MODULE 3

Good Manners and Right Conduct of Children and Courtesies of Life

Lesson 1 Rules of Good Manners and Right Conduct

Objective:

At the end of this lesson, you should be able to:

1. Learn the rules of Good Manners and Right Conduct that might be applied in the day-to-day life.

Lesson 1.1 Polite Conversation

Objective:

At the end of this lesson, you should be able to:

1. Learn the Art of Conversation that might be applied in the day-to-day life.

Introduction

The Art of Conversation

Maybe we’ve all encountered men who have a knack for good conversation. They can talk to
anybody about anything in a laid-back, casual manner that sets people immediately at ease. A complete
stranger can walk away from these conversational maestros feeling like he’s known them for years.

It’s easy to think that the art of conversation is a skill that bestowed on a happy few, while cursing most
men with turbid tongues.

While it’s true that some men simply have a greater portion of innate natural charm, the art of
conversation is a skill in which all men can become competent. You may never have a silver-tongue, but
you can learn to converse in ways that make you a valued party guest, set you apart at company
functions, impress the ladies, and win you new friends.

Abstraction

Five Dos of Conversation

1. Listen more than you talk. Ironically enough, the key to the art of conversation is not in the talking,
but in the listening. Avoid conversational narcissism. Ask those you converse with interesting and
thoughtful questions. People love to talk about themselves. Don’t ask what someone does and leave it at
that. Ask them what the hardest part of their job is, how the future of their profession looks. Then ask
follow-up questions to tease out more details. Act genuinely interested by focusing on who’s talking,
nodding your head, and adding “hmmms” and “uh-huhs” at appropriate moments.

2. Come to an occasion armed with topics at the ready. On the way to a party or dinner, think about
the people you will be seeing and brainstorm stories you can tell and questions you can ask. If you don’t
know the people you will be conversing with, think about the things that will probably interest those you
meet. Ask them about the unique aspects of their locale, read up on the company they work for, and ask
those who do know the others better for some background information.

3. Tailor the conversation to the listener. It’s easy to say, “Don’t talk politics, sex, or religion.” And
when in any doubt, don’t. But a much better rule is simply to tailor your conversation topics to those you
are conversing with.

4. Take your turn. A conversation is a group project, with each person weaving in a tidbit here and there.
It’s no time for monologues. If you notice that you have talked for a few minutes without any questions,
comments, or general signs of life from other people, you are likely sucking up the air in the room. Cede
the floor to someone else.

5. Think before you speak. Most foot-in-mouth moments occur because of a failure to think before
speaking. You rant about the war and then remember your friend’s boyfriend just returned from Iraq. To
avoid offending, don’t throw out statements laden with value-judgments. For example, instead of saying,
“The mayor sure is a moron, huh?” Ask, “What do you think of the mayor’s rebuilding proposal?”

Don’ts of Conversation

1. Don’t interrupt. There are actually two forms of interrupting, as 1954’s Esquire Etiquette explains:

“The obvious one, interrupting the speaker in mid-sentence, is easy to avoid: just wait until the other has stopped
talking before you start. (And don’t ever say, “Have you finished?” You might as well say right out that he’s a windy
numskull and you thought he’d never run down.) The other kind of interruption, equally culpable, is often prefaced by
“That reminds me…” or “By the way.” Such phrases usually signal a digression or irrelevancy. When you interrupt
another’s train of thought, or send a discussion off into a tangent, you indicate that you are either stupid or rude,
either unable or unwilling to stick with the speaker’s point.

Even if everyone observed these rules, telephones, doorbells and new arrivals would always conspire to interrupt
you in mid-point. When you are interrupted, the politest thing to do is the hardest thing: shut up. Don’t go back and
finish a story — don’t excavate a buried point — unless you are asked to do so. If a new listener has come up in
mid-story, a polite someone else will brief him on the subject and ask you to go on; the polite newcomer will second
the nomination; only then, with the briefest possible synopsis of what you said before, can you go on. If you are not
given these cues, it may be because your story is not appropriate for the newcomer’s ears or because the situation
gets beyond control; it’s not always because your audience was bored. So, if you get a chance to make your point
later on, don’t air your annoyance with a petulant, “As I was trying to say a little earlier…”

2. Don’t talk to only one person when conversing in a group. This leaves the others dangling and
awkward on the periphery. This is not simply a matter of whom you are physically conversing with — you
can also ice people out by choosing subjects on which they have no interest or knowledge, such as the
intricacies of your job that only your co-worker understands and inside jokes and “remember whens” with
your buddy. Bring up topics on which everyone can chime in.

3. Don’t engage in “one-upping.” The one-upper not only makes a lousy friend, he also makes a highly
annoying conversationalist. You say you just bought some new boots; he raises you one by talking about
the shoes he cobbled together himself with leather he got by killing a deer with only a bowie knife. The
one-upper believes that his stories show his superiority; on the contrary, they reveal his naked insecurity.

4. Don’t overshare. We’ve all met the man who pours out his life story as soon as you meet him. Within
two minutes you know why his girlfriend dumped him, how worried he is about losing his hair, and why
he’ll never be promoted at work. This instant unburdening reads as desperation and repels people faster
than water off a duck’s back. You have to cultivate a little mystery; leave people intrigued and wanting
more.

And at the same time, you don’t want to dig too deeply into the personal life of other people either.
Respect the privacy of others. To avoid inadvertently touching on a sensitive spot, instead of asking
someone about X, volunteer that information about yourself. A person who is comfortable talking about X
will typically offer up their own experience in turn. If they don’t respond in kind, change the subject.

4 Things Not to Say

1. “Am I boring you?”

An embarrassing question — the person will never answer no, it comes off a bit accusatory (the person
will feel as though they were looking at you with an uninterested expression), and even if you weren’t
previously boring them, the power of suggestion will plant the idea in their head that the
conversation had been rather tedious after all.

Instead of asking a question like that outright, simply pay attention to the person’s facial expressions and
body language. If they look bored, they probably are. Time to switch things up.

2. “Huh?” “What?” “Say What?” “Eh?” (The latter is okay if you use an ear-horn.)
Too abrupt. The speaker will feel awkward. Instead ask, “What was the last thing you said? I didn’t catch
it.” And don’t nod and smile when you don’t know what was just said. Sometimes it works; sometimes the
person just said, “A dingo made off with my baby last night.”

3. “Actually, you should say ‘between you and me,’ not ‘between you and I.'”

If grammatical mistakes make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, you may find it difficult to
restrain yourself from correcting the errors of others. But a conversation is no time to be pedantic. You’ll
come off as smug and patronizing and bring any rapport you were building with a person to a screeching
halt. Don’t miss the forest for the trees.

Actually, if grammatical mistakes make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, you might want to look
into taking up some new hobbies.

4. “Stop me if I’ve told you this story before…”

No one will ever stop you. So your question just prolongs the time they have to act like they’ve never
heard the story of the time you almost ran over Barry Switzer while he was riding his fixed gear bicycle
near the OU dorms.

Lesson 1.2 Basic Table Manners

Objective:

At the end of this lesson, you should be able to:

1. Learn the basic table manners that can be self-applied and share.

Introduction

Whether you’re eating at home, dining out, or having dinner with friends, good table manners for
kids are an important part of every meal. When you teach your child good table manners, you are giving
them important tools for social interaction that will serve them for the rest of their lives.

Laying the groundwork for good etiquette at the dinner table means your children will more likely become
pleasant dinner companions for family meals in the years to come. And you'll feel comfortable allowing
them to have a meal at a friend or relative's house, knowing they have good table manners.
Abstraction

Table Manners for Little Kids

When it comes to instilling table manners, it's never too early to start teaching kids the basics. In
fact, every meal can serve as an opportunity for them to learn how to exercise proper etiquette. From
using their utensils properly to waiting until everyone has been served, little kids can learn how to be
respectful and practice table manners.

Just remember to keep your instruction casual and avoid getting too stressed. Learning what is expected
at the dinner table is a long process and not something that kids will master right away. So, be patient but
consistent in your instruction and eventually your kids will get the hang of things. Here are some things
you can begin to teach kids who are 5 and younger.

 Come to the table with hands and face clean. Teach children to wash up before dinner. Not
only does this show respect for the person who prepared the meal as well as others at the dinner
table, but it is also an important healthy hygiene habit.
 Wait until everyone is served before eating. Teach your child that they should not begin eating
until everyone is seated and served. Starting to eat before everyone has been seated is
disrespectful. Dinner is meant to be enjoyed together.
 Chew with your mouth closed. Chewing with your mouth closed and not talking when your
mouth is full are two cardinal rules of good table manners. Gently remind your child that they
should chew with their mouth closed.
 Avoid stuffing your mouth. Teach your child to take small bites and never wolf down their food.
One way they can practice this habit is to put their fork down between bites. They can even put
their hands in their lap while they chew.
 Remember your manners. Remind kids to say please and thank you. In other words, if they ask
for seconds or for someone to pass something they should follow the request with "please." They
also should say thank you to the person who prepared the meal, as well as thank those who
serve them or pass them things.
 Use utensils and napkins. Kids should be discouraged from eating with their fingers, especially
if they have moved beyond finger foods. Show them how to hold their fork properly and teach
them to place a napkin in their lap. They also should avoid wiping their hands on their clothes or
wiping their mouth with their sleeve.
 Refrain from criticizing the food. In preschool, teachers often tell kids: "don't yuck another
person's yum." That said, kids should not be forced to eat something they don't want. It's OK if
they say "no thank you." While you can ask that they try new foods, don't force them to clean their
plates.
Table Manners for Bigger Kids

Once kids are 6 years old and older, they can begin to learn the basics of table etiquette including
offering to help with dinner and where they place their napkin when they get up from the table. Of course,
they should still be practicing the things that they learned when they were younger like not chewing with
their mouth open and washing up before dinner.

They key is that you don't stop there. There is still much to learn about how to be polite and respectful at
the table whether at home, at a friend's, or in a restaurant. Here are some things you can teach your
bigger kids about table manners.

 Offer to help. Whether at home or someone else’s house, encourage your kids to always ask the
grown-up if they can help do anything to get ready for dinner.
 Watch the host to see when you should unfold your napkin. Let your kids know that when the
host puts their napkin on their lap, that’s the signal for them to put their napkin on their lap.
 Avoid interrupting when someone else is talking. At the dinner table, practice having your
child wait their turn to speak when talking about their day or another subject. Get kids into the
habit of talking about news, their friends, how school was, and other interesting subjects.
 Ask someone to pass items to you instead of reaching. Remind your child never to reach
across the table to get something. Create the habit of asking other people at the table to pass
something they need.
 Put the napkin on the chair, not the table. Teach your child that they should always put their
napkin on the chair if they briefly leave the table. A used napkin should never go on their plate or
the table.
 Ask to be excused. While it's better if your child remains at the table until everyone has finished,
it's also acceptable to ask for permission to be excused if they have finished and the adults are
lingering and talking. Sitting for a long time at a dinner table can be challenging for some kids.
 Push your chair in when finished. When your child gets up from the table, they should push
their chair back against the table.
 Pick up your plate. Clearing their plate is an important habit to get your child into at home
because if it becomes a part of their routine and they will be more likely to do it when they are a
guest in someone else’s home.
 Avoid using electronics at the table. While most parents make this a rule at home, it's
especially important when they are at a friend's home or eating out with friends. Remind them that
it's disrespectful to be on their devices at the table. They should focus on the people they're
eating with rather than what is happening on their screens.
Lesson 1.1 Telephone Etiquette

Objective:

At the end of this lesson, you should be able to:

1. Learn the how use the telephone with good manners.

Introduction

We often use our telephones in a daily basis. We just talk and use it without showing or knowing
how we should behave.

Abstraction

Telephone Etiquette

1. Be Prepared. Always have a pen and paper at every telephone. It is wise to use full length paper
and/or colored paper so that the message is noticeable (avoid using tiny notepads). A frequently called
number list and local telephone directory should also be kept handy for quick reference.

2. Answer Professionally. Use the four answering courtesies: Greet the caller, State your organization
(or department), Introduce yourself and Offer your help. Be enthusiastic when you answer. Help make the
calling party feel welcome. A tired voice lacking in enthusiasm is unappealing. When greeting the caller,
use buffer words such as Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Thank you for calling. Rules about how to
address the caller can be confusing because of the many options. The following may help: Mr., Mrs.,
Miss, Ms., First Name, Sir, Ma'am. The average caller may or may not be sensitive about how he or she
is addressed. To be on the safe side keep these suggestions in mind: When addressing a male you are
always correct to use Mr. or Sir. Addressing a woman is more confusing. The use of Mrs. or Miss is
common and generally acceptable. Some women prefer Ms. and may request this form of address. If you
are not sure which salutation to use, simply ask the caller for her preference. Often when you ask for the
correct form of address the caller will suggest the use of a first name. The use of the caller's first name is
then acceptable. Use of a first name may also be acceptable (but not always) when: You have
established a good rapport over a good period of time. You have been called by your first name. You
know the caller, and know he/she is comfortable with a first name basis.

3. Putting A Caller On Hold. The #1 pet-peeve of callers is The Hold.  

Error:   They ordered the caller to hold. When placing a caller on hold you should always ask for
permission and then wait for an answer. If you have several callers on hold, remember the priority of each
call. If necessary, make notes of who is holding on which line. Nothing is more irritating than answering
the question "Who are you holding for?" several times.
4. Control The Conversation. Keep the caller on track. If the conversation begins to sway, ask a related
question to steer the caller back to the issue at hand. Do not be afraid to use a direct approach.

5. Take Accurate Messages. When a co-worker is absent from the office, explaining his/her absence
and taking accurate messages is important. Explanation Of Absence. Taking Accurate Messages. The
most important rule to remember when taking a message is Never Shorten the
Message. Miscommunication is a result of improper message taking. Take a message in its entirety and
read it back to the caller to be sure that it is correct. A good message should include: Whom the message
is for, Caller's name and Date and Time.

6. Avoid Mouth Noises. Refrain from the following activities while talking with a caller: Smoking, Eating,
Chewing Gum and Drinking. Remember, the mouthpiece on the telephone is a microphone (it amplifies).
Also, leaning the telephone on your shoulder places the microphone by your neck making it difficult for
the caller to hear you. Talk with your mouth, not your neck.

7. Give The Caller Your Undivided Attention. Avoid side conversations while talking on the telephone.
Your party deserves your full attention. Do not attempt to carry on two conversations at the same time.
Keep in mind that speaking on the telephone requires better articulation than is necessary in face to face
conversation.

8. Be Sincere. When you answer the telephone, you become your company's representative. The caller
will judge your company by how well you treat him/her. Show conviction!

9. Give Spoken Feedback Signals. Feedback signals include: OK, Yes, Good, Sure, Right, I see, I
understand, We'll do that. Giving spoken feedback signals shows your caller that you are paying
attention. He / She needs feedback because silence can be frustrating and misunderstood as disinterest.
Refrain from using only one word or phrase. A mixture of the feedback signals are suggested. It is also a
good idea to mirror back the caller's phrases to show that you are absorbing what he/she is saying.

10. Leave A Good Last Impression. Use valuable phrases like the following to close a conversation:
Thanks for calling, Please call again and We appreciate your call.
Lesson 2 Appropriate Behavior for Children

Objectives:

At the end of this lesson, you should be able to:

1. Learn appropriate behavior for children.

2. Apply the learned behavior to the self and share to others.

Introduction

Why is Teaching Good Manners Important?

Helping young children learn appropriate, polite and considerate behavior enables them to form
good manners and become more socially attentive as they get older. It’s easier to nurture first-class child
behavior if you work as a family to set the rules for good manners in many different situations.

There are many benefits when you teach good manners to young children. Every parent loves to hear
from other parents, teachers or their own parents, how polite and courteous their children are.

Parents whose children know how to answer the phone politely aren’t concerned when their child picks up
the phone.

Parents with well-mannered children don’t agonize about sending their children on play dates to friends’
houses.

Abstraction

How Can Parents Raise Children who are Polite? 

Model Good Behavior

At home, you must first, and most importantly, model good behavior for your children. This may sound like
common sense, but you must never overlook how much children emulate the behavior they see from their
parents. Start with the essentials.
Pleases and Thank you’s

 Say “please” and “thank you” throughout the day. Say it to the
children. Say it to your spouse or to the sales clerk in the store. Make
sure the children hear you use these words several times all
throughout the day.
 Encourage them to use the words too. Remind them when
needed. If your child says, “Get me…” or “I’ll take…” and expects you
to jump up and get something, remind your child to ask properly, using
words like, “May I please have…” instead.

Everyone feels good when they are thanked, even for small things like passing the mustard.
 

Be Patient

It may take a while; these changes don’t happen overnight, particularly if they are new to a family’s
routine. But gentle (and repeated) correcting and asking children to restate their requests will reap
worthwhile results.
You may need to put forth months of sustained effort to make a change, but once you hear your family
speaking kindly to one another out of habit, it can really change the family dynamics for the better. It’s
nice for spouses too. Husbands and wives feel good when they’re thanked for what they do to support the
family, such as cooking a good meal or mowing the lawn.

Teach Gratitude

There’s more to teaching manners than just words. Gratitude and politeness
are valued traits in our culture.
When children express their appreciation for things that are done for them
or given to them, they:

 feel better about themselves

 begin to see themselves as recipients rather than “takers”
 develop a sense of empathy as they recognize that other people are going out of their way for
them.

Without such expressions of gratitude, children become self-centered and take for granted all that they
have. People who use “please” and “thank you” regularly come across as gracious and thoughtful, both
admirable qualities.
Start Early

Children as young as 18 months old can learn the fundamentals about manners by being taught to
say “please” and “thank you” when appropriate, even if they do not understand the reasons for being
polite.
When parents, or the important adults in a child’s life, model appropriate table manners, such as no
elbows on the table and saying, ‘Please pass the salt,’ children ultimately absorb the teaching and use
these manners too.

Parents can role play good manners with their children, using dolls or puppets. It can sometimes be fun to
let them be the parent and you act as the unruly child.

Continue as Your Children Grow

For older children, acceptable manners consist of knowing what to say when someone gives them a gift—
even before they open it, what to say when they are introduced to a new individual, what to say when they
answer the phone, what they can do or say if they don’t like something they’re served for lunch.

After a while, the reminders won’t be needed. As a child matures, he or she will remember appropriate
manners and need less guidance.

Along the way, remember to acknowledge them when they do use proper manners: catch them
being “good” because they will repeat the behavior you notice.

Lesson 3 Common Courtesies of Life

Objective:

At the end of this lesson, you should be able to:

1. Learn the common courtesies of life that are useful in daily life.

Introduction

  For you to connect with customers/clients, work effectively with co-workers, and ultimately
succeed in your job, it is essential to pay attention to common courtesies - they make a difference in
creating relationships and making lasting positive impressions!
Abstraction

BASIC MANNERS AND OFFICE COURTESIES

Top 10 Common Office Discourtesies

1. Not returning phone calls, voice mail, or email in a timely manner.

2. Showing up late to meetings or answering cell phones during meetings.
3. Visiting co-workers; inattentive to their work demands.
4. Clogging the email system with lengthy messages.
5. Borrowing co-workers' office supplies and not returning them.
6. Setting the copy machine for special copy features and not changing it back.
7. Using the last piece of paper in the printer or copier and not refilling paper trays.
8. Not cleaning up office kitchen after use.
9. Taking the last cup of coffee and not making more.
10. Playing the radio or CDs too loudly or constantly.
 

To avoid discourtesies toward your co-workers, keep in mind the following:

 Basic Manners

 Say "please," "thank you," "hello," "Good Morning," and "Good-bye." It's so easy, but many take
this for granted.
 Smile and look interested in others - make eye contact, and listen! Project a positive, cheerful
attitude.
 Be a class act! Demonstrate a well-mannered, appropriately dressed, professional demeanor.
 Show up to work on time. Be punctual!
 Do what you say you will do and in the time frame you said you would.
 Open doors (regardless of gender).
 Respect others' time.
 Offer to assist!
 Compliment others; give credit when due.
 Write thank-you notes, or even thank you emails!
 

Language Tips
  Speak well of others or keep quiet! Stay away from office gossip.
 Be aware of slang, and avoid foul language or sarcasm.
 Explain acronyms and jargon.
 Be careful where you hold conversations (elevators, hallways, restaurants, etc.).
 Power robbers such as "I hope," "I guess," "maybe" and "probably" undermine credibility.
 

Use Technology Appropriately

 Cell phones: Never take/make calls or check texts during meetings or when having a face-to-
face conversation with someone at work. If it's an emergency phone call, however, you may say,
"Excuse me, but I need to take this call," and step out of the room to hold your conversation in
private. Don't hold private conversations at work unless you are on your break, and do so in a private
area.
 Telephone: Always answer the phone in a positive tone of voice. If scheduling an appointment,
double-check spelling of name, dates, and times by repeating this information to the caller or person
you're calling.
 Speaker phone: Don't use this feature unless it's a conference call. Pick up your phone—if not,
the person you are talking to will wonder if someone else is in the room with you, listening.
 Conference Calls: When conducting a conference call including several people, introduce
everyone present to the person you are calling.
 Email: Conduct a spell check before sending, keep the length short, and use a subject line. Be
careful about clicking on "Reply" or "Reply to All"—make sure you know to whom you are sending
the email, or to whom you are responding. Also, if you'll be out of the office for a few days, set up an
auto response stating this, and include the date you will return and respond to your emails. Don't
forget to turn off the auto response when you return!
 Voicemail: When leaving someone a message, say your name and number slowly at the
beginning and again at the end. And, on your office phone voicemail, if you'll be out of the office for a
few days, change your message to reflect this. Don't forget to update it when you return! Also, make
sure your personal voicemail (for example, on your cell phone) is professional as well.
 Fax: Include a cover sheet containing the number of pages being faxed, the name of the person
the fax is intended for, and your name and phone number.
References

1. https://www.verywellfamily.com/teaching-kids-good-table-manners-620306

2. https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/the-art-of-conversation/

3. https://intranet.bloomu.edu/technology/phone/etiquette

4. https://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/baby-through-preschool-articles/teaching-
children-manners/

5. http://www.southeastern.edu/admin/career_srv/student_alumni/find_a_job/courtesy_tips/index.html