Angel Puppo

Book Review of Everyday Conflict

Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson write an excellent guide on dealing with everyday

conflicts biblically. With this book, we quickly realized that everyday conflict is not a problem

but an opportunity to strengthen our relationships with friends, family, coworkers, fellow

believers, and even strangers. Indeed we can honor God in any situation, and sometimes conflicts

are even the most significant opportunities to preach the gospel with our words and actions.

Main points

The book begins with a significant picture that we sometimes pass too quickly or only

apply to gossip. James 4:1-2 the fire that our passions cause. It is essential to realize that we do

not live for our passions anymore. We were called by another lord, free from the bondage of sin,

to live by the spirit. With this picture, the authors make three critical points. People want

different things, and usually, this is the spark that starts the conflict. Secondly, as our passions,

pride, self-love, wrong expectations of how we should be treated is the gasoline of the conflict,

and as gasoline from both sides is poured out, the conflict increases. As we fail to respond in

honoring way, then we fall into destruction. Fire would never burn out with more fire; our holy

response can solve the conflict. "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up

anger." (Proverbs 15)

When conflict arises, three responses can naturally come and are explained by the

authors. Escape responses; in here, we either flight or fall in denial; this response tries to run

from guilt and blame. This response usually does not want to lose face or reputation and

therefore close themselves to free from the trouble; this is never a solution. If we do not fix the

conflicts, we create we would never let the spirit fix ourselves. The other response is attacking;
this type of response usually throws blame or assaults. In this type of response, people may feel

they are right and have all the reason to pursue the fire's growth no matter how ugly it gets. They

are correct, and they would do anything to prove it and prove themselves. These responses are

based on pride, self-love, self-glory, care for our image. After analyzing these two basic

behaviors, we then arrive at the peacemaking responses; these are the ones that glorify God but

may hurt our image, pride, and passions. These responses carry the weight of the cross and make

following Jesus not such a romantic pact but certainly a glorious one; for his name. The first one

is "Go higher," and the thought that it leads with is "How can I glorify God in this situation"

when conflicts arise, most of the time, it involves our name and image; rarely, we would have

conflicts about the glory of God. Are we going to defend ourselves, or are we going to act as

children of God? The second one is "Get real"; we need to own our part of the conflict. We need

to realize that in the fire, there are two parties putting gas to it. Nobody can make nobody fight;

we need to realize what part of the conflict we have and what is worth fighting for. Jesus gave

the perfect example when he tells us to take the plank out of our eye before looking at the flaws

of another. Third, "Gently engage" as we own our part; it is not lost that the other party must

have a part too. As passional beings, we would be quick on pointing it and would be harsh with

it. As children of God, we are called to implore on behalf of Christ as if we were ambassadors.

We are not called to harden anybody, and since we are not fighting for our name but to reflect

Christ, we can approach situations with a spirit of restoration rather than destruction. Fourth and

last, "Get together," we are called to give forgiveness and arrive at a. reasonable solution. When

Jesus shows us how to pray, he expresses the words "Forgive us as we forgive others" we need to

realize that we hurt God much more than anybody has ever hurt us. We have the power to

forgive and to restore.

 Important quotations

We have to admit that we cannot, in our own strength, obey God's commands. As

frustrating as that inability is, we have hope; God would never promise us love and healthy

relationships if he didn't also give us the path to get there. As we read confronting books like

this one, it is easy to feel overwhelmed by the amount of responsibility God has given us and his

holiness against our passions. Still, it is beautiful to realize that we are not alone, but the spirit of

God dwells in us and takes us on the right path by his strength. Not only that but there are many

methods of grace that God uses to sanctify us and make me more like him. He gives us a size of

faith that is enough to live our lives and grow in him. We do not have to create faith or love from

nowhere, but we have to use what God has poured into us already.

You might read Jesus' words and conclude you should never talk to others about their

failings. A careful read of that passage shows, however, that it does not forbid loving correction

of others' flaws. Instead, it warns us against correcting others too quickly or aiming criticism in

the wrong direction. Before we talk to others about their faults, we need to make sure we have

faced up to ours. Jesus teaches us to take care of the plank in our own eye, and then we can see

clearly to get the speck out of someone else's. If we have dealt with our contribution to a conflict,

then we can legitimately approach others about theirs. When read quickly, Jesus' verse about the

plank means to a lot of us to not judge our brother and be utterly holy before coming to him.

How important it is to read carefully. Jesus is sending us to take care of it so we can see better

the flaws of others. How wise, as we take care of our flaws, we will surely be humble and

understanding with those of others. Jesus taught us to confront sin in the body, but we must do so

with the sake of restoration and love that strengthens, not demolition and destruction that

obstacles the walk of a brother in Christ.

 While the hope is that our enemy will turn and we will enjoy complete reconciliation, this

will not always happen, at least not right away. Even so, the gospel of Christ inspires and

empowers us to continue doing what is right, regardless of what others do. This is an important

reminder. We have to remember that we are taking these steps to glorify God the most that we

can. We cannot use this book as a magical way of having peace with everybody, sometimes

people may not want to be at peace, but we can be at peace with our Lord, the spirit, and our

conscience. We do this because the love of God has been poured out in us, not so we can make

our own glory higher.

Concepts Difficult to Understand

What is forgiveness? It is not a difficult concept to understand, but it is difficult to grasp

and take into our lives and apply it with others. Mostly forgiveness for everybody is when the

action the other person stops hurting, maybe because we have been vindicated, we had time to

think about it, we saw it was not worth it, or we do not even care enough about the person harms

us. Since we stop feeling the urge of repayment, we offer forgiveness. However, the forgiveness

that bible teaches us is entirely different. Scripture teaches to let go and remit. "To bestow favor

freely or unconditionally" This is the forgiveness the Lord has shown us; if we are made to be in

his image, how much more should we forgive. Still, forgiveness has practical benefits; not

forgiving is a weight, a poison that we drink hoping others will die. There is no reason not to

forgive; we must understand that we live for the Lord who has given us everything in Jesus

already; when we hold grudges, we wait for retribution and gainings from other than God. We

forgive, and we give our lives for others because we understand we already have everything in

him.

Personal Application
 Everyday Conflict has been another revolutionary book for my life. As a very

temperamental person, this is something I have always fought with. It is freeing to learn that it is

not just a flaw in my character or bad trait that came with my personality, but it is much self—

loved that needs to be taken into the hands of Christ and be renewed with love for his name and

his glory. It is beautiful to learn that we are ambassadors, and we implore people to come to him.

We do not live to preach about our good name but to teach about his good love and mercy open

to anybody who will come and receive it. We cannot express this while worrying about our

delicate egos. We need to put ourselves aside to bring people to the reality of what they were

made to be. We have been created to be image-bearers. We would never find true satisfaction

until we lay aside our passions that only take us to more bottomless voids, and we start praising

and living for that one who truly deserves all glory.