Writing College Admissions Essays

Essay Writing Structure and Organization

Presented by Dione Peart
American Cultural Center
 Homework Review

• For each criteria, what score did you give the essay and why?
• What final grade did you give the essay?
• Essay 1:
Focus-
Organization-
Content-
Grammar-
Language-
 What is an Essay?

• A piece of writing on a particular subject.

• The purpose of an essay is to develop your ideas and concepts in your
writing. They should be concise with a clear purpose and direction.
There really isn’t room for you to wander, it is important to stay
interesting and focused on your direction. (Purdue)
 Essay Structure

• A good essay structure will be very clear to the reader.

• Introduction: Prepare your reader with a thesis statement, provide
a focus, grab the readers attention

• Body: Give details to support your focus

• Conclusion: Wrap it up and leave your reader with something to

think about
 Reflect
• My Dads
I have two dads. They met in the early 80s, became partners soon after, and adopted me in 2000. I think I’ve always know that we were a little different from most
families, but that’s never really bothered me. My story, that which defines me, is not that I have two dads. I’m not automatically a better person, or smarter, or
more talented, or better looking because I am the child of a same-sex couple. I’m not defined by the number of fathers I have (or the lack of mothers). Having two
dads is inherent to my person not because of the novelty; it’s inherent because it has afforded me a completely unique life perspective.
I’m very fortunate to have grown up in a loving and safe environment—with caring friends, family, and neighbors. I know for my dads, that was not always the
case. Living on a farm in Kansas, my dad Jeff struggled internally with his identity for years. My dad Charley was luckier; born and raised in New York City, he was
always supported by his parents and the community there. He only has a few stories of being harassed on the street or the subway. Dad Jeff, though, has a web of
scarring on his right arm, from the time he was jumped leaving a bar; one of the men pulled a knife on him. When I was little, he used to make up stories about
these scars; it wasn’t until I was fifteen that he told me the truth.
I know how to be afraid. My dads know how to be afraid—for me, for themselves, for the life they’ve created. When I was six, a man threw a brick through our
front window. I don’t remember much about that night save for a few images: the police arriving, my aunt Joyce helping to clean up the glass, my dads hugging,
how they let me sleep in their bed that night. This night wasn’t a turning point for me, a realization that the world is an ugly, nasty place. We carried on as usual,
and nothing like that ever happened again. I guess, in retrospect, my dads were just used to living slightly afraid. But it never stopped them from going out in
public, being seen together, being seen with me. Through their bravery, their unwillingness to give in, they taught me the virtue of courage more concretely and
lasting than a thousand parables or Bible verses ever could.
I also know how to respect people. Growing up in a “different” family dynamic has led me to appreciate and understand others who are labeled as “different.” I
know how they feel. I know where they’re coming from. My dads know what it is like to be spat on, looked down on, yelled at, and belittled. Not only do they
want to keep me from being bullied; they want to keep me from bullying. They have taught me, through their actions, beliefs, and habits, always to strive to be
the best person I can. And I know countless other people have learned the same things from their own parents. But my story is different.
I wish having same-sex parents wasn’t the novelty it is. I’m not a charity case, or a miracle, or a role model because I have two dads. But I am who I am because of
them. Because of all they’ve lived through, dealt with, suffered, and tolerated. And from that, they’ve taught me how to help others, how to care about the world,
how to make a difference—in a thousand small ways. I am not just the “boy with two dads;” I’m the boy with two dads who taught him how to be a decent,
caring, courageous, and loving human being.
Written by: Charlie as found in Grove, A (2017)
Grove, A. (2017). “ ‘My Dads’- Sample Common Application Essay for Option #1”. ThoughtCo. https://www.thoughtco.com/dads-sample-common-application-
essay-4097185
• My Dads Introduction
I have two dads. They met in the early 80s, became partners soon after, and
adopted me in 2000. I think I’ve always know that we were a little different
from most families, but that’s never really bothered me. My story, that
which defines me, is not that I have two dads. I’m not automatically a better
person, or smarter, or more talented, or better looking because I am the
child of a same-sex couple. I’m not defined by the number of fathers I have
(or the lack of mothers). Having two dads is inherent to my person not
because of the novelty; it’s inherent because it has afforded me a
completely unique life perspective.

Purpose:
• Grab the Readers attention.
• Give a brief background.
• Introduce a thesis statement.
• Address the prompt.
 What is this essay be about?
• Your introduction should answer this question
It should respond to the prompt
• Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful
they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you,
then please share your story.

Answer:
Having two dads is inherent to my person not because of the novelty; it’s
inherent because it has afforded me a completely unique life perspective.
While reading the essay we should be able to clearly identify the completely
unique life perspective that this person has.
 Body Paragraphs: what was his life perspective?
I’m very fortunate to have grown up in a loving and safe environment—with caring friends, family, and neighbors. I know for my dads,
that was not always the case. Living on a farm in Kansas, my dad Jeff struggled internally with his identity for years. My dad Charley
was luckier; born and raised in New York City, he was always supported by his parents and the community there. He only has a few
stories of being harassed on the street or the subway. Dad Jeff, though, has a web of scarring on his right arm, from the time he was
jumped leaving a bar; one of the men pulled a knife on him. When I was little, he used to make up stories about these scars; it wasn’t
until I was fifteen that he told me the truth.
I know how to be afraid. My dads know how to be afraid—for me, for themselves, for the life they’ve created. When I was six, a man
threw a brick through our front window. I don’t remember much about that night save for a few images: the police arriving, my aunt
Joyce helping to clean up the glass, my dads hugging, how they let me sleep in their bed that night. This night wasn’t a turning point
for me, a realization that the world is an ugly, nasty place. We carried on as usual, and nothing like that ever happened again. I guess,
in retrospect, my dads were just used to living slightly afraid. But it never stopped them from going out in public, being seen
together, being seen with me. Through their bravery, their unwillingness to give in, they taught me the virtue of courage more
concretely and lasting than a thousand parables or Bible verses ever could.
I also know how to respect people. Growing up in a “different” family dynamic has led me to appreciate and understand others who
are labeled as “different.” I know how they feel. I know where they’re coming from. My dads know what it is like to be spat on,
looked down on, yelled at, and belittled. Not only do they want to keep me from being bullied; they want to keep me from bullying.
They have taught me, through their actions, beliefs, and habits, always to strive to be the best person I can. And I know countless
other people have learned the same things from their own parents. But my story is different.

Purpose:
• Provide a topic sentences to support your thesis statement.
• Provide details to support your topic sentence.
• Elaborate on your details using vivid language.
 Conclusion
• I wish having same-sex parents wasn’t the novelty it is. I’m not a
charity case, or a miracle, or a role model because I have two dads.
But I am who I am because of them. Because of all they’ve lived
through, dealt with, suffered, and tolerated. And from that, they’ve
taught me how to help others, how to care about the world, how to
make a difference—in a thousand small ways. I am not just the “boy
with two dads;” I’m the boy with two dads who taught him how to
be a decent, caring, courageous, and loving human being.

Purpose:
• Restate/ summarize your thesis
• Leave the reader with something to think about.
• Using the essay find the elements that make up the structure of an
essay;
• Introduction- thesis statement, capture your attention
• Body – topic sentence
• Conclusion- restate the thesis, leave the reader thinking
• Underline the elements you are able to identify
 References

• "Essay Writing." Purdue. Purdue Online Writing Lab, 2017

<https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/685/1/>

• “Examples of Awesome Personal Statements.”Shmoop. Shmoop University. 2017

<http://www.shmoop.com/college/personal-statement-examples.html>

• ”Writing and Essay Outline.”Seneca.

<http://wwwos.senecacollege.ca/student/success/success-strategies/essay-
outline.html>