IELTS-planet writing

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors,
singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary
people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the news focus on finding information about the stars’s private lives and not having
various articles about people’s daily life. I think they should report more about the local community.

Firstly, it should be acknowledged that most of the famous people want the media to pay attention to
them, so they try to create an excess of scandals. In addition, the lack of viewers is the problem that
most newspaper stations are facing these days. Not having adequate views is a factor that many
newspapers or magazines have numerous articles about the stars such as actresses, singers,…
Furthermore, a large number of companies want to promote their products to the public, so they
come up with some marketing plans that the celebrities will show their items in many events and
having the media to come there and capture pictures by leaking the timetable. Needless to say, a lot
news about the celebrities have marginal effects to teenagers.

Secondly, the media should report more about ordinary people. People who have done the charity or
community work should be reported by the newspaper in order to encourage them, in addition, it will
have powerful effects to society. They may suggest, for example, that a fireman who rescues many
people from a burning building or a businessman who has raised money for charity should be
reported. After all, many celebrities do not actually do very much and some of them are only famous
because they are married to other famous people or they have too many scandals.

In conclusion, it is certainly true that the media focus too much on the stars. I hold a view that they
need to publish more newspapers or magazines having news about the ordinary people and what
have they done to the society. This will contribute to good behaviors for the young people and
encourage people to do more the positives activities for the community and the country.

Grade
Task Response 4-5 Focus more on understanding and answering question. Good
introduction and conclusion; however ,body paragraphs need
improvement
Cohesion and 4-5 Too many unnecessary long sentences.
Coherence
Vocabulary 4-5 Require improvement
Grammar 5 Again, unnecessary long sentences show that your grammar is weak.
Some grammar mistakes
Overall 4-5 Focus on answering the question. Learn to write topic sentence. you
cant score higher mark without them. Learn to write examples.

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