13 Tips To Make Self-Help Therapy Work For You - Psychology Today

12.05.
2021 13 T ps to Make Self-Help Therapy Work for You | Psychology Today
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Bill Knaus Ed.D.

Science and Sensibility
SELF-HELP
13 Tips to Make Self-Help

Therapy Work for You
How to clear your mind of needless troubles.
Posted January 3, 2014
Reviewed by Ekua Hagan
"Since the start of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT),

millions have taught themselves to use REBT. These numbers
are partially attributable to the ease and convenience and
availability of the methods. The basic theory is simple: When
confronted with adversity, we often experience unhelpful
emotions because we subscribe to irrational beliefs. We can
divest ourselves of unhealthy emotions by challenging and
replacing our irrational beliefs with rational, beliefs that tie to
appropriate emotions and responsible actions." — Will Ross
Will Ross is the author of A Guide to Shameless Happiness . He

is the webmaster and co-founder of the self-help REBT Network
website . He is a long-term self-help advocate and self-help
teacher. Will manages the website that Dr. Albert Ellis
sanctioned. Here is Will’s article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sc ence-and-sens b l ty/201401/13-t ps-make-self-help-therapy-work-you 1/17

12.05.2021 13 T ps to Make Self-Help Therapy Work for You | Psychology Today
When Albert Ellis launched REBT, he simultaneously published

US
self-help books to show readers how they could help
themselves. He and his colleagues have created hundreds of
self-help books, DVDs, and other self-help materials. The topics
range from controlling anxiety to solving sex and relationship
problems.
I learned about REBT about 25 years ago while working as the

manager of a transport company in Australia. It was a stressful
job and I wanted to learn effective ways of reducing my stress. I
experimented with a variety of methods. At a point of
discouragement, I taught myself REBT. I was amazed by how
effective it was. I decided to learn all I could about it and
eventually began teaching it to others.
In the process of using REBT and teaching it to others, I've

distilled the following 13 key points. Whether you are new to
REBT, or have been using it for a while, you may find that you
can effectively put them to work for you.
1. Start now and then practice every day.
Think of a problem you'd like to work on.
It can be a major problem or a trivial one.
Think about what you'd like to achieve with REBT.
2. Study your problem.
Split the problem into two parts: The practical part and the
emotional/behavioral part.
Focus on the feelings and actions you'd like to change.

Don't try to solve the practical problem until you've fixed

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your emotions.
Look for unhelpful feelings and actions.
Don't try to change helpful feelings (even if they're

unpleasant).
3. Study your feelings and actions.
What is the name of your unhelpful emotion (e.g., anxiety,

anger, depression, etc.)?
Ask yourself how you feel about the practical problem.
If your problem is behavioral (e.g., procrastination) look for

the feeling that prompts the behavior.
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Make a list of the benefits of changing your unhelpful

feelings.
4. Study the practical problem.
Think of a typical or recent example of the problem.

What do you think might happen as a result of the problem?

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Temporarily assume that the worst will happen (or has
happened).
Describe the practical problem in fewer than 25 words.
THE BASICS
What Does "Self Help" Mean?
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Be precise (e.g., instead of "My boss is a jerk," say, "My boss

made me work unpaid overtime today.").
Focus on one practical problem at a time.
Can the practical problem be solved?
If it can be solved or changed, brainstorm ways to change it.
If it can't be changed, focus on learning to accept it.
Look for long-term solutions.
Don't try to feel good about situations you don't like.
5. Study secondary emotional problems.
Do you feel bad about feeling bad (e.g., embarrassed about

feeling angry)?
Does the secondary emotion interfere with your efforts to

overcome the first unhelpful feeling?

If so, focus on changing the secondary emotion before you

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tackle the primary emotion.
SELF-HELP ESSENTIAL READS
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Pregnant
Do Self-Help Books About Relationships Really

Help?
Make a list of reasons for working on the secondary problem

first.
Look for unhelpful feelings about helpful feelings (e.g.,

feeling anxious about feeling sad).
Especially look for shame (it's a very common secondary

emotion).
6. Remember: You feel the way you think.
If 1,000 people had your practical problem, would they all

feel the same way you feel?

Why not?
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Use the ABC model
A = your practical problem.
B = your evaluative beliefs.
C = your emotional & behavioral reaction to A + B.
7. Look for and study your irrational beliefs.
What are you telling yourself about A to make yourself upset

at C?
What was going through your mind at A?
What do you think should happen (or shouldn't have

happened)?
What kind of a person do you think you (or others) are

because of your practical problem?
Look for exaggerated evaluations (e.g., awful, terrible, etc.).
Look for "I can't stand it" evaluations.
Look for one or more of the three basic musts: I must, you
must, and life must be as I expect. Demands that veer from
reality are sources of much human misery.
8. Make sure you've identified the relevant irrational beliefs.
Do the beliefs you've identified lead to the feelings you're

experiencing?
How would you feel if you changed the beliefs?

9. Dispute your irrational beliefs.

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Remember: It's okay to want the situation to be different.
Compare and contrast your irrational beliefs with their

rational counterparts.
Focus on "I must" versus "I want" etc.
Focus on "it's awful" versus "it's bad but not awful" etc.
Focus on "I can't stand it" versus "I can stand it" etc.
Which is true? Why?
Which makes more sense? Why?
Which is more helpful? Why?
10. Create and reinforce a new rational belief.
Remember the three parts of a rational belief:
1. State what you want (or don't want).

2. State that you don't need to have what you want.

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3. Join the two statements with a "but."
E.g., "I want to succeed but I don't need to succeed."
Force yourself to actually believe the new, rational belief.
New Beliefs have to be repeated regularly to "feel" them.
Old Beliefs have to be disputed regularly to stop "feeling"

them.
11. Put your new rational beliefs into practice.
Look for ways to put your new rational beliefs into practice to
reinforce them.
Compare your new beliefs with the old ones regularly.
Decide what time of the day you'll set aside for disputing
your old, irrational beliefs.
Have a plan for overcoming any obstacles to daily disputing.

12. Keep records.

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Keep a diary of your disputing habits.
Record whether you faced up to your problems or looked to

avoid them.
Record what you did to change B.
Remember that not doing homework doesn't make you a

bad person, it only delays your progress.
13. Make your new rational beliefs permanent.
Look for similar problems and apply your new rational beliefs
to those situations.
Look for changes in the frequency, intensity, and/or duration

of your unhelpful feelings.
Remind yourself regularly that your progress is up to you.
This blog post is part of a series to celebrate the 100th- and

101st-year anniversaries of Dr. Albert Ellis’ birth. Ellis is the
founder of rational emotive behavioral therapy and the
grandfather of cognitive-behavior therapy.
Albert Ellis Revisited (Carlson & Knaus 2013) is the Albert Ellis
Tribute Book Series centennial book . The publisher, Routledge,
offers a 20% discount on the book here . Type the code Ellis for
the discount. The book qualifies for free shipping and handling.
Bill Knaus’ royalties from this book go directly to the Denan
Project charity. When you buy the book, you are helping yourself
by learning ways to live life fully, and you are helping bring
irrigation, crops, and health care to destitute areas of the world.

For more information on rational emotive behavior therapy, visit

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Albert Ellis’ official website .
Related posts:
"Freedom from Harmful, Negative, Thinking"
"Do This One Thing And Stop Procrastinating"
"Steps to Overcome Public Speaking Anxiety"
© Will Ross, 2014. All Rights Reserved.
ADVERTISEMENT
About the Author
Bill Knaus, Ed.D., is the author of more than 20

books; "Overcoming Procrastination" was co-
authored with Albert Ellis.
Online: Facebook

Read Next US
7 Hacks for Your Emotional Well-Being While Pregnant
How to Protect Yourself from Anger in an Age of Rage

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Tackling Procrastination: A Practical Counseling Approach
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Six CalmingTips for Parenting Teens

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12.05.

2021 13 T ps to Make Self-Help Therapy Work for You | Psychology Today

Find a Therapist (City or Zip)

Bill Knaus Ed.D.

13 Tips to Make Self-Help

"Since the start of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT),

Will Ross is the author of A Guide to Shameless Happiness . He

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sc ence-and-sens b l ty/201401/13-t ps-make-self-help-therapy-work-you 1/17

When Albert Ellis launched REBT, he simultaneously published

I learned about REBT about 25 years ago while working as the

In the process of using REBT and teaching it to others, I've

1. Start now and then practice every day.

Think of a problem you'd like to work on.

It can be a major problem or a trivial one.

Think about what you'd like to achieve with REBT.

2. Study your problem.

Focus on the feelings and actions you'd like to change.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sc ence-and-sens b l ty/201401/13-t ps-make-self-help-therapy-work-you 2/17

Don't try to solve the practical problem until you've ﬁxed

Look for unhelpful feelings and actions.

Don't try to change helpful feelings (even if they're

3. Study your feelings and actions.

What is the name of your unhelpful emotion (e.g., anxiety,

Ask yourself how you feel about the practical problem.

If your problem is behavioral (e.g., procrastination) look for

ARTICLE CONTINUES AFTER ADVERTISEMENT

Thin Layer Contactless Measure

Make a list of the beneﬁts of changing your unhelpful

4. Study the practical problem.

Think of a typical or recent example of the problem.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sc ence-and-sens b l ty/201401/13-t ps-make-self-help-therapy-work-you 3/17

What do you think might happen as a result of the problem?

Describe the practical problem in fewer than 25 words.

What Does "Self Help" Mean?

Find a therapist near me

Be precise (e.g., instead of "My boss is a jerk," say, "My boss

Focus on one practical problem at a time.

Can the practical problem be solved?

If it can be solved or changed, brainstorm ways to change it.

If it can't be changed, focus on learning to accept it.

Look for long-term solutions.

Don't try to feel good about situations you don't like.

5. Study secondary emotional problems.

Do you feel bad about feeling bad (e.g., embarrassed about

Does the secondary emotion interfere with your efforts to

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sc ence-and-sens b l ty/201401/13-t ps-make-self-help-therapy-work-you 4/17

If so, focus on changing the secondary emotion before you

SELF-HELP ESSENTIAL READS

7 Hacks for Your Emotional Well-Being While

Do Self-Help Books About Relationships Really

Make a list of reasons for working on the secondary problem

Look for unhelpful feelings about helpful feelings (e.g.,

Especially look for shame (it's a very common secondary

6. Remember: You feel the way you think.

If 1,000 people had your practical problem, would they all

ARTICLE CONTINUES AFTER ADVERTISEMENT

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sc ence-and-sens b l ty/201401/13-t ps-make-self-help-therapy-work-you 5/17

A = your practical problem.

B = your evaluative beliefs.

C = your emotional & behavioral reaction to A + B.

7. Look for and study your irrational beliefs.

What are you telling yourself about A to make yourself upset

What was going through your mind at A?