" statement may be very typical of your behavior, but please select the response
which you would be more likely to use.

Best
No. Question
Answer
1. A. There are times when I let others take responsibility for solving the problem.
B. Rather than negotiate the things on which we disagree, I try to stress those things upon
which we both agree.
2. A. I try to find a compromise solution.
B. I attempt to deal with all of another's and my concerns.
3. A. I am usually firm in pursuing my goals.
B. I might try to soothe the other's feelings and preserve our relationship.
4. A. I try to find a compromise solution.
B. I sometimes sacrifice my own wishes for the wishes of the other person.
5. A. I consistently seek the other's help in working out a solution
B. I try to do what is necessary to avoid useless tensions.
6. A. I try to avoid creating unpleasantness for myself.
B. I try to win my position.
7. A. I try to postpone the issue until I have had some time to think about it.
B. I attempt to deal with all of another's and my concerns.
8. A. I am usually firm in pursuing my goals.
B. I attempt to get all concerns and issues immediately out in the open.
9. A. I feel that differences are not always worrying about.
B. I make some effort to get my way.
10. A. I am firm in pursuing my goals.
B. I try to find a compromise solution.
11. A. I attempt to get all concerns and issues immediately out in the open.
B. I might try to soothe the other's feelings and preserve our relationship.
12. A. I sometimes avoid taking positions which would create controversy.
B. I will let another have some of their positions if they let me have some of mine.
13. A. I propose middle ground.
B. I press to get my points made.
14. A. I tell another my ideas and ask them for theirs.
B. I try to show him the logic and benefits of my position.

14 | P A G E
 Best
No. Question
Answer
15. A. I might try to soothe the other's feelings and preserve our relationship.
B. I try to do what is necessary to avoid tension.
16. A. I try not to hurt the other's feelings.
B. I try to convince the other person of the merits of my position.
17. A. I am usually firm in pursuing my goals.
B. I try to do what is necessary to avoid useless tensions.
18. A. If it makes the other person happy, I might let them maintain their views.
B. I will let the other person have some of their positions if they let me have some of mine.
19. A. I try to get all concerns and issues immediately out in the open.
B. I try to postpone the issue until I have had some time to think it over.
20. A. I attempt to immediately work through our differences.
B. I try to find a fair combination of gains and losses for both of us.
21. A. In approaching negotiations, I try to be considerate of the other person's feelings.
B. I always lean toward a direct discussion of the problem.
22. A. I try to find a position that is intermediate between mine and another person's.
B. I assert my wishes.
23. A. I am often concerned with satisfying all my wishes.
B. There are times when I let others take responsibility for solving problems.
24. A. If the other's position seems important to them, I would try to meet their wishes.
B. I try to get the other person to settle for a compromise.
25. A. I try to show the other person the logic and benefits of my position.
B. In approaching negotiations, I try to be considerate of the other person's wishes.
26. A. I propose a middle ground.
B. I am nearly always concerned with satisfying all my wishes.
27. A. I sometimes avoid taking positions that would create controversy.
B. If it makes the other person happy, I might let them maintain their views.
28. A. I am usually firm in pursuing my goals.
B. I feel that differences are not always worth worrying about.
29. A. I propose middle ground.
B. I feel that differences are not always worth worrying about.
30. A. I try not to hurt the other person's feelings.
B. I always share the problem with the other person so that we can work it out.

15 | P A G E
SCORING:

Add up the number of responses in each column and enter the total at the bottom. Your highest score indicates your
primary conflict management style. You may have a tie (or close to it) for top score—this could mean you have developed
multiple styles from which you choose when in conflict, or that you employ different styles in response to different types of
situations.

Statement Pair Conflict Resolution Mode

1 A B
2 B A
3 A B
4 B A
5 B A
6 B A
7 A B
8 B A
9 A B
10 A B
11 B A
12 A B
13 B A
14 A B
15 B A
16 B A
17 A B
18 B A
19 A B
20 B A
21 A B
22 B A
23 A B
24 B A
25 B A
26 B A
27 B A
28 A B
29 B A
30 A B

TOTALS

Turtle Teddy Bear Fox Shark Owl

16 | P A G E
INTERPRETATION:

Your profile of scores indicates the repertoire of conflict handling skills that you possess and use in conflict situations.

One of the most often asked questions is "What are the right answers?" In this type of test, there are no "right"
answers. All five modes of handling conflict are useful in various situations, and each represents a set of useful social
skills. The effectiveness of any handling of conflict depends on the requirements of the conflict and the skill that is
employed.

Each of us is capable of using all five conflict modes, and none of us can be characterized as having a single rigid style of
dealing with conflict. However, because of personality traits or by habit, individuals tend to use one or two modes at a
greater frequency than the others.

Competing Collaborative
“Shark” “Owl”
Score: _________ Score: _________

Compromising
“Fox”
Score: _________

Avoiding Accommodating
“Turtle” “Teddy Bear”
Score: _________ Score: _________

17 | P A G E
 8. Flexing your
STYLE
When Dealing With Difficult People, Try a Complementary Approach
Contrary to the Hard-Bargaining Style Donald Trump Recommends, New Research Supports the
Benefits of Adapting to the Other Party’s Negotiating Style When Dealing with Difficult People.

BY KATIE SHONK

To hear President Donald Trump tell it, the United States under President Barack Obama had bungled one
negotiation after another on the global stage due to an inability to stand firm and take tough stances on key
issues when engaging in difficult conversations.

“Right now, we have the wrong group of negotiators who have left us being totally out-negotiated,” Trump said in
an interview in spring of 2016 with Breitbart News. “We have incompetent people leading our country and it’s
evident in the terrible deals we’ve made with China, Mexico, and virtually every country in the world.”

Trump called the Iran nuclear negotiations “a horrible deal for the United States and an even worse deal for
Israel.” He continued, “The best deals are the fast deals. . . . When they say ‘no,’ we should get up and walk
away.”

According to Trump’s view, when dealing with difficult people and engaging in difficult conversations, the best way
to get the upper hand in a negotiation is to try to out-dominate the other party. As President, using his competitive
approach to negotiation, Trump has said he will strong-arm the government of Mexico into funding a wall along
the U.S.-Mexican border.

Trump’s insistence that the best way to deal with difficult people and groups is through a dominant and tough
negotiating style is contradicted by interesting new negotiation research that suggests a more nuanced approach
works better.

In an article in the July 2016 issue of Negotiation and Conflict Management Research, Scott Wiltermuth of the
University of Southern California, Los Angeles and Larissa Z. Tiedens and Margaret Neale of Stanford University
had pairs of study participants engage in complex negotiation simulations over either the merger of two
companies or a job offer. Some of the participants were instructed to display dominance by using expansive body
postures and taking the lead in the conversation. Other participants were told to display deference to their
counterpart by using constrictive body postures and working to make sure the other party felt respected. Others,
in a control group, received no such instructions about their negotiating style.

The results? Pairs in which one negotiator behaved dominantly and the other submissively (as instructed)
reached the best deals, as measured using a point system. These pairs of complementary-style negotiators
outperformed pairs made up of same-style negotiators, including two dominant negotiators, two submissive
negotiators, and two control-group members. The dominant/submissive pairs achieved their superior success
thanks to their complementary communication style, in which the dominant negotiators stated their preferences
directly and the deferential ones asked questions.

Notably, those with the more submissive style didn’t sacrifice their own needs for those of their counterparts.
Rather, they met their own needs by subtly determining, through questioning, how they could help both sides
meet their goals. Their more submissive style brought the parties together by helping their more dominant
counterparts feel respected, competent, and understood.

The lesson of the study isn’t that it always pays to adopt a submissive, deferential negotiating style. Rather, the
results suggest that we can all benefit from assessing the negotiating style of our counterpart and seeking a
communication style that complements and harmonizes with theirs. This advice may be useful in a variety of
contexts, from international diplomacy to dealing with difficult co-workers.

For example, if a negotiator comes across as passive, then we may need to step up our game, taking the
leadership position and advocating directly for our positions. On the other hand, when dealing with difficult people,
18 | P A G E
such as those who stake hard-line positions right from the start and believe in a win-lose approach to negotiation,
a more deferential, questioning approach may lead them closer to exploring the possibility of a win-win
agreement.

This can be easier said than done because in negotiation, we tend to return fire with fire. When someone makes
tough demands, threatens to walk away, and seems uninterested in our own interests, we become offended and
irritated, and tend to respond in kind. As a result, tensions escalate into conflict, and impasse is the likely result.

The challenge when dealing with difficult people and working with difficult people is to find ways to avoid being
caught up in this competitive trap.

How can you avoid an escalatory spiral and take the high road when having difficult conversations and managing
difficult people? In his classic negotiation text Getting Past No: Negotiating In Difficult Situations(Bantam, 1993),
William Ury advises us to break the cycle of reaction and counter-reaction in negotiation by “going to the
balcony”—that is, by imagining we are stepping back from the stage to the balcony. In doing so, we can step
back, gather our wits, and look at the situation objectively. This sense of psychological distance can give us the
clarity we need to identify the motives behind unfair tactics and avoid responding in kind.

19 | P A G E
9. The Language of
NEGOTIATION

20 | P A G E
21 | P A G E
10. A Negotiation Preparation
CHECKLIST
FOCUS ON INTERESTS GENERATE OPTIONS ASSESS THE RELATIONSHIP
MY INTERESTS: THEIR INTERESTS: What’s the current state of our relationship?
Generate as many options as possible before going
What is important to me and What is important to them and why? into the negotiation.
why?
Focus on options that meet the needs of both sides.

How do I want the relationship to be?

If I have to prioritize, what’s most Which interests might be most

important to me? important to them?

What steps can I take towards improving our

current relationship?

22 | P A G E
 KNOW YOUR BATNA COMMUNICATION MAKE CLEAR COMMITMENTS
MY ALTERNATIVES: THEIR INTERESTS: INQUIRY: What kind of agreement am I seeking?
What will I do if we can’t reach an What might they do if we can’t What questions do you want to ask?
agreement? agree?

What authority do I have?

ADVOCACY:
How do I want to frame the problem, my interests?
What authority might they have?

23 | P A G E
 11. My
NOTES

________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
24 | P A G E
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
25 | P A G E
26 | P A G E