Word: 2447

Mystery, drama.
leilacankaya©daydreamer2021

TRAIN

When, a boredom falls on me,

when I remember a bad memory,
in a pain.

I hear, at distant,
the sound of a train.

Always,
its deep sound,
takes me away to the faraways.
 THE PASSION OF BEAUTY

I waken up one morning,

looked at mirror
like always I do.
A stranger, in the mirror…
I cried in the horror;
Who are you?

What is that?
My face is where?
Is this a nightmare?

On my right cheek a swelling

and redness;
Over the rebel puffed cheek,
in the eye hole
an afraid, small eye is watching me.

Together with puffed lips,

mouth is widening down,
like a sorry clown.

The left side, more natural;

As if,beside of right puffed cheek ,
it looks like weak.

I was resembling the hump of Notre Dame.

Anymore, I never walk easily through the people.
With this amorphous face,
everyone will make fun…

My God…
Long...How was I wrong?

I was thinking that,

always I would remain
lovable and beautiful.
I wasn't knowing, beauty was such a fragile.

I don't remember
what had I seen in my dream, but;
It changed me whatever,
in the ominous night.
Sometime I waken, then again I slept.
Until morning, uneasily,
I turned one right, one left.

O, my passionate lover!
Could he love this face yet?...
Who would love that?
But, who knows?
Everybody follows
the beautiful.

Maybe few days

to the sake of politeness,
he could remain,
then he would think logical again.

Love disappears,
wherever there's logic.

Yes, my beauty was legendary.

Nobody can argue otherwise…
I was a stupid thing, back then.
He fell in love in the first glance
like a magic.

I declined him cruelly,

moreover I made fun,
kept him wait...
But, he was not like the others,
never gave up.
He was passionate.

Now I remember; I threw his rose to the floor.

And like this, many things more.
O, no….
Even I cannot bear to my fatal mistakes,
but though, he didn't go.

Quite time later,

finally, I accepted him.
He didn't get marry me,
with time became a grim.

Only the passion of beauty.

Now, I understand;
He adored
for a beauty monument.

But the meat would change,

enters to the different forms,
and would decay.
Finally he went.

Silently, like a stranger

who never knew me, he went.

Anymore, this freak face

can't face
face to face, with anyone.
Far from me, that sweet compliment.

But, once he would say to me

in a moment of a hug, fiery:
"You're my God."

The real tyrant was he, or I ?

I couldn't know.
Just I am sure that,
my beauty is gone, with a hard destiny' s blow.
Ah, how I had believed him.
Yes, finally love turned to a real grim...

Therefore, I won't look the mirrors too.

Because, each time, I will see this bitter true.

In other hand,
other guys had loved me.
Yes, too late to understand.
In spite of they haven't passion
they were innocent.

One of them wouldn't leave me, maybe,

in spite of this ugly face,
in his heart, he would give a small place…
This face will startle every mortal.

Maybe one of them damned me, like this:

"You won't see real humans.
Your around will be surrendered
only by daemons."

O, how would I look down on them…

None of them, couldn't stand
to this situation.
But they hadn't a passion.

Yes anymore, I have to live

avoiding, as an outcast.

This sight, a penalty

by the broken hearted people
in the past.

Dan! Dan! Dan!

The occasion of the fun;
nobody misses it.

Moreover, if it is a woman,
if she was ugly,
if she has a dark spirit.

When she passed beside me,

she will gaze, cheekily
like seen something strange.

Hereby, cause of my
old, beautiful days, she will avenge.

Those people who are little polite

will pass quiet.
With a furtive glance,
they'll think,
"But, she was such a beautiful once."

Here! This would be more destructive.

Anymore, not a love, nor lover.

Underside a woman
Up side monster..
How am I going to live like this?

Maybe only in the night…

I will be
like a ghost who is walking around
in the darkness, without a place.
Nobody should see this face.
 CONSCIOUS

To be
underground…or over.
To sleep
under a colourful, fresh flower.
The dead could aware of them?
It's a value, only for a double eyes.

The difference,
nature doesn't know it, only makes its duty.
It flows freely, like a river.

The body
under the ground or over,

The difference,
just a mind could realize.

The friend silence of the nature;

its doesn't mean that
there's a peace.
You're sleeping but,
badness is not.
 THE GRAVE RUNNER

It was a horrible traffic accident.

They took him out from the car
like a wreck.
People thought that,
for him there's no comeback.

Beside the grave

new done,
he looked at tomb stone
murmured sorrowful:
"O, a child grave, an angel.
Without learning anything
what a pity, to leave from the earth.

Some stuffs in his hand, complimentary,

looked at mirror.
Body continued to think:
"When you converted the destiny,
What does it look like ?
What does it look like,
with, little make up
little powder, little pomade and
a bit perfume
removes the rotten smell of the grave.
O Adrian,
you turned again to the human,
these stuffs will show you pretty
to this huge miserable world…
These things make them beautiful
in this huge miserable world.
They cover up rot, bad odors
and the brute.
These stuffs make daemon faces
miraculously cute.

Ah, these fantasies of life

worse than death.
Who would love, the grave runner?
Who would have thought,
I would get used here?
Some people fear of graves,
I haven't a fear.
Because of eating the leaves
of the tree,
my skin has turned dirty green.
But, I don't want to eat anything else.
I could have left this place.
But anymore it doesn't matter.

Let's think
whats happened in the beginning…

It was a horrible traffic accident.

They took me out from the car
like a wreck.
I thought, anymore for me
there's no comeback.

I was seeing everything but

I couldn't say anything,
I was such a miserable, like a dead.
They supposed that,
I had died.
But I hadn't died, yet.
I was buried without coffin
because of money.

There wasn't much money on me

also any adress.
Yes, you can guess;
A good quality coffin is little bit costly.

Finally I found myself in a dark pit

in the white cerement.
Who's it, or they
what a great delinquent...

I don't think so,

even if I search
I would find...
Ah, this negligent health officer
was going to be cause of losing my mind.

Thanks God,
cause of negligence
they didn't dig deeply my pit too.
Looks like a job that, hurriedly done;
engrossing and grotesque.

A few rot apples in a big sack

would not be eye-catching.
But over time this rot spreads
to the other apples.
Being easily expendable
hurt me, by people.
Maybe under the ground
there's many bodies, who's living yet
buried like dead…

Who knows that?

I would leave thus place, but...

But with time

I used to this silent cemetery.
Already, while I was in daily life
I wasn't chatty.
Little bit odd,
but with time I became here's compatriot.

Under the ground

I thought quite.
In that darkness,
and in the nothingness
thoughts flow.
I became friend with a cockroach.
I followed its crunch
with an instinct…
It had opened a thin breach…
I digged it with my nail.
with a last move, I gathered my strength
took out my arm from the soil.
Yes, it is...I was outside.
But now, there was no, any adress to go.
Like a crazy, I threw myself to the street.

After my wife,
I couldn't come back to life.
It is a crux, unmentionable.
Therefore, I won't talk about it.

Outside, I began to murmuring

with myself, as if I was speaking
to somebody else;
A stronger nature.

As if beside me,
there was somebody,
I could have shared with him everything
after that underground adventure.

A life that, doesn't accept neither a life,

nor death.
In the broken mirror that I found it in a dump.
I look like a living person, but
to be like is one thing, to be is another."

Corpse stood up, walked around.

Then he saw a cat,
a dead cat little beyond, murmured:

" I saw it last day…

It was so beautiful,
young and grey
would walk around
near the way.
Even if, the cutest cat of the street,
what good is it?
Now, the crows in the dump
pecking its body.
What pity…"

In these thoughts, he walked such…

*
 Second part,

When he arrived the city centre,

between people
under the curious looks, surprisingly
his walking had corrected...

His position was sometimes comic

sometimes tragic.

For example,
he would walk away a lot,
so that, a crowded group of people
they wouldn't smell the grave.

People are amazed who saw him.

One old red haired woman:

"Who was this guy, who?
He reminds the deads
but, not much.

Body said in a pain:

"My identity came out."

Reflexively began to twitch, his mouth.

Old woman:
"Bizarre!"

Old guy said wisely:

" I know him; Adrian Cave
like a dead, he stays at grave.

After the betrayal of his wife

and the bad accident
he lost his mind.
But he takes a walk
at evenings sometimes.
Then he goes back
to the grave.
Behind of the main street,
there's a grand cemetery and there
he disappears from the eyes.
Since no one travels around the cemeteries
he lives there easily."

"Oh my God!
What's that?"

So that, a young, blonde mother cried...

" Would a dead walk? Moreover, constant

for not to talk."

An auburn, young bourgeois

calmly entered the issue:

"He doesn't enter into grave, nor into life…

He handles between the two.

Young mother:
"How could it be that?
A man is an alive, or dead…"

Old woman:
" Though, we should inform the police.
Their job is this."

Adrian Cave thought;

Why are they commenting
on a corpse so much?

Reflexively, his mouth would twitch.

" An old witch."

Old man got the word with a vigour again:

"Self-conscious."

Young blonde mother grimaced:

"His smell like a grave.
Inside me a boredom...o, stop."
Walking dead stopped.
It was better than to be
in the grave, this conversation.
He gazed to the sky.

Her son, ready to cry:

"Mom, let's go, please."

Young blonde mother did not

want to spite her son.
In a strange mood, she's gone.

The grave runner thought

after from all these:
" These live thoughts took you out
from the grave but…
Outside, where is life?
Eh, this much life enough for a dead.
Even more…
But I can't say the same thing for a living.

I think so, the perfume lost its effect.

In this beautiful weather,
even a dead wants to walk.

I hadn't a bad idea,

just I wanted to walk
a bit between people.

Ah, just for a bit walking, what a struggle.

Between people
I turned to my past days
I never knew, those days
the smell of the grave.

If no-one afraid from me,

I would turn to my old state.
Here!
In front of my eyes
my skin is sore.

It's a matter of priority;

Will they heal me, or they'll stop
the messing with me,
if I am fine, before?

Nobody takes the first step…

If no these horror looks,

my body would turn to its old healthy case;
This partly rotten body
would find a healing,
under the tender looks and sweet sun.
But under these, amazed and horror looks,
full life is a ban.
This much interest, makes me feel bad.
Here! Again decaying a healthy zone.

This unclear identity,

This confused phantom
half dead, half alive
where could it hide?

Meanwhile, red haired old woman

murmured with a high sound:
"Oh my God!
A dead body walking around.
Before I thought, he was a walking tree.
A body that, dirty green."

Bourgeois said calmly:

"Inoffensive, nothing to fear.

Red haired old woman protested:

"But a dead person,
shouldn't go around here.
Why, doesn't he return to his grave that?
If he is a real dead..."

Body:
"As if my deadly silence was making them crazy.
Frenetic a complaint chorus;
shape against to the amorphous…"
Young mother:
"We should call the police."

Bourgeois:
" I am an advocate, take it easy please…

If there's no concrete crime,

there's no punishment.
The criminal law…
There's no item that
prohibits the wandering of the dead.
For now…"

A dissatisfaction has appeared

on the face of bourgeois.

Old man stated that:

"I think so, he is nonconformist."

Body heard many things more like

these complains.

He murmured hopelessly,
lost his all merriment:
"They're talking about a punishment.
Must be hide...
Not to be complete dead, is a crime?
Now, to explain this, to the police,

it takes quite time."

His body bended

to left side pretty good.
His eyes darkened,
his body has now became quite misshapen.

An irresistible complaint sound

was rising around.
Body saw an old shed little beyond,
thought,
"Must be hide…"

How did that happen?

Eventually, everything turned into weird things."

This old shed is not bad

for to hide...

Body spent here the night,

at dawn, a dirty yellow dog
appeared beside.

With confused eyes,

and a bit offended,
dog looked his face …
Looks like here was its place.
Dog fixed its eye, watched calmly,
tried to understand;
What a kind of man?

He looked at dog.
In these looks, there was no
any complain.

Then, with the first lights

of the sun,
Adrian Cave is gone
to the cemetery without coming back.
Pretty good, his body became small
his skin turned black.
He was quite tired,
longish was going to sleep
after this tiring trip…

A few days later, a large

and dead cockroaches
beside the messy grave.
One of them different;
Bigger and lying there inverted.
Thin, long feet looking up.
But it looks like a lying down
A tired person.

Is it a real cockroach or Adrian?

We don't know exactly,
what happened under the ground.

Maybe it's all an aft of the living mind.

Maybe Adrian found the way
with the help of a cockroach.

Or, the cockroach Adrian mentioned

was Adrian himself.
Perhaps, everything
was the life of a soul that
entered the cockroach
with a leap….