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Rachelle S. Martinez

Dr. A. Parks

HLTH 348: Healthy Aging

05 May, 2019

End of Life Activity: Death over Dinner

The activity that I picked for the End of Life Activity is the Death over Dinner interactive

dinner party designed around questions to ask during dinner. I was drawn mostly to this activity

out of the other options due to one factor: food. In my family, food and shared meals are the

historic centerpiece by which most family discussions are had and important issues regarding

the family and decisions are made. Last year, I participated in an end of life activity to complete

an Advanced Directive (AD) for my mother with an sample copy of text provided from Kaiser

Permanente. This was one of the final assignments that our class completed to become a well-

rounded healthcare worker for the Certified Nurse Aide (CNA) Course at Ventura College. The

discussion of Death of Dinner was much different, more relaxed and thought provoking versus

the black and white fill in the blank process of completing a thick questionnaire.

I first decided to plan the Dinner after reading more about the #DeathDinner movement

and reading through the information by first scrolling through the eye pleasing website to click

through to individualize the experience and conversational direction I wanted to take. The first

question addressed was “Who’s coming to Dinner?”. My #DeathDinner consisted of myself, my

3 daughters ages 10, 8, and 6 years old, and two of my caregiving coworkers. I decided that my

coworkers being invited was important since we have grown close to each other over the past 6

months from caring for the same clients through our parent agency. I feel that we do care for
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each other especially in the event that a client passes away since this is a part of our line of

work and our clients’ are mainly geriatrics in demographic. My co-workers and I are affected

when a client of ours passes away.

The next question addressed is … Your Intentions…I selected “I work in healthcare or

related field”. The next three slides that need to be completed pertain to the kind of media that

one will read/watch/listen to in order to be better prepared for the #DeathDinner discussion.

This is like homework for everyone to do on their own so that after coming together for the

actual dinner questions and comments can be addressed. Its like homework or preferred

reading before a lecture so that thoughts and integration of the lecture can be fully dissected

after a moment for self reflection and a “what this means to me” thought process can occur. If

it is the first time this area is discussed, then the second time, the time we have for dinner new

reflections can be expounded upon. The next slide offers a review and edit page to make sure

my selections contained were correct and lastly an area to send the email to review how the

dinner invitation looks.

After the dinner E- invitations were sent I planned the meal. Something hearty and filling

served with a wine that complements. I made my shepherd’s pie layers of my crockpot chuck

roast that was slow-cooked with onions, garlic and worcestershire sauce, green peas, and

cheesy mashed potatoes as the top layer. I also push leftover garlic bread into the casserole

dish so that when it is served the bread is the bottom layer and soaks up all the flavors. Also

served as an alternative main or a scrumptious side to the shepherd’s pie was Kraft Macaroni

and Cheese, the only thing I asked both coworkers to bring are a bottle of wine to share, since
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dessert was covered: Neapolitan ice cream. The meal prepared was prepared with comfort in

mind while the conversation was suspected to get real and uncomfortable.

The conversation starts with a prayer and a blessing and around the table we go. The

kids start when they remember their childhood friend Joie, 15, who was killed crossing a busy

street when my kids were just 5, 3 and my youngest just a one year old. He passed away on

Father’s day weekend. I remember my best friend’s mother who was like a my second mom

when I would come over to visit. After a troubled life and several attempts over the years, she

finally was successful at ending her life when she did not wake-up we were 25 years old. She

took too many pills that in the end stopped her heart. Those were just a couple of stories of

the people we admired and an acknowledgment to their deaths.

I did use the template provided to help script the setting and direction of things

discussed. I asked my co-workers what they felt was important towards the end of life and the

care that they wanted to be provided. I want to have my favorite foods and my favorite music,

my favorite shows and go through my favorite stories with those that I love. If I died tomorrow I

know that there are many things that I have not finished addressing but since dinner have

taking steps to address. I have made progress with the amends that I wish to make with

estranged family members and addressed who my children will be raised by in the event I am

not able to care for them. These are not simple answers to simple questions, they demand

careful thought and attention and I appreciate that I was able to hear from different members

of my family, coworkers, and children.