Top 10 Principles

Brigham Young University-Idaho

FAML 200

Sister Eliason

Elizabeth Morgan
 Top 10 Principles

Principles

1. We must understand and prepare for temple marriage so we can defend the family, and

our family.

2. Take the time to date and to get to know others.

3. Become the person you want your companion to be.

4. Maintain balance between the bonding dynamics

5. Discover and work on your own baggage before you both have to share it.

6. Balanced what you know about your companion from talking to them and from seeing

them in different circumstances.

7. “Patterns only surface when there has been sufficient time for the pattern to repeat” (Van

Epp, 2007)

8. Postpone conclusions (positive and negatives) until all in known.

9. Learn how to communicate with each other.

10. Put each other’s needs first.

Counsels

The counsel will be after the same number of the principle I will be using.

1. This counsel is for the circumstances Jack and Jill are after almost a year of marriage. I

would advise them to study Elder Bednar’s talk “Marriage is Essential to His Eternal

Plan” and any other talk regarding marriage. I would also advise they go to the temple to

perform ceilings. I think that as they study and ponder on the importance of marriage,

they will get closer to our Heavenly Father and, consequently, to each other. The more
 we understand the doctrine of marriage the more effort we want to put into making our

marriage work.

2. This advice is for Jack and Jill before they start dating. I would advise them that they

continue getting to know all of the people in their group of friends. If they feel they want

to get to know each other better, it might be better they pick different activities that will

allow them to talk more and truly get to know each other. They should still go in group

activities.

3. This advice is mostly to Jack as a single guy, but Jill could benefit from it as well. I

would advise him to create good habits of personal prayer and scripture study. I would

tell him to work on his testimony. If he wants to find a girlfriend and future wife who has

a strong testimony of The Book of Mormon and of Joseph Smith, it will help if he has

that to begin with.

4. This advice is for Both, Jack and Jill during their “Movie Nights” dating. It seems as if

their physical contact is way further ahead than other necessary steps in their relationship.

I would advise them to take it slow with the physical contact. This could cloud their

vision and could keep them from seeing the red flags. Staying in a safe area where they

try to learn more things about each other, gaining trust so they know how much they can

rely in each other, and committing should be the steps that come before getting too

physical.

5. This is also for before they start dating or becoming more exclusive. I would advise them

to take some time to discover themselves. To learn what are the baggage that each carries

so they can work on them before they marry someone with their baggage of their own.
 Being honest with themselves and working any issue they might have will make their

future relationships more manageable.

6. This advice is appropriate to when Jack and Jill were dating. I would advise them to share

different activities other than watching movies. Look for opportunities to see each other

interact with friends, with family and with strangers. Try to learn more about each other’s

past and what they expect for their future. Make sure that you share similar goals. Look

for the things that make you feel good about yourself when you are with the other. Look

for habits, attitudes that you might not like for your companion.

7. This advice is for the same time, as they are dating. I would tell them that maybe just two

month of “watching movies” is not enough to get see patterns on each other. Look for

those patterns, they things slow enough that will allow you to see patterns.

8. In this case, this advice would fit for when Jack and Jill are dating and when they are

married. My advice would say: Avoid assuming you know each other because you feel

very close. Do not assume things from each other before getting more information.

Positive conclusion with little information can lead to disappointment later. Negative

conclusions can hurt the relationship. Gather as much information as possible before you

come to a conclusion. Remember that you are both different and have different ways of

saying and doing things. Also remember to keep your feet on the ground and try to look

at your couple as objectively as you can.

9. This is for the beginning of their marriage. My advice would be that they learn to

communicate their feelings, goals and expectations. Learn to listen to each other and

learn to disagree. It is normal to Disagree in marriage. The important thing is to

 communicate and keep an open dialogue. They both need to work on creating a safe place

where they both feel comfortable to share their feelings.

10. This is for Jack and Jill during their marriage conflict. I would advise them to take a week

in which they will only worry about the other’s need. They will focus their available

hours in the day to make sure the other’s needs are met, whether they be physical,

emotional or spiritual. During this week they will not expect the other to do the same for

themselves. So, if the other person is not doing a good job about meeting their needs,

they cannot get upset about it. After the week, I would have them share how that felt. As

we work to make the other happy, we learn a new meaning of happiness and selflessness.

My Most Important Principle

The most important principle I learned this semester was to postpone conclusions until all

is known. I tend to assume people are well-intentioned because that is how I perceive them.

Unfortunately, life has shown me this is not the case. I have been hurt because I let my guard

down too soon. I think this principle would have helped me to wait to get to know others better

before I assume their intentions. Remembering this principle can also be of great value as we try

to fight the chemistry happening within us when we first start a romantic relationship with

someone. I feel this is a very simple way to remember that it is best to know a little more, than to

assume.

This principle has also helped me in my marriage. Because my husband has such a

different way of seeing things and demonstrating emotions I used to assume the worst. It took me

a few years to finally learn he was not trying to upset me, or that he did not care about me.

Learning how he sees things and letting him know how I see things helped us both get to know

each other better.

During our dating period we need to keep our eyes wide open to learn and spot any small detail

that could turn to be something big in marriage. Once we are married, we need to close our eyes

a bit, so we can overlook small details that can be turn into something big. Taking the time both

in our courtship and in our marriage to spend time together and to do as many different activities

as possible will make our relationship richer and ever stronger. I know this because I have had

the privileged to spend time with my eternal companion for a bit over 10 years. I am glad I took

the time to get to know him. I am grateful for this class and how it helped me confirm my

testimony of marriage and MY marriage.

References

Van Epp, J. (2007). How to avoid falling in love with a jerk: The foolproof way to follow your

heart without losing your mind. Dubuque, IA: McGraw-Hill Contemporary Learning.