SEEDS OF LOVE

An Introduction to
The 5 Love Languages®

by Gary Chapman
 “Some
flourish in
one soil, but
struggle in another.
It’s the soil.”
I have always liked wildflowers.
There is something exciting about scattering
seed and waiting and watching to see what
comes up. However, through the years I
have sometimes been disappointed when
few seeds germinate. My friend George,
who has a “green thumb,” told me, “It’s the
soil.” With a question mark in my eyes, I said,
“I thought wildflowers grew everywhere.”
“They do,” he replied, “but some flourish
in one soil, but struggle in another. It’s the
soil,” he repeated.
As a marriage counselor, I discovered
that the same principle is true in
marriage. Take love, for example. I’ve
seen husbands expend great energy
and often lots of money to show their
wives how much they love them.
Then, they step back to see their
“love seeds” grow and produce a
smile. However, the wife doesn’t give
any evidence that a seed has been
planted. The problem? It’s the soil.
 One wife considers flowers a huge expression of
love, while another wife says, “Why did you spend
money on flowers? They will be dead in three days.”

Or, a wife may spend hours

cleaning the house and
is disappointed when
She was
her husband doesn’t
expecting accolades, even notice. She was
but all she received expecting accolades,
but all she received
was silence.
was silence.
The reality is that what makes one person feel loved
does not make another person feel loved. We tend
to think, “If I give it as an act of love, they will receive
it as an act of love.” That is a false assumption. This
explains why so many spouses are disappointed when
they plant seeds of love that never germinate.

“If
I give it as an
act of love, they will
receive it as an act of
love.” That is a false
assumption.
For many years, I have been helping couples discover
what makes their spouse feel loved. My research
indicates that there are five fundamental ways to
express love. I call them the five love languages. Or,
you might call them the five “love seeds.” When you
plant the right seed, or speak the right language, you
will see the smile and hear words of appreciation.
The key to seeing the flowers grow is to
plant the “love seeds” that will flourish in
the soil of your spouse’s heart; or, speak
the love language that really communicates
love to her/him. By nature, we tend to
speak our own love language. That is, we
do or say what we wish they would do or
say to us. We are sincere, but we are not
connecting emotionally because we are not
speaking their love language.
Hundreds of couples have sat in my office
and said, “I just don’t feel any love coming
from my spouse.” The spouse is often
defensive when they hear those words. One
husband said, “I don’t understand her. I do
everything I can to show her that I love her.
How can she sit there and say she doesn’t
feel loved?” I asked, “What do you do to
show your love to her?” He said, “Well, I
get home from work before she does, so I
start the evening meal. Sometimes, I have it
ready when she gets home. If not, then she
will help me. After we eat, I wash the dishes.
Every Thursday evening, I vacuum the floors,
and on Saturday I wash the car and mow the
grass. I also help her with the laundry.”
By this time, I am beginning to ask myself, “What does
this woman do?” It appeared to me that he was doing
everything. I looked back at her and she said, “He’s
right. He is a hard-working man. But, we don’t ever
talk. We haven’t talked in twenty years. He’s always
washing the dishes, mowing the grass, doing the
laundry; always doing something.” Do you understand
what is going on? A hard-working man
who is doing everything he can
think of to show his wife that
he loves her and a wife
Many
who doesn’t get it. Do you couples are
understand how we can
be sincere, and still miss
sincere, but are
each other emotionally? not planting the
I believe many couples
are sincere, but are not
right seeds.
planting the right seeds.
When we got married we were “in love.”
We had euphoric feelings of love for each
other. But, no one told us that the emotional
high has an average lifespan of two years.
So, we came down off the high and our
differences emerged, and we find ourselves
arguing. We say hurtful things that create
an emotional barrier between us. Now we
feel both unloved and hurt.
In marriages like this,
we may try to do or say
something positive, in
an effort to make things
better. However, it does not
seem to help. That is when
many couples give up
and move toward divorce.
Others just settle into a
working relationship. They
live as roommates in the
same house.
 “Our
My job as a counselor
has been to help
marriage is
couples learn how totally different now
to apologize and that we are keeping
forgive past failures, each other’s ‘love
and learn how to tank’ full.”
restore emotional
love by discovering and
speaking each other’s love
language. In the book: The 5 Love Languages®: The
Secret to Love That Lasts, I share the five fundamental
ways to express love. I help couples discover each
other’s primary love language and encourage them
to express love in a way that is meaningful to their
spouse. The results have been astounding. So many
couples have said, “This book saved our marriage.”
Others have said, “Our marriage is totally different now
that we are keeping each other’s ‘love tank’ full.”
2017 marks the 25th anniversary of the
publication of The 5 Love Languages®. The
book has sold more than eleven million copies
in English and has been translated into fifty
languages around the world. If you are one of
the millions who have read the book, I hope
you will celebrate with me by giving the book
to family members and friends. If you have
not yet read the book, I hope you will join the
millions who have. I believe it will enhance the
emotional climate in your marriage. I hope you
will see flowers blooming in the countenance
of your spouse because you planted the right
“love seeds” in the garden of their heart.
 S T R E N G T H E N I N G M I L L I O N S O F R E L AT I O N S H I P S . . .

one language at a time.

About Gary Chapman Gary Chapman—author, speaker, and counselor—

has a passion for people and for helping them
form lasting relationships. He is the bestselling
author of the The 5 Love Languages® series and
director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants,
Inc. Gary travels the world presenting seminars on
marriage, family, and relationships, and his radio
programs air on more than 400 stations.

NEW YORK TIMES

BESTSELLER
every week for
over eight years
For more insight and suggestions related to cultivating the
emotional climate of your marriage, read The 5 Love Languages®,
and The 5 Love Languages® for Men by Dr. Gary Chapman.

www.5lovelanguages.com

I T E M C O D E : S E E D S - B K LT