Inadequate Cover Letter

Your Task: Analyze the given cover letter and list at least eight weaknesses. Revise this letter and provide
an improved version.

To Whom It May Concern:

I saw your internship position yesterday and would like to apply right away. It would be so exiting to
work for your esteemed firm! An internship would really give me much needed real-world experience and
help my career.

I have all the qualifications you require in your add and more. I am a junior at Colorado State University-
Pueblo and an Accounting major (with a minor in Finance). Accounting and Finance are my passion and I
want to become a CPA and a financial advisor. I have taken Intermediate I and II and now work as a
financial advisor with Primerica Financial Services in Pueblo. I should also tell you that I was at Target
for four years. I learned a lot, but my heart is in accounting and finance.

I am a team player, a born leader, motivated, reliable, and I show excellent composure in stressful
situation, for example, when customers complain. I put myself through school and always carry at least
15 units while working part time.

You will probably agree that I am a good candidate for your internship position, which should start July
1. I feel that my motivation, passion, and strong people skills will serve your company well.

Sincerely,

List at least eight weaknesses.

1- Individuals name

2-Specific title (job title)

3- Intermediate

4- List the qualifications (list degrees certificates including courses seminars)

5- Many times use of pronoun

6- Lack of similarities

7- Lack of information (achievements or activities related to your job goal)

8- Capabilities and skills such as skilled competent trained experience and ability to Qualities and
interpersonal skills.

Revise the Letter:

Mohit

Phone number: +923123055055

Email ID: Mohit.vatwani99@gmail.com

Company: Deloitte

Address: 559 E Pikes Peak Avenue, Suite 301, Colorado Springs, CO 80903, United States

Dear Sir,

This is with reference to your posted internship on LinkedIn at your place. As very much motivated
devoted student with strong communication, time management, interpersonal skills and team work.it
would be so exciting to work for your esteemed firm. This internship would give me much required
certifiable experience to help me in the career.

I have all the required qualifications which are mentioned in your ads. I’m holding a position of junior at
Colorado State University-Pueblo and an accounting major in finance. I am passionate about accounting
and finance and see myself as CPA and financial advisor down the lane. I have taken intermediate one
and two work as a financial advisor with Primerica Financial Services in Pueblo.

I would like to add that I have also worked in home depot for four years. There I have got opportunity to
learn a lot of things. After achieving all the skill my heart is in accounting and finance.

I born as leader, reliable, motivated and can show excellent composure in stressful situation in case if
customers complain. Optimistically, I fulfil all the required qualifications for the internship position,
which will be filled on July 1. I promise you that my motivation, passion, and strong interpersonal skills
will serve your company well.

Sincerely yours,
Mohit Vatwani