THE TRANSSEXUAL VOICE

OCTOBER 1992 $3.00

WHAT WOULD YOU DO

if your (or a) doctor made sexual advances towards you? It

is not unheard of. It happened to me in the sixties when I
was going through the state vocational rehabilitation
department. I was sent to a psychiatrist for an evaluation.
This evaluation was, of course, most important to me and I
wasn't about to do anything to jeopardize it. Though I did
resist, I did nothing about it. Probably because I thought
no one would believe me; after all, I was the sick one and
he was a professional chosen by a state official to evaluate
me.
What did he do? He tried to kiss me on one occasion; his
explanation "I wanted to see what you would do" and another
time he tried to burn me with a cigarette - explanation; 11 I
wanted to see if you would take up for yourself".
I never told the state official about these incidents and
when he received the psychiatrist's evaluation that I was
capable of making up my own mind, he told me I could receive
no aid from the state.
A few years later, I spoke with a pre-op transsexual by
phone who also been sent to the same psychiatrist. She
cooperated thinking it would be to her advantage. I don't
remember all the details; one thing I do remember, she said
he made nude photos of her.
I never heard his name again until two years ago. One of
his patients (not a transsexual) had brought charges against
him. The therapy he recommended was an ongoing sexual
relationship. I don't know the outcome but, I suspect his
practice was ruined because of the media attention.
Thinking about it now, I still don't think it would have
been to my advantage to tell the VR counselor or anyone else
at the time. What would you have done?
Have you had a similar experience? Will you tell us about
it?

ONF LAST THING - Lets resume with the cover photos. Will.
you send yours along with a one paragraph or one page
biography? Also, some inside before and after photos. If
you don't send me yours, you'll have to look at mine in the
December issue.
Dear Phoebe;
Probably one of the trickest problems which all transsexuals
face is the approbation of parents. I too have met with
stiff resistance in this area. Indeed the problem came to a
head when I received a birthday card addressed to a person
who no longer exists.
To add insult to injury, the card came with an apology from
my mother stating "sorry about the address, but dad made
me".
It was clear that this was not going to be a situation which
either of us could tolerate for long. What follows is my
(slightly altered, to make it generic) letter of reply to my
father (and mother).
Dear Mom & Dad:
I realize that this letter is probably long overdue and that
I should have handled this entire matter in a different and
perhaps better fashion. Please understand that the only
thing that I regret about this whoe change in myself is the
pain and suffering which it inevitably brings to others.
Still I can only muddle along as it is given to me to see.
This is not a new problem to me. I have been dealing with
this problem in one fashion or another for about 40 of my so
years. Hiding what I feel and leading the life everyone
else expected me to lead. There has not been one single day
th~t I was not consciously aware that I had this life wrong.
Still the pressure to 'live up to expectations' is enormous.
My story is so common it could be told by virtually every
th7rapist (who deals with Transsexuals (TSs'). We have all
tried .to get by for today, do the appropriate thing, marry,
have kids and fake happiness. All the while, our very.core,
the center of who we are and what we are, remained hidden.
I (we) all know that it is there, but dare not unlock that
door in our psyche, out of fear. For if we are ever really
h?nest with ourselves, how could we handle continuing to
live the lie.
One day, something happens. we simply ~annot handle the
ove:load and we decide to be honest. we look for the truth
behind . the .door and are hit by a tidal wave. The
proverbial genie is out of the bottle (or if you prefer, the
toothpaste is out of the tube) I don't know how one goes
~~~~~ 'undisc?vering' the truth. The truth (at least this
was ) once.discovered, must be acted upon in one of two
Y h You will never meet a TS who either has not attempted
7~efo~: a 0 serious Plan for suicide, for that is plan 'B'·
that. ri ~ ask,.no I.am not suicidal, I am too strong for
the weak 16 axiomatic that you only meet strong TSs, for
only othe~nes ~~e al~ in a bridge abutment somewhere.) The
lifelon co op.ion .1s to move forward and resolve.the
('Cures? nflict in the only way known, transformation.
KNOWN case:r~fout of the question, there are virtually NO
cures.)
_,_
Last September, I· could no longer live with the 'not
knowing' of what lay behind the door, I sought answers. I
found answers. On that day (October 4, 1991, I realized
fully that it was likely that I would have to pay a very
dear price for this truth. I agreed to the probability that
I would lose all contact with everyone I had ever known; no
exceptions. I agreed to pay that price, if I could have
peace of mind and could accept my own body for the first
time in 50 years.

Well I am largely at peace with myself, (would be better if

I could find a job), and beginning to like myself. It is a
great feeling, I am sory others cannot share this joy with
me. (Know this, I once remarked to my psychiatrist that
'you have either lived this, or you haven't the first idea
of what it is about'. He instantly agreed with me.) We may
conclude therefore that if a professional in the field (who
has taken over a dozen women through this ordeal) has
difficultly understanding the depth of this emotion, a
casual acquaintance or friend or even family member in all
likelihood has no chance whatsoever of truly understanding
this.
That does not, however, preclude being understanding. The
only thing we (I) ask or can ask is that another person
accept (not approve) what we are doing as necessary in our
lives. I am not, nor have I ever been gay (although there
has been a change-over time where perhaps purists argue that
the distinctions were blurred).
I have now had my name legally changed. The state has
agreed that my name should henceforth be: Jane Francis Doe.
This is now reflected in drivers license, social security
card, credit card, and checking account. I have begun the
application process for a 'vacation in Belgium (with my
psychiatrist's blessing).
I deeply regret bringing this sorrow and burden to you, if
either of you find that this too much to handle, I will
understand. After all it was part of the original bargain
which I made with myself, and I stand ready to pay the
price. My daughter and son-in-law have extracted that price
and removed my granddaughter too. Some friends have
remained (near but not too close), some have chosen to
'depart'. There have been some happy surprises too.
It is difficult to explain that finally having a 40 year
inner conflict of this magnitude resolved - for all the rest
of my time, is fully worth ANY PRICE.

-3-
sorry again, I do realize that this has not been easy for
anyone else either. Nothing will change the course of what
will now happen next. Everyone I know, everyone I have.ever
known, can either accept (not approve or understand) this as
best they can or not deal with me, it is as simple as that.
We all pay an extremely high price in this TS community, but
we have also found that the price is lower than the one we
have paid (in my case for 40 years), and therefore accept
the terms of the bargain.
With Love;
Jane
(This letter took about two weeks to garner a response, but
my father did call and ask to speak with Jane. One small
success.
I have had requests for copies of this letter and do freely
share it. I hereby place the contents of this letter in the
public domain for individual use. Anyone is free to copy
any part or all for their personal use. Republication is
still restricted to written permission only.
I sincerely hope that other TS's will find some nugget of
information useful here.)

Dear Phoebe;
Here is the letter I sent to my family to inform them about
my sex-change. Maybe it will help some other female-to-male
or. male-to-female transsexuals write to their families.
This was very difficult for me taking me four months to
organize and write the letter. Thurin

Dear ~~~~--

It has been a long while since we have connected information

about how we are all doing. I have survived my first year
of Graduate School. I really liked it, but man was it a lot
of work. I got (to my surprise) a second scholarship to
continue my.education at u. My duties are to assist my
Employer, Dick Skeen in teaching his class of 230 students
and assist Prof. Karen Pugliesi in her class. I will also
be doing my internship at u. This is quite an honor,
for most graduate students must go to a nearby Jr. College
to teach or go to a job site to work.

-4-
Living in has healed me and has allowed me to
come out of the hiding place I was in. I am in a place
where I can be free as WHO I really am inside. For the last
year and a half I have been on male hormones. First was the
Prednisone, (to aid my arthritis pain and to stop my
menstral periods) and for the last three months I have been
on Testosterone. I have been living as a male for the whole
time I have been here (almost 11 months) and legally changed
my name to my male name. I finally have enough guts and
courage to match my insides with my outsides. You two have
always had a BROTHER not a SISTER. Yes, I am male.
Now, to not confuse this issue about me, I am in
Psychological and Psychiatric Evaluations with doctors here
and in Phoenix. My surgeon is here in I have
always wondered what was wrong with me and now I know. I
am a female-to-male (FTM) Transsexual, and I am a candidate
for Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS).
You might ask, what about marrying Mike? I had hoped that
my insides would adapt to be female by marrying a man, but
what really occurred was I betrayed myself and my
unhappiness increased to the point of hurting myself
physically. Mike knew about me and thought he could change
my mind about my real gender (male) to female. DIDN'T WORK.
Luckily, we divorced in good spirits. Yes I have paid a
high price for denial of my true gender (male).
Mother knows. It was very hard to inform her but she took
the news about me very well. I have changed physically
quite a bit. I have grown a mustache and sideburns and have
short hair. I weigh 140-150 lbs. and am strong and
healthy. My voice has lowered quite a bit also. I am very
sincere and happy about my body change that is developing.
The best part of this process is I don't have to hide my
sexuality anymore. I am NOT GAY, just MALE. I have a
girlfriend. We have been toqether for almost eight months.
We are planning a life together.
Val, I don't know exactly bow to inform the children that I
really am an UNCLE to them. I am not a crazy person, and I
am NOT dangerous - I am just your younger brother.
If either of you have any questions, just ask. I have
NOTHING to hide anymore.
Love to you both

Your BROTHER

-5-
Dear Phoebe,

Two letters you recently published caught my eye. The first

was written by Sarah. In it she voices her frustration ~t
being forced to live full time in the true gender, as this
would be a professional and financial disaster.
The second letter was written by Elizabeth. She was
perfectly happy to be "himu by choice during off ice hours
and "her" at all other appropriate times. Elizabeth does
not aspire to surgery while Sarah does.
I can quite clearly see the frustration Sarah is
experiencing. I am a highly educated professional with a
post-doctoral degree. I am in substantial debt. I
fantas~e about having my surgery, running away and living
happily ever after. This is not reality. I am totally
dependent upon my "clients". If I came to my office as
"her" I would be ruined. I personally must function as
"him" until I am out of debt. It pains me daily to go
through life as I do, but this is reality. In this regard,
I must agree with Sarah and Elizabeth. They are both aware
of the reality of having to function at a high level in a
professional setting. The three of us are completely
dependant upon our clientelle for our livelihood. Sarah and
I both must have surgery; Elizabeth does not want surgery.
Sarah nor I can afford the surgery right now. If we could
both afford to lose our business today, I have no doubt that
we both would show up to work tomorrow as women.
I do not feel it is necessary to dress in a distinct female
manner twenty four hours a day in order to prove to a
surgeon my need for the anatonical change. I get comfort
and satisfaction being "her" away from the office. However,
in my profession, I must be "him". I must continue to be a
him until I am out of debt and can afford to start my
profession from scratch as a "cross-dresser"; then an
anatomical woman. This is reality. Melissa.

(Thanks Mellisa; though my job was not at a high level on my

job before surgery, I can identify with your thoughts and
feelings. If I could have been sure then that it would
really happen for me (SRS) I would have done some things
differently - i.e. EDUCATION. Phoebe)

-6-
Dear Phoebe;
I. would like t~ read more first-hand stories of sex change,
life . after, the pain, the humor, the joy of being female,
waiting in long lines to use the ladies room in public
places. was it worth it? I'll bet yes!
I also would like to see more pictures of transsexuals
(before and after), including yours. Bill.
(Bill, a few years back we had cover photos of very
attractive ladies; we can.do it again.)
Dear Phoebe,
I like specifics - changeover stories, useful providers,
names and addresses.
I sure would like a "Buddy" who's done it, or is doing it as
I am. If only there was a TS support group
nearby ••• (Chicago North suburbs). Surely in the Chicago
area there must be many TS's in various stages of
transition. The only group I know of is mainly devoted to
TV's. Referrals to individuals doesn't happen for obvious
and appropriate reasons of privacy. The result, however, is
isolation for me.
June 1992 isue was great. I'm not unlike "Brenda" in the
lead article, but Sarah Seton's 11Miriam11 is more like my
psychological make-up (wallflower, "introvert" ••• yeah).
I was living in Portsmouth N.H. at the time Sarah Luis was
having her difficulties with insurance. Although I never
met her an article in the Portsmouth Press about Sarah was
the catalysis for my decision to seek gender reassignment.
The article was long, symp~thetic, open-minded and made the
whole thing seem possible in a wholesome, constructive sort
of way. ·That was over 3 years ago. I changed my wardrobe
and name and 11 got to work" in the fall of 1989 - full-time
since Thanksgiving weekend that year.
My favorite published accout - CONUNDRUM by Jan Morris.
Any suggestions? Leah.
(Leah, hopefully someone in the Chicago area will respond.
They can send it to me and I will forward to you. Thanks
for sharing; maybe it wi11 inspire someone else to do the
same.)

-7-
 CONNECTIONS

THE CONNECTION SECTION WILL BE USED TO LOCATE PEO.J?LE (OTHER THAN

FOR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS) SUCH AS ROOMMATES, BIG SISTER/BIG·
BROTHER, JOBS WANTED; ETC. ALSO, IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE A BIG
SISTER OR BROTHER(I'M GOING TO FIND A BETTER WORD FOR THIS ONE),
THIS IS THE PLACE TO OFFER YOUR FRIENDSHIP. IF YOU ARE IN A
POSITION TO HIRE A TRANSSEXUAL POST-OP OR PRE-OP, PLEASE, PLEASE
LET IT BE KNOWN.
THERE IS NO CHARGE FOR THIS COMMUNICATION, BUT PLEASE DO INCLUDE
S.A.S.E. FOR MAIL THAT IS TO BE FORWARDED.

ROOMMATE WANTED - ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT, CAN.CONVERT LIVING ROOM

INTO BEDROOM. WALL-TO-WALL CARPET, AIR CONDITIONED, FULLY
EQUIPPED KITCHEN AND POOL. .CALL SHELBY (513) 293-7926.
NEED ROOMMATE IN ORDER TO RELOCATE AND GO FULLTIME. CONTACT:
KIM, P. O. BOX 564, LAKE CITY, s.c. 29560.
SOUTHERN TRANSSEXUAL PRE-OP SEEKING FINANCIAL HELP AND SUPPORT.
HELP RELEASE THIS WOMAN WITHIN ME. CONTACT LINDSEY SAPP, ROUTE
1, BOX 50, MIDVILLE, GA. 30441.
I AM LOOKING FOR A FRIEND OF MINE NAMED SARAH LUIZ. I LAST HEARD
FROM HER IN NOVEMBER 1990, AND THE LAST KNOWN ADDRESS I HAVE IN
MY FILE IS A NORTHWOOD, NH ADDRESS. ANY INFORMATION IS WELCOME.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE. WRITE TO: ERIC BUENEMAN, 4866 OLDE MILL
DRIVE, MARIETTA, GA. 30066-1159.
ROOMMATE WANTED GAY MALE (TRANSSEXUAL INCLINATIONS IN
REMISSION) WITH FOUR CATS, HAS EXTRA 'BEDROOM IN TWO FLOOR
APARTMENT IN NEW BRUNSWICK, NEW JERSEY; $350.00/MONTH, PLUS ONE-
HALF UTILITIES - NEGOTIABLE IN EXCHANGE FOR LIGHT HOUSEWORK.
WILL BE HELPFUL, SuPPORTIVE, AND SENSITIVE TO SPECIAL PROBLEMS
AND NEEDS OF TRANSSEXUAL. ANGEL, (908)249-8027.

--------------------------------~--------------------------------
I think this is the first issue of TSV that has not included at
least one personal listing (ad). could it be that everyone has
someone - BUT ME?

-8-
 August 26, 1992
Womyn For Womyn
584 Castro, suite 288
San Francisco, CA 94114

Boston- (508)386-7737
San Francisco - (415)863-6717

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Walhalla, MI - Womyn attending the 17th annual Michigan Womyn's

Music Festival(MWMF) were challenged to think about a subject some had
never considered before, and they rose to the occasion beautifully. The issue
was gender: whether transsexuals should be excluded from the Festival, how
to enforce such a policy, and who decides. "I was impressed: festigoers were
willing to give this matter serious thought, to share their confusion and their
feelings about it, and to be educated about transsexualism," said Janis
Walworth, one of several womyn at the Festival trying to promote discussion
about the policy that excludes non "womyn-born-womyn".
Many womyn were shocked to leam that Nancy Burkholder, a trans-
sexual womon, had been expelled from MWMF last summer for no reason
other than suspicion of being a transsexual. Burkholder, who had had male-
to-female genital surgery eight years earlier, participated in the awareness
effort at this year's Festival by contributing her account of the incident and an
open letter to Festival producers. Burkholder says she would not have
attended last year or in 1990 (which she attended without incident) had she
known aboµt the antitranssexual policy, and she did not come this year.
Popular among festigoers this year were buttons from Womyn For
Womyn, a California-based group, which queried, "Where's Nancy?"
Walworth, a friend of Nancy's, offered two. workshops to discuss the Festival
policy; two other workshops on similar topics were offered by two other
womyn.
Walworth said, "I'm concerned not only with the question of whether
transsexual womyn should be officially i!1cl':1ded at Michigan but also with
the nature of the Festival polic~. The policy is vagu~. It doesn ~spell ou!, .
1

exactly who is excluded and it is not stated clearly m Festival literature. This
year, for the first time, the Festival brochure stated in fine print that, "MWMF
is a gathering of mothers and daughters !or all w~~yn born womyn." '1
discussed this statement with many Festival participants, and there were
several interpretations of it," said Walworth. Some womyn thought it
referred to the fact that they were born of womyn-their mothers. Others felt,
as Simone de Beauvoir put it, "One is not born a woman, one becomes one."
Many male-to-female transsexuals consider themselves womyn-bom womyn
because they have felt female from birth·

-9-
 A survey done at this year's Festival revealed that womyn on bot~
sides of the transsexual inclusion question want a clear statement of Festival
policy to be promulgated and uniformly enforced. Transsexuals like
Burkholder have a right to know what the policy is before traveling hundreds
of miles to the Festival. All attendees have a right to know what policies they
are supporting by coming to MWMF.
The survey, filled out by 633 of the approximately 7500 participants in
·this year's Festival, showed that an overwhelming 73% favor the inclusion of
male-to-female transsexuals after they have had surgery. Inclusion was
opposed by 23%. 4% were undecided. "These results must be taken in con-
text," says Walworth. "This was certainly not a random sample. Many
womyn who favor transsexual inclusion did not come to the Festival this
year in a gesture of protest. On the other hand, some womyn against
inclusion may have been reluctant to fill out surveys." Efforts are currently
. underway to sample opinion in the womyn's community outside MWMF.
An independent petition circulated at the Festival to change Festival policy to
include transsexual womyn without penises collected 200 signatures.
Davina Anne Gabriel, a male-to-female transsexual who underwent
sex reassignment surgery in 1978, attended the Festival this year despite the
antitranssexual policy. Asked if she thought her presence there was disre-
spectful of womyn-only space, Gabriel replied, '1 feel that as a womon I be-
long here." She also quoted Alix Dobkin as saying in her workshop on Issues
in Lesbian Community, '1t's the responsibility of each of us to make a place
for ourselves in the community. We have to show up and say, 1'm here-deal
with me.' You declare yourself a part and you are a part, and the only way to
do that is to keep coming back."
"Another problem with the Festival policy is that it is impossible to
enforce fairly," says Walworth. "There is no sure way to tell a transsexual
from a nontranssexual woman, except through medical records. In fact, a
nontranssexual woman can't prove she's not a transsexual without undergo-
ing expensive medical tests!" Unfortunately, MWMF producers have failed to
provide guidelines for the enforcement of this policy, apparently leaving it up
to individual security womyn. One woman doing a shift as a security worker
asked her supervisor what to do if sh~ saw a transsexual and was told, "You
~ould ~o whatever you want, actually." Her comment to this reporter was,
. Se~nty ~ds ~ren't breing given any direction on what to do. It's ~II up to
mdiVIdual discretion. That's my impression from working as a security
guard." When Gabriel revealed herself to be a transsexual at a workshop on
Sunday, a security worker who was there told her, ''I wouldn't be comfortable
throwing you out." Gabriel had been participating in the festival since
Wednesday without incident. Despite publicly coming out twice on Sunday,
Cabriel was not ejected.

-10-
 A survey question about how MWMF security should determine who
is transsexual elicited a range of responses: interviews, questionnaires, medi-
cal certificates, genetic tests, drivers' licenses, genital inspections, a friend's
voucher, intuition, and just asking. The sentiment of many was summed up
by a woman who wrote, "Hell if I know." Most survey respondents, however,
felt it was unnecessary to make a distinction between transsexual and non-
transsexual womyn because they favored transsexual inclusion.
Walworth also expressed concern about the process by which policies
are made at the Festival, which she says has not been made clear to festigoers.
"Are decisions made in dictatorial fashion by Festival producers? Are policies
the result of consensus among Festival workers? Does the opinion of
participants influence policy? Who decides what procedure is followed for
each policy?"
Even allowing for a margin of error, survey results strongly suggest
that the majority of MWMF participants favor the inclusion of male-to-fe-
male transsexuals after surgery. 'My sense is that most womyn would be
1

comfortable with a no-penis policy (except for young boys)," says Walworth.
11
Such a policy can be clearly stated and is amenable to uniform enforcement/1
1
1Jt will be interesting to see whether Festival producers will be responsive to
these findings," says Burkholder, who has had difficulty engaging MWMF
organizers in discussion about her expulsion last summer.
From the Night Stage, Toshi Reagon stated, 1ust because we talked
1

about something ten years ago or twelve years ago or fifteen years ago does
not mean that we're supposed to quit talking about it now. If the issue keeps
coming up, it means that it's not settled, and we have to keep discussing the
issue." This is one issue that is certainly not settled. Womyn from all across
the country were moved to write literature, offer workshops, make buttons,
collect surveys, and contribute in many other ways to the effort to enhance
awareness about transsexuals and Festival policy. Says Walworth, ''Womyn
on both sides of the inclusion question thanked us for focusing attention on
the issue and for promoting meaningful discussion about it."
Reprints of literature disseminated at the Festival, including the com-
plete set of 24 Gender Myths, can be obtained by writing to Janis Walworth,
PO Box 52, Ashby, MA 01431. Also available are survey forms that can be
completed and returned. A more complete report of the survey results ob-
tained at MWMF will be available soon.

MEDICAL QUESTIONS
Don~t forget to send your medical questions, related to transsex-
ual issues, to Dr. Leo Wollman, in care of The 'Il'anssexual
Voice.

-11-
Program In Human Sexuality
Fiiffiiif.~· ~~~Sf.lfSt180JW(i~-~

Phone: (612) 625-1500

Fax: (612) 626-8311

Transgender HIV/AIDS
Prevention Program

In collaboration with the City of ~es Crossgender Community, the. Minnesota Freedom of
Gender Expression, the Minnesota Aids Project, and the Aliveness Project, the Program in
Human Sexuality offers an lllV/AIDS education-prevention program for crossdressing,
transgender and transsexual persons and their partners. ·

Three 4-hour workshops on Saturday afternoons will provide information, explore sexual
attitudes and values, and address safer sex and risk reduction in IV drug use. Opportunities will
be offered to practice sexual negotiation skills and condom use, all in the context of transgender
living. ·

All of the workshops will be offered free of charge.

The workshops will be held on:

OCT 10, DEC 5, 1992 AND FEB 6, 1993

12:30 - 5:00 PM
at
THE PROGRAM IN HUMAN SEXUALITY
1300 SOUTH 2ND STREET - SUITE 180
MINNEAPOLIS

For information or to register please call Anne-Marie Moore at

(612) 625-1500.

This program is funded by a grant from the American Foundation for AIDS Research
-l2-
 The Adventures of Miriam: A Gothic Tale of Horror

Copyright 1991 by Sarah Seton, M>D>

(Continued from August 1992 Issue)

As you recall, Miriam dutifully wore her stent dialator for

many ~ears. At about nine years post-op, her vagina became
stenotic in spite of the dialator. Vaginal stenosis is the
inevitable outcome of the penile-inversion technique using
split-thickness skin grafts. The operative words are the
skin graft. Many transsexuals use estrogen for years prior
to conversion surgery and this reduces the size of the male
genitals employed as donor tissue; consequently, in order to
establish adequate vaginal depth, skin grafts from the thigh
are taken for the neovagina. Unfortunately, the body looks
at this tissue as a scar which must contract to the
smallest possible area. Because Miriam had small male-
genitals to begin with, she was especially liable to this
complication.
Contraction started deep within the fundus of the vaginia.
She began to get severe abdominal cramps when dialatinq;
when the stent was out, she found blood spotting her pads.
Her gynecologist, Dr. Spore, examined her pelvis· and
found granulation tissue. The stent was creating pressure
sores similar to the decubitus ulcers bed-ridden patients
get. Furthermore, the infrequent coitus Miriam engaged in
became very painful and dyspareunia forced her to give up on
sex altogether.
Once again, Miriam appealed to her famous SRS surgeon, Dr.
Bolls, who helped her many years earlier. After eleven
years, Miriam was fed up with wearing the stent and wanted
the Rolls-Royce of vaginas, the rectosigmoid transfer. or.
~olls assured her that after six weeks of post-surgical
stent dialation, she would be stent-free for the rest of her
life. What the famous SRS surgeon didn't tell her was that
the squamo-columnar junction at the anastomosis of the
rectosiqmoid pedicle and the vulva was prone to stricture.
Miriam's surgery went well and she was up and about after
eight hospital days and two weeks convalescence. She was
very happy with the results. Depth was excellent and
secretions trickled off to zero. After six weeks of
dialation, Miriam tapered off but found her introitus
growing tight pari passu. or. Bolls told her it was just
vaginismus, involuntary spasm of the pelvic muscles. She
went to or. spore who tested her for vaginismus and
concluded she had a stricture on the pubo-coccygeus muscle.
Dr. Bolls was sceptical but told her she would have to
dialate three times per week indefinitely. In the meantime,
dialation had become so painful to her that Miriam was
unable to comply. Dr. Bolls nevertheless said he would
evaluate her in six-months and determine whether she would
need yet another operation to widen the introitus. He
planned on usinq a Huanq z-plasty flap on her remaining
labia (the riqht labia was used up in the rectosigmoid
operation).
-13-
Miriam is a font of infinite patience and tolerance for
abuse but this was beyond belief. Unsat~sfied, s~e
currently is regotiating with a female gynecologist/plastic
surgeon, an expert in vulval reconstruction, outside the
"Transsexual Empire."
If all of this horror were not enough, Miriam's latest
routine mammogram showed a 3 centimeter dysplastic mass in
her right breast (upper-outer quadrant). Coned down views
confirmed the mass and Miriam was recentlhy sent for a
lumpectomy. The surgical pathologist reported fibrocystic
disease, a benign dysplasia which does not usually lead to
carcinoma. Miriam is at risk for breast cancer because her
mother died of metastatic breast cancer several years ago •.
Also, she is quite possibly a Klinefelter's mosaic.
Fianlly, she has been exposed to approximately 1100
milligram-months of estrogen and 385 milligram-months of
progesterone over ninteen years. These are all risks.
Miriam's most devout wish has always been to be a complete
woman and be free of the curse of transsexualism. Her final
triumph may be to die eventually of a female disease.
Commentary

I thnk we can all agree that Miriam's is a tragic story of a

gifted person of essentially sound body and mind entrapped
in a life-long struggle for wholeness. My colleagues may
point out an element of self-punishment in Miriam's poly-
surgical adventures. Yet by what criteria do we judge· this?
Does a patient who requires repeated coronary artery bypass
surgeries seek self-punishment? What about a horribly
burned child who must endure interminable -- sometimes
heroi~ -- reconstuctive palstic surgeries before he is able
to live some semblances of a normal life? or the victim of
genetic error who needs extensive skeletal reconstruction?
Are these patients seeking self-punishment? clearly not.
They all have our sympathy and compassion because they are
not whole people like ourselves and we wish to make them
whole. In Judea-Christian medicine we have a mission to
make people whole. And yet how is Miriam different? ·Her
wholeness involved having a female body which corresponds to
the .fe~al~ brain with which she was gifted. She is not
narcissistic in demanding this. There is no difference
between Miriam's desire for wholeness and somebody else's
except that one is socially sanctioned and the other is not.
There is clearly a double standard here: Miriam is
"different" somehow from the rest of us "normals" and
deserving of much less consideration.

-14-
Miriam illustrates the extremes that an intelligent
transsexual will go to become whole -- to make it right.
The reassignment was liberating and fulfilling to her; her
IQ went up 45 points and she achieved more in work and love
than she ever had before the reassignment. Yet Miriam
suffers today from post traumatic stress disorder as a
result of her odyssey. considering her behavior in the
context of professionally unrecognized gender-identity
disorder of childhood, adult transsexualism and intercurrent
situationally driven affective disorder, Miriam did what
anyone would have done in order to survive. As a
marginalized citizen, she was misunderstood neglected and
even persecuted for being different. Instead of asking why
she is punishing herself, which seems to assume there must
be something wrong with her, it is more apprapos to ask the
question "Why is all this suffering necessary in the first
place?" without putting blame or guilt on anybody.
How do we minimize this needless suffering? I will briefly
assay a few of the issues before I close. There are no
simple answers to this question and no one person has the
answer themselves. The answer lies within yourself and
between ourselves.

(This article will conclude in the December 1992 issue.)

The Transs.exual Voice

Mall Addfe88:
PbQebC SmWl
P.O. Bal 16314
Alfallta, GA 30321

SINCE 1981, THE LEADING l'UBUCATION DEDICATED

TO THE NEEDS OF THB TRANSSEXUAL. _
One year sumcription - $18.00; Siogle issue - $3.00.
Mate chcCt payable to Phoebe Smilb.

Name~~~~------------------~--~--------­
Addr~s•~~~~~----------------~------------
City_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.State_Zip_ __

eoc-;p;,.--- ·-----------------~-~·--~--~------i
--
-15-'
 THE XX (TWENTY) CLUB, INC.
CORDIALLY INVITES YOU TO A PRESENTATION BY YVON MENARD, M.D .
THIS PRESENTATION WILL BE HELD ON STAURDAY, NOVEMBER 2 8,
1992 AT 2:00 PM AT CHRIST CHURCH CATHEDRAL, HARTFORD
CONNECTICUT

ALL PERSONS WITH AN INTEREST IN THE SUBJECTS OF GENDER.

DYSPHORIA AND SEXUAL REASSIGNMENT SURGERY ARE INVITED TO
ATTEND.

7th Annual
· Why You Must Come to.'
the Coming Together ·
·(

BUILDING A BETTER
WORLD IN WHICH TO LIVE
When you register, you become an im-
portant participant in our future. Your
attendance is vital to our convention's
success.

WHEN YOU ATTEND

You will have the opportunity to meet
learn from, and share insights with th~
PRESENTING I.F.G .E.'s Seventh Annual
leaders and members of our community
from around the world. You will have the
chance to learn, and to grow, and to be COMING TOGETHER - )
yourself in an atmosphere of pride WORKING TOGETHER'
dignity,and joy. ' CONVENTION

Your attendance is wanted!

Your attendance is needed! Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
And, you will have fun!! March 14th - 21st, 1993
SPONSOR:
The IJ!J,e.m ational Foundation for
Coming Together - Gender Education
Working Together P.O . Box 367, Wayland, MA 01778

Convention HOSTS:
P.O. Box 367 The Renaissance Education
Wayland, MA 01778 Association, Inc.
(617) 899-2212 P.O. Box 552, King of Prussia, PA 19406

ll•@&100+1ei@mm11ss•emg 1 - 16 -