April 5, 2021

Reflection on Myself as a Communicator

This class was a prerequisite course I was required to take for entry into a nursing
program. I hoped to learn how to become a more effective communicator by taking this class.
Before I took this class, I felt communication was extremely important. We communicate
everyday with everyone we encounter. Have you ever passed someone on the street and smiled at
them, and in response they smile back at you? I have. This is a form of nonverbal
communication. Did you know that hearing and listening are two different things? Imagine you
are driving in your car and you have the radio on. A few songs play, you may even sing along
with them, then your favorite song comes on; chances are you are the radio has captured your
attention, you may even turn the volume up. Before your favorite song came on, you were
hearing the music; not listening. I didn’t realize how much I was hearing but not really listening,
I realized that I have selective hearing. Listening is a communication skill that requires attention
and effort. Now that I have completed this course, I still feel the same way about
communication. Communication is vital, not just what we say and how we say it, but our
nonverbal actions, as well as our ability to listen. Communication also includes how you present
yourself. Who wants a nurse that slouches all the time, or wears a constant frown? As I pursue
my nursing career, it is imperative that I know how to effectively communicate with my patients.
The knowledge that I have gained will serve to benefit my future patients and allow me to
become the best nurse that I can be.
Perception and Self

A positive label that I have been given in my life would be that I am compassionate. I
love helping others and feel a sense of joy by being there where there is a need. The label
compassionate has affected my self-concept and self-perception in a positive way. I am grateful
when other people can see how much I love helping and caring for others. When we all die, we
will be remembered for something; for the things that we helped contribute to the world. I want
to be remembered for being compassionate and for always being willing to help anyone in need.
Compassion allows me to understand and respect the views, beliefs, and opinions of others. I
may not always agree with those views, but I can respect their position and try to understand why
they feel the way that they do about a particular issue.
Every coin has two sides, just as there is a negative for every positive. A negative label
that I have been given is that I am fat or overweight. Growing up, I was always teased and
bullied for my weight. This has greatly impacted my self-concept and self-esteem. I was made to
feel that all I would ever be, all that would define me in this world, was fat. Being told that you
are not “acceptable” by the standards set by the media and society at such a young age impacted
my communication with others in a negative way. I became very withdrawn and self-conscious. I
would, and still do, worry about the way that others perceive me. I get so worried about the
perception of others, that I rarely go out. " Anyone who has witnessed the power of a label such
as bully, loser, or genius to alter perceptions and reinforce behaviors has seen firsthand the ways
in which communication creates reality." (Autumn Edwards et al. The Communication Age:
Connecting and Engaging Second Edition, p.9)
Labels carry the weight of defining an individual, placing them in a category we think
they belong. They can have a lifelong impact on how an individual perceives themselves and
where they fit in society. It is absolutely our ethical responsibility to be careful of the labels we
place on others. "Therefore, ethical communication in this model requires that we are careful of
the impacts our messages may have on the people involved and the relationship between them…
Because we live in realities created by our communication, ethical communication requires
careful consideration of the consequences of our words."(Autumn Edwards et al. The
Communication Age: Connecting and Engaging Second Edition, p.20). Labels also have the
ability to create stereotypes. By adapting our communication to each situation, we can help
prevent perceptual barriers from forming and prevent misunderstandings. "By critically
examining the ideas that are forwarded by media outlets, individuals may become aware of the
ways in which their perceptions are shaped by the media and take action to alter their own and
others’ ways of thinking, speaking, and behaving." (Autumn Edwards et al. The Communication
Age: Connecting and Engaging Second Edition, p.38)

Nonverbal Communication

The types of nonverbal communication that I succeed at are vocalics, kinesics and
hepatics. I use quite a few vocalic cues, especially in a familiar social environment. I am very
loud person, my voice projects very well so I am constantly told that I am being too loud. When I
get very excited about something, my pitch goes up and my speech rate accelerates. In contrast,
when I am in an unfamiliar social environment, I am extremely shy and reserved. As for
kinesics, I tend to use a lot of affect displays. I gesture a lot during conversations, a lot! My
gestures tend to be dynamic, energetic, and completely unintentional; they are second nature to
me. Gesturing is such a common thing for me that I don’t even realize that I am doing it most of
the time. This segues nicely into hepatics, or touch. When I see a friend or loved one going
through a hard time, my first instinct is to give them a hug. Touch is a great way to offer comfort
to someone, just remember that you need to respect their touch ethics, boundaries. Always ask a
person for permission before you touch them, don’t violate their personal space.
While I have nonverbal behaviors that I succeed at, there are a few behaviors that I need
to work on. These behaviors include facial expressions, chronemics and physical appearance. My
facial expressions can be animated when I am conversing with someone, however, I have learned
to neutralize and mask a lot of my emotions due to past emotional and verbal abuse. I have come
a long way since my abuse, and I am working on expressing emotions in a healthy way on with
the help of my medical team. When it comes to chronemics, I like being punctual. I like to arrive
early to events, and I absolutely hate being late! Recently, I have been struggling to find time to
accomplish everything I need to do, while still being on time. Creating and keeping a set
schedule has really helped. Last, I will mention physical appearance. I am an overweight woman
and I do often find myself being judged before I have even been talked to. This knocks down my
self-confidence at times but lately I have found a new tool to add to my arsenal. Makeup! I am
having so much fun trying new looks, I feel more confident and I have learned to accept and
appreciate my body. I recently saw a video of a young Australian woman who was on the White
Island Volcano when it erupted. Her skin is forever scarred, her life is forever changed.
Honestly, her videos inspire me to be who I am and to not let the outward appearance affect the
inside.

Listening Skills

I consider listening to be a very important skill in communication. I believe that I am an

effective listener now, though I have not always been. It is only recently that I have learned the
skills needed have valuable exchanges. Last August my little sister attempted suicide. I won’t go
into anymore detail for privacy reasons; however, I will say that in our family therapy sessions,
we were instructed on how to listen effectively. One way that we were taught to demonstrate that
we were listening was to verify what we heard by paraphrasing what we perceived. Verifying
comprehension allows one to avoid having any misunderstandings or miscommunications.
Confirming what we hear in conversations not only validates the exchange between
communicators, it also opens the door for more honest and open exchanges. When we listen to
someone, we affirm that we are actively participating on the conversation.
Reading chapter 5, I realized that I have listening anxiety. I did not know that this even existed,
yet I have this anxiety surrounding my conversations all the time. I have a fear of understanding
instructions incorrectly or not being able to remember what I need to, especially at work. I
always feel the need to double-check with my boss or co-workers before doing something,
instead of thinking and acting instinctively. It is reassuring to know that I am not alone in feeling
this way, that there is a name and reason why behind the insecurity.
Listening can often be very hard to do. We may hear what other people are saying but we may
not be listening. The difference between hearing and listening is described in our textbook as the
brain processing soundwaves, hearing; and receiving and understanding messages being sent,
listening. I have an example that demonstrates this: The final Harry Potter book had just been
released and I was entranced, lost in the magical world. While I was reading my mom had asked
me if I could take out the kitchen trash and load the dishwasher, to which I responded to
affirmatively. An hour later my mom came in and asked me why I hadn’t done what she asked. I
had no idea that I had promised to take out the trash and put the dishes in the dishwasher. Not
only does this perfectly demonstrate hearing but not listening, it also demonstrates selective
attention and inattentional blindness.
When we fail to listen, we fail to be able to empathize and connect with others. This creates
distance between us and those around us. "Interpersonal communication defines who we are to
one another, what we can achieve together, and the culture and climate of our relationship.
Likewise, interpersonal communication is the means by which we participate in the realities we
create with others to accomplish relational objectives like providing support and resolving
conflict" (Edwards et al., 2016, p. 164) Being able to listen and empathize with those around me
has profoundly impacted the quality of the relationships and conversations that I have. My
relationships with those around me are robust, strong and dynamic. The depths of our
conversations are vastly expansive and can be incredibly intimate. Having such fulfilling
conversations is truly a wonderful experience.

Verbal Communication

The concept for this chapter that I found most helpful for improving and adapting my
verbal communication was the rhetorical category under message design logistics (MDL).
Rhetorical communication is finding a compromise. "rhetorical communicators aim for creative
and flexible verbal solutions that redefine the problem and present a possible solution that offers
harmony and consensus." (Autumn Edwards et al. The Communication Age: Connecting and
Engaging Second Edition, p.69) Often times, my communication style is more conventional in
approach. I try to be reasonable and see things from a different perspective, to be understanding.
However, I know there have been times when I could have responded to a situation in a more
appropriate way.
Moving forward, I can keep in mind the rhetorical response approach. I can put this approach
into action by being open to compromise when a situation is not going the way that I would like
it to. By trying to find a solution that would make all parties involved feel like they are being
heard, understood and allowing each to feel like they are getting what they want. Conversation
needs to be collaborative, not unilateral. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”
(Covey, 2004) A wise sentiment.
As we adapt our messages to make them more effective, I do think that ethical lines can be
crossed. Often times, we can be ignorant to the world around us. We fail to see what might be
funny to us, may be offensive to other people. An example of this in my personal life would be
my little sister. Biologically speaking, she is my half-sister; we share the same mother but do not
have the same father. My little sister’s biological father was Filipino. Naturally, my little sister
inherited some of the Filipino traits from her father. My mom had to fill out some paperwork for
my little sister. I do not recall what the paperwork was for, but I do remember the frustration my
mother had filling out the forms. The forms were asking for “race” and “ethnicity” Race is
considered to be the appearance of someone, while ethnicity is referring to the heritage or
ancestry of a person. My mother was being told to check the box “Pacific Islander” but that was
not the correct ethnicity.
Racial insensitivity is all around us. Everyday there is something on social media or the news
that shows just how racially insensitive people can be. The recent “Black Lives Matter”
movement is another perfect example of this. While the purpose of the movement is to spread
awareness about racism and to stop it, there are times that the actions of the people at one of
these protests completely misrepresent their message. Violence does not solve any problems or
create a sense of unity, rather it does quite the opposite. The violence shown at some of these
protests does not help remove the stereotype and stigma surrounding the movement. The
message of racism and equality gets lost in the violence.