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What is This?
Abstract
Many recently bereaved persons experience vivid and deeply meaningful dreams featuring the presence of the deceased that may
reflect and impact the process of mourning. The present study surveyed 278 bereaved persons regarding their own perspective of
the relationship between dreams and the mourning process. Fifty eight percent of respondents reported dreams of their deceased
loved ones, with varying levels of frequency. Most participants reported that their dreams were either pleasant or both pleasant
and disturbing, and few reported purely disturbing dreams. Prevalent dream themes included pleasant past memories or
experiences, the deceased free of illness, memories of the deceased’s illness or time of death, the deceased in the afterlife
appearing comfortable and at peace, and the deceased communicating a message. These themes overlap significantly with previous
models of bereavement dream content. Sixty percent of participants felt that their dreams impacted their bereavement process.
Specific effects of the dreams on bereavement processes included increased acceptance of the loved one’s death, comfort,
spirituality, sadness, and quality of life, among others. These results support the theory that dreams of the deceased are highly
prevalent among and often deeply meaningful for the bereaved. While many counselors are uncomfortable working with dreams in
psychotherapy, the present study demonstrates their therapeutic relevance to the bereaved population and emphasizes the
importance for grief counselors to increase their awareness, knowledge, and skills with regards to working with dreams.
Keywords
bereavement, dreams, tasks of mourning, hospice, grief, counseling, dreams of the deceased
a
Table 2. Examples of Dream Content Categories.
Pleasant Memories ‘‘I find the dreams comforting – they are always of pleasant memories. I am sad to wake to reality, but the
memories override the sadness.’’
Deceased Free of Illness ‘‘I occasionally dream of my sister. She is younger with long hair - not the way she looked at her death.’’
Deceased during illness ‘‘In my dreams I see him lying there in the last few minutes of his life’’
Comfortable in the afterlife ‘‘She was in a group of three or four people and just smiled at me. She didn’t say anything, but she looked
healthy and at peace.’’
Communicating a message ‘‘My mother speaks to me while I dream. She tells me things about situations in my life and how to handle
them. I get to hold my mother in my dreams and get to feel her warmth and love.’’
Other ‘‘I dreamed of the deceased, but he didn’t know that he was deceased, and I had to tell him.’’
With other deceased loved ones ‘‘Our daughter Jane had a dream of her [deceased] mother walking on the beach shore holding the hand of a
small boy named Eric. We had previously lost a baby and named him Eric, who had died before Jane was
born. Eric was to be our last of three children, but when he died we had Jane.’’
Unresolved issues ‘‘The fact the times my mother was in my dreams and never spoke made me feel sadder. I just wanted her to
talk to me—maybe try to let me know I didn’t let her down.’’
Distressed in afterlife ‘‘I dreamed that he was very stressed and then became peaceful and went home with God.’’
a
No details were shared for the Memories of End-of-Life Services category.
dream most commonly associated with pleasant content involved the bereavement process. In this study, most respondents noted
reliving pleasant past memories of the deceased. that dreams of the deceased carried emotional significance to
their process of bereavement.
This finding has clear implications for bereavement coun-
Impact on Bereavement and Implications for Counselors seling. As suggested by Worden, dreams of the bereaved hold
Previous studies have not asked the bereaved for their perspec- therapeutic value in assisting to understand the individual’s
tives on the relationship between dreams of the deceased and process of mourning through the identification of mourning
into the reality of the situation and to assist them in processing deceased but rather about reinvesting one’s energy in new
the implications and ramifications of that reality. relationships and life experiences.
Another participant noted:
Limitations and Suggestions for Future Research
When I awaken from my dreams of mom I find myself crying
uncontrollably. Mom was my life. Losing her has affected me There are several limitations to this study. In spite of the overall
as far as my life seems so empty at times. At times the pain high survey completion rates, many respondents did not com-
is unbearable. plete the section indicating the impact of their dreams on grief
responses (34%-39% of participants left various parts of this
Here, it seems that the dreamer has accepted the fact that section blank). It is possible that these respondents did not feel
her mother is not returning and is experiencing the incredible that they could identify the impact of their dreams with that
pain associated with grief (task 2). For a counselor presented degree of specificity. In fact, most who did complete this sec-
with this client, dreams may serve as means for facilitating tion reported that their dreams had ‘‘no effect’’ on the specific
expression of feelings, exploring the sources and meaning emotions related to bereavement. This reflects a stark contrast
of pain, and facilitating a discussion of coping skills to the 60% who indicated a general impact of their dreams on
development. their bereavement. A second limitation was that the current sur-
A third participant described her dreams of her mother: vey instrument did not include all dream content categories as
suggested by other researchers. This limited our ability to
I have had dreams of my mother on special occasions (eg, assess the relative validity of these models. A third limitation
mother’s day, birthday, etc) and her indirectly relaying a was that date of death information was not included in the
message to me and helping me in life generally. survey, preventing analyses between elapsed time, content, and
impact on bereavement. Furthermore, cross-cultural analysis
This series of dreams may reflect the dreamer’s process of was prevented by the sample’s cultural homogeneity.
adjustment to life without her mother (task 3), which includes Future research could solicit more open-ended information
the realization that her mother is no longer around to give regarding the impact of bereavement dreams on the process
advice or to assist her. This represents what Worden termed of mourning over time by inquiring about elapsed time since
an external adjustment, involving a change in one’s functioning death, expanding dream categories, and assessing the respon-
in the world. He also identified internal and spiritual adjust- dents’ current tasks of mourning as described by Worden.1
ments, relating to one’s sense of self and assumptive world- Because this study was retrospective, its results are subject to
view, respectively.1 A counselor working with this client recall bias on the part of participants who may only have
might make use of dreams in exploring the ways these changes remembered or reported their most striking and memorable
are reflected through dream symbolism. One possible insight dreams. Future research could utilize dream diaries to facilitate
gained from these ‘‘advice’’ dreams in particular might be the dream recall and a prospective design to capture dreams as they
realization that the dreamer possesses the necessary strength occur. Further research may also be warranted to determine the
and wisdom to manage her life with in herself, as evidenced efficacy of bereavement therapy that includes dream work
by the helpful nature of these dream messages. based on the approach described by Hill12,19 and Hess.11
A fourth participant wrote:
Conclusions
I dreamed that my husband was there and I asked him to come
back, but he wouldn’t come back. He told me he was leaving This study achieved its four goals. First, the relative prevalence
me for someone else. I had this dream several times. Then, after of dreams of the deceased was found to be high among recently
I began dating someone I had the same dream, but at the end he bereaved hospice caregivers, congruent with earlier studies.
said he would come back, and I told him I didn’t want him back. Second, we found some small differences in age and length
He got into his truck and left. of relationship between those who dreamed of the deceased and
those who did not, suggesting that these variables might have a
This dream may reflect the entire process of working on the relationship to dreaming. Third, this study quantified major
tasks of grief beginning with the dreamer’s repeated attempts to dream content categories, providing validation for earlier mod-
bring her husband back into her life. The changed ending in the els. Finally, and most importantly, this study demonstrates that
final dream seems to reflect that the deceased’s role in the drea- many bereaved persons consider their dreams to be important
mer’s life has changed, and that she is moving on with her life features of their bereavement. This suggests that dreams
(task 4). The dreamer’s decision to date someone new is deserve increased clinical attention from counselors who work
reflected in her attitudinal shift in the dream. It is possible that with this population, in spite of the widespread reluctance of
such a dream may raise feelings of guilt in the dreamer, and one counselors in general to address dreams. Empirically validated
task for a grief counselor would be to assist her in understand- approaches to dream work such as the Cognitive–Experiential
ing the ways her relationship to the deceased has changed. As Model may prove a useful tool for bereavement counselors.
Worden suggests, this task is not about ‘‘forgetting’’ the Although working with dreams is clearly not a panacea for the
pain experienced by the recently bereaved, the present study 8. Garfield P. Dreams in bereavement. In: Barrett D, ed. Trauma and
provides initial justification for further inquiry into this dreams. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press; 1996:
approach. 186-211.
9. LoConto DG. Death and dreams: A sociological approach to
Acknowledgments grieving and identity. Omega: J Death Dying. 1998;37(3):
We would like to thank William D. Riemer for his technical assistance 171-185.
with developing a database for the study. 10. Belicki K, Gulko N, Ruzycki K, Aristotle J. Sixteen years of
dreams following spousal bereavement. Omega: J Death Dying.
Declaration of Conflicting Interests 2002;47(2):93-106.
The authors declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to 11. Hess SA. Dreams of the bereaved. In: Hill CE, ed. Dream work in
the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article. therapy: Facilitating exploration, insight, and action. Washing-
ton, DC: American Psychological Association; 2004:169-185.
Funding 12. Hill CE. Working With Dreams in Psychotherapy. New York,
The authors received no financial support for the research, authorship, NY: Guilford Press; 1996.
and/or publication of this article. 13. Hartmann E. Making connections in a safe place: Is dreaming
psychotherapy? Dreaming. 1995;5(4):213-228.
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