Emma Tibbitts

Thaller

ELA 11

April 28th, 2020

The Affects of Divorce

Marriage is a wonderful thing, until it’s not. Around 50 percent of marriages in the

United States end in divorce, and almost all of them involve children. When children go through

a divorce it affects them one way or another. This research topic is important because divorce is

happening more frequently and it's breaking up more families. This paper will examine how

divorce will affect children during, and in the future. Why their behavior is different, how it

affects relationships around them, also their relationships with their family.

When parents are going through a divorce the conflict between them is directed to the

children, and then their relationships becomes distant and they’re not as close as they were

before. Ana Pampliega says “when parents find themselves immersed in conflict, relationships

with their children tend to be hostile, aggressive or distant”(2). Studies have shown that children

are scared, and feel like it's their fault that their parents are fighting and result in pushing people

away that are important to them so that they don’t hurt them. It also has been proven to have long

term and widespread effects on children, such as poorer quality relationships, less development

in education, and long term internalizing problems. Sometimes it has even impacted emotional,

physiological, or cognitive level. (Pampliega)

Children usually feel a lot of pain and emotional conflict during and after divorce.

Whether they say it or show it, they may not even tell you. But they will be deeply affected by

divorce and the struggles around it. Children don’t want to be put in the middle, hear about your
problems with the other parent, or be put in uncomfortable situations. This is a hard time and as a

parent you want to make it as easy for them as possible. No matter the circumstances, children

will get hurt during a divorce. They will react somehow, with either shock, sadness, frustration,

anger, or worry. You just need to help them cope with everything. During a study, Ana

Pampliega found that having a current relationship with both parents helped the children in the

long run. Also minimize disruption to their daily routines. Children will need support and love

during this time. (Pampliega)

Divorce can cause such a stressful environment, and all the stuff your family goes

through can cause a strain on relationships between the parents and their kids. Research has

found that children struggle the most during the first and second year of divorce. Their life is

turning upside down, the relationships with their parents are starting to be different.

Relationships between parents might be different for a little while, because both the child and the

parents are stressed about everything that is going on. The stress divorce causes weakens your

relationship and once everything starts to cool down that's when you should start working on

fixing that relationship you once had. Trust between a child and a parent is super important.

When you don’t have trust it's hard to be able to fix that relationship.(ShevchenKo)

A relationship with a mother and a father is vital for children. Your relationship with your

mother is sometimes stronger for most kids, because that's the person you rely on for many

different things such as, clothing, food, and emotional support. Your relationship with your

father is still important, but different. Your father is the head of the household, he goes to work

so that you can have things like, clothes, food, and shelter, while your mom stays home and takes

care of you. But when they get divorced it’s harder for kids to have a relationship with the father

because the mother usually gets custody, and you don’t see your father as often, and then their
relationship isn't as strong. Divorce ususlly means that a child may lose daily contact with one of

the parents. Less contact affects that bond once between them and that means that they’re not as

close as they were before and its harder to gain their trust and have that bond they once had

before. (ShevchenKo)

Children that come from a divorced home may react differently than other children.

Depending on a child's age and other factors, will not always have the emotional maturity to

understand why their parents are separating, their stress, and frustration contribute in behavioral

changes. It's normal for children to display behavior changes during separation. They will feel so

many different emotions, such as anger, confusion, sadness, and frustration. You may not see

them express their emotions right away or maybe not at all, but they will feel at least one of them

during this process. (Fritz)

In the U.S., 40% to 50% of marriages end in divorce. Divorce is a stressful thing for kids.

When they keep their feelings locked up, it builds up until they explode and do something they

normally wouldn’t do. After a divorce, kids will still be affected. They will still be stressed but

the extent of their stress is when they feel they are between their parents. “There is now evidence

that children of high conflict parents do far better in young adulthood if their parents divore

before they reach adolescence than if they stay together”(2). Sometimes divorce is better for

kids, under certain circumstances, than if their parents stay together. (Fritz)

There are certain circumstances where getting a divore is necessary, the relationship is

abusive either emotionaly or physically, addictions, cheating and many more. These are just

some reasons when you should get a divorce, because being in a toxic relationship isn’t good for

you or your kids. Being in a toxic relationship takes all emotions to different extremes. Toxic

relationships affect us on multiple levels. They make us question what we’re doing and who we
are. It will also affect your self confidence especially when your partner is telling you you’re

crazy, or you’re wrong. They will just beat you down with their words. So when you try to leave

that toxic relationship, you feel like you can’t because they told you so many times that you

couldn't. In any of those cases getting a divorce is necessary to make sure that you and the rest of

your family is okay. (Fritz)

During a divorce keeping relationships with extended family, or even grandparents is

hard because the kids will be with one parent more than the other. In some cases the family may

feel like they have to take sides, but when they take sides it can cause the children to be more

stressed than they were before. But making sure to keep that relationship between the kids and

the family is important because then when they feel like there's no one they can go to, they can

go to them. Families are important and sometimes they are the only people in our lives, so it's

important to keep those relationships. But if the family did pick sides and they are making the

environment hostile for the children, it would be best to start distancing them from those people

to make sure the kids are okay. (Sethi)

Divorce is becoming a bigger problem every year. If you do end up getting a divorce,

remember to think about how it affects children and the people around you. In this paper, I have

talked about how divorce will affect children during, and in the future. Why their behavior is

different, how it affects relationships around them, and also their relationships with their family.

Therefore, just remember that a divorce does affect children and it also affects the whole family.

Annotated Bibliography

Martínez-Pampliega, Ana, et al. “Protecting Children After a Divorce: Efficacy of Egokitzen-An

Intervention Program for Parents on Children's Adjustment.” SpringerLink, Springer US, 26 Apr.

2015. Martinez Pampliega explains how a divorce affects children during, after and in the future
of the divorce. This is a good source because it has different perspectives of children whose

parents went through a divorce.

Fritz, Gregory K. “Children of Divorce: A Fresh Perspective.” Brown University Child &

Adolescent Behavior Letter, vol. 16, no. 12, Dec. 2000, p. 8. Fritz Gregory talks about how

divorce affects a child's behavior. He explains that children from divorce homes have more lash

outs, and don’t do as well in school, as kids whose family stayed intact. This is a good source

because it explains why a kid would act out more than other kids would.

Shevchenko, I. O. “The Situation After Divorce.” Sociological Research, vol. 55, no. 2, Mar.

2016, pp. 91–103. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/10610154.2016.1187024. This article talks about

how a relationship is with a father and a mother after divorce. It also identifies what conditions

will affect their relationship. This is a good source because its explains relationships between

parents and children of divorce.

Sethi, Puja. “Effects of Divorce on Children and Families: What It Does and How to Help.”

CogniFit's Blog, 15 July 2019. blog.cognifit.com/effects-divorce-children -families/. This talks

about what divorce does to some kids and how it affects the whole family. It also has some ways

of helping children. This is a good source because it has resourch of families of divorce.

Morin, Amy. “The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children.” Verywell Family, Verywell

Family, 6 Aug. 2019, www.verywellfamily.com/psychological -effects-of-divorce-on- kids-

4140170. This is a good website becasue it talks about the emtions that kids have asn how to

cope with them.