ARTS

September 4 | 2020

If cinemas all
close I won’t
be that upset
Mark Rylance on why theatre
trumps the movies
2 1GT
times2
Caitlin
Moran
Celebrity Watch
10
DOWN
Sarah, Duchess of York
This week Sarah, Duchess of York
became one of the latest celebrities
to model the Hello! magazine cotton
facemask, from which a portion of
the £14 price goes to the Well Child
charity. A practical and laudable
item — with only one drawback.
For, branding being what it is, the
Hello! mask has, inevitably, the Hello!
logo on it — the word “HELLO!”
— slightly off centre. And all this
causes a potential for what I call
the Hamburger Phone Problem.
Older readers may recall that, in
the early Nineties, there was a vogue
for having jolly plastic landline
phones in the shape of a hamburger.
All great fun. Until you get a bad
phone call. Then suddenly the optics
become dolorous: “Hi! Yes. Oh. Oh. I
see. My mother is . . . dead.” And you
would, at this point, look up and
catch your reflection in the mirror,
only to see that you have just been
delivered a piece of devastating news
by two all-beef patties, special sauce,
lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions
on a sesame-seed bun.
Well, the Hello! mask has the same
potential for cognitive dissonance
because it look as though you’re
permanently shouting “HELLO!”
cheerfully at everyone. Fine in a jolly
party situation — more problematic
at a funeral. And, eventually, onerous
in any situation? For it just feels like
someone saying, “HELLO?” over
and over, as if talking into — well, a
hamburger phone from the Nineties
that no longer works.
9 shutdown holed its finances.
UP
Holly and Phillip
This week’s “2020 Is Weirder Than We
Could Ever Have Guessed No 1”: the
moment Holly Willoughby and Phillip
Schofield were reunited on the set of
This Morning, using a sanctioned
method of social distancing, and
looked as though they were starring
in a really odd remake of the video
to A-ha’s Take On Me.
Friday September 4 2020 | the times
Fr
6 4
UP
ek
Headline of the Week
The ever-reliable Daily Star
DO
DOWN
Co
Coleen Rooney
Coleen
Co Rooney — the wife of
had a triumph of phrasing:
“Man suffers significant bum
footballer Wayne — is preparing for
foo
a llibel case brought against her by
damage after hotel toilet her fellow WAG Rebekah Vardy
he
‘shatters while he’s on it’.” over
o last year’s immortal
“Significant bum damage.” “Wagatha
“ Christie” moment.
I do hope they use this phrase However,
H this week’s Heat
in Casualty soon. magazine
m revealed that there
is
i now a side battle going on.
8 deal
“Coleen, 34, has also had to
de with the news that Becky, 38, is
UP 5 being lined up to take part in Dancing
Ice,” a “mole” told the magazine.
On Ic
“Going on a show that could
“Goin
Dominic DOWN potentially increase her popularity and
poten
Cummings get millions
m on her side. Coleen knows
Liam Payne l of families watch Dancing On
that lots
Ice an
and she’s worried about Rebekah
This week’s Love news, and Liam Paynee — one getting more support from the public.”
gettin
“2020 Is of the ones from One Direction
ection So, to get this straight, this autumn
Weirder Than that isn’t Harry Styles, but
ut Vardy is going to take place in a light
We Could another One one — hass got entertainment skating show, dressed
enter
Ever Have engaged to 20-year-old Maya head-to-toe Lycra and sequins, in
in hea
Guessed Henry. Henry is, with an which her ultimate motivation for
No 2”: the almost comforting levell of being grabbed by the ankles and
controversial predictability, a model. spun round and round, her head
rad-spad Going “out on the town”n” to millimetres from the ice, is to make
millim
Dominic celebrate, the couple were papped the public
pu love her and hate Coleen
Cummings made entering the “fancy” London n Rooney? And all this is, in some
Roon
headlines after restaurant Novikov, where camerasmeras utterly insane way, her job? This
utterl
finally returning picked up on Henry’s engagement ent story is getting camper than an
to work, after an ring. The square-cut diamond on a Alexis v Krystle wig-snatch.
Alexi sna
natc
tch.
h
undisclosed medical white-gold band is worth, apparently,
rently,
procedure, dressed £3 million. THREE MILLION QUID.
in . . . normal clothes. Entirely apropos of nothing, I feel
Given all the
pictorial evidence, one can only
conclude that his operation was to . . .
remove his beanie hat?
that now is the right time for me to list
when and where I lost all seven n of my
wedding rings. The first fell off on
Llandudno beach; the second was lost
3
in the changing rooms of Swiss UP
Cottage Leisure Centre as I Chr
Christian ale
Bale
had an awkward conversation
with a woman who had tian
As an actor, Christian
left her verruca sock in the Bale has a reputation
ion
shower; the third fell down for taking himself,,
the waste disposal unit; the and his art, very,
fourth and fifth were very seriously. In
lost at Glastonburys 2004 he lost moree
so muddy that the than four stone too
Somerset clay play the lead in
acted as a digital The Machinist,
lubricant; I then in 2013 he
suddenly decided gained nearly
I hated the sixth three stone for his role in American
and gave it to Hustle. On set, his intensity is
the kids to play legendary: the “Christian Bale freaks
7 dress-up; and
the seventh —
a band with five
out on set” video on YouTube, where
Bale bawls out a lighting guy for
walking into his eyeline during a shot,
tiny opals — was has had more than five million views.
DOWN so shoddily made “I’m trying to do a f***ing scene
The Cheers bar that all the opals here! Do you understand, my mind is
fell out until it not in the scene if you’re doing that?
Sad news for those of us who have looked as if I were FOR F***’S SAKE!” And so on.
always wanted to walk into a room simply wearing a Given this, I was intrigued to see
and have everyone shout, “NORM!” band of holes, at a headline on NME.com that claimed
at them — the replica Cheers bar in which point I put it that Bale — who previously played
Boston has closed, after the Covid-19 in a drawer “to get it Batman in the Dark Knight trilogy
The challenge has proved
insurmountable, Tom Kershaw, the
bar’s founder, told the press. But —
mended later”, and it
sank into the tides
that flow through
houses, vanishing
— had been “giving advice” to
Robert Pattinson, who has taken
over the role. Some crucial
psychological insight into the caped
has it? With my business hat on, I things for ever. vigilante? No. It was “tips on using
would have thought the bar would I merely recount the toilet”. The director Matt Reeves
have a better chance than many to this so that Henry explained: “Rob actually talked to
make it through, despite the tough might — equipped Christian Bale, and Christian Bale
new regulations. After all, it’s already with anecdotal was, like, ‘Just make sure you’re
the bar where “everybody knows evidence of how gonna be able to relieve yourself.’ ”
your name” — so writing down unreliable “a finger” Apparently, Bale’s Batman suit had
your email address and phone can be as a secure no flies or zip. Bale recommended
number on the mad Contact Tracing storage system — Pattinson ask for one. Whether Bale
Information Jotter that all pubs think about a safer himself had to use a Batnappy is not
now have, would have been so place to keep a ring worth th more than yet known, mainly because everyone
much easier. the GDP of several countries. is too scared to ask him.
the times | Friday September 4 2020 1GT
2 daughter. He has
UP
Nicolas Cage
Long-term readers mayy
recall one of the services
es I offer
here — constantly monitoring
nitoring the
life and works of Nicolas Cage to
check that he is living up to his
self-evident mantra of being “100 per
cent Nicolas Cage, 100 per cent of
the time”. Everything Nicolas Cage
does is so absolutely the kind of thing
that Nicolas Cage would do that it’s
almost as if he’s governed by some
manner of immutable physics of
Cage. He named his child Ka-El,
which is Superman’s real name. He
1 marks all of the top white women in
UP
Adele
When considering someone as famous
as Adele, it’s often hard to get your
head around the scale of her celebrity.
It is vast. The mysterious “dark
matter” that makes up most of the
universe? It’s all the intense emotions
of the millions who are, at any given
time of the day, singing Chasing
Pavements while looking at themselves
P “poppycock” at them: “Poppycock!
in the mirror and crying. A tiny,
illustrative case in point: in 2013
Adele retweeted something I wrote.
Within seconds of her retweeting it,
my timeline went fully bananas —
comments coming in so rapidly it was
like my screen was on fast forward —
and didn’t get back to normal for two
weeks. Even now, seven years later,
w likes. Black Americans wrote essays
I still get about fifty people a month
tweeting me, going: “You know Adele?
Is Adele your friend? I LOVE HER!
SHE IS YOUR FRIEND! Ask her
when she will play in Brazil? BRAZIL
w Jamaicans posted laughing emojis.
LOVES ADELE.”
I’m sorry to tell everyone in Brazil:
no, Adele is not my friend. No, I have
no idea when she will play Sao Paulo.
And no, I will not pass your dick-pics
on to her.
Yes, when you’re
as famous as Adele,
everything you
do makes news.
On Sunday
Adele posted to
Instagram a picture
of herself in a
bikini top, at a
party — and
prompted a
global row so
massive that,
by Wednesday,
googling “Adele
bikini” returned
78 million results.
The issue was
that the bikini
was patterned
with the
Jamaican flag
and Adele had
accessorised it
by doing her hair
in Bantu knots.
This, dozens of
indignant black
Americans
wrote on her
timeline, was
3
times2
m
married Elvis’s
d
bought multiple
b
ccastles and a rare
The hot list
dinosaur skull, and
d
once sued Kathleen
on
Turner for claiming he
Tur
stole her chihuahua. It’s
Your guide to the weekend
all 100 per cent Nicolas
Cage,
C age, 100 p per cent of the time.
And, happily
And happily, C Cage’s immutable Film
Cage-ness continued this week,
as headlines announced: “Nicolas Les Misérables Montfermeil. It traces two
Cage to Voice Alcoholic Dragon in The most incendiary crime film increasingly propulsive days in
New Amazon Drama.” Reading on, to emerge from France since the lives of three police officers
we learnt an extra fact about the Mathieu Kassovitz’s La Haine, from a dubious “anti-crime
dragon: it is obsessed with the film Les Misérables is set mostly brigade”. Available in cinemas
Flashdance. Of course. Of course in the Parisian district of See review, page 8
Nicolas Cage is playing an alcoholic
dragon that loves Flashdance.
Because he is 100 per cent Nicolas
Cage, 100 per cent of the time. Theatre
Sleepless: A Musical Romance score, and Morgan Young’s
cultural appropriation: “This officially Adding song and dance to Nora production ditches much of
pop as problematic. Hate to see it.”
Stage One of a Social Media Storm
had been established: backlash.
Ephron’s Nineties rom-com
Sleepless in Seattle is inspired.
There’s nothing formulaic about
Robert Scott and Brendan Cull’s
the film’s sentimentality.
Troubadour, Wembley Park,
London (sleeplessthemusical.com),
today, tomorrow, Sunday
However, there was then a backlash
to the backlash as dozens of black
Britons woke up, saw what the
Americans had posted and waded in. Opera
Naomi Campbell posted hearts and
Jamaican flag emojis under Adele’s The Royal Opera: Live Garden’s latest effort, including
picture — for a model, the equivalent in Concert Lisette Oropesa, right, and
of a six-page statement. The MP The stars have been coming Kristine Opolais. Antonio
David Lammy, meanwhile, doubled in and out as quarantine Pappano conducts the Royal
down on the Brits v Yanks element restrictions change, but expect Opera House orchestra and
by knowingly using the word some top names at Covent chorus. stream.roh.org.uk, tonight
This humbug totally misses the spirit
of Notting Hill Carnival, and the
tradition of ‘dress up’ or ‘masquerade’. Visual art
Adele was born and raised in
Tottenham she gets it more than most. Andy Warhol of Marilyn Monroe, left, as well
Thank you Adele. Forget the Haters.” An extended run for a as portraits never seen in the
Back on Instagram, by Wednesday, retrospective of the American UK before. Tate Modern, London
the photo had garnered five million pop artist’s work, featuring well- SE1 (020 7887 8888), today,
known images including prints tomorrow and Sunday
about cultural appropriation, black
Britons scolded them with a “This is a
London thing — stop your American
cultural imperialism”, while dozens of Pop
And while this possibly insoluble Jack Savoretti: One Night village of Portofino, marking
war raged about Adele’s bikini, an in Portofino something of a return to live
unexpected fourth opinion cohort Next to its harbour, the pop music in Italy. A percentage
rocked up: dozens and dozens of smooth-voiced pop star/ of the profits go towards the
women who posted their reading of romantic crooner will perform a San Martino hospital in Genoa.
the photo, seemingly oblivious to the moonlight concert in the fishing dice.fm/stream, tonight
all-out nuclear
battle raging
b
around
a them:
“OH
“ MY GOD Comedy
HOW
H HAVE
YOU
Y LOST Split Egg: A Magic Show Every question the brothers
SO
S MUCH About Being Twins have been asked is answered
WEIGHT?”;
W and, Kane and Abel are identical in this fun and charismatic
my
m favourite, sibling tricksters, performing show. The Warren Outdoors,
“You
“ look like magic and comedy inspired Brighton (warrenfestival.co.uk),
an
a electric gym by the clichés involving twins. tomorrow and Sunday
teacher!”
te
So, there you
have
h it. A day
in the life of Outdoor art
someone
s as
famous
fa as Adele, Damien Hirst at Yorkshire on beauty and found-art
where
w your bikini Sculpture Park objects, are on show.
top
to prompts the Four giant outdoor sculptures Yorkshire Sculpture Park,
kind
k of all-out, by the UK’s richest living artist Wakefield (ysp.org.uk), today,
multifactional
m known for his controversial take tomorrow and Sunday
clash
c one usually
expects
e from Game
of
o Thrones. Join
Adele
A next week,
when she posts a
w
p
picture of a scone
In Saturday Review tomorrow
w jam on top of
with
c
cream, and millions
d as Cornwall
die
The making of a murderer: David
in
invades Devon. Tennant on playing Dennis Nilsen
4 1GT
cover story
‘Johnny Depp
is a very loving,
very sensitive,
trustworthy
person’
Mark Rylance tells Kevin Maher why theatre
must adapt to survive, how movie sets are turning
M
into laboratories — and why he’s on Team Depp
ark Rylance
doesn’t mess
around. We’re
barely three
minutes into
our chat and
the 60-year-old
theatrical
heavyweight and Oscar-winning
actor has already worked through
the relativism of evil, the nature of
imperialism and the internal workings
of Hitler’s mind.
We’re ostensibly talking about
Rylance’s new role as the ruling (and
unnamed) magistrate of a far-flung
desert outpost in a big screen
adaptation of JM Coetzee’s novel
Waiting for the Barbarians when he
begins to reflect on the issue of
sympathetic characters. “I think what
I try to do is believe as a character that
I’m doing good,” he says. “I imagine
Hitler even believed that he was doing
good. That he was doing the best
possible thing in that given situation.
“The magistrate too is presented
in the way that we, as a nation, think
we did good in India, and we think
we did good in Kenya. We think that
we gave them systems and some kind
of benefit. But the film is challenging
that idea.”
The film, first of all, is allegorical. It
takes place in the early 20th century
in a vaguely Middle Eastern (yet again
unnamed) setting and tries to illustrate
the inevitability of colonial conflict
through the fearsome presence of
an army interrogator called Colonel
Joll (a chilling Johnny Depp). Against
the backdrop of brutalities committed
by Joll (he viciously aggravates the
local nomadic peoples — aka
“Barbarians” — into all-out war),
Rylance’s taciturn and bookish
magistrate is eminently sympathetic.
It’s another beautifully modulated
turn, punctuated by soft sighs of
Right: Mark Rylance disappointment and heartbroken
with Johnny Depp, his stares, from an actor in the middle
co-star in the new of a late-career renaissance. It’s a
film Waiting for role that’s equal to his recent run
the Barbarians of winners in Wolf Hall, The BFG
and Bridge of Spies, and reminds you
why his schedule is crammed with
forthcoming work from Terrence
Malick, Aaron Sorkin and (again)
Steven Spielberg. “I am thrilled by
the directors who want to work with
me now, but I don’t know about that,”
he says, bashfully, when the idea of
a renaissance is mooted.
He’s frank about Waiting for the
Barbarians, however, and wishes it
could’ve been longer (the original cut
was more than 170 minutes, but it was
chopped down to under two hours
because of commercial concerns), and
hopes that it’s clear that his character
isn’t perceived as the “good guy” (it’s
clear that he’s not, but just not as bad
as Depp’s character).
On the subject of Depp, Rylance is
profoundly supportive and not at all
convinced by the accusations of
domestic violence from Depp’s ex-wife
Amber Heard that resurfaced in the
recent libel case at the High Court in
London. “My impression of him was
a very loving and very sensitive and
very trustworthy person,” he says.
“Intensely, intensely shy. You know?
Like Daniel Day-Lewis and so many
great actors are. The accusations that
were around at the time we were
Everyone making the film were of physical
violence. And he obviously denied this
in suits and I found his denial completely
believable. It didn’t seem to be part
and masks of his character at all.” The High
on film Court heard evidence from Depp and
Heard and its judgment is awaited.
sets Rylance is great fun. Yes, he talks
seriously about imperialism, and yes
sounds he’s a committed activist who’s
passionate about tackling climate
like hell change (“The difficulty with activism
is that it looks lik
like you’re
’ trying to
be holier-than-thou, whereas I’m
just as much a part of all these things
as anyone”). But he’s also a hoot. On
turning 60 and getting his first bus
pass, for instance, he says, chuckling,
“Oh man, when you get that free
bus pass and you take a ride for the
first time on a train or a bus and
you realise that that whole system is
free to you it’s an incredible feeling.
You feel rich!”
Or on working, pre-lockdown,
with the West Wing writer Sorkin
on the latter’s movie The Trial of the
Chicago 7, he says, again giggling,
“Aaron is a superb writer, and that’s
his master-craft, so he’s very particular
about his script. So he would come
up to me, just before they’re about
to shout, ‘Action!’, and say quietly,
‘Oh, and by the way, I think you’ll
find that it’s a comma after that
particular word, rather than a colon,
and you’ll find that it will help you.
Thank you.’ Action! Hahahahaha!
Now that’s specific.”
We’ve spoken before about suffering,
and about how losing his beloved
stepdaughter Nataasha (she died of
a brain haemorrhage) in 2012 had
made him dwell on the “pointlessness
of things.” Yet today Rylance is a
different beast and suffused, it seems,
even despite the global pandemic,
with optimism. He has just finished
shooting a student movie, for instance,
with a bunch of undergrad film junkies
(they wore masks, there was some
Friday September 4 2020 | the times
distancing) and was deeply energised
by their enthusiasm for cinema (“We
stayed up till 2am talking about the
great film-makers of the world”). And
even though theatre, his first and
greatest love, is being threatened with
destruction by Covid restrictions, he
predicts an eventual emergence of a
smaller, independent, even roaming,
theatre scene.
“I guess my hopes are that some
of these big old structures about how
you create theatre are going to
collapse and the fleeter smaller boats,
so to speak, are going to flourish and
bring forth new content,” he says.
“Because it does seem like there’s
a hell of a lot of waste, and the
freelancers, especially in the theatre
community, are out on our own.
“Seventy two per cent of the theatre
community has received no support at
all [during the pandemic]. You see that
all the money goes to this 28 per cent
of permanent staff and the buildings.
That just wasn’t the way that the
theatre worked in the 1980s when I
joined up; that wasn’t the way that so
many young artists found their feet
and came forward.”
He has been thinking about the
continuing shift in working habits and
the move away from city centres,
which would bring life back to “the
old touring circuits. When you had a
successful show in the past you moved
around with it, you didn’t expect
people to come to you. So is that going
to be part of the future? Well, as soon
the times | Friday September 4 2020 1GT 5
COVER: ANDREAS RENTZ/GETTY IMAGES. BELOW: MARC PIASECKI/WIREIMAGE/GETTY IMAGES; KURT KRIEGER/CORBIS/GETTY IMAGES; FABRIZIO DI GIULIO; DONALD COOPER/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK; ALAMY; GILES KEYTE/BBC

cover story

Left: Mark Rylance. Above, from top: in Waiting for the Barbarians; in Jerusalem

as the producers start getting signs won his first Olivier nomination in character in western culture is the
that the public is feeling confident 1983 for the RSC’s production of Arden ultimate countercasting coup
about coming back into enclosed of Faversham (Rylance changed his (sympathy for the Devil?), although he
spaces and sitting together to hear a name because another Mark Waters admits that his version of Satan isn’t
play, I’m going to be out on the road was already registered with Equity). quite horns, hooves and hellfire.
with Jerusalem.” He was the artistic director of “I have to convince Christ that he’s
The theatre talk is motivating and Shakespeare’s Globe for ten years, terribly wrong in what he’s trying to
he admits that not being able to act on beginning in 1995, and although he do, just wasting his time,” he says. “I’m
Mark Rylance in stage was the one thing that troubled admitted envious moments when like a dear friend who’s intelligent and
Waiting for the him in the otherwise easygoing witnessing his peers hit Tinseltown very loving and my task is to lift
Barbarians lockdown that he spent with his wife, Christ. But then he’s the most difficult
the composer and playwright Claire person in history to convince because
van Kampen (they met in 1987 at the of the selflessness there.”
National Theatre, naturally), in their There’s a slew of other forthcoming
home in Herne Hill, south London. There is soul in movies, including a golfing comedy
He adds that, in the great continuing
theatre v film debate, “if cinemas all cinema — but (The Fantastic Flitcrofts), a gangster
tale (The Outfit) and a Spielberg drama
close up I won’t be that upset. When I
go out I want to go to something live. I
it isn’t in the (The Kidnapping of Edgardo Mortara).
None of these films has started
want to have the soul of the person in
the room. And though there is soul in
room with you shooting because of Covid delays.
Rylance worries that if they return
film, it isn’t in the room with you. At a pay dirt (his was the class of Kenneth with excessive health restrictions (he
great play, opera or piece of live music Branagh, Gary Oldman and Daniel has heard worrying reports of sets
there is a collective consciousness, in Day-Lewis), a career on-screen was where crew members wear protective
my experience, that’s in the room. It’s never a paramount consideration. suits and actors are isolated from one
different than cinema.” Then he was offered Wolf Hall on TV, another under strict supervision), it
Theatre is what saved him. The son Spielberg saw him in a production of might be the end of his new and
of two English teachers, Anne and Twelfth Night and cast him in Bridge improved film career.
David Waters, who moved from Kent of Spies and the rest is the history of a “That sounds like hell,” he says,
to Connecticut in 1962, then to reluctant, successful and exceptionally half-chuckling in horror. “Everyone
Wisconsin in 1969 (to work at the talented screen actor. in suits and masks? And not working
University School of Milwaukee), His most recent movie role, together? It’s always been about
Rylance had a difficult childhood and completed before lockdown, is that of community for me. It’s the fun of
directionless adolescence that was the tempting, taunting Satan opposite being with other people. And if it
rescued by summer trips to the Royal the Hungarian Geza Rohrig as Jesus becomes a laboratory experiment,
Shakespeare Company in Stratford Christ in Malick’s The Last Planet. then it’s not for me.”
(“I was boundary-less, and acting gave Deploying Rylance, with that soft Waiting for the Barbarians is
From top: with Tom Hanks in Steven Spielberg’s Bridge of Spies; me focus”). He moved back to England vocal cadence and those sad, crinkly available on Amazon, Apple, Google
as Thomas Cromwell in the BBC’s dramatisation of Wolf Hall in the late 1970s to study at Rada and eyes, to play the most villainous and Sky from Monday
6 1GT
Richard Morrison the arts column
When politicians try to manipulate comedians, it rarely ends well
T
he BBC’s director-
general, the former
Tory councillor
Tim Davie, has been in
his job for only three
days, but he’s pulling
no punches. Just
punchlines. If we
believe The Daily Telegraph, he is
planning a cull of left-wing comedy to
make the BBC seem less liberal and
London-y and more appealing to —
let’s spell it out — people who voted
for the Tories and Brexit. This may
seem like a storyline straight out of
W1A, that glorious satire on BBC life
at its most self-preservationist, but
that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
I don’t deny that the Tories have
been the butt of most political comedy
for the past decade, but that’s because
they have ruled the roost all that time.
There’s no divine rule saying that
satire must always be anti-Tory. The
Labour prime minister Harold Wilson
and his serially drunk deputy, George
Brown, were mercilessly mocked by
Private Eye throughout the 1960s.
Tony Blair, certainly after Iraq, was
savaged by satirists. And the greatest
literary satires of the past century —
Orwell’s Animal Farm and Nineteen
Eighty-Four — were targeted at
socialism gone corrupt.
No, it’s always power, and the abuse
of power, that fuels satire, and has
done since Aristophanes ridiculed the
elites of ancient Athens. It wasn’t pro-
Labour bias that stopped comedians
from giving Jeremy Corbyn a hard
time, despite his ineptness. It was the
fact that he didn’t have a hope of
getting into power. Why waste a good
joke on a lame duck?
So yes, most of today’s political
comedians have a strong inclination
to bash the government. Yet is this
something that should be worrying
the BBC’s director-general in his first
week? Does it make him look strong,
confident and independent? Viewed
alongside his abject capitulation over
whether Rule, Britannia! should be
sung at the Proms, he comes across
as rather the opposite: desperate
to appease the “defund the BBC”
stormtroopers on the Tory right.
My feeling is that the Tories
should also stop fulminating about
a perceived bias in BBC comedy.
When politicians try to manipulate
comedians it rarely ends well. If you
Comedian Kenny Everett, who courted controversy at a Tory rally in 1983
are old enough you may remember
that delicious fiasco during the 1983
election campaign when the Tories,
fearing (for some reason) that
Margaret Thatcher was insufficiently
appealing to young people, arranged
for Kenny Everett — the reigning
maverick of British broadcasting —
to appear at a Tory rally.
Everett bounded on stage and
shouted, “Let’s bomb Russia” to wild
cheers. Emboldened, he followed that
with “Let’s kick Michael Foot’s stick
away” to more roars of approval.
Virtuosic ambiguity! The Tories
BBC
thought he was baiting Labour and its
elderly leader. Labour thought he was
satirising the “callous” Tories.
That was nearly 40 years ago.
There’s one big difference today.
The list of subjects deemed off-limits,
even to comedians, has grown to
ludicrous proportions. And it is
rigorously policed, mostly by stridently
illiberal liberals amplifying each
other’s indignation through the
echo-chambers of social media.
Two years ago, a comedian booked
for a gig at the University of London
was handed a contract forbidding him
Friday September 4 2020 | the times
to use material that contained any
hint of “racism, sexism, classism,
ageism, homophobia, biphobia,
transphobia, xenophobia, Voices
Islamophobia, anti-religion or anti-
atheism”. Such censorial rules are now of hope
commonplace, and the consequences
for transgressors can be ruinous. from
Think of Roseanne Barr, whose long
career came to a shuddering end in the past
2018 when (allegedly befuddled by
a late-night sedative), she tweeted a This month the
borderline racist comment about a massive Turbine
former adviser to President Obama. Hall of Tate
Within 24 hours the TV network had Modern will
cancelled her ratings-topping show resound to music
because, it said, Barr had been written in London
“abhorrent and repugnant”. 450 years ago —
I cannot believe the BBC’s guidance Thomas Tallis’s
for comedians is any less restrictive. incredible 40-part
After all, this is an organisation that motet Spem in
has embraced wokeness as alium. Tallis, below,
enthusiastically as Moses embraced who lived and died
the tablets on Mount Sinai. Yet is this in Greenwich, had
political correctness really what Davie to survive plagues
wants to dismantle? Is he prepared to as well as violent
welcome to the airwaves such political and
blatantly un-PC comedians as Roy religious upheavals
“Chubby” Brown and Jim Davidson? to keep English
That would make a kind of sense if
he is serious about broadening the
BBC’s appeal. After all, Chubby is still
enormously popular in the “Brexit
heartlands” of northern England.
However, I think Davie would quickly
find that jokes that have them rolling
in the aisles in Middlesbrough don’t go
down so well in Islington.
Perhaps, though, he is hoping to
unearth new talents: moderately but
not rabidly right-wing comedians who
can amuse people of all political hues.
Such people do exist, but the chances
are that they have been working at the musici alive
li through
BBC for years. Think of Simon Evans, the 16th century.
who is rarely off Radio 4, or Geoff Some of his friends
Norcott, a regular on BBC TV. were burnt at the
To be honest, I don’t know why the stake. Yet he never
BBC bothers with political comedy at lost hope, which is
all. Tom Lehrer famously declared that what “spem” means
“satire became obsolete when they in Latin. Perhaps
awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel hearing his glorious
peace prize”. In the same spirit, we polyphony sounding
might say that the BBC doesn’t need again in a London
to pay people to do political comedy that’s still like a
when we have Boris Johnson as prime ghost city will boost
minister and Dominic Cummings our hopes too. You
writing his scripts. And yes, I know can catch it live
that’s a cheap shot, but enjoy it while on September 16,
you can. It’s the sort of cheap shot you on the Tate’s
probably won’t be hearing in future on YouTube channel.
Davie’s timidly deferential BBC.
the times | Friday September 4 2020
THE
CRITICS
How to make a mess of a $200m movie
the big film
This live-action
reboot is clunking,
illogical and
insufferably
politically correct,
P
says Kevin Maher
oor Mulan. All she
wants to do is ride horses
and kick ass and prove,
as she did in the 1998
classic cartoon original,
that she’s every bit as
good as, if not better
than, the boys. She
wants to flee from the matrimonial
commitments of provincial life in
imperial China, join the army
(disguised as a man), improve her
fighting skills, win the respect of her
comrades and defend the wise old
emperor from attack by the dreaded
marauding Huns.
She is a heroine for our times,
handed to Disney on a 22-year-old
platter that required nothing but
a lick of paint and a couple of extras
on horseback to produce an iconic
blockbuster for the ages, and one that
might have wiped from memory all
the shiver-inducing flashes of the
recent live-action remake atrocities
Dumbo and Aladdin.
Instead, this Mulan, blankly played
by Liu Yifei, is thrust into a wildly
expensive (the budget is rumoured to
be well over $200 million) and
structurally calamitous reboot that’s
straining at the seams to appeal
simultaneously to the censors in
Beijing (China is the primary target
demographic), the bean counters
in Tinseltown and the online
gatekeepers who increasingly act as a
corrective to the politically indelicate
storytelling instincts of film-makers.
Mulan’s love interest in the cartoon,
Ed Potton introduces a
screwball comedy about
newspaper reporters
Howard Hawks’s whirlwind comedy
about a New York newspaper editor
and his star reporter was adapted from
The Front Page, the Broadway play by
Ben Hecht and Charles MacArthur,
which was inspired by their time as
reporters in Chicago and had become
a film of the same name in 1931.
1GT
Liu Yifei as Mulan for instance, was the barrel-chested
army captain Li Shang, and one of the
sweet narrative eddies of that version
involved Mulan achieving dominance
Mulan over the captain in the physical and
12A, 115min romantic realms.
{{((( Not so fast, say the rebooters, who
have axed the character because,
according to an official statement,
“having a commanding officer that is
also the sexual love interest was very
uncomfortable and we didn’t think
it was appropriate”.
The captain has been replaced by
a drippy fellow recruit called Chen
Honghui (Yoson An), who briefly
sparks with Mulan but is more
interested in comradeship, national
unity and celebrating the martial
power of the great Chinese empire.
In a very appropriate way.
Elsewhere the additions and
subtractions are as clunking and
illogical as they are predictable. Mulan
Film Club
His Girl Friday
Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell
Will Hodgkinson
loves a tribute to Marc Bolan p9
James Marriott
listens to Judi Dench’s life story p10
Carol Midgley
on the council house keepers p11
JASIN BOLAND/DISNEY
is still running from home and fighting
in disguise, only this time the evil
nomadic villain, Bori Khan (Jason
Scott Lee, at the limits of his abilities,
on the verge of Bori Khan’t), has been
joined by a female villain, the witch
Xian Lang, played by Gong Li who
delivers, admittedly, the film’s one
credible performance.
Xian Lang, however, has no
dramatic function, other than being
a woman in a movie about women
that’s so clueless about what it wants
to say, and so terrified about offending
anyone by saying it, that it reduces
her to an irrational grab bag of dopey
magical powers (she inexplicably
shape-shifts at all the wrong moments)
and a secret yearning to find “a place
where she’s accepted for what she
is”. You see, kids? Toleration of
difference. That’s today’s lesson. It’s
as if Darth Vader had suddenly
revealed, sotto voce, that he was
This second adaptation makes a
crucial change: the reporter, Hildy
Johnson, becomes a woman, played
in the performance of her life by
Rosalind Russell. And she’s the
ex-wife of the editor, Walter Burns,
played with maximum devilishness
by Cary Grant. The result is arguably
the best screwball comedy of them
all, and the best film about journalists.
Oh that the Times newsroom were
still this exciting.
Ed Potton
7
in Sith Lord therapy and had joined
a men’s group. It’s admirable, but
dramatically deadening.
The Star Wars parallels don’t end
there. Brazenly pilfering from the
recent Skywalker saga (also owned by
Disney), this Mulan has mutated into
a slightly less interesting version of
Daisy Ridley’s Rey (and that’s saying
something), one who has been born
with an unerring ability to control
and harness the power of the chi.
Yes, the chi, not the force. The chi is
different. It’s an energy field created
by all living things. It surrounds us
and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy
together. OK, OK, it’s the force. But
Mulan doesn’t have a lightsaber. She
has a sword. So there!
The steals, the changes and the
Chinese triumphalism might have
gone unnoticed if the movie had been
directed with any semblance of formal
or stylistic coherence. Yet the
director Niki Caro (Whale Rider)
has created a pick’n’mix vision that
bounces between MGM musical
(some opening multicoloured village
shtick), David Lean epic (a wide shot
of Xian Lang emerging from the
desert), Hong Kong chop-socky
action flick (a mid-movie fight
scene simply lands into the action,
apropos of nothing) and even, as
our protagonists move through a
burnt-out village, a strange homage
to the shadowy frames of the Justice
League director Zack Snyder.
It all costs money, of course. And
one of the biggest talking points
around the movie has been the hefty
price tag and how, finally, praise
the lord, Caro has become the first
woman to direct a truly mega-budget
blockbuster (more expensive, even,
than Wonder Woman). The victory,
inevitably, is pyrrhic. For Mulan has
only shown us what we’ve known all
along. That women are every bit as
good as the boys, and that like their
male predecessors (I’m thinking here
of the men who directed The Lone
Ranger, Jack the Giant Slayer and
Tomorrowland), they too can make
a mess of a $200 million movie.
Mulan is available on Disney+
for £19.99
His Girl Friday is available to stream
on Amazon, Apple and Google; also
on DVD and Blu-ray. Join Ed Potton
for a live chat about it on Monday,
September 7, noon to 1.30pm. To
submit your thoughts in advance:
post them in the comments below
the article at thetimes.co.uk/arts
8 1GT
film reviews
Their superpower is the
ability to make you yawn
This feeble X-Men
sequel is crying
out for some
decent characters,
I
says Ed Potton
n this listless franchise reboot,
a fresh batch of would-be X-Men
are imprisoned in an institution
by a sinister woman while they
learn to control their demons.
You could call it One Flew Over
the Mutant’s Nest if it had an
ounce of wit or personality.
What we actually get is a combination
of splashy horror and turgid teenage
soap as our angsty charges, supervised
with ferocious blankness by Dr Reyes
(Alice Braga from City of God, failing
to channel Nurse Ratched), shuffle
through their superhero puberty.
Directed by Josh Boone, who made
the adolescent cancer flick The Fault in
Our Stars, the film uses mutants to
explore an exhausting list of issues:
depression, inclusivity, homosexuality,
self-harm, child abuse, racism and
predatory priests. Which is admirable,
especially in a Disney movie, but
rather depends on having characters
who engage. Instead we have Danielle
Moonstar, a Native American mutant
who hasn’t exhibited any powers yet
beyond the ability to make you yawn,
and the drippy Rahne, played by
Maisie Williams from Game of
Thrones with a boyish crop and a
Scottish accent — think an emo
Jimmy Krankie. Charlie Heaton, aka
the awkward older brother in Stranger
Things, is wasted as a Deep Southern
dullard who can fly through walls.
The result is a movie with all the
dramatic tension of a hospital waiting
room where the coffee machine is out
of order. How it could have done with
James McAvoy’s Professor X, who was
in early versions of the script. Braga’s
Dr Reyes seems spectacularly
uninterested in her increasingly
Koko-di Koko-da
18, 87min
{{{{(
This Swedish film may be the most
strikingly different take I’ve seen on
grief. It tells the tale of two holidays:
a loving couple (Leif Edlund and
Ylva Gallon) visiting Denmark with
their young daughter, and a camping
trip that’s disturbed by a boater-
wearing gent with a cane, a large
man carrying a dead dog and a tall
woman leading a live one.
Johannes Nyholm, the director,
moves disquietingly from comedy to
tragedy to surreal horror, with a music
box, a white cat and a shadow puppet
show playing important roles. There
are nightmarish time loops and plenty
of strong meat — you’ll not fancy
Horror show: Maisie Williams, Henry Zaga, Blu Hunt, Charlie Heaton and Anya Taylor-Joy
rebellious charges. Perhaps she’s just
knackered — she doesn’t appear to
have any staff to help her.
At least the producers have
preserved the “ethnic authenticity” of
the Moonstar role by casting Blu
Hunt, a Native American actress. They
did less well on that front with
Sunspot, a fire-spouting dude who is
African-Brazilian in the comics, but
played here by the light-skinned
Brazilian Henry Zaga. Surely it was
more important to get the character’s
ethnicity right than his nationality,
especially given that he doesn’t have
any dialogue in Portuguese. All he’s
required to do is waggle his muscles,
i
peeing in the woods for a long time —
but the strangeness ultimately has a
humane logic. It’s sometimes darkly
funny, often utterly terrifying and
finally disarmingly moving. EP
Amazon, Apple, BFI Player,
Google and Blu-ray
pop up the collar of his polo shirt and
snigger like Beavis and Butthead.
The New There are bright spots. We get some
Mutants creepy eyeless bogeymen — voiced by
15, 94min Marilyn Manson, no less — while
{{((( Anya Taylor-Joy, star of the recent
Emma adaptation, has much fun with
Illyana Rasputin. A sardonic Russian
mass-murderer who can turn her arm
into a lightsaber and communicates
through a dragon glove puppet, she is
by some distance the most interesting
character. “I wanna marry that girl,”
Sunspot coos. Who can blame him?
Sadly, the rest of these mutants are as
outlandish as ready-salted crisps.
On general release in cinemas
The rising star Jessie Buckley (Wild
Rose, Beast) does her best with this
I’m Thinking of muddled, self-satisfied and wearisome
Ending Things psychological horror movie from the
15, 134min surrealist writer and director Charlie
{{((( Kaufman (Being John Malkovich).
Buckley, second right, plays a
nameless woman — variously
addressed as Lucy, Louisa and Amy —
who is trapped in a deeply unsatisfying
relationship with a nervous, trivia-
spouting pedant called Jake (Jesse
Plemons, picking up where Philip
Seymour Hoffman left off in
Kaufman’s Synecdoche, New York).
Buckley’s “woman” is visiting, for the
first time, Jake’s farmer parents (played
as grotesque caricatures by David
Thewlis and Toni Collette), yet she
soon begins to suspect that maybe
they aren’t real, that maybe Jake
isn’t real, that maybe she is Jake, or
Jake is her, or that maybe, ultimately,
Friday September 4 2020 | the times
Les Misérables
15, 104min
{{{{(
Relax. This is not another stab at
Victor Hugo. It is the most incendiary
crime film to emerge from France
since La Haine. Set mostly in
Montfermeil in east Paris, it traces two
days in the lives of three police officers
from a dubious “anti-crime brigade”.
The men harass teenage girls, steal
drugs and shoot kids with stun guns,
watched with increasing horror by
Stéphane (Damien Bonnard), an
idealistic newbie. A missing lion cub,
however, snatched from a circus,
initiates an explosive chain of events
that throws Stéphane into conflict
with the community’s Islamic leaders,
its criminal gangs, its opportunistic
delinquents and, eventually, with his
police comrades.
Ladj Ly was the find of last year’s
Cannes festival, where he won the
jury prize. He orchestrates the
mayhem with remarkable aplomb. KM
In cinemas
Waiting for the
Barbarians
15, 114min
{{{((
A sweetly empathetic turn from Mark
Rylance and career-high
cinematography from Chris Menges
(The Mission) are reasons enough to
see this lavish adaptation of JM
Coetzee’s 1980 novel about the ills of
imperialism. Rylance is a kindly,
intellectually curious European
magistrate (unnamed) in a desert
outpost (also unnamed, but shot in
Morocco) at the turn of the 20th
century. He treats the locals with
benevolent paternalism and enjoys
scholarly study and occasional
romantic trysts until the arrival of
the vicious army interrogator, Colonel
Joll (Johnny Depp, chilling).
Locals are brutalised by Joll and his
henchman, ably played by Robert
Pattinson, and all-out war is imminent.
It’s powerfully familiar and impeccably
acted, yet the lack of historical
specificity can feel artificial, especially
when compared to the realism of the
performances and the naturalism of
Menges’s imagery. KM
Apple, Google, Amazon and Sky,
from September 7
the ancient janitor of a nearby high
school is Jake.
The narrative obfuscation, funky at
first, becomes an endurance test. The
final reveal is infuriatingly weak.
Despite Buckley’s prominence, and the
ostensibly female-centred high jinks,
it’s just another tedious indie about a
taciturn man-child and wannabe
intellectual with girlfriend issues. KM
Netflix
the times | Friday September 4 2020
All hail the warlock of love
A galaxy of stars
have given Marc
Bolan a worthy
tribute, says
W
Will Hodgkinson
hile David
Bowie is
known as
the ultimate
glam-rock
icon, the
crown
really
belongs to another, less celebrated but
equally colourful figure. With T. Rex,
Marc Bolan came up with the perfect
formula: take the most basic Chuck
Berry and Howlin’ Wolf riffs, apply to
them words that made no sense but
were brilliantly evocative, and channel
it through a strutting, peacock-like
persona that went beyond the
masculine or the feminine and into
the realms of pure exhibitionism. It
made Bolan, if only for a brief period
in the early Seventies, the biggest
teenage sensation since the Beatles.
Bolan claimed he was always a star,
even if only of three streets in London.
Born Marc Feld, the son of a Jewish
lorry driver from Stoke Newington,
Bolan got his first taste of fame aged 15
after Town magazine profiled him in a
1962 article about mods, in which he
expressed disdain for the herd — “the
stuff that half the haddocks you see
around wearing I was wearing years
ago” — before proclaiming support for
the Conservatives for a simple reason:
“They’re for the rich.”
However, Bolan saw which way the
wind was blowing and a few years later
relaunched himself as the Tolkien-
quoting, tarot card-studying, squat-
living hippy of Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Perhaps carried away with the spirit
of the times, he even claimed that he
lived for a spell in a tree in France
with a wizard who ate cats.
Superstardom was inevitable.
It is a tribute to the affection and
respect given to Bolan — who died
A piano star finally gets Bach to basics
L
ang Lang stretched out on a
closed piano lid; Lang Lang
sitting with a score of Bach’s
Goldberg Variations over his
head. Such are some of the
26 images of the superstar scattered
throughout this luxury album, at
least in its physical form. Luckily,
once Lang, right, plays his instrument, t,
silly showmanship is forgotten. Bach
has brought out the mature artist
in him before, and by choosing to
play one of the composer’s biggest
glories it’s as though the pianist is
announcing to the world that at the
age of 38, and now married, he has
finally grown up.
Indeed, to show that he’s doubly
serious he performs the Goldberg
Variations twice. On March 5 he
was recorded in concert at the
Thomaskirche, Leipzig, Bach’s own
1GT
aged 29 when the Mini driven by his
pop girlfriend, Gloria Jones, smashed into
Various artists a tree in Barnes, southwest London in
1977 — that so many have signed up
Angelheaded for this long-overdue tribute album.
Hipster: The It was put together by the American
producer Hal Willner, shortly before
Songs of Marc his death in April. The album serves
Bolan & T Rex as a showcase for Bolan’s songwriting,
BMG which is somehow deeply eccentric
{{{{( and totally accessible.
“Mild-mouthed Rita, she’s a Chevy
Chase cheetah, loves everyone,” sings
Perry Farrell in a superb Rock On;
lyrics that are pure nonsense yet
charming with it. “I was dancing when
I was ahhh,” sings Nick Cave on a
delicate version of Cosmic Dancer. It
Essential tracks sounds profound and moving, even
Our critics’ pick of the if it means nothing whatsoever.
best music this week at Willner has taken a broad approach
thetimes.co.uk/arts to honouring Bolan, through his
church. Twelve days later, studio
classical sessions in Berlin began, finishing
shortly before Germany’s national
Lang Lang Covid-19 lockdown started. The core
Bach: Goldberg interpretation, partly reflecting the
Variations spry manner of today’s baroque
Deutsche Grammophon specialists, is the same. What differs
{{{{( is the interpretation’s delivery.
As you might expect, the live
performance, caught in a single take
perfo
in a hallowed Bach space, is more
spontaneous and compelling than
spo
the performance stitched together
th
ffrom multiple takes.
Take the opening aria, the
rreflective and decorative theme
ffor the 30 variations that follow.
Studio Lang Lang polishes and
S Bach’s genius.
inspects its notes in such a leisurely
in
fashion that the music almost loses
fash
shape. Live Lang Lang, very slightly
shap
faster, manages to polish while still
faste
ESTATE OF KEITH MORRIS/GETTY IMAGES
Marc Bolan
choice of songs and collaborators. The
colourful Tennessee pop star Kesha
reveals her inner rocker with a gutsy
take on Children of the Revolution and
U2 join Elton John for a spirited, fun
rendition of Get It On. Elsewhere there
are obscurities from Bolan’s hippy
period such as Scenescof, a gentle
affair rendered sympathetically by
the cult alternative folkie Devendra
Banhart, which makes sense when you
realise that Banhart not only sounds
like Bolan, he looks a bit like him too.
Some interpretations work better
than others. Some serve only to
highlight the magic of the originals;
others take the songs into places they
shouldn’t have gone. Overall, though,
this effervescent and respectful album
is a fitting tribute to a corkscrew-
haired superstar who, by his own
description, was born to boogie.
keeping the show on the road. At the
speedometer’s other end, Leipzig’s
Variation 23 is impetuous, juddering
to a halt at the end. Textures in
Berlin’s studio rendition, 11 seconds
longer, are clearer, but excitement
and drama are reduced.
Berlin would always win a contest
for simple clarity of sound. Yet
Leipzig’s ambience brings atmosphere
and personality, and helps Lang Lang
to give a unified performance, flowing
naturally despite the variations’
contrasts in mood and mode of attack.
Playing live, Lang Lang indeed shows
himself a mature and individual
performer, fully engaged with
Studio Lang Lang just has to stop
tinkering, even stop thinking, in order
to come level.
Geoff Brown
9
music reviews
Tricky
Fall to Pieces
False Idols
{{{{(
One of the most original figures to
emerge from Britain in the Nineties,
Tricky was a master at transforming
the pain in his life, such as the death
of his mother when he was four, into
music that was equal parts beauty,
tension and anger.
Dealing with the death of his
daughter aged 24 in 2019 has,
tragically, put the Bristolian back into
the realm of pure inspiration. These
songs capture deep suffering, from
the cello and piano on Hate This Pain
to the singer Marta Zlakowska
whispering how it “hurts to feel”
over a lazy beat on Thinking Of.
Sparse, atmospheric and moving,
this is an album on which Tricky
returns to the trip-hop style with
which he made his name, and
reconfirms his status as an important
artist whose building blocks are
raw emotion.
Soundwalk
alk
Collective
ve
with
Patti
Smith
Peradamm
Bella Union
{{(((
When you find nd out
that Patti Smith’s
mith’s new album is a
treatise on the French writer René
Daumal’s Mount Analogue: A Novel of
Symbolically Authentic Non-Euclidean
Adventures in Mountain Climbing,
you could be forgiven for having
a sinking feeling.
Smith, above, is never less than
pioneering and poetic, but hearing
her intone lines such as “into a blind
darkness go those dedicated to not
knowing” over abstract sound art
on her third collaboration with the
Soundwalk Collective is a stretch,
even if the elegant sitar of Anoushka
Shankar provides respite on
Knowledge of the Self. No doubt this is
intellectually worthwhile, but it is also
deadly serious and pretty hard going.
Bill Callahan
Gold Record
Drag City
{{{{(
After two decades as Smog, American
indie rock’s answer to Leonard Cohen
has reverted to using his real name
just as his songwriting has taken
a gentler turn.
Formerly known for caustic
misanthropy — I Break Horses warned
of his ability to crush his girlfriends’
spirits — Bill Callahan is now
capturing warmth and sympathy
through narrative storytelling, from
the limousine driver giving newlyweds
advice on Pigeons to the beautiful love
song Let’s Move to the Country, on
which he claims, “My travels are over.”
That seems highly unlikely. There
is a sense, though, of solace, even
contentment, in these ten witty,
perfectly formed country-rock songs.
10
Everything is up for grabs, even the truth
Joe Rogan’s chaotic
show is big, brash
and hugely popular.
James Marriott can
understand why
I
t’s hard to summarise Joe Rogan.
You probably have to start by
saying that he’s possibly one of
the most influential people alive,
thanks to the popularity of
his chat show podcast The Joe
Rogan Experience, which was
downloaded 200 million times
each month last year. Then you have
to say he’s the most highly paid
broadcaster in history (he earned
$30 million last year) and that just this
week his podcast moved exclusively
to Spotify in a $100 million deal.
Yet none of that gets to the heart
of Rogan, the chaotic, fanatically
curious, conspiracy-obsessed,
hench, pot-smoking, woke-baiting
broadcaster-cum-comedian-cum-
gonzo-public-intellectual. When
Elon Musk went on Rogan and
smoked weed Tesla stock tanked by
9 per cent. When Rogan casually
(and half-heartedly) endorsed Bernie
Sanders his presidential campaign
almost crashed and burnt.
Rogan’s move to Spotify makes
it a good time to try his show. There’s
a plausible argument that any
understanding of the modern world
is incomplete without a working
knowledge of Rogan. The celebrated
episodes among his fans are the
ones with Musk (obviously), Jordan
Peterson and Lance Armstrong, but a
good and representative place to start
is the most recent instalment recorded
with Rogan’s friend and fellow
comedian Duncan Trussell. It’s more
than four hours long (Rogan isn’t into
brevity) and is manically, compulsively,
infuriatingly entertaining. Cancel
podcasts
The Joe Rogan
Experience
{{{{(
David Tennant
Does a Podcast
with Judi Dench
{{{{(
Pod Save
America
{{{((
culture, slave-owning founding fathers,
LSD, Bigfoot, the Grateful Dead, the
question of whether global elites
worship an owl god (Rogan is very
exercised on this front), the pathetic
weakness of the human little toe
(“a bitch-ass little limb”). Everything
is up for grabs. Even the truth. You
will be entertained at all costs. It’s a
reflection of our age, for good and ill.
The exact human opposite of Joe
Rogan is Judi Dench. David Tennant’s
interview with her is as decorous and
scrupulously polite as Rogan is manic
and brash. And yes, I’m afraid it is
impossible to forget that you’re
1GT Friday September 4 2020 | the times
MICHAEL S SCHWARTZ/GETTY IMAGES
listening to an actor interviewing
another actor. “Does it not feel like
a terrible pressure to be so adored?”
Tennant asks. He’s the anti-Paxman.
And although Dench concedes,
humbly, that being a national treasure
has its downsides, she has an
occasional tendency to speak like
the Queen. “The general public are
very, very kind,” she informs him
magisterially. Tennant is clearly a
bit overawed and keeps referring to
himself as “one” as if he thinks he’s
the Queen too.
Air-kissing aside, it’s a good
interview. Dench’s anecdotes about
her early days in the theatre have
been worn to a fine polish and also
make much more sense when you
realise that you just have to add the
most famous surname you can think
of whenever she refers to someone
by their first name. So her friend
Trevor is Trevor Nunn, her friend
Maggie is Maggie Smith and so on.
Dench speaks movingly about her
husband’s death. No, she never will
get used to it, she tells Tennant.
And she still half expects him to
walk through the door at any
moment. It’s heart-wrenching.
Every night before I go to bed, in
a mood of terror
te and vague
hope I google
g the phrase
“Donald
“Dona Trump
re-election”
re-e (no, I
haven’t
ha been sleeping
well
w lately). My
election
e obsession is
Above: Joe building.
b So is my
Rogan. Right: armoury
a of election
Judi Dench podcasts.
p You’ve
go FiveThirtyEight
got
for polling, The Daily
for in-depth
i stuff (listen
to the recent episode on
the rise of
o Donald Trump Jr
if you haven’
haven’t caught it already)
Rogan’s show and Pod Save Amer
America is for blowing
off steam. Maga hat-wearers, do not
is a reflection enter here. Hosted by the former
Obama aides Jon Favreau, Jon
of our age, for Lovett, Dan Pfeiffer and Tommy
Vietor, it is angry, funny, liberal
good and ill and perpetually outraged.
the times | Friday September 4 2020 1GT 11

television & radio

The weird world of the council housing officer TOM BARNES

because he had no keys. Or getting something for her. Charmain the

Carol locksmiths to break in because they
thought a tenant was dead inside
housing officer was the star of this
episode, showing immense patience
Midgley because he hadn’t answered calls (he
was very much alive). You can call all
of that stressful, but certainly not dull.
with “Mr Braidwood”, the ladder-
climber. He called himself Mr
Braidwood because his parents had
TV review Housing officers’ jobs seem to have
been made harder by the introduction
christened him Stacey, having wanted
a girl. It was a funny old programme.
of Universal Credit. In 2018 more than Billie Piper’s performance as a
70 per cent of council tenants in strung-out, paranoid, skittish paper
London were in rent arrears because bag of nerves gets more excruciating
of it, we were told, which, although with each episode of I Hate Suzie.
I’m no expert, suggests that Universal That she can convey Suzie as selfish,
Credit’s achievement has been to hapless, naive and manipulative yet
make everything worse. also make her sympathetic requires
Debbie, “the council’s own Kirstie quite some talent. Of course it helps
Council House Britain Allsopp”, had the nicest job. She was that she is married to a creepy shit in
Channel 4 the lettings officer, which meant that, Cob (an increasingly good Daniel
{{{(( as with an AA man, people were Ings), whose controlling contempt for
always pleased to see her. Well, nearly his wife is chilling.
I Hate Suzie

D
Sky Atlantic
all. With the shortage of social Given that Piper created this series
{{{{( housing you would think that if she with Lucy Prebble and it seems at least
were giving you first dibs on a four- partly autobiographical (which both
on’t judge me, but I bedroom house 20 minutes’ walk from have denied), if I were one of her
always assumed that the Shard you would be there like a ex-husbands I would be feeling uneasy.
being a housing ferret up a trouser leg. But no; “Dave” Cob looks down on her showbiz
officer for a local missed his 11am appointment and career while enjoying the big house
council would be when Debbie called him he was asleep and the money it brings in. “I pay for
quite boring. But in bed. So it went to Selina, a mother everything in this house, even your
oh dear lord, no. of four, who looked thrilled. PhD,” she screamed. Now he seems to
In Council House You could have cried for Sarah, want her to pretend that Carter, the
Britain, when they weren’t dealing searching for a new flat, but unable showrunner Suzie was having an affair
with hoarders or cockroach to afford anything on her monthly with, forced himself on her. Nice. The
infestations, they were trying to salary of £1,200. She was in the old episodes are short yet lean and
persuade a man on the first floor not predicament of wanting to work, but densely packed, like a middleweight
to imperil his life by repeatedly being better off if she didn’t because boxer. Not a relaxing comedy, but a
entering his home via a wobbly ladder then the council would have to do Housing officer Charmain is the star of Council House Britain compelling one.

Radio Choice
Debra Craine
Patterson
Radio 4 Extra, from 8.30am
I will always remember
Malcolm Bradbury for
The History Man, his biting
satirical novel about the
pettymindedness of
academia. So I look forward
to the chance to hear this
1981 comedy serial, written
by Bradbury, above, and
Christopher Bigsby, about
a lecturer taking a job in
a dysfunctional English
department at a redbrick
university. Before long, as
one misadventure follows
another, Dr Andrew
Patterson finds that his life
is falling apart around him.
Lewis Fiander plays
Patterson; Judy Parfitt is
his wife, Jane. Maureen
Lipman, Richard Vernon
and Maggie Steed round
out the cast.
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Sign up to a weekly briefing of
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Serious Jockin’ 5.00 Sara Cox 7.00 Tony
Blackburn’s Golden Hour. Including music by
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Fearne is joined by Hanson 12.00 Bruce
Springsteen: From My Home to Yours
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Radio 2 Live (r) 4.00 Huey Morgan
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FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
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Petroc Trelawny presents
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Ian Skelly introduces the last in this week’s
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12.00 Composer of the Week:
Marie Jaëll (1846-1925)
Donald Macleod delves into the final years of
Marie Jaëll. Jaëll (Six Melancholy Waltzes,
No 5 in A minor; and No 3 in G sharp minor;
Ce qu’on entend dans le Paradiss — Eighteen
Pieces for piano after reading Dantee, 13-18;
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involontairee; Union malheureusee; and
Épilogue — La Légendes des ourss)
1.00pm Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
The series of concerts from LSO St Luke’s in
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by Fiona Talkington. Myslivecek (Octet No 1
in E flat — 1st mvt); Janácek (Mládíí); and
Dvorák (Serenade in D minor, Op 44) (r)
2.00 Live Afternoon Concert
At Waterfront Hall, Belfast, Jac Van Steen
conducts the Ulster Orchestra in Martinu and
Bartók, followed by a recording of Beethoven
from the 2016 Proms, performed by the
soprano Camilla Nylund, the mezzo Birgit
Remmert, the tenor Stuart Skelton, the bass
Hanno Müller-Brachmann, the Hallé Choir,
the Manchester Chamber Choir, the BBC
Philharmonic, and the conductor Gianandrea
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Beethoven (Missa Solemniss)
4.30 The Listening Service
Tom Service discusses Historically Informed
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5.00 In Tune
Sarah Walker is joined by the violin playing
sisters Camille and Julie Berthollet, who are
releasing a new recording of works by Vivaldi
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
A mix of music, featuring old favourites
together with lesser-known gems
7.30 Live BBC Proms 2020
Live from the Royal Albert Hall, the sitar
player and composer Anoushka Shankar
showcases two of her most recent
collaborations. In the centenary year of her
father Ravi Shankar’s birth, she combines
recordings of some of his works both with
her own sitar improvisations and with live
electronics by the composer-producer Gold
Panda. Alongside the conductor and arranger
Jules Buckley, Shankar has produced new
arrangements of her own pieces for the
Britten Sinfonia strings, who are joined by
the percussionist Manu Delago. Presented by
Ian Skelly. Anoushka Shankar (The Sitar and
the Hangg; Wandering Aroundd; Voice of the
Moonn; Land of Goldd; and Chasing Shadowss)
10.00 Between the Ears:
The Shanty Boat
Wes Modes offers an insight into his life as a
river-boat captain, navigating the backwoods
waterways of America on a shanty boat (r)
10.30 Between the Essays
A story Inspired by Emily Dickinson’s poem
Hope is the Thing with Featherss (r)
10.45 The Essay:
New Generation Thinkers
Daisy Hay explores the role played in the
early history of English Romanticism
by the publisher Joseph Johnson (r)
11.00 Late Junction
Jennifer Lucy Allan samples the uncharted
waters of adventurous music
1.00am Through the Night (r)
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
8.30 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament
9.00 The Reunion
The team behind London’s bid for the 2012
Olympic and Paralympic Games (3/5) (r)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week: Burning the
Books — A History of the Deliberate
Destruction of Knowledge
By Richard Ovenden (5/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
With Jane Garvey. Including at 10.45 Drama:
Part five of Annika Strandedd, by Nick Walker
11.00 Re-enactment Radio
Remaking scenes from films (r)
11.30 Mr Muzak
Pav gets involved in the opening of an
all-year-round Christmas store (2/4)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 The Lying Life of Adults
By Elena Ferrante (5/10)
12.18 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 From the Mayflower to the Moon
(and Back Again)
Clive Webb of Sussex University reflects on
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2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: The Summer Book
By Tove Jansson. A woman and her
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summer on a tiny Finnish island (r)
3.00 Gardeners’ Question Time
Anne Swithinbank, Matthew Pottage and
Chris Beardshaw answer listeners’ queries
3.45 Short Works
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Chris Mason chairs the political forum
8.50 A Point of View
Reflections on a topical issue
9.00 From the Mayflower to the Moon
(and Back Again)
Omnibus. A coast-to-coast journey on the
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10.00 The World Tonight
News round-up with Razia Iqbal
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The Lying Life of Adults (5/10) (r)
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Frances O’Grady nominates wartime labour
minister Ernie Bevin (5/9) (r)
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Tim Harford examines the oil boom (r)
11.45 Today in Parliament
Political round-up
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12.30am Book of the Week: Burning
the Books — A History of the
Deliberate Destruction of Knowledge
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12.48 Shipping Forecast
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Radio Hour 12.00 Share and Share Alike
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Off the Page 7.00 Share and Share Alike.
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by Mark Gatiss 9.00 Podcast Radio Hour.
Amanda Litherland and her guest recommend
the best podcasts 10.00 Comedy Club: Tom
Wrigglesworth’s Hang-Ups. Tom’s dad offers
some unwanted assistance 10.30 The
Absolutely Radio Show. The Stoneybridge
Town Council try to cover up a scandal 11.00
I’ve Never Seen Star Wars. Frank Skinner
tries new experiences 11.30 King Cutler.
Poems, stories and songs with Ivor Cutler
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12.00 The 6 Mix with Nemone 1.30am The
6 Mix Guest Mix 2.00 6 Music Classic
Concert (r) 3.00 The Beach Boys Story
4.00 Insight: Marvin Gaye
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1.00pm Tim Cocker 4.00 Kate Lawler 7.00
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Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00
Alexander Armstrong 12.00 Anne-Marie
Minhall 4.00pm John Brunning 7.00
Smooth Classics 8.00 The Classic FM Concert
with John Suchet. Recent releases. Grieg
(Holberg Suitee, Op 40); Bach (Goldberg
Variationss, BWV.988); Elgar (Chanson de
Nuitt, Op 15 No.1); and Stanford (The Blue
Bird Treblee) 10.00 Smooth Classics 1.00am
Katie Breathwick 4.00 Lucy Coward
12 1GT Friday September 4 2020 | the times

television & radio

Viewing Guide against the those was a young gospel music into the so the stories keep behind her husband
sociopolitical backdrop Aretha Franklin — and godless white world of coming, recalled by
Away (Josh Charles) and
James Jackson Netflix
of that time. It’s a rich, we know this because pop music. That, the those who were daughter for her risky
heady tour. The first Candi Staton, 80, offers programme says, was actually there. The Boldly going where three-year journey.
Soul America episode starts by her first-hand memory Sam Cooke, who in soul movement also no man has gone While this is a chance
BBC Four, 9.30pm
exploring where soul here. As a 12-year-old 1957 “did something ignited the fight for before is Hilary Swank’s for some schmaltz on
“Between music actually began: Staton chanced upon unthinkable” and sang civil rights, which astronaut Emma an epic scale, she must
Top the 1960s and in the cotton fields and the 15-year-old singing about romance instead means wonderful, Green, the captain also put up with the
pick 1980s, soul churches of the Deep Amazing Grace at of Jesus. Or was it Ray lesser-seen clips of Otis of an international intensifying dynamics
music best South, where the best church. “I hadn’t ever Charles? He took the Redding, Booker T and mission to Mars. This among her crew. Office
expressed how it felt to gospel singers started heard a voice like call-and-response style the MGs, the Four Tops new space series isn’t politics in space is a
be black in America.” to become sought-after that . . . and it was from from Sunday-morning and back to Franklin about aliens, though, good premise, and
So begins a three-part performers as the black a little girl.” However, it church and put it into a again. It’s the best being a domestic drama makes you wonder
series tracing a history American church grew wasn’t Franklin who Saturday-night R&B hit Friday-night music doc on an interstellar scale. why such a plot hasn’t
of glorious music in strength. One of initially parlayed black with What’d I Say. And of the past few months. Green has to leave been done before.

BBC One BBC Two ITV Channel 4 Channel 5

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 BBC News 10.00 Animal Park. 6.45am Animal Park (r) (AD) 7.30 Garden Rescue (r) 6.00am Good Morning Britain. A lively mix of news, 6.30am Mike & Molly (r) 7.20 Cheers (r) 8.15 Everybody 6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 Jeremy Vine. The broadcaster
Early

Keepers look for evidence to prove one of the three
female koalas is pregnant. Last in the series (AD) 10.45
Homes Under the Hammer. Properties in south London,
Cumbria and Greater Manchester (r) (AD) 11.45 Island
Medics. A baby boy is brought into A&E feeling very
unwell 12.15pm Bargain Hunt. Stephanie Connell and
Philip Serrell help teams search for items at an antiques
fair in Peterborough (r) (AD) 1.00 BBC News at One;
Weather 1.30 BBC Regional News; Weather 1.45 The
Heights. With the community grieving, some residents
consider leaving. Last in the series (AD) 2.15 Celebrity
Eggheads. Soap actors compete for their chosen charity
(r) 3.00 Escape to the Country. Margherita Taylor helps
a couple seeking a home on the Welsh borders (r) (AD)
3.45 Garden Rescue. A couple who want to transform
their concrete courtyard 4.30 Antiques Road Trip. James
Braxton and Catherine Southon hit the final leg of their
challenge, travelling through Cambridgeshire and Suffolk
before heading to auction at Lincolnshire (r) 5.15
Pointless. Quiz with Alexander Armstrong (r) 6.00 BBC
News at Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
8.15 Sign Zone: The Repair Shop. The team restores a
hand-carved model Spitfire, a leather pouffe and a silver
purse (r) (AD, SL) 9.15 Wanted Down Under. A London
family try a week in Melbourne before deciding whether
to move (r) 10.00 BBC News 1.00pm The Boss. Quiz
hosted by Susan Calman in which one contestant becomes
the Boss and has to use judgment and tactics to decide
which player is best suited to answer questions (r) 1.45
Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman. The presenter
Nicholas Parsons relives the excitement of a holiday in
Studland, Dorset (r) 2.15 Back in Time for Dinner. The
Robshaws get to grips with the home life and food of the
1990s and are introduced to the culinary treats of the era,
from bagged salad to organic veg boxes and the gastro
pub (r) (AD) 4.15 Animals Behaving Badly. Liz Bonnin
meets the animals doing what it takes to find food,
including macaques using psychology to pull off a theft (r)
(AD) 5.15 Flog It! Raj Bisram and Christina Trevanion
assess items brought to the Old College in Aberystwyth.
Paul Martin visits a Regency restoration project
at the National Botanic Garden of Wales (r)
current affairs and lifestyle features 9.00 Lorraine.
Entertainment, current affairs and fashion news, as well
as showbiz stories and gossip. Presented by Andi Peters
10.00 This Morning. Daily magazine, featuring a mix of
showbiz chat, showbusiness news, lifestyle features,
topical discussion, health and beauty advice and more
12.30pm Loose Women. Guest panellists engage in
topical debate and interviews from a female perspective
1.30 ITV News; Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder. Cameras
follow the criminal barrister Robert Rinder as he takes on
real-life cases in a studio courtroom 3.00 Supermarket
Sweep. Rylan Clark-Neal hosts the supermarket-based
game show, inviting three pairs of shoppers to go wild in
the aisles as they compete to win a £3,000 prize 4.00
Tipping Point. Game show hosted by Ben Shephard, in
which contestants answer questions to win turns on
an arcade-style machine in the hope of winning up to
£10,000 5.00 The Chase. Bradley Walsh presents as
four contestants work as a team to take on one of
the ruthless Chasers and secure a cash prize 6.00
Regional News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
Loves Raymond (r) (AD) 9.15 Frasier (r) (AD) 10.15 The
Big Bang Theory (r) (AD) 11.10 Undercover Boss USA.
The President and COO of Rollins Incorporated works
incognito (r) 12.05pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.10
Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA. Gordon Ramsay visits
a restaurant in Providence, Rhode Island (r) 1.05 River
Cottage Every Day. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall prepares
a variety of treats. Last in the series (r) (AD) 2.10
Countdown. With guest Paul Zenon 3.00 Find It, Fix It,
Flog It. Henry picks up a drum kit and decides to relive his
youth (r) 4.00 A Place in the Sun. A mother-of-three
seeks a property in the resort of Benalmádena on the
Costa del Sol 5.00 Couples Come Dine with Me.
Fun-loving Karen and Irena kick-off the competition in
Nottingham with a menu of comfort food, before Lee and
Maemae and Clayton and Nina take their turns hosting
the others (r) 6.00 The Simpsons. Mr Burns hires a new
employee, who takes an instant dislike to Homer and
sets about trying to humiliate him (r) (AD) 6.30 The
Simpsons. Homer buys a handgun to protect his family,
but begins using it to perform household tasks (r) (AD)
and guests discuss the issues of the day, with co-host
Storm Huntley joining him for phone-ins and reading out
viewers’ correspondence 11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It
Away! Two enforcement agents make a shocking
discovery in a child’s bedroom during an eviction, and a
debtor gets physical when he is visited over wages owed
to a freelancer (r) 12.10pm 5 News at Lunchtime 12.15
Traffic Cops. Jim responds to an urgent call for back-up
from his colleague Tom, who is surrounded by an angry
mob (r) 1.10 Access 1.15 Home and Away (r) (AD) 1.45
Neighbours (AD) 2.15 FILM: Deadly Double, Deadly
Twin (PG, TVM, 2018) A single mother in the midst of
a fierce custody battle is framed for the murder of her
wealthy father by her ambitious identical twin sister.
Thriller starring Jen Lilley 4.00 Friends. Rachel’s date
ends in disaster (r) 4.30 Friends. Monica and Rachel plot
to take back their old apartment (r) 5.00 5 News at 5
5.30 Neighbours. Shane is mortified by his own behaviour
towards Roxy (r) (AD) 6.00 Home and Away. Mac tries to
explain her feelings to Ari, but cannot do so without
hurting him (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight

7.00 The One Show Presented by 6.00 Live Athletics: British 7.00 Emmerdale Jamie overhears 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.00 Celeb 5 Go Caravanning: Back on
7PM

Alex Jones and Amol Rajan Championships Gabby Logan
presents coverage of the annual event,
which this year takes place at
7.30 Garden Rescue A couple who Manchester Regional Arena. The event
want privacy in their front garden was originally due to serve as Olympic
without losing a river view (r) trials in June, but has twice been
postponed due to the coronavirus
pandemic. Now it can finally get under
pandemic
8.00 EastEnders: Secrets from the way, all eyes will be on the men’s and
8PM
Sam bad-mouthing him (AD)
7.30 Coronation Street Geoff plays the
victim, but Tim wonders if his dad is
as innocent as he makes out (AD)
8.00 James Nesbitt: A Game of Two
7.30 Unreported World Migrants dicing
with death while crossing the Alps into
France. See Viewing Guide (AD)
8.00 Lodgers for Codgers
the Road The actors Colin Baker,
Sherrie Hewson and Todd Carty, the
radio DJ Tony Blackburn and pop legend
Sonia enjoy the trials and tribulations
of a caravanning road trip (r)
8.00 Inside Manchester’s Midland

Square A compilation of clips from
the series. Last in the series (AD)
8.30 A Question of Sport Sue Barker asks
the questions in the light-hearted quiz,
with guests AP McCoy, Ugo Monye,
Jade Jones and Gary Pallister
women’s 100m, where Ojie Edoburun
and Dina Asher-Smith will look to
defend their titles. Other disciplines
taking place include the men’s 110m
hurdles and women’s 100m hurdles and
long jump. With commentary from
Steve Cram and Andrew Cotter
Halves The actor travels across the
world to see how the £38million raised
by Soccer Aid for Unicef is helping
vulnerable children who need it most.
See Viewing Guide (AD)
Twentysomething poet Marvell leaves
his east London council house to lodge
with retired couple Lynne and John in
their converted Somerset chapel (AD)
Hotel Life inside the famous Midland
Hotel in Manchester, meeting the staff
whose job it is to ensure the smooth
running of one of the country’s most
prestigious and biggest venues

9.00 Peter Kay’s Stand-Up Comedy 9.00 Gardeners’ World A visit to Adam 9.00 Black Work Jo decides to abandon her 9.00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown 9.00 When Luxury Holidays Go Horribly
9PM

Shuffle New series. The stand-up
comedian relives his finest career
moments from the last 25 years (1/3)
9.30 Mrs Brown’s Boys Agnes tries to
gatecrash Maria’s hen party (4/6) (r)
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10PM
Frost’s garden, catching up on his new
patio project and finding out what his
plans are for the autumn. Arit
Anderson meets the landscape
designer Dan Pearson, to hear about
the design and planting principles he
has used to create his own garden
10.00 Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience
investigation for the sake of her
children — but when another body is
discovered, she realises that her
husband’s murderer is still at large.
Last in the series (r) (AD)
10.00 ITV News at Ten
Jimmy Carr hosts the comical quiz, as
Lee Mack and Victoria Coren Mitchell
take on Alan Carr and Dane Baptiste.
Sam Simmons helps out Susie Dent
in Dictionary Corner (2/4) (r)
10.00 Jon Richardson: Old Man Tour
Wrong Interviews with people whose
holidays ended in disaster. Highlights
include Jody and Stacey Mortlock,
whose dream honeymoon turned into a
nightmare when the Covid-19 pandemic
started. Their tour operator abandoned
them in Egypt. As their hotel closed,
they had to make a dash to the airport
to get out of the country. Plus, the

10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather
10.45 Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (15,
2011) George Smiley, the deputy to
the head of British intelligence, is
forced into retirement after an
11PM
The comedian turns his hand to the
intricate business of cake art (2/4)
10.30 State of the Union Comedy starring
Chris O’Dowd (9/10) (r) (AD)
10.45 Newsnight Presented by Kirsty Wark
10.30 Regional News
10.45 Britain’s Got Talent: The Finalists
Revealed Back in April, as the country
went into lockdown,
lockdown Ant and Dec
presented this year’s Britain’s Got
From Blackpool’s historic Grand
Theatre, Jon complains about the world
on topics including parenthood, Brexit,
haircuts, and the complexity of
correctly loading a dishwasher
11.05 Sex in Lockdown: Keep Sh*gging
experiences of the Evans family, who
booked a dream break in Cuba — but on
arrival found smelly rooms and
swimming pools doubling as toilets.
With contributions by the travel
experts Danni Menzies, Scarlette
Douglas, Jean Johansson and Simon
Calder Narrated by Nicki Chapman
Calder.

operation ends in disaster with the
death of an MI6 agent. Smiley is later
recruited by the government to return
to duty and investigate the possibility
of a Soviet mole in a high-ranking
position within MI6. Cold War thriller
based on John le Carré’s 1974 novel,
starring Gary Oldman, Colin Firth,
Tom Hardy, John Hurt, Benedict
Late
11.35 Cricket: England v Australia T20
Highlights Isa Guha presents action
from the opening T20 in the
three-match series, which came from
Ageas Bowl in Southampton
12.20am-1.00 Sign Zone: Stacey Dooley
Talentt auditions, knowing that the
finals would have to be postponed until
later in the year. Now the series finally
returns, as judges Simon Cowell,
Amanda Holden, Alesha Dixon and
David Walliams decide which acts will
make it through to the semi-finals (r)
12.05am The Masked Singer US Nick Cannon hosts
and Carry On Anna Richardson gets
to grips with all things love, sex and
romance, delving into the ways sex in
Britain has altered since people have
been ordered to stay indoors (r) (AD)
12.05am FILM: Sin City — A Dame to Kill For (18, 12.05am Inside Britain’s Poshest Hotel: The

Cumberbatch, Toby Jones and Mark Investigates A report on South Korea’s trade in illegal
Strong. See Viewing Guide spy camera footage. Pornography has been made illegal in
the country, which has led criminals to begin a lucrative
trade filming people without their knowledge and
12.50am-6.00 BBC News streaming it live on the internet (r) (AD, SL)
the final of the celebrity singing contest, with the three
remaining mystery stars performing for the judging panel
to be crowned this year’s winner (r) 1.30 Teleshopping
3.00 Tour de France Highlights. Action from stage seven
3.50 1000 Heartbeats (r) (SL) 4.35-6.00 ITV Nightscreen
2014) Crime thriller sequel based on the comic-book
series starring Eva Green and Mickey Rourke 1.50 Come
Dine with Me (r) 4.05 Supershoppers (r) (AD) 4.35
Fifteen to One (r) 5.25 All Star Driving School (r)
5.50-6.05 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures (r)
Berkeley A look at some of the United Kingdom’s
poshest hotels (r) 1.00 The 21.co.uk Live Casino Show.
Interactive gambling 3.00 Access 3.10 The Nightmare
Neighbour Next Door (r) 4.45 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL) 5.10
Divine Designs (r) (SL) 5.35-6.00 House Doctor (r) (SL)
the times | Friday September 4 2020 1GT 13

television & radio

lockdown to report on helping vulnerable passed on in the DNA
Unreported World this, meeting refugees
James Nesbitt: children who need it
BBC Proms 2020 as she shows her
Film Tinker
Channel 4, 7.30pm A Game of BBC Four, 8pm Tailor Soldier Spy
braving altitudes of up most (the celebrity mastery of the raga
Two Halves BBC One, 10.45pm
Another week, another to 2,500m and match is being played The great sitar scales. It’s an evening
disenchanting but vital temperatures as low as ITV, 8pm this Sunday; you may player Ravi Shankar’s dedicated to her father Gary Oldman perfectly
report from abroad. -20C to make it to A different role for remember Usain Bolt collaborations with in what would be his captures the character
This winter it won’t France. Many have James Nesbitt, a scoring a goal in last George Harrison, centenary year. She is of George Smiley, John
just be skiers heading died. Each migrant world away from TV year’s game). The Yehudi Menuhin and joined in the first half le Carré’s seasoned spy,
for the snowy slopes; whom Sarwar meets comedies and dramas. journey is also one into others created the first by the electronic music who is called out of
migrants are trekking has their own story of In a one-off film he is the unknown, because musical crossovers producer Gold Panda. retirement to uncover
across the mountains what they are fleeing, tasked with travelling Nesbitt won’t know between India and the In the second half, a Soviet agent within
risking hypothermia, even with just a sketchy to parts of the world to where he is going on West. Tonight his Jules Buckley, the the upper echelons of
frostbite and death. map on a piece of paper see how the £38 million each leg of his mission daughter Anoushka Britten Sinfonia and “the Circus”, during the
Adnan Sarwar was in taking them to such that Soccer Aid for until just before will show how some soloist Manu Delago grubby nub end of the
the Alps before lethal terrain. Unicef has raised is he leaves. things can only be accompany her. 1970s. (15, 2011)

Sky One
6.00am Futurama (r) (AD) 7.00 Animal House
(r) (AD) 8.00 Wild Vets (r) 9.00 The Dog
Whisperer (r) 10.00 Send in the Dogs (r) 11.00
NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r)
3.00 Manifest (r) 4.00 Modern Family (r) 5.00
Futurama (r) (AD) 5.30 The Simpsons (r)
6.00 The Simpsons. Back-to-back episodes (r)
8.00 Modern Family. Phil tries to be romantic (r)
8.30 Modern Family. Claire’s plans for a family
portrait do not go smoothly (r)
9.00 Micky Flanagan’s Detour de France.
The comedian and his best friend Noel Lynch
cycle through France (r) (AD)
10.00 Russell Howard Live: Wonderbox.
Russell performs his usual brand of social
commentary and discusses some of the joy
to be found in everyday experiences (r)
11.45 The Late Late Show with James Corden:
Best of the Week. Highlights of the talk show
12.45am A League of Their Own (r) 1.45 We’re
Here 3.00 Brit Cops: Law & Disorder (r) (AD)
4.00 The Flash (r) 5.00 Supergirl (r)
Sky Atlantic
6.00am The Guest Wing (r) (AD) 7.00 CSI:
Crime Scene Investigation (r) 10.00 Elementary
(r) (AD) 11.00 The British (r) (AD) 12.00 Urban
Secrets (r) 1.00pm Elementary (r) (AD) 2.00
Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD) 4.00
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
6.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
7.00 Blue Bloods. A woman voices outrage over
her son’s unsolved murder and Danny
re-examines the case (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. Danny and Baez race to find
a missing girl with health problems (r) (AD)
9.00 1994. New series. Drama based in the
turbulent political landscape of 1990s Italy.
Starring Stefano Accorsi. In Italian (1/8)
10.10 1994. Veronica’s credibility is
challenged by her co-workers (2/8)
11.20 Boardwalk Empire. Nucky sets out to kill
Eli, but finds that murdering his brother is
harder than he thought (r) (AD)
12.35am Boardwalk Empire (r) (AD) 1.50 Oz
(r) 4.10 Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD)
Sky Documentaries Sky Arts
6.00am I Am Johnny Cash (r) 8.00 Harrow:
A Very British School (r) (AD) 9.00 Discovering:
Robert Shaw (r) (AD) 10.00 The Directors (r)
11.00 The Guest Wing (r) (AD) 12.00
Hollywood Couples (r) 1.00pm Richard E Grant’s
Hotel Secrets (r) (AD) 2.00 Discovering: Rex
Harrison (r) (AD) 3.00 I Am Johnny Cash (r)
5.00 The Directors (r)
6.00 The Guest Wing (r) (AD)
7.00 Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD)
8.00 Hollywood Couples (r)
9.00 Tiger Woods: Back. Film following the
golfer during the 2017-18 season
11.20 FILM: Fire in Babylon (12, 2010)
Documentary examining the West Indian cricket
team’s rise to international success in the 1970s
1.05am FILM: At the Heart of Gold —
Inside the USA Gymnastics Scandal (18,
2019) Documentary (r) 2.45 John Wayne:
America at All Costs (r) 3.45 My Icon: Nasser
Hussain (AD) 4.00 Discovering: Rex Harrison (r)
(AD) 5.00 Harrow: A Very British School (r)
6.00am Darbar Festival 2018 7.00 Katherine
Jenkins Live at the O2 9.00 Tales of the
Unexpected (AD) 10.00 Portrait Artist of
the Year 2019: The Winner’s Story 11.00
Discovering: Judi Dench 12.00 Discovering: Bill
Murray 1.00pm Tales of the Unexpected (AD)
2.00 Paris: The Golden Twenties (AD) 3.00
Mystery of the Lost Paintings (AD) 4.00 Music
Icons: Jazz Rock 4.30 Music Icons: Soft Rock
5.00 Discovering: Jean Simmons
6.00 Discovering: Christopher Plummer
7.00 Discovering: Cash. A look at the life and
career of the musician Johnny Cash
8.00 Life and Death of Sam Cooke.
A look at the circumstances surrounding the
violent death of the American soul singer
10.00 ZZ Top: That Little Ol’ Band from Texas.
The life and career of the blues rock band
12.00 Chuck Berry: The King of Rock n’ Roll
2.00am Discovering: Jean Simmons 3.00
Discovering: Christopher Plummer
4.00 The Directors 5.00 Auction
Sky Main Event
6.00am Sky Sports News 8.30 Live Formula 3
Championship. Italian Grand Prix practice 9.20
Jenson’s Memories: Canada 2011 (AD) 9.30
Live: Welcome To The Weekend 10.00 Live
Formula 1. First practice at the Italian Grand Prix
11.50 Live Formula 2 Championship. Italian
Grand Prix practice 12.45pm Lewis in the W196
with Martin 12.55 F1 Cars Through 1000 Races
(AD) 1.00 Live Formula 3 Championship.
Qualifying for the Italian Grand Prix 1.45
Live Formula 1. The second practice session at
the Italian Grand Prix 3.45 F1 Cars Through
1000 Races (AD) 3.50 Alfa Romeo 1950 (AD)
3.55 Live Formula 2 Championship.
Italian Grand Prix qualifying 4.30 Story
So Far: Italy 5.00 The Transfer Show
5.30 Live International T20 Cricket: England v
Australia. At Ageas Bowl in Southampton
9.30 Live PGA Tour Golf: The Tour Championship
11.00 Sky Sports News
11.30 Live NBA Play-Offs. A play-off match
2.00am Sky Sports News
Variations
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 9.00pm Keepin ’er
Country. The fortunes of some of Ireland’s
leading line dancers at the biggest competitions
at home and abroad (r) 9.30-10.00 The Blame
Game Special. End-of-summer edition of the
comedy panel show, with Colin Murphy, Jake
O’Kane, Neil Delamere and Tim McGarry giving
their views on the “new normal” (r) 10.45
Nations League Highlights. Romania v Northern
Ireland. Stephen Watson presents action from
both teams’ opening fixture in Group B1 of the
competition 11.25 FILM: Tinker Tailor Soldier
Spy (2011) 1.25am-6.00 BBC News
BBC One Wales
As BBC One except: 7.30pm-8.00 Hidden
Wales with Will Millard. New series. The
adventurer explores some Wales’ most
intriguing and hard-to-reach caves 9.30-10.00
Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience. The comedian
takes on the duties of a policeman (r)

BBC Two Wales

As BBC Two except: 10.30pm-10.45 Beacons:
Short Films from Wales 11.20-11.35 State of
the Union (r) (AD) 12.35am-1.00 Grand Tours
of Scotland. The history of Scottish tourism

STV
As ITV except: 1.30am-3.00 ITV Nightscreen

BBC Four
7.00pm Top of the Pops 1977: Big Hits. Archive
performances from 1977, including Rod Stewart,
the Jacksons, Queen, the Stranglers,
Brotherhood of Man, David Bowie, Bob Marley,
Baccara, Heatwave and Elvis Costello
8.00 BBC Proms 2020: Anoushka Shankar and
Gold Panda. From the Royal Albert Hall,
Anoushka Shankar participates in an evening
dedicated to her father Ravi, in what would have
been his centenary year. See Viewing Guide
9.30 Soul America. New series. How, in the
early 1960s, soul emerged to deliver an
assertive, integrated vision of black America
during the Civil Rights era. See Viewing Guide
10.30 Kings of Soul. Documentary celebrating
the male artists whose vocal stylings have
played an instrumental role in the soul genre.
Featuring Curtis Mayfield and Barry White
11.25 Smokey Robinson at the Electric Proms.
Concert celebrating the 50th anniversary of
Motown Records. Smokey Robinson and his band
join the BBC Concert Orchestra in new
arrangements of old hits and then-current songs
12.25am TOTP2: School Days 1.25 Gregory
Porter’s Popular Voices 2.25-3.25 Soul America
ITV3
6.00am Classic Coronation Street 6.55 Classic
Emmerdale 7.55 Heartbeat (AD) 9.00 Bless
This House 10.10 George and Mildred 10.40
Agatha Christie’s Poirot (AD) 12.40pm
Heartbeat (AD) 1.45 Classic Emmerdale
2.50 Classic Coronation Street 3.55 Agatha
Christie’s Poirot (AD) 5.55 Heartbeat (AD)
7.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot. A body is found
in Captain Hastings’ garage (AD)
8.00 Doc Martin. Penhale spreads panic
throughout the village (6/8) (AD)
9.00 Doc Martin. The doctor thinks something
is wrong with him following a chat with his
mother, and Mrs Tishell visits the surgery and
finds herself falling for Martin again (7/8) (AD)
10.05 Cleaning Up. Swanny entrusts Sam to
make an investment for him, and she goes to
desperate lengths to pull off the task (5/6) (AD)
11.10 Cleaning Up. Sam’s world falls apart when
her landlady returns with devastating news, and
Jess’s business plan falls through (6/6) (AD)
12.10am Inspector Morse. A case baffles Morse
(AD) 2.15 Agatha Christie’s Poirot (AD) 3.15
ITV3 Nightscreen 3.30 Teleshopping
Talking Pictures
6.00am Talking Pictures with Shirley Anne Field
6.25 FILM: The Shiralee (PG, 1957) Drama
(b/w) 8.25 FILM: The Divided Heart (PG,
1954) Drama (b/w) 10.10 FILM: Raising the
Wind (U, 1961) Comedy starring James
Robertson Justice 12.00 FILM: The Young Mr
Pitt (U, 1942) Historical biopic starring Robert
Donat (b/w) 2.00pm Together 2.30 FILM: The
Battle of the V1 (PG, 1958) Second World
War adventure with Michael Rennie (b/w)
4.30 FILM: Bombay Waterfront (U, 1952)
Mystery starring John Bentley (b/w)
6.00 The Brack Report
7.00 Glimpses: Hot Spot
7.10 FILM: The Flying Deuces (U, 1939)
Comedy starring Laurel and Hardy (b/w)
8.30 Bognor. A gossip columnist is murdered
9.00 Van der Valk (9/12)
10.00 FILM: Spanish Fly (15, 1975) Comedy
starring Leslie Phillips and Terry-Thomas
11.45 FILM: The Horror of Frankenstein
(15, 1970) Comedy horror starring Ralph Bates
1.45am FILM: Death Goes to School (U,
1953) Crime drama (b/w) 3.00 Lytton’s Diary
4.00 Danger UXB 5.00 Target: The Corruptors
ITV4
6.00am World of Sport 6.15 The Protectors
6.45 The Sweeney (SL) 7.35 The Return of
Sherlock Holmes (AD, SL) 8.40 The Avengers
9.50 Minder (AD) 10.55 The Professionals (AD)
12.00 Tour de France Highlights 1.00pm Live
Tour de France 2020. Stage seven of the most
prestigious race on the calendar, featuring a flat
168km route from Millau to Lavaur 4.45 The
Professionals (AD) 5.50 The Sweeney
7.00 Tour de France Highlights. Action from
stage seven from Millau to Lavaur
8.00 FILM: Never Say Never Again (PG,
1983) James Bond takes on a criminal
mastermind who has hijacked two US nuclear
warheads and concealed them in the Bahamas.
Action adventure starring Sean Connery
and Klaus Maria Brandauer (AD)
10.45 All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite.
Hard-hitting action from the world of
All Elite Wrestling, featuring all of the biggest
stars on the roster, including Adam Page,
Chris Jericho, Cody and Jon Moxley
12.50am Minder (AD, SL) 1.55 The Sweeney
(SL) 2.45 ITV4 Nightscreen 3.00 Teleshopping
More4
8.55am Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures 9.15
A Place in the Sun 10.15 Find It, Fix It, Flog It
12.15pm Escape to the Château: DIY (AD) 1.15
Building the Dream (AD) 2.20 Four in a Bed
4.55 The Secret Life of the Zoo (AD) 5.55
Kirstie and Phil’s Love It or List It (r) (AD)
6.55 Escape to the Château: DIY (AD)
7.55 Grand Designs. A master craftsman plans
to build a castle in rural Devon made of mud,
forming the huge property out of two curved
roundhouses connected by glazing (8/11) (AD)
9.00 Code 37: Sex Crimes. Part two of two.
The team is at a loss after the main suspect is
murdered, but the case takes a turn when
Lily has her baby and Max turns up at
the hospital. Last in the series (AD)
10.15 24 Hours in A&E. Police suspect a patient
is concealing a weapon, and a woman’s bloated
abdomen baffles the medics (5/8) (AD)
11.20 24 Hours in A&E. The team treats a girl
who has had an accident at school (6/8) (AD)
12.20am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA.
In Boston, Massachusetts 1.20 Building the
Dream (AD) 2.20 24 Hours in A&E (AD)
3.25-3.55 Father Ted (AD) 4.00 Teleshopping
Dave
6.00am Teleshopping 7.10 Brojects 8.00
American Pickers: Best Of 9.00 Storage Hunters
10.00 American Pickers: Best Of 12.00 Border
Force: America’s Gatekeepers (AD) 1.00pm
Top Gear (AD) 2.00 Travel Man: 48 Hours in
Iceland (AD) 2.30 Travel Man: 48 Hours in
Marrakech (AD) 3.00 Rick Stein: From Venice
to Istanbul (AD) 4.00 Top Gear (AD)
6.00 Would I Lie to You?
6.40 Would I Lie to You?
7.20 Richard Osman’s House of Games
8.00 Travel Man: 48 Hours in Vienna.
Richard Ayoade explores the Austrian capital
in the company of Chris O’Dowd (AD)
8.30 Travel Man: 48 Hours in Paris. Richard
Ayoade takes a ruthlessly efficient mini-break
in Paris with Mel Giedroyc (AD)
9.00 FILM: Superbad (15, 2007) Teen
comedy starring Jonah Hill and Michael Cera
11.30 Taskmaster. Russell Howard uses ear wax
to charm a nice lady called Carol
12.30am Would I Lie to You? 1.50 Dara O
Briain’s Go 8 Bit. With Gina Yashere and Marcus
Brigstocke 2.55 Go 8 Bit: DLC 4.00 Teleshopping
Film4
11.00am Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (U,
1953) Musical comedy starring Marilyn Monroe
and Jane Russell 12.55pm Elephant Walk
(U, 1954) Melodrama starring Elizabeth Taylor
3.00 The Guns of Fort Petticoat (PG, 1957)
Western starring Audie Murphy 4.40 Gallipoli
(PG, 1981) First World War drama starring
Mel Gibson, Mark Lee and Bill Kerr
6.55 Ride Along 2 (12, 2016) An excitable
beat cop is reluctantly recruited by his fiancée’s
detective brother to help bring a drug dealer to
justice. Comedy sequel starring Ice Cube
9.00 Shooter (15, 2007) A former Marine
sniper framed for the assassination of an African
archbishop fights to prove his innocence. Action
thriller with Mark Wahlberg and Michael Pena
11.25 Mandy (18, 2018) The lives of a couple
in a secluded forest are shattered by a cult and
their demonic-biker henchmen. Fantasy horror
starring Nicolas Cage and Andrea Riseborough
1.50am-3.45 Berberian Sound Studio (15,
2012) An introverted sound engineer loses his
grip on reality while working on a disturbing
horror movie for an Italian director. Thriller
starring Toby Jones and Tonia Sotiropoulou
Drama
6.00am Teleshopping 7.20 Classic EastEnders
8.25 The Bill 9.30 Classic Holby City 10.55
Classic Casualty 12.00 The Bill 1.00pm Classic
EastEnders 2.20 London’s Burning (AD) 3.20
Peak Practice 4.20 Dangerfield. A corpse is
found in a tree 5.20 Birds of a Feather
6.00 Waiting for God
6.40 ’Allo ’Allo!
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. Compo, Clegg
and Truly resolve a domestic dispute
8.00 Father Brown. A body is identified as a
woman who vanished seven years earlier (AD)
9.00 Maisie Raine. First episode of the police
drama starring Pauline Quirke (1/6) (AD)
10.00 New Tricks. The team reopens the
four-year-old case of a murdered street artist
when graffiti by a person claiming to be the
killer appears around London (5/10) (AD)
11.15 Silent Witness. A father and son are
killed in an apparent car accident on their way
home from work, but the younger man’s body
is found to be riddled with bullets (AD)
1.50am The Bill. June opens up to Rod 2.50
London’s Burning (AD) 4.00 Teleshopping
ITV2
7.00am The Ellen DeGeneres Show 8.00 You’ve
Been Framed! Gold Funniest Ever 9.00 You’ve
Been Framed! Gold 9.25 Superstore (AD) 10.25
Roswell, New Mexico (AD) 11.25 Dinner Date
(AD, SL) 12.25pm You’ve Been Framed! Gold
12.55 Celebrity Catchphrase 2.00 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show 2.55 Ellen’s Game of Games
3.50 The Masked Singer US 4.50 Dress to
Impress 5.50 Take Me Out
7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold: Unleashed!.
Wild accidents caught on camera
8.00 Two and a Half Men. Walden gives Alan
$100,000 to invest in Kate’s fashion designs
8.30 Two and a Half Men
9.00 FILM: The Hangover (15, 2009) Three
men on a stag weekend in Las Vegas wake up to
find they have lost the groom and cannot
remember the night before. Comedy starring
Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms (AD)
11.05 Family Guy (AD)
11.35 Family Guy (AD)
12.00 American Dad! (AD) 12.55am The
Cleveland Show (AD) 1.55 Two and a Half Men
2.25 Roswell, New Mexico (AD) 3.15 ITV2
Nightscreen 3.30 Teleshopping
Yesterday
6.00am From World War to Cold War 7.10
Forbidden History (AD) 8.00 Murder Maps 9.00
The World at War 10.00 Antiques Roadshow
11.00 Abandoned Engineering (AD) 12.00 Great
British Railway Journeys 1.00pm Antiques
Roadshow 2.00 Full Steam Ahead (AD) 3.00
Train Truckers 4.00 Abandoned Engineering
(AD) 5.00 Wartime Crime (AD)
6.00 The World at War
7.00 Great British Railway Journeys
7.30 Great British Railway Journeys. Michael
Portillo travels from Hessle to York
8.00 Wonders of the Universe. The importance
of light in the evolution of the universe (AD)
9.00 Restoration Workshop. Gary Wallis visits
an automobilia auction at Silverstone
10.00 War Factories. How the Mitsubishi Zero
was reduced to a Kamikaze plane
11.00 Abandoned Engineering. An elaborate
underground complex in Italy that had been
abandoned for nearly 2,000 years (5/12) (AD)
12.00 The World at War 1.00am From World
War to Cold War. Documentary (2/2) 2.00
Forbidden History (AD) 3.00 Teleshopping
BBC Scotland
7.00pm Grand Tours of Scotland’s Lochs. The
strategic wartime importance of Loch Ryan (r)
8.00 Paramedics on Scene. An accident leaves a
man seriously injured and triggers a response
from the air ambulance (r) (AD) 9.00 The Nine
10.00 Burnistoun. A hitman has difficulty
assembling his weapon (r) 10.30 Selling
Scotland. Jack Docherty takes a look at
Scotland’s most memorable adverts (r)
11.30-12.00 Limmy’s Homemade Show.
The comedian has a lifesaving idea (r)
BBC Alba
6.00am Alba Today 5.00pm Piseag & Cuilean/
Kit & Pup (r) 5.15 Creag nam Buthaidean
(Puffin Rock) (r) 5.20 Botannan Araid Uilleim
(William’s Wish Wellingtons) (r) 5.25 Su
Shiusaidh (Little Suzy’s Zoo) (r) 5.30 Padraig
Post: Seirbheis Deis agus Sonraichte (r) 5.45
Gudrun: A’ Bhana-phrionnsa Lochlannach (r)
5.55 Stòiridh 6.00 Sràid nan Sgread (Scream
Street) (r) 6.15 Geamaichean Gorach (r) 6.20
Clann Na Cruinne (r) 6.35 Machair (r) 7.00 An
Là (News) 7.25 Fraochy Bay 7.30 Bonn
Còmhraidh 8.00 Ceòlmhor @ Piping Live (r)
8.30 Dealbhan Fraoich (Heather’s Portraits) (r)
9.00 Opry Dhoire 10.00 The Optimists 10.50
Celtic Connections 11.00 Lorient is Alba:
Scotland’s Year (r) 12.00-7.00am Alba Today
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Sam Tân (r) 6.10 Nos Da Cyw (r)
6.20 Meic y Marchog (r) 6.35 Jen a Jim Pob
Dim (r) 6.50 Y Brodyr Coala (r) 7.00 Blociau
Rhif (r) 7.05 Bing (r) 7.15 Sbarc (r) 7.30 Y
Dywysoges Fach (r) 7.45 Deian a Loli (r) 8.00
Rapsgaliwn (r) 8.15 Digbi Draig (r) 8.25 Oli
Wyn (r) 8.35 Olobobs (r) 8.40 Bach a Mawr (r)
8.50 Peppa (r) 8.55 Henri Helynt (r) 9.10
Ahoi! (r) 9.30 Sion y Chef (r) 9.45 Loti Borloti
(r) 10.00 Sam Tân (r) 10.10 Nos Da Cyw (r)
10.20 Meic y Marchog (r) 10.35 Jen a Jim Pob
Dim (r) 10.50 Y Brodyr Coala (r) 11.00 Blociau
Rhif (r) 11.05 Bing (r) 11.15 Sbarc (r) 11.30 Y
Dywysoges Fach (r) 11.45 Deian a Loli (r)
12.00 Pobl a’u Gerddi (r) 12.30pm Codi Pac (r)
1.00 Prynhawn Da 1.55 News S4C a’r Tywydd
2.00 Live Seiclo: Le Tour de France. Coverage of
stage seven of the race, featuring a flat 168km
route from Millau to Lavaur 4.40 Awr Fawr:
Sblij a Sbloj (r) 4.45 Awr Fawr: Sigldigwt (r)
5.00 Stwnsh: 5 am 5 5.05 Stwnsh: Gwboi a
Twm Twm (r) 5.20 Stwnsh: Seligo (r) 5.25
Stwnsh: Pwy Geith y Gig? (r) 5.50 Stwnsh: 5
am 5 5.55 Stwnsh: Ffeil 6.00 Cledrau Coll (r)
6.30 Garddio a Mwy (r) 6.57 News S4C 7.00
Heno 7.30 News S4C a’r Tywydd 8.00 Gêm
Gartre 8.25 Natur a Ni. Morgan Jones
encounters mushrooms of all shapes and sizes
8.55 News S4C a’r Tywydd 9.00 Noson Lawen.
With guest host Ifan Gruffydd (r) 10.00 Seiclo:
Le Tour de France. Action from stage seven,
featuring a flat 168km route from Millau to
Lavaur 10.30 Hyd y Pwrs (r) (AD)
11.05am-12.10 Lle Bach Mawr (r) (AD)
14 1GT Friday September 4 2020 | the times

MindGames
Backgammon Chris Bray Codeword No 4059 Train Tracks No 1114

Performance Rating termediate player would be around

How do you know how good you
are at backgammon? Until the
mid-1990s you had your opinion,
the opinions of your peers and hard
evidence such as tournaments won
or money banked. Backgammon
players are notorious for having in-
flated opinions of themselves, but
the other two measures were
reasonable.
That all changed with the advent
of computers, and particularly Ex-
treme Gammon (XG). Now we
have an accurate measure of skill,
and that is known as Performance
Rating (PR). A player’s PR is a
measure of the number and size of
errors that he or she makes when
playing the game. A PR of zero
would indicate perfect play, some-
body who makes no mistakes. Sad-
ly, there is no such creature; the
game is too difficult for that.
The target for the majority of
players is to achieve a PR of under
4.0 which is defined as World Class
standard. I would estimate there
are fewer than 250 people in the
world who can consistently play
under 4.0. On this scale a good in-
© PUZZLER MEDIA
7.5 and a beginner will be well into
double figures.
The very best players in the
world can consistently achieve a
PR of around 2.0, but now we are
talking about around 20 players at
the most. A PR of 2.5 or below is de-
fined as World Champion stan-
dard. Anyone playing at that level
has a deep understanding of the
game and will make very few blun-
ders. Such a person will be able to
concentrate intensely for long peri-
ods of time.
It is now common in team
matches for points to be awarded,
not only for winning the match it-
self, but also for having a better PR
than your opponent. This was the
format used in the recent UK v
USA match of which we will hear
more in subsequent columns.
Irrespective of your skill there
will be days when things just do not Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to village
go your way. This week’s position is B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail go in each
taken from the UK v USA match. row and column. There are only straight rails and curved rails.
Black was Steve Sax, White was The track cannot cross itself.
your columnist and this was a one
point match.
You can imagine my glee when Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Steve rolled double fives!
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number from 1
the digits 1 to 6
to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use the letters
already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter letters in the main
grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the alphabet have been
accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded. Yesterday’s solution, right

Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 293 6262 or
text TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network
access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution
call 0905 757 0142. Calls cost £1 per minute plus your telephone company’s network
access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).

Lexica No 5469 No 5470

Winners will receive a Collins English Dictionary & Thesaurus
M L T I P B D E Y D E D
Solve the puzzle and text in the numbers in the three
Winning Move shaded boxes. Text TIMES followed by a space, then
P I C
your three numbers, eg, TIMES 123, plus your name,
________ Black to play. address and postcode to 84901 (UK only), by midnight.
Or enter by phone. Call 09012 925274 (ROI 1516 303 501)
E Z I L
áWDWDrDWD]This position is from Gazik-
Mamedyarov, FIDE Online by midnight. Leave your three answer numbers (in any
à0k0WDWDp]Olympiad, chess.com 2020. order) and your contact details.
N R G
Calls cost £1 (ROI €1.50) plus your telephone company’s
ßWDpDWDWD]Chess can be cruel. Up to here, U S F M network access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard
ÞDW1WDWDW]White had played extremely well network charge. Winners will be picked at random from
all correct answers received. One draw per week. Lines
ÝWDW4W)QD]against his elite opponent and
obtained an excellent position. He
A I A
close at midnight tonight. If you call or text after this
ÜDWDWDWDW]has just, perfectly understandably,
activated a dormant rook on a1, P C O L
time you will not be entered but will still be charged.
SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
ÛP)WDW$P)]bringing it to d1. Unfortunately C I L A T A C L S I A
ÚDWDRDWIW]this natural move is a blunder
that undoes all his earlier good What are your favourite puzzles in MindGames?
WÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈWwork. Can you see why? Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce a
completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters Email: puzzles@thetimes.co.uk

KenKen Difficult No 5051 Futoshiki No 3775 Kakuro No 2734

Fill the grid

using the
numbers 1 to 9
only. The
numbers in each
horizontal or
vertical run of
white squares
add up to the
total in the
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM

triangle to its left

or above it. The
same number
may occur more
than once in a
row or column,
but not within
the same run of
white squares.
© PUZZLER MEDIA

All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top left-hand each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the block, the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or smaller
using the operation indicated by the symbol. (<) than the number next to it.
the times | Friday September 4 2020 1GT 15

MindGames
times2 Crossword No 8375 Brain Trainer Cell Blocks No 3942

© PUZZLER MEDIA
Divide the grid

ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER

1 2 3 4 5 6
into square or
3
1/2
EASY x4 SQUARE ÷9 – 2 x 25 + 2 ÷4 –5 rectangular
7 OF IT IT blocks, each
containing one
8 9 digit only. Every
block must
MEDIUM 28 TREBLE + 33 + 3/9 ÷6 DOUBLE
IT
– 43 x 12 ÷ 2 –OFHALF
IT
contain the
IT OF IT number of cells
10 11 indicated by the
digit inside it.

÷ 6 + 2/3
12 13
HARDER 2 4
234 TREBLE
IT
+ 177 1/4 1/3
– 25 x 18 1/9
OF IT OF IT OF IT OF IT
14 15 16 17

18 19

20 21 22
Polygon Set Square No 2737

23 From these letters, make words of Enter each of

four or more letters, always including the numbers
the central letter. Answers must be in from 1 to 9 in
24 25
the Concise Oxford Dictionary, excluding the grid, so that
capitalised words, plurals, conjugated the six sums
verbs (past tense etc), adverbs ending work. We’ve
in LY, comparatives and superlatives. placed two
26 27 How you rate 10 words, average; numbers to get
14, good; 21, very good; 29, excellent you started.

© PUZZLER MEDIA
Each sum
Across 18 Large antellope (3)) Yesterday’s answers should be
1 Wheel cover (6) 20 Masticate (4) aperçu, auric, auricle, caul, clue, cruel,
calculated left
4 Greatly horrify
f (5) 22 Famous conductor (7) to right or top
cupel, cure, curie, curl, ecru, lieu, luce,
to bottom.
8 Beav
a er-like rodent (5) 24 Decide (7) lucre, lure, pareu, peculiar, pilau, pleura,
9 Self-
f centred person (7) 25 Annoyed (5) prau, puce, pula, pule, puli, pure, puri,
purl, rule, ulcer, uracil, urea
10 Ring-shaped (7) 26 Culinary herb
r (5) Please note, BODMAS does not apply
11 Source of linen (4) 27 More miserly; poorer (6)
12 Prohibiting drink (3)
14 Consumed (5) Down
Killer Moderate No 7332 Solutions
15 Y llow-brown pigment (5)
Ye 1 Unit of land area (7)
Solution to Crossword 8374
7 2 Blade on a riflf e (7) Quick Cryptic 1693 Codeword 4058 Kakuro 2733
3 Div
i er's apparatus (8)
T RANSCR I P T
E L P E A B M
4 Riv
i er at Bristol (4)
P I L GR I M S TO L E 5 Small glass bottle (5)
I S Y O T W D 6 Ru
R bber tree flf uid (5)
DDA Y OV ER L A I D 7 Strange, odd (5)
I D E A N L 1 Christmas (8)
13
S I NCE M I DGE 16 Be a sign of (7)
Q T S P I S 17 Arrange again (7)
UNS E EML Y ECHO 19 Flat-topped fl
f ower cluster (5)
E D L U T R W
AGA V E N AH UA T L 20 Cunning; boat (5) Train Tracks 1113
K Y C G U P E 21 Take pleasure in (5) Sudoku 11,794 Quintagram Suko 2960
S T RE S S T E S T 23 Wo
W odworking tool (4) 1 Indie
2 Pacing
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0905 757 0143 to check the 3 At last
answers. Calls cost £1 per minute plus your telephone company’s 4 Southey
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm). 5 Arcturus

Brain Trainer
Bridge Andrew Robson Easy 8; Medium 27; Harder 12

Cell Blocks 3941 Set Square 2736 Lexica 5467

69. Mistak enllyy rret
keen etur
turning Dealer: South, Vulnerability: Neither Sudoku 11,795
partner’s
’s lead without thinking I C E C
♠732
♥ AQ 3 2 A H
There is little doubt most defend- ♦6 4
ers return their partner’s lead too ♣AQ J 5 Killer Deadly No 7333 F

A
R I

M
N G E

E
often — usually with the air of, ♠ AQ 6 ♠ J 10 5 4
N
“Not my problem. You led it part- ♥ 10 7 W E ♥J 9 8 6 Z I P K

ner, I’m leading it back.” Brain dis- ♦Q 9 7 2 S ♦A 3 E

engaged. ♣9 6 4 2 ♣8 7 3
Sure, there are many occasions ♠K98
in which it is correct to return ♥ K 5 4 Futoshiki 3774 KenKen 5050 Lexica 5468
♦K J 10 8 5
partner’s lead. But opening leads ♣K 10 B
are very tricky (no dummy visible) Sudoku 11,796
S M E L L
and partner doesn’t want you to S W N E
return their suit willy-nilly. You 1NT Pass 2♣(1) Pass A A B

must analyse each situation. 2♦(2) Pass 3NT End N U Z Z L E

Say partner led ♥2 v Notrumps. (1) Stayman, asking for four-card majors. A L E A
Presuming the lead is fourth high- 4-4 heart fit will very likely play at least a
F R E T
est, you know partner began with trick better than notrumps.
only four cards. No more. If part- (2) No four-card major.
ner’s hearts were ♥KJ532, she’d Tetonor 80 Word watch
have led ♥3, not ♥2. Knowing Contract: 3NT, Opening Lead: ♦2
Watap (a) A fabric thread
partner has no more than four 27 126 27 110 made by Native Americans
cards may be the clue you need to highest diamond is their lowest; 2 + 25 6 x 21 6 + 21 2 x 55 Wastrife (b) Profligate,
Killer 7330 wasteful (Scots)
look elsewhere for defensive tricks. ergo she begins with only four dia-
monds, while declarer begins with 26 22 29 96 Wat (c) A Thai Buddhist
monastery
Hooww the Deffeenence w ent
wen five diamonds. Returning my sec- 2 x 13 6 + 16 5 + 24 6 x 16
Chess — Winning Move
West led ♦2 v 3NT. East won and, ond diamond is going to help 112 50 15 120 1 ... Rd2! is a difficult move to
brain disengaged, quickly returned declarer (with more cards) than my 7 x 16 2 x 25 2 + 13 5 x 24
visualise. The main point is
♦3, “Here’s what you want, part- partner.” 2 Rxd2 Re1 mate. After 2 Qf3
ner.” East looks at dummy to deter- 23 24 57 25 easiest is 2 ... Qxf2+ (Black
played 2 ... Re3 which also wins)
Except it wasn’t what West mine the best switch suit — and 7 + 16 1 x 24 2 + 55 1 + 24 3 Qxf2 Rxd1+, winning the queen
wanted (unless East began with clearly it’s spades, dummy’s weak-
more than two diamonds). ness. She carefullyy switches to ♠J
Declarer finessed ♦J, happy to lose (not ♠4), enabling her to retain the Quiz
to West’s ♦Q. She won West’s ♦7 lead if declarer plays low. As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every column, Killer 7331
every row and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9. Each set 1 The Bill 2 Marchioness 3 California 4 Napoleon
and could cash two more dia- Declarer is now sunk. She may let Bonaparte 5 Shropshire 6 Jump Around 7 Wild land
monds, four clubs and three ♠J win but East follows with ♠4. of cells joined by dotted lines must add up to the target number
hearts. Ten tricks and game made Declarer may play the ♠K this time in its top-left corner. Within each set of cells joined by dotted and wild places 8 Laos 9 Los Llanos 10 Jojoba oil
plus one. but West wins ♠A, cashes ♠Q and lines, a digit cannot be repeated. 11 Sophie Ward 12 Jonathan Rendall 13 Snooker
exits safely with (say) a club. 14 Takuma Sato 15 Allen Ginsberg
H o
Howw tth
ow hee Def
h effeeen
n
nc
nce
ce sh
ce ulld
hou
oul
o d ha
ha
avvvee g
gon
on
nee Declarer cashes the four clubs and Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 293 Correction: In yesterday’s Question 8, we incorrectly
West leads ♦2 to East’s ♦A and ♥AKQ but, when hearts do not split 6263 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s stated that Northampton was a city. It is, in fact, a
East reasons as follows, “My part- 3-3, she has no ninth trick. One puzzles. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network town. We apologise for the error.
ner has led the two; her fourth down. andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
 04.09.20

Word watch Sudoku Mild No 11,797 Difficult No 11,798 Fiendish No 11,799

Josephine Balmer

Watap
a A thread
b A fish
c How are things?
Wastrife
a A treaty
b Profligate
c A decorative feature

Wat
a A drinking vessel
b Soppy
c A monastery

Answers on page 15

© PUZZLER MEDIA
Fill the grid so that every column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9.

The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt Suko No 2960

1 Which ITV drama of the desert shrub

was set in and
around Sun Hill
police station?
2 What is the wife of a
marquess called?
3 In 1933, the E & J
Gallo Winery was
founded in Modesto in
which US state?
4 Which French
military commander
won the Battle of the
Pyramids against the
Mamluks in 1798?
5 A Salopian is a
native of which
English county?
6 Which House of
Pain hit sampled the
opening horn fanfare
of Bob & Earl’s 1963
track Harlem Shuffle?
15
7 The Scottish charity,
the John Muir Trust,
was established in
1983 to protect and
manage what?
8 Which communist
state is the only
landlocked country in
southeast Asia?
9 The Orinoco
is the main river
of which South
American grasslands,
whose name means
“the plains”?
10 A liquid wax
ester, which “oil” is
produced in the seed
Simmondsia chinensis?
11 Which English
actress’s first novel,
Love and Other Thought
Experiments, was
longlisted for the 2020
Booker prize?
12 Later starring in the
Channel 4 documentary
The Gambler, who wrote
Twelve Grand: The
Gambler as Hero?
13 Which sport is the
subject of Gordon Burn’s
1986 book Pocket Money?
14 In 2017, which
Japanese driver became Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the spaces so
the first Asian winner of that the number in each circle is equal to
the Indianapolis 500? the sum of the four surrounding spaces,
and each colour total is correct
15 Which American
poet is pictured? For interactive puzzles visit
Answers on page 15 thetimes.co.uk

The Times Quick Cryptic No 1694 by Trelawney

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Across Down
1 Greek character with naughty 1 Nothing in routes that arouses
crime at sea (6) pity (6)
4 Factory containing last piece 2 Wave with one not trying
8 9 10
of satellite for Mars, perhaps fairground ride? (13)
(6) 3 Fashionable article on NE
8 Significant narration (7) racetrack feature (7)
10 Scoundrel’s accent not British 5 Cyril composed a bit of verse
(5) (5)
11 12 11 Carmen, for example, seen in 6 Lack of powerful Arab rulers,
Europe rarely (5) say, is not much good? (2,5,6)
12 Heal Charlie badly with my 7 Drew on unknown English
dubious branch of science (7) hippy’s clothing, possibly? (3-3)
13 14 13 Most intelligent tips from 9 Inelegant, like an atheist’s
climber leaving mountain (9) meal? (9)
15 16 17 Put down roots around a US 14 Something ugly I observed in
city (7) conversation (7)
17 18 19 19 Those back to front beliefs (5) 15 Statue is demolished —
20 Quietly must leave golf club, shrewd! (6)
say (5) 16 Marsha rebuilt Hindu retreat
21 Senor OK playing a game (7) (6)
22 Apprentice not starting 18 Brusque in Battersea (5)
20 21
profitable activity (6)
23 Discarded goods from planes
in the morning (6)
22 23
Yesterday’s solution on page 15