Bad Choosers

By K.L. Casado
The tired clich� has rung throughout the halls of maternity wards and law
firms for
years. "The Battle of the Sexes" as it is called; the everlasting struggle for
supremacy
among men and women. However, in the wider scope of events, how easy one's life is
would ideally be more important than how supreme one is. Just ask Colin Powell or
maybe even a reincarnate Kurt Cobain. It does not matter much if you're the top
dog if
your a top dog with an uncomfortable life. Maybe the important conflict is not
which is
superior, but rather which gender proceeds through life more easily. The question
remains
then: Which?
It would be impossible here, given the talents of even this writer, to name a
clear
victor. Scholars and philosophers for years have attempted to do so, yet no gender
has
ever been definitely identified. However, the clear victor here should be the
female. From
start to finish, with a layover at child birth, women tend to live easier lives.
Men run the
government. Men go to war. Men encounter more obligation inside and out of the
family.
When looking at specific instances, life may equally challenge the two. Both
must
acquire food. It is noteworthy that men generally eat more than women. United
States
law mandates that both complete a certain amount of schooling. Both must toil
through
the identity crisis of adolescence, followed by the mid-life crisis of aging, and
lastly, the
mortality crisis in their elder years. There is a great possibility that both must
appropriate
wealth, provided they are not substinence farmers living in some foreign country
that does
not tax (In which case, the man would slave away in the fields from dusk until dawn
while
the woman would wash a dish, tie their eighteen ignorant children down to a chair
and
show them the beauty of using a hula-hoe). Men and women share many hardships
throughout the progression of their lives. However, men have generally
acknowledged
them and taken responsibility accordingly, while women have continually inflicted
even
more troubles upon themselves.
The familiar fancy of a fellow goes as follows: The man works, makes a
living to
support his family, provides food and shelter and accepts a position as the head of
the
family. A majority of jobs are not fulfilling. A man's existence at work is
scarcely a
spiritual uplift and ordinarily may be draining and exhausting. Even more
distressing is a
man's dependence on such, for bearing the responsibility for his naked family's
hunger
might be a bit disheartening. Exempting the guttedly-challenged, a man must also
assume
leadership of his home, governing and supervising the affairs therein (an action
necessary
as the dominant gender, but this topic shall be saved for a later time).
A man endures many calamities outside of family-lock as well. The natural
pursuant of companionship is the man. That is not to say that women do not do
their
own, voluntary, share, but who is typically the initial solicitor, delivers the
flowers and
eventually looked upon for a proposal? This aspect of male life is among the most
trying
of all. A man rarely finds emotional companionship here. He serves as his own
confidant
and council. He must deal with his significantly stronger sexual tendencies,
especially,
given today's society, in the workplace. In the working world, an aspiring young
man's
employment is most likely flushed down into the likes of McDonald's or High School
"Janitorial Administration." Although, one must acknowledge the glaring exception
of
those promoted to fry-boy or window washer.
In direct contrast to the dismal drudgery endured by the conventional male,
there is
the potential luxury of being a woman. It is stereotypically a woman's position,
while the
children go to school, to stay home, go shopping, watch television (including her
favorite
soap operas), and do whatever comes to mind the rest of the day. Theoretically, a
woman's day is complete and satisfying. Should she feel sheltered or isolated, she
is fully
welcome to venture out and about among society. Should she feel incomplete or
hollow,
she is wholly able to stay home and reinforce her roots and foundation. A woman
may
indulge herself at a local mall or in a gallon of ice cream. In contrast to men,
women are
known to find serenity in accessible material goods, such as a new blouse or fresh
shade of
lipstick. Men, on the other hand, want a Ferrari or they want to cry like a little
girl.
Women are more easily pleased. A woman's obligation to the household is minimal.
Thanks to modern conveniences, she no longer has to cook. Rather, dinner may be
defrosted. A couple of buttons need pushing and so ended is her daily onus.
Breakfast for
the kids? Pop Tarts and Nutri-Grains, maybe an egg if she feels generous. The
invention
of paper plates and plastic silverware (bare hands may be a bit barbaric and
uncleanly) has
put an end to washing dishes, given that whatever was defrosted did not come with
one.
The washer and dryer have reduced the laundering of garments from washboard and
suds
to dropping them into a basin and turning a knob. Furthermore, once the children
reach
five or six years of age, they can be expected to wash their own clothing. To
maintain a
sanitary environment, a woman might find an annual house cleaning necessary.
Before marriage, women can enjoy an accommodating and comfortable lifestyle.
If not, at least one which is more agreeable than that of men. At this stage, a
large
majority of women are approached and sought after for their young, attractive
bodies,
keen ability to defrost, and companionship (in no apparent order of importance).
Such
instances are undoubtedly flattering to women. Consequently, morale is
substantially
boosted. Those not routinely sought after, admittedly, may be paling in self-
esteem, but
remunerate their grievances by eating however much of whatever they so choose.
Women
are known to have considerably more intimate relations with friends, especially out
of
wedlock. Those individuals serve as emotional outlets, an opulence foreign to a
vast
majority of men. Not only does this explain man's extensive knowledge of beer, but
also
why women are more emotionally sound and content at this point. A female, contrary
once again to a male, has no trouble financially supporting herself in a
respectable manner
by recording telephone messages and brewing coffee, officiating senior citizen
shuffleboard competitions, or possibly exploiting men for their natural
inclinations at a
local entertainment tavern.
The facility of the woman's life trickles down from marriage and pre-marital
life all
the way to adolescence. Boys must endure the painstaking and humiliating
transition to
manhood. The male cannot hide his cracking speech or his sullied lip.
Undoubtedly, this
will be noticed and vocally editorialized at home. "Hey, look and listen, Mom!"
Father
will exclaim. "The boy's hit puberty!" Any man can attest to the wretchedness of
this
situation, or perhaps the time he forgot to lock the bathroom and his little sister
just had to
take a shower. He must also request shaving equipment, a guaranteed public
announcement, one that might as well be published in the classifieds. Females, on
the
other hand, are far more sheltered and protected at home. "Aw, look, honey,"
Mother will
sigh, "Your daughter is blooming (heaven forbid she receive the ever so viscious
"developing") into a beautiful, young lady." She asks, as discreetly as a Central
Intelligence operation, for an extra piece of clothing, a piece of cotton, and a
pill. No one
ever knows the difference.
School arises as an even more dire situation. For every boy except the
mutant
freak who was done in sixth grade, the junior high locker room is a merciless and
perverse
place. The heartless jokes there do not even meet appropriateness standards of
this paper.
Females do not fare quite as badly. Although I can not admit to any first hand
knowledge
of the junior high girls locker room, it is my understanding that as long as one
maintains
healthy and clean hygienic habits, they are not harassed, at least not to the
extent of those
across the gymnasium.
The troubles for women arise when they refuse to accept the comfortable
position
as people with easy lives and choose to complicate them. Many women choose to
assume
authority in their household. This is not necessary. The men, power hungry and
dictatorial when feasible, often can perform the task adequately themselves and
sometimes
have no problem accepting this duty. For many, there is no true need to work if
they are
married. An immeasurable amount of women choose to cook for their family,
routinely!
Some even proceed to prepare breakfast. In today's society, food is readily
purchased,
many times, for a price less than cooking. "Microwaveable Dinners, The Wave of the
Future!" the announcements read. They choose to make use of actual dishes. Sheer
foolishness! Microwaveable dinners come on disposable trays. No dishes, no mess,
no
nothing. Women choose to adopt the washing of their family's clothing as yet
another
unnecessary chore. As if clothing needed routine washing, they do not even force
their
children, grown-up or not, to do it themselves, further instilling ideals of
discipline in
them. Women are irresponsible in many of the choices they make.
Despite already thrusting hardships upon themselves, they decide to go
further.
Women routinely maintain the cleanliness of their house. The reason for doing so
confounds all laws of practicality. Dirty houses are more comfortable. Whenever
something is needed, one can look on the ground somewhere. It is done usually to
improve the parental image, whether that image be a guest's or their own. There
are few
guests, it would seem, who would be worth cleaning your house for. If one receives
more
respect for tidiness, the source of that respect needs to be very closely examined.
As far
as personal image goes, it would seem practical to base one's image of herself on
something maybe more significant than having one's clothes picked up and the dust
off
one's piano. The sentiment that women offer extraneous credence to self image and
thus
bring troubles upon themselves is further reflected with the habitual use of
cosmetics.
This is not necessary. Especially to household prone women, cosmetics are wasted
energy
and money. Unbetrothed women not applying cosmetics are not always avoided, but
rather pursued even more vehemently by men who find practicality attractive. Even
worse
is the state of mind dedicated cosmetic users put themselves in when unable to
apply them.
"I look like crap," they'll whine. Whose job is it to r