From Anger to Appreciation

Posted on September 4, 2020 by Stefanie

Billboard in Xiamen promoting China’s One Child policy

(https://www.wsj.com/articles/chinas-one-child-policy-propaganda-posters-the-
years-1443781750)

My adoption story has been everything but simple. There have been joyous moments,
so, therefore, there have been anger-filled moments. I was adopted from a town called
Xian, centrally located in China. In 1979, the Chinese government introduced the ‘One
Child Policy’1, permitting only one child per family. There are obviously so many immoral
issues with this policy, but everyone in China saw this as a chance to advance their

1
https://www.brandeis.edu/investigate/adoption/china.html
economy, and it was. So naturally, being a baby born in 2002, I was left at an
orphanage’s doorstep by my biological parents because it was illegal to keep me.

Not that I remember much from the orphanage, being that I was less than a year
old, but from the pictures I have, it looks like I was well cared for and loved by the
nannies. I stayed in the orphanage for about 11 months, and then, by a miracle, I was
adopted. A blue-eyed, brown-haired, single woman from the suburbs of New Jersey had
decided to take me home so we could be a happy family of 2. The moment that I was
taken out of that orphanage and placed into my mother’s arms, I knew I was in good
hands for an extremely happy life. Appearing as a typical Asian girl with a typical looking
white mother did cause us to get many stares, and I still do to this day, but as I like to
say “Stare more please”. All the looks and stares in the world could never devalue or
eliminate the loving connection I have with my mom.

I have always been appreciative of the life I live here in America, but let me tell you, I
have had my fair share of angry moments.2 When I was in middle school, maybe 6th or
7th grade, I started getting angry at the fact that my birth parents gave me up. I tried to
understand the circumstances at the time, but I never could. Why would my parents
ever give me up if they loved me? Why did they choose to keep my older sibling? Did
they ever truly love me? These questions would race through my mind, with intense
anger building up inside, and then I would just combust! Anger turned to tears, and
tears turned into waterworks. If I had a penny for every time I combusted over the fact
that my birth parents didn’t value me or love me, I’d be rich at this point.

Being 18 now, I finally understand the tough circumstances my birth parents were in,
and I can confidently say that they did the right thing; for if they didn’t, I wouldn’t be here
writing this post. While growth and maturity allowed me to be more appreciative, it was

2
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2804559/
not until experiencing a failed domestic adoption3 with a close family friend that I
understood how grateful I was for my story. International adoption4 from China was less
risky for many years in the early 2000s, domestic adoptions consist of more unknown
factors. The birth parents have the opportunity to go back on their decision to put their
babies up for adoption, leaving the adoptive counterparts childless. Hearing those
stories, specifically during my angry outbursts, made me extremely grateful for my story.
My adoption is a beautiful thing, but it caused a great deal of painful emotions. But,
working through the confusion of those emotions only allowed me to better appreciate
my story. And the feeling of appreciation and gratitude is everlasting.

My mother and I moments after I was placed into her arms forever (Photo credit:
Diane Rose’s Facebook

3
https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/failed-adoption-matches/
4
https://www.americanadoptions.com/adopt/domestic_international