Descriptive Writing Faishal Amrullah Effendi

Describing Object A / 2041038

The Loss of my Shopping Bag

My name is Caroline, and this morning, 28th of March, I boarded the 4:15 a.m

train from Malabar to Serayu; my seat is on B78. I want to inform you that I’ve lost my

shopping bag, and here the chronology. I was sleepy, so I decided to catch some Zs and put

my shopping bag in the overhead space; it was 3:17 a.m. When I woke up at 3:56 a.m, I

realized that my shopping bag was lost. I was pretty frustrated and couldn’t think clearly.

My shopping bag consists of my new mobile phone, clothes, and makeup tools. The

bag is about 60 centimeters long and a width of 48 centimeters. The shape is square, and it

has a dark brown color. A bag's material is made from polyethylene, for the rope's fabric is

made from polypropylene.

I would be grateful if the Lost Property Office can help me to find it. You can reach

my mobile on 089543908431 between lunch until 20:00, and my address is Josephine

Housing Estate, Block B3-05, South Cimahi, Cimahi city. If you can find it, I will come to

collect over my shopping bag. I look forward to hearing from you.

Word Count: 198

Descriptive Writing Faishal Amrullah Effendi
Describing Object A / 2041038

DESCRIPTIVE WRITING RUBRIC

Advanced—4 Proficient—3 Needs Improvement—2 Not Yet—1
Idea Length of paper is Too much or not enough Too much or too Paper is too long/short, has
Development appropriate. elaboration in some part simplistic writing no focus because of
Ideas flow smoothly making paper seem overwriting and or no
from one to the next. choppy elaboration
Organization Paper has excellent Paper has structure and Paper has some Lack of structure, interfering
structure and is well organization but lacks structure evident but is with reader’s ability to
organized unity because of hard to follow or is not understand piece
confusing details well organized
Word Choice Paper uses rich and Paper uses good word Paper has simplistic Paper has too simplistic
sophisticated word choice and some varied word choice and at times word choice and is far too
choice and varied wording repetitive repetitive
language throughout
Sensory Details Paper is rich in sensory Paper has some sensory Paper has too few/many Paper is lacking in sensory
details creating a vivid details but there may be sensory details causing details and tells rather than
picture too few or not enough reader to lose interest shows
details
Closing The final sentences The ending is good but The ending is too simple There is no real ending
clinch the piece well does not fully clinch the —it doesn’t fit the flow leaving the reader
leaving the reader paper, leaving the reader leaving the reader unsatisfied
completely satisfied wanting more confused
Sentence Paper is well written Papers has a few Paper has many Paper is difficult to read
Structure using a variety of sentence errors and/or is fragments and is because of too simplistic
simple and complex lacking in variety or beginning to be difficult sentence structure and/or
sentence structures complexity to understand many fragments
Paragraph Strong paragraph Paragraphs are generally Paragraphs are only Paragraph placement is
Placement placement throughout appropriate throughout somewhat evident almost entirely or lacking all
paper though at times are too throughout paper together
long and/or short
Spelling, Paper is proofread well Paper has between 3 to Paper has between 6 to Paper has more than 9
punctuation, with only 1 or 2 errors 5 errors 8 errors as proofreading errors and shows little to no
grammar, and was not done well evidence of proofreading
capitalization
Verb Tense Verb tense remains Verb tense is mainly Verb tenses are Verb tenses are so
consistent throughout consistent inconsistent affecting inconsistent, paper is
reader’s understanding difficult to understand
of paper

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Total score: ( _______ /36) x 100 =

Word Count: 198