LIVING

WITH
COVID-19
By Shazam Urukposa Izogie-Eghe

1
2020 was the year I had been most anxious about. I
was going to complete high school, apply for
university, rewrite my SAT exam, and just get some
personal freedom. My family is a below middle-
class one financially and 2020 was supposed to be a
big year for us to start living better. The plan was
simple: I would study hard to win awards for my A
level exams, Aike (my younger brother) would
study hard to win awards for the IGCSE exam, and
Victoria (my younger sister) would study hard to
excel at her checkpoint exam. All our exams will fall
within April through to June. Then, when the
results were out, we will use them as a backup in
asking for financial support. Everything was
planned and was going according to plan; we were
getting outstanding results in our school work and
our family was coping with our financial issue
(which was also normal).
The coronavirus outbreak had begun hitting china
and a few places in the world by January, but here
2
in Ghana (and almost everywhere else that was
unaffected), we saw it to be something that was
just too far to be our business. Nobody talked
about it. Just a few whispers here and there and
that was all.
My school is an expensive international one but 3
of my siblings and I attend on a full scholarship.
Being with classmates from different nationalities, I
remember when one of them was talking about
how 500 people had been infected in her country
in Europe. That still didn't budge a lot of people
including me and my family. We were just focused
on our plan for the year.

The number of cases kept on increasing in the

world and what was once in just a few countries
was declared a global pandemic on January 31st by
WHO. That was still strong enough to make us

3
worried though.

As part of our plan to prepare for the exams, we

had decided to skip some school days to study at
home when we knew we weren’t going to gain
much from going there. The last day we went to
school was on the 10th of March. We were going to
skip the rest of the week until the 13th, but it was
during that short period we received the shocking
news that there had been 2 confirmed cases of the
disease in the country. My school immediately sent
a message saying we were to all stay home for the
rest of the term until 14th of April which would be
our last term of the year.
To us, it wasn't a big deal to stay home because we
were already used to it, to be honest. It was just
the pain of not being able to meet a few teachers
to ask some questions we had problems with that
hurt a bit. Apart from that, everything else was ok

4
especially with the fact that Cambridge had assured
all its candidates that the final exam would not be
cancelled. That assurance was highly needed
because every other thing I knew of had been
cancelled or postponed and I just couldn't stand
the thought of our exam (which we were banking
on) being cancelled too --- all those sleepless nights
would be for almost nothing.
The situation became as real as it could be to us
when on the 26th of March, the exams were
cancelled globally. That's when I started paying
close attention to the outbreak. With every
infected country taking measures of national
lockdown to prevent further spreading, it didn't
take long before Ghana was also placed on partial
lockdown. That's when I began to think about what
we were facing.
Now I have 5 siblings and I'm the eldest at age 19.
My dad is a politician who, since he currently holds

5
no position for quite a while, has been practically
jobless. My mom, on the other hand, sells fast-food
in a small shop at the roadside and it's funny but
that small shop has been responsible for taking
care of the whole family for a long time. As she
goes to work almost every day, my dad had to take
on her role in the house as well as being our
academic coach until she returns. The lockdown,
however, meant that nobody would be allowed to
move on the streets in groups and people were to
regularly remain indoors; a restriction that spelt
bad news for my mom who banked on people
outdoors to purchase her food. Soon she was
forced to also stay home with the rest of us and
that's where this "thing" I'm writing begins….

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03/04/2020
The partial lockdown of Ghana began on the 30th of
March 2020. For the past 4 days since it began, we
have been forced to eat once a day instead of our
normal twice. We usually wake up to study but
now there is nothing to study for as everyone has
no motivation (and you can’t study hard on an
empty stomach). All our plans have been destroyed
but not completely though. I had wanted to apply
to Harvard this year anyway and that doesn’t
change. But even if I was accepted, I would be
going in September 2021 which is more than a year
from now. How can I survive a full year like this? In
a situation which is totally beyond my control?
We’ve eaten only once today too. I know it’s true
that a friend who helps you when you are in need
is a friend indeed, but that saying couldn’t be truer
as we faced this drawback. Until today we have
tried contacting a lot of people for help--even our
other family members—and so far, we have been
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turned down by 99% of them of whom some
claimed to be so close to us or those we have in
one way or another assisted. I agree that this is a
hard time for basically everyone on earth but come
on, some people are just hard-hearted. I think we
can manage this for maybe 2 weeks but if the
situation keeps on going like this, I don't see how
we can make it out alive. To make issues worse, I
just found out that the global number of cases has
risen to a million as at yesterday with only 200,000
recoveries made. Any vaccine to be made to fight
the virus is estimated to be out in at least 12
months. Not the kind of news I was expecting. I
have been waking up by 6 am since the lockdown
began instead of 2 am and I spend the whole day
just wasting my time doing nothing fruitful---until I
began this book, I mean---and go to bed by 8 pm
max. In this condition, one's energy must be
conserved strongly so we move around our small
house like zombies and try to be quiet as much as

8
possible. And this is just after 4 days!!!!!!!!! JUST
GREAT!!!!! It is 8 pm now, I just finished doing
some thinking about my survival. I'm tired and off
to bed.

04/04/2020
Woke up by 6 am this morning. My dad gave a long
speech today for 2 hours. It's quite a usual thing for
him to do so nowadays since we don't study much
anymore. Just like always, he spoke with us about
moral conduct and the struggles of life. I've begun
reading the Harry Potter book series. In this period,
I find it necessary to have something to keep me
distracted from all the pains and problems I’m
undergoing. I also communicate with some friends
online for the same reason I read HP. I took an
afternoon nap today from 10 am to 1 pm. I had

9
only been awake for a few minutes when my mom
got a phone call from the mother of my schoolmate
saying she was on her way to give us some food
items. It was a complete shock. She was not one of
the people we had addressed our problems to but
she said we were just on her mind and decided to
do something for us. The reason we didn't
complain to her was that she was one of the
people who helped with registering me and my
siblings for the Cambridge exams which were
recently cancelled and we didn't want to bother
her with something else for now. I'm lost for words
to appreciate her. All I know is that she is a good
person and she will be rewarded for her kindness
one day. What she provided us today will last us for
a couple of days and in this condition, that’s super
awesome.
Coronavirus is still on the rise. As of today, it has
infected 1.1 million people worldwide.

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After her surprise visit, I decided to listen to some
music as the rest of the family kept on praising her
even after she was gone. I just came across some
songs by Eminem and found out how motivating
they were. I adore Eminem for unexplainable
reasons but it seemed like I had forgotten him all
this while because I used to listen to his music
when preparing for my exams. Listening to him
again gave me chills. We ate two times today. I also
think I have made some plans to spend my days
during this outbreak. Read all harry potter books,
learn Spanish using Duolingo, revise all my A-level
books (physics, chem and math) and prepare to
retake the SAT (I took it 2 years ago and didn’t
know much but got 1540/1600 and topped Ghana
so I’m going for a perfect score this time). Day 6 of
the lockdown is almost over. I’ll continue reading
harry potter until I sleep.

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05/04/2020
Day 7 of the lockdown. I am woken by my dad at
5:49 am today. He seems to be in a hot temper for
some unknown reasons and is making his anger felt
on everyone. I know it is just him being frustrated
with the ongoing outbreak and the effect it has had
on us. In a situation like this one will less expect
that he will force everyone to go back to their
normal studies even if the circumstances of
yesterday make today a normal one to study since
we ate twice. I mean it's just the same as doing the
right thing at the wrong time. I don't want to pay
any attention to him because I will flare up as well
and I don't know what the result will be. As at 7
am, I am still ignoring him. He wants me to study
biology but I think I will study biology when I am in
the mood, but for now, I will continue reading
Harry Potter.
It's 9 am now. I just finished reading HP (chamber
of secrets). I still haven’t paid attention to my dad
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who though isn't showing out his anger anymore
but I can tell is still in him. It's noon, I'm going to
take a nap for 3 hours.
It's 3:36 pm, I've taken a shower and I'm ready to
continue my reading of HP (I'm a bit slow today I
must admit).
I had a chat with two old schoolmates of mine. It
was nice. We had two meals today although I only
ate once because I was in a bad mood just before
food was ready the second time. I'm not so hungry
anyway.
I always have a lot of ideas to write about but how
to start them is a big problem for me. Like for
today, I found out something about the universe
before going to sleep at noon and now I have
forgotten it completely. I was also really surprised
by how much the number of coronavirus cases had
increased. It is now at 1.2 million with deaths of
more than 60,000. I am still shocked about how it
keeps on spreading. To be honest, I think the virus

13
is a means of natural selection. In a world with a
population on the increase, there had to be
something to slow its speed a bit to maintain
balance. Medicine has allowed people to live
longer than their ancestors would have lived and so
they are occupying the space and taking the
attention needed by younger people to themselves
at a high rate. That's why, to me, to restore a bit of
balance, this outbreak has arrived. I say a bit of
balance because I know this is not the worst
disaster that can happen no matter how bad it
seems to be. The worse is still yet to come and it is
not coming for just the old or sick, it is coming for
everyone. Dr Manhattan said everything ends and
that rule has no exception….all that matters is how
we decide to go out and what we are willing to
leave behind when we are gone.

14
06/04/2020
Day 8 of the lockdown. I am becoming quite
perfect at waking myself up on time. Woke up at
6:01 am today. Today I have got to admit, was a
normal one. Reading Harry Potter, as usual,
breakfast and then a nap in the afternoon. Today, I
got news (don't know how true it is) that the
president of Ghana had just declared that there will
be no payment of electricity or water bills during
this period. Good news if true. Very good news.
Yesterday, Queen Elizabeth II gave a rare address
to the United Kingdom and also anyone else in the
world who cared to listen. Not like she could do
anything to change the situation, but at least
hearing one of the most powerful people in the
world speak words of encouragement was enough
to keep some people who had almost given up
going. I do love her spirit.
Its 7 pm now, I was wrong. I thought today would
be normal and expected to eat earlier this evening.
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The way things are going right now, I'm not sure
there will be a second meal today. I now feel really
weak. Partly because I haven't eaten but mostly
because I wasn't informed that there wouldn't be a
second meal. I mean we had breakfast at like 10
am. If only my parents had said that earlier, I would
have eaten around 1 pm and not taken that nap. I
would have been in bed too by now. Next time I
won't make this mistake. My parents want me to
sleep by 9 pm today to conserve energy. There has
been an update I would like to share. The first is
that the rumours about the payment of electricity
and water bills were true. Secondly, I am going to
learn the piano after this outbreak is over. To me, it
is the most comforting musical instrument. I don’t
know if I mentioned that I was writing another
“thing” like this one. I want that thing to turn out
as a book though. A real book. For now, it’s called
“SEEING THROUGH THE UNIVERSE” and it is being
written by my alter ego, Shazam Spower-Zelt. He

16
has already added an intro and some extra lines
into the main book.

07/04/2020
Day 9 of the lockdown. It feels very nice counting
the number of days of this lockdown because, with
every passing day, we keep drawing nearer today
14 – the final day. But I can't stop wondering what
it will be like if the situation becomes worse and
the deadline is extended for a month. There have
been rumours of an extension. I mean, a lot of
countries which began with a full lockdown for 2
weeks went on to extend the duration for a month
whiles over here, we are just on partial lockdown. I
know that the situation will just keep getting
worse. A lot of countries keep on saying they can
see the infection curve flattening out for them. I

17
wish it is true but I don’t see it. It’s just politicians
saying words of encouragement.
Today wasn’t better than yesterday. I mean we
only ate once again today just like yesterday. For
some reason, I thought that since the day our
benefactor provided us with foodstuffs things will
get better. I suppose I was wrong. At 6:30 pm, the
house is feeling very dead and empty. Mostly, I can
get along with just one meal a day but I found out
that something was missing. Although I had HP, I
noticed that I didn’t have an internet connection
and I need them both to be distracted from
hunger. The internet gives me the ability to see the
outside world whiles I am indoors and connected
me to my friends and other people through social
media. Usually, my parents provide me with
internet for at least 2 hours a day, but today due to
some complications (which break down to lack of
money), they were unable to provide it. This and
the idea of a single meal has had a huge effect on

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me. I was eager to add a lot of lines to my other
book today but I lost the inspiration after I woke up
at noon. It seems like my days always get bad as
after my afternoon nap.
Cambridge has updated their status in how
students like me who had their exams cancelled
would be graded. They already said that we would
be given grades based on our past mock exams,
classwork, homework, predicted grades and a
bunch of other pieces of evidence but today they
were supposed to send more steps on how the
grading will be done but I won't get to know about
that or today's update on COVID-19 because there
is no internet to find out, so I'm just waiting for
tomorrow.
Concerning Harry Potter, I’m in book 4 of the series
(Goblet of fire). I just found out that the deeper
into the series you get, the voluminous the book
becomes. Honestly, I don't know why, but I think
I'm going to cry. I want to go to bed early today

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although what worries me the most is that sleep
will not come to take me to limbo. I wish there was
a permanent place of quietness, but nothing is
permanent I guess. Not even death will give me
that quiet I want. Anyway, I just remembered I
haven't read some new comics I downloaded
yesterday. Perhaps they will bring me joy as they
have in the past.

08/04/2020
Before I begin, I must admit something though.
Though this entry is titled 8th April, it is actually 9th
April. Thing is, I don’t have a really good computer.
I use a laptop and desktop at the same time. You
see, my laptop has “mental” and physical
problems; the screen is destroyed and the audio
system is destroyed. Since my parents don’t have

20
enough money to fix it, I decided to improvise. I
checked up some old stuff at home and found a
desktop and a VGA cable. Connected it to my
laptop and tadaa, my PERSONAL COMPUTER was
born. It had also been inactivated but I solve that
issue by hacking it into activation. Anyway, the
laptop-part of the pc ran into some problems and I
couldn’t open Microsoft word to add yesterday’s
entry so I had to enter it today. So let’s just pretend
that today really is today. Day 10 of the lockdown.
The comics did bring me a lot of joy yesterday. I felt
a bit revived. I woke up at 5:47 am today. I
continued reading Harry Potter. I heard from BBC
that a top scientist at the EU resigned because the
EU body didn't pay attention to him when he had
ideas on tacking the outbreak. Why are people so
stupid? Why can't they leave experts to do their
work? He resigning can look like nothing but maybe
he would have sparked up something that would
save millions of lives. What the world needs at this

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moment is unity not division. This was what I kept
on thinking while I had breakfast. I also took a nap
as usual. I didn't expect to have a second meal but
my parents conjured a way to give us something
small. I must confess. They are doing well. I don't
think anyone else will be able to do what they try
to do for us every single day. Catering for 6 children
in this outbreak whiles no one is working??? An
unbelievable story to anyone who hears it. Yet it is
what I experience every day. Seeing that today is,
in reality, tomorrow, I will say I went to bed
yesterday at 9 pm. I am feeling weird at this
moment because I'm writing about the real today
and today at the same time so it looks like I've
written a whole lot but compared to other days it's
just normal. Well, I hope you don't get lost in the
days' saga.

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09/04/2020
Ok, today is not like yesterday. Today is today Day
11 of the lockdown. Woke up at 6 am sharp. Had
breakfast which was good today. Watched the day
speed by whiles I did absolutely nothing until I had
a nap at noon. By the time I woke up, I found that
there were already preparations for a second meal
and I was excited. It had been quite long-awaited. I
wasn't able to read HP much. I didn't achieve
anything much today and it hurt my feelings a bit. I
got into a row with my parents about privacy issues
and I must admit that was stupid from me. I’m still
but a child with teenage issues. I also talked a lot
about the coronavirus case with them after the row
was over. The number of cases is now at 1.5 million
with over 90k deaths. Ghana had a rise in cases by
about 40 and I'm just worried because it is just left
with 3 days for this lockdown to continue and if
cases continue rising, then the lockdown period will
surely be extended. It's not as if I believed one day
23
that we will be able to stop the outbreak as quickly
as it started. To me, the world should try to stop
trying to fight and eradicate the virus, but should
rather see how we can continue our normal lives
with it and. All these lockdowns going on will only
reduce spread, but after that what else. As far as
there will still be cases of the virus, the can still be
a resurge in the number of cases until a cure or
vaccine is found. But if people are not able to
merge this with their normal lives, I fear that the
economic effect this will have will infect more than
100 times more people and be 100 times more
deadly than the virus itself. The world will be
shaken by this virus, there's no doubt about that. I
tried to see if I would be able to download some
comics but it seems like the virus has affected the
sale of comics too. I've been waiting for one issue
for a month now and I don't see it online. I never
expected the virus to go to that side of life. Still
don't know why it is even been affected. Or is it?

24
Let me wait and see next week.
It's not yet time but I will be sleeping at exactly 10
pm today. I want to see where I can get to in HP
before that time and I have about an hour so
Shazam out---

10/04/2020
Day 12 of the lockdown. It's getting pretty
frustrating nowadays. The rumours were right by
the way. The president has extended the lockdown
for 7 more days. The day began normally. I woke
up just before 6 am. I had this strange dream
yesterday of driving a car by its gear stick whiles
trying to complete some missions, or was it just
one mission? I don’t remember much but I know I
escaped crashes and deaths a lot of times and it
felt very real. Today, I had one of the best

25
breakfasts of my life I must admit; Dad at his best
cooking. Listened to some BBC news (I listen to the
BBC every day so...). So, cases of the virus are at 1.6
million and deaths at 100k. It’s just bad news,
though I’m not surprised by it. I know the worst of
the virus is still yet to come. I took a nap at 1 pm
today. I don't know if I mentioned it earlier but the
number of cases in Ghana is at 378. Though the day
isn’t over yet, I am certain we will not eat a second
time today. I don’t feel hungry anyway. You know
it’s quite a funny thing that people just come into
the world and spend most of their time working
and getting jobs to help them feed themselves only
to use the majority of the energy derived from the
food to continue the job and use it to feed
themselves……the cycle goes on. Why feed yourself
to gain energy to work only to basically come back
and feed yourself again?
I finished the 4th HP book today but I don’t know
how long it will take to finish the 5th because I want

26
to continue writing my other book. I haven't added
anything since I last said I did.
Today I tried reflecting on my university choice and
application with my parents and brother. I will
begin applying to Harvard by July and hope to get
in next year September. But I didn't want to spend
too much time thinking about it because come on,
it's still more than a year away. I could be dead
before that time for all I know so seeing myself
admitted there as a light at the end of the tunnel
will be pure fantasy.
I also thought about some people I knew some
time ago. Old friends of mine and the memories I
shared with them. It was nice and relaxing.
The truth is that the world is just so stagnant that it
looks like time has frozen. The only thing I can say
is going to happen sooner than I expected is that
my A level result will be out by June instead of
August. At least it means I have more time to finish
my application. Apart from that, everything is light

27
years away (football and comics included) because
of the outbreak.
I’m going to get busy now. Either to read HP or add
lines to my other books.
I feel weak more often nowadays. I feel weak now.
I’m holding back that irritating eye fluid. Goodbye.

11/04/2020
Day 13 of the shitty lockdown. It began as a normal
day. I woke up at the usual time. I had a really good
breakfast but before that happened I decided
(actually my dad permitted) to go out to buy some
stuff. It was my first time outside my apartment in
almost a month. It was freaking amazing. My eyes
and skin hurt so much when I walked out…..they
were trying to adapt to the new environment. The
28
outcomes of my short outing were beyond
marvellous. I was able to get a few new movies and
a small gift from a woman I didn't know quite well.
She was a frequent observer of me and my siblings
when we were always walking or riding to school
and we used a path just in front of her house and
today she saw me (and my mom and brother) and
gave us some money. She said it was because she
hadn’t seen us for a while and wanted to give us a
gift but I knew better. She must have been aware
of our situation inwardly and tried to assist. Then
there were the new movies I got from a boy in my
area to keep me unbored whiles I was home. I
couldn’t ask for a better morning. I went to bed at
10 am and that ends part 1
Part 2 started with me waking up at 2 pm. Well,
nothing much changed apart from the fact that
instead of reading HP, I spent most of my time
watching the movies I had obtained earlier. I ate
once today but was so occupied by the movies that

29
I forgot to feel hungry again.
After the movies were over and there was nothing
else interesting to do, I went back into thinking
mood and started thinking about how my future
will be specifically on academics. I shared some
thoughts with my parents about it.
I also found out that I was wrong about the time
our results would arrive. I am still going to get the
A-level result in August just like it has always been.
We are all going to bed by 9 pm and I have about
10 minutes to go.

12/04/2020
Day 14 of the lockdown. The day which would have
been the deadline if it 7 days hadn't been added to
it. Today was quite ok. I don't think I'm going to be
writing much. I preferred for today to just pass on. I
woke up, ate twice, had a short midday nap,
30
watched some movies; the usual stuff. I didn’t read
HP today though. The number of cases in the world
is at 1.8 million and 112,000 deaths. Ghana is now
at 408 cases with fewer than 10 deaths. The only
big news for today is that I will be going back to a
more serious form of studying as from tomorrow
and so will my siblings. I had to send out messages
to some pals of mine informing them about that
update.
You know, it’s funny when you talk with people on
social media during this time. You see, most of the
people I know are not in a family with a bad
financial background like mine but because I had
the chance to attend a big school, I think it makes
them feel we are all the same. Like, I was telling a
good friend of mine some time ago that the
environment was very boring and spirit-weakening
and the person started giving me a list of things to
do to make me happy. A list of things that involve
money which would even be able to feed me for a

31
week. As if I don't know expensive things that will
make me happy if I had them…. I'm quite annoyed
by some of their talks. They were born into affluent
homes so none or most of them know what it is to
feel depressed and helpless or even be bothered
about the current conditions. Just give them
games, movies, any food they want and internet
access for social media or other stuff and they think
that's all there is to life. I have a classmate who is
more or less like that. She doesn’t know what it is
to be in a really bad condition. I mean, she lives in a
mansion-like house while I live in the equivalent of
a cottage and she's complaining. She thinks she
does but acts otherwise. Nevertheless, I know
people who think and know how hard life is.
Undoubtedly, it’s either they faced it (or are facing
it like I am), or whose parents underwent a lot of
hardship and were concerned about sharing their
life experiences with them. One of such people is in
Romania and to me, she’s way more like a sister

32
than a friend. I also don't want to whine too much
about my situation because I know that no matter
how bad a state you feel you are in, there is always
someone who would prefer he was in that
condition of yours.
Moving on, my school has decided to keep tabs on
us (I mean A-level students) during this period.
They want to know what we are using our time to
do during this period. Honestly, I don't think it's any
of their business and consider it to just be a waste
of time. Anyway, I'll just follow up for doing sake.
Lastly, the school will be resuming this week for
non-final year students, so that's my siblings call. It
will just be online classes throughout but I think it’s
just going to be ineffective because a lot of
students in that school are not serious one bit.
Ok, I think that's that for today. Can’t think of
anything else to add so, ciao.

33
13/04/2020
Day 15 of the lockdown. Things have not returned
to normal around the world due to the outbreak
but they have for my family like I said they would
yesterday. The thing is, the outbreak is just a big
form of distraction and we have allowed it to
torment us for almost a month now. However, if
we keep playing by its rules, we would lose out on
what we are known for…..our intellect. So we
decided to go the hard way in this hard situation. I
quite remember once talking about what was
meant by “normal” in my family. It more like this.
Waking up time every day is back to 2 am instead
of 6 am; studying begins from that time to 10 am;
breakfast is had anytime within that 8-hour space;
short nap from 10 am to 1 pm; a shower is taken
after waking at 1 pm; settling for round 2 of studies
beginning at 2 pm; studying from 2 pm to 10 pm;
dinner(if available in this period of crisis) is had
anywhere within that 8-hour short space; night
34
sleep from 10 pm to 2 am….the cycles continues.
Today is the beginning of this in almost a month
and I felt the change, but it’s good to be back on
track. Although the hours put to studying here
show 16, I can't say it will be 100% effective. It
wasn't before so I don't expect it to be now and
with this outbreak going on. The effectiveness will
be a drop by about 10% from how it used to be
before, however, it is a family routine which we
must preserve.
So I divided my 16 hours of study into 4 parts each
for 4 hours. The first part is for SAT practice. The
second part is for Spanish practise with Duolingo.
Third part for writing my books. Fourth part for a
lot of things actually; reading a novel (HP for now),
revising A-level stuff and doing any of the 3 things I
didn't feel I did enough for the first 3 parts.
SAT for today went ok. Spanish was good. I’m still
in the process of writing my books and I hope that
and the last part (HP) go well.

35
14/04/2020
Day 16 of the lockdown. Yesterday gave quite
satisfactory results. I was able to add a few pages
to my HP reading. As for the writing of my books, I
will focus on the second one because this one is
regularly ongoing. I must admit this, all authors of
written works are brilliant. No written work of
complete originality is easy to come up with. I am
speaking from the experience I’m undergoing with
my other book. I have not finished writing my other
book. I have not even gotten to a quarter the
number of pages I want it to end and I’m already
stuck. I still have a lot of ideas for the book I have
not written, and I’m still stuck. It is proving to be
harder to do than I thought. As at yesterday, I was
still in the introduction part of the main ideas. I
spent more than 3 hours thinking and thinking and
was only able to cough up about 100 words. Big
ups to all writers of original works.
Well as for today’s practice, they weren’t as
36
effective as yesterdays. In the morning before my
nap, I was able to study for the SAT for the time
given although I was really slow. But there's no
need to rush anyway, just go slow and steady I
think. After that, Spanish practice was also quite
alright. I watched lots of youtube videos in Spanish
just to get a feel of its environment. I downloaded
some books for verbs and pronunciation as well. I
went slow and steady, just like I did for SAT
although I’m not so happy with that because I felt
like I could have done more before my time for it
was over.
I only ate once today and since it was breakfast, my
study plan for the evening was, well, shattered. I
couldn’t even add a word to my other book
because I don’t have the energy to do so. It's 9 pm
now. I have been reading HP for over 2 hours, but I
don't think I can reach my target number of pages
(200) today and I just can't get to 10 pm.
Coronavirus Update. The number of cases is at 1.9

37
million although I’m sure it will hit 2 million
tomorrow. Death toll at 120000. Ghana added 70
new cases to the count. We are now at 636.

15/04/2020
Day 17 of the annoying lockdown. Woke up 2 as
usual. Studied SAT at the same rate as yesterday. I
think I was even slower but I wasn’t worried about
my speed because you are bound to be that way
(sluggish) when you go to bed with an empty
stomach and get up to study. By the time I was
supposed to learn Spanish I was already so tired
that I couldn't even do anything apart from play a
game of Sudoku. I won, played again, won, played
again….until breakfast was ready. I ate to the point
of satisfaction but since the food was prepared late
and involved a lot of pepper, I couldn't take my nap

38
at the normal time. I was forced to wait until noon
to go to bed.
I woke up at 3 pm and began wondering how on
earth I was going to do the remaining 3 things I
hadn't done within 5-6 hours. So after like 5
minutes of thinking I came up with my solution. Its
4 pm now. I've been adding words to this book for
the past 20 minutes. Yes, I just ended my thinking
like 10 minutes ago. Anyway here's what's going to
happen. I will ignore the other book for today
because if I'm to add words to it, I will spend all my
time and add only 2 lines. I don't want that. I will
learn Spanish for the last 1.5 hours until I go to bed.
I will read HP from the time I finish talking about
this plan until the time for Spanish. Tadaaa,
everything is taken care of.
Unfortunately, I was not able to access the internet
because we didn’t buy a data bundle today, so I
was unable to update myself on the situation of
coronavirus cases both in Ghana and worldwide. I

39
hope to do so tomorrow.
And if I see there is any need to update this write-
up before going to bed today, I will do so.
If not, Shazam out.

16/04/2020
Day 18 of the lockdown. I have begun hearing
rumours that the lockdown might be extended
again and that it will be a full lockdown this time.
Not like I could care more. It has already been a full
lockdown to me and my family.
Today was better than yesterday. I had Indomie for
breakfast. I couldn't remember the last time I had
it. It was prepared around 11 am so I took a nap at
12 and woke up at 3 pm. I had to do extended
learning for Spanish because I was into HP
yesterday that I was completely unaware that I

40
hadn't learnt Spanish and it was only when I was
about to sleep I remembered. SAT practice for
today was good. Spanish too was ok. After waking
up at 3 pm I saw I was feeling way more energetic
than I was yesterday. But I didn't put it into
thinking for the other book, unfortunately. I was
going to do just that until I remembered that I had
an internet bundle today, so instead, I decided to
surf the web. I was surprised to notice that some
parents were still willing to allow their kids to do
the online classes thing. I don't know how some
people think, to be honest. I mean, when those
kids were in the school premises, they paid no
attention to the teachers that stood in front of
them, and now their kids are home they
what….want them to pay attention better??? I
don't get how people don't even know how their
children are or what level they are in mentally. I
remember a student who hadn't shown the result
of her exam for about 6 months to her father and

41
her father in question had not even bothered to
ask. It's not my business though because I'm sure
everyone has their reasons for doing the things
they do, but that can't happen in my family
because my father will want to know what he got
from the money he used to register me as the
amount was quite huge. He will even be the one to
remind me of the day the result will be in and see it
before I do. Anyway, my siblings can't join in
because my parents can't follow up with regularly
spending money on getting internet connection
and because I know they will study better on their
own than with the online thing.
Looking back at 2 days ago, there were about
70000 new cases and 6000 deaths, which was a
drop from the previous day’s number so I thought
things were getting better. But after checking
today, I found that yesterday added over 80000
cases and 8000 deaths and I was just like what the
hell???.

42
And Ghana added 5 cases to the tally taking the
number to 641. As at this moment, there are about
2.1 million infected and 141000 deaths with just
over half a million of all infected people recovered.
Now I am going back to HP. I’m addicted!!! And it is
getting more and more interesting. Also, not that it
matters, but there’s no other meal for today
so……I’ll continue my other book later if I can
(fingers crossed). I’m in the HP mood right now, so
if I did miss anything today, I will be sure to add it
tomorrow. Also, I think there is an internal conflict
I'm having with myself whiles I write this book. Let
me sleep over it and think it through.

17/04/2020
Day 19 of the lockdown. Still was not able to
determine whether the extension of Ghana's
lockdown was a rumour or fact.
43
Yesterday had the highest number of daily cases for
coronavirus, 95022 with deaths of 6996 people.
This moves the total number of cases and deaths to
2.2 million and 147000 deaths.
I ate twice today, although it was the same food
which was in excess so I divided it into two parts.
Today, I didn’t follow my normal study plan at all. I
woke up 2 alright, studied SAT well, practised
Spanish way better, and instead of taking a nap,
breakfast was prepared too late so I decided not to
sleep.
I stayed up reading Harry Potter until now. I
watched some HP movies in-between to release
some pressure.
I can’t talk about that inner conflict I said I was
facing yesterday because…I just can’t. Maybe
tomorrow. I couldn’t also add any lines to my other
book today.
Well, I’ve been thinking and thinking about
anything I have missed today because this looks

44
like my shortest entry so far and I can’t recall any.
Probably because my mind is still in HP. I’m still
pretty sure I forgot to add something to this entry.
Anyway, such is life (don’t even know why I used
that phrase…)
Goodnight.

18/04/2020
Day 20 of the lockdown. I slept at 9 yesterday and
woke up 3 this morning. I checked the number of
COVID-19 cases and it was still at 2.2 million but
with deaths, it's into 150000 now.
You know, it’s hard to keep being normal in an
abnormal situation like this. Writing this even takes
energy and I’m reaching a point where I don’t want
to read, write or even do anything apart from just
lie down and day-dream about possibilities and

45
impossibilities. Anyway, today wasn't that bad. I
didn't study for the SAT at all, but I was able to
learn some new Spanish. I did spend a lot of time
reading HP but it wasn't comfortable (it's quite a
long story). I didn't have an afternoon nap for
reasons I will explain soon. Unfortunately again, I
didn't add any lines to my other book. I think I'm
procrastinating too much with that book. I talked
with a few people on social media although it was
one-sided as none of them was even online at the
moment I was. I also expected to receive some
messages from some people, but I guess
expectations on social media (and even life itself)
are not always realized. It's almost 7 pm; time for
bed. I need to recover for the lost afternoon nap of
3 hours.
Now back to that long story of mine. We ate only
once today but it was lunch, not breakfast. By the
time my parents had finished begging from place to
place, it was already noon (and they left the house

46
at 7:30!!!). Knowing they were probably going to
spend a long time searching for foodstuffs, they
wanted my younger siblings to watch a movie to
keep them distracted from hunger. The only
problem was that we don't have a TV at home, so it
meant they had to use my laptop/desktop as one.
And I was also using it at that time for my things.
There are 2 computers in my house including my
pc, but the other one has a sound problem just like
mine. The only difference is mine has Bluetooth
whiles the other doesn't so I connect my mom's
phone through Bluetooth to my pc and use it as a
speaker. My brother was also using the other one
for his things. In a nutshell, my pc was the only one
capable of doing what my siblings wanted. So
during all the time that they enjoyed themselves, I
was left alone doing nothing but wandering
aimlessly and just day-dreaming. I managed to do
some Spanish revision during that time as well.

47
Ok, that’s enough for one day. I’m off.

19/04/2020
Day 7*3 of the lockdown. I know it’s just 21 but I
want the emphasis felt. Today is supposed to be
the last the D-day of the lockdown. Although the
lockdown began 20 days ago, I have witnessed a
different type of life for almost 2 months now.
Some days have brought hope and some have
brought unimaginable pain, but of all these days I
found today exceptionally boring and meaningless
(at least until this moment). It was so bad that I
stayed up the whole day reading HP and the good
news is that I finished part 5. Starting part 6
probably tomorrow.
The outbreak has now affected over 2.4 million
people and led to over 160000 deaths. Funnily
Ghana didn’t record any new case or death in the
48
past 24 hours. That’s what is officially stated
although we all know that it’s just because a lot of
people weren’t tested.
I woke up 2 am but couldn’t learn anything on SAT
or Spanish today and I didn’t add lines to the other
book. Like I said earlier, HP is to blame.
I didn’t take a nap this afternoon too because we
had only one meal and it was lunch just like
yesterday, but the worst part is that I will be
sleeping by 10 pm today because the president will
be given a national address on the outbreak's
situation. I will be able to tell if the rumours are
true about another week of lockdown but I hope
they are not.
Today I find it uneasy looking this entry which just
doesn’t seem to contain any real information but it
is just more proof that today has just been a
meaningless one.

49
20/04/2020
Hooray!!!!! The lockdown is over!! Yesterday, I paid
full attention to the president as he spoke live. I
listened closely as he made the declaration that the
lockdown had been lifted and I just didn't care
what else he talked about. The entire family was in
a celebrative mood…..the entire country was in a
celebrative mood yet everybody stayed quiet and
relieved. Everybody except my mom and dad who
just couldn’t stop jumping and beaming with joy at
the news. Yes, she resumed work today and my
dad has decided to be following her as support so
from henceforth, I am in charge of the house which
is just basically babysitting my siblings. Good thing
is that they are not hard to control at all because
they have their targets to complete just like me.
Ghana is just one country following the same steps
some other poor countries are taking. Last week,
Brazil also decided to lift its lockdown even though
they hadn’t still reached the peak of the infection
50
curve. Even the US has declared reopening about 3
states that were on lockdown in 3 phases. I can’t
give an update on the world coronavirus situation
as I don’t have internet access today. Like I said
some time ago, the economic crisis that the disease
will cause nations will lead to more deaths than the
disease itself. What we must do is learn to live with
it, and not wait until it is eradicated because, by
that time, only a selected few will live to tell the
tale. Coming back today, I woke up at 5 am after
going to bed by 10:35 last night. I felt quite
indifferent about the new changes that had begun
today around the country. I wasn’t able to study
Spanish or even read the HP book or add lines to
my other book. At least I was able to prepare for
the SAT a bit. I had only breakfast for today.
I was in deep thoughts today about how I wanted
my future to be. I do wish to be one of the greatest
people to have ever lived. I want to make an
impact on the world that would be felt for

51
millennia to come. I don’t know if I ever talked
about how much DC characters have influenced my
life. I sometimes think like Bruce Wayne (The
Batman); trying to change the world with his
Wayne foundations and enterprises and I fancy
doing something likewise in future. I don’t want to
talk much about this kind of topic because it feels
out of context. That should be all for now.

21/04/2020
Today makes it 2 days since the lockdown was
lifted. Day 2 of the liberation. Well, yesterday my
parents’ business was quite satisfactory for a
restart. They continued today hoping for even
better results. I woke up at 5 am today with no
reasonable explanation as to why. Until this
moment, I have only had breakfast. I expect there

52
will be dinner, but even if there isn’t, I can last until
tomorrow because breakfast was very heavy. My
studying was one of the best in the last 10 days.
SAT, Spanish even a bit of mathematics.
Unfortunately, I haven't added anything to the
other book yet. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Until
now again, I haven't had internet access so I'm
blind to the state of affairs of the world.
With things getting back to normal, I expect some
little changes at home. Since we already went back
to our normal routine since 13th April, the major
change will just be trying to get more effective
when studying. I mean, we have always been low-
spirited when studying since the 13th mostly due to
hunger, but with that showing signs of ending,
there is no excuse now is there? Although I must
admit, I fear I might not be able to think as well as I
could since I began this book I'm writing. After all,
the thought of even writing any book came to me
because I was tired and hunger-beaten. I'm sure

53
that I would never have thought about anything
were I to be full. I think this might explain why poor
people succeed more easily than the rich and
though I have suspected that for years now, this
short period of devastation has given me
confirmation. After this is all over, should I ever run
into a problem or difficulty, I'm going try starving
myself until I get the solution and should I ever be a
rich person in future, I'm only going to eat when I
feel very hungry and not anytime I feel like eating.
I'll suggest the same for everyone else in the world
but it’s their choice.
Going back to the conflict I keep speaking of, I think
it will be better to talk about it in my other book, or
even in another entirely new book.
Its 9:30 pm, almost time for bed. There was dinner
today though, something I didn't expect as well.
Now I'm beginning to have that feeling of being sad
things are getting better even though I don't want
things to get worse. I've always been like this;

54
wishing something good to happen and at the
same time getting sad that it is happening as well. I
don't know what type of feeling that is but I don't
want to complain to anyone about it. Not yet at
least.

22/04/2020
Day 3 of the liberation. Things are supposed to get
better but today was almost the same as any of
those dreadful days during the lockdown. For one
thing, I woke up at 2 am. I studied SAT thoroughly,
faced Spanish intensively and had a good breakfast.
The morning side of my day had just been perfect.
Then the disruption came in the form of a phone
call from the school to my mom who reached me at
home (the school cannot reach me directly). I was
needed in school by my counsellor to discuss how

55
and what I have been doing during this outbreak. I
remember mentioning earlier that we (final year
students) were being monitored –not too closely –
by the school.
I was in school at the time I would usually be asleep
at home and thinking of what next to do to take
care of my siblings. I met the counsellor and we
had quite a long discussion which I wouldn't say
was very fruitful, but in no doubt quite ok. He
disagrees with my attitude towards life because he
feels that I am not interested in taking the
opportunity that anyone with my same level of
intellect, which he believes is very high, would take
to be very successful. What he doesn’t understand
is that I am unique, like everyone else in the world.
I have not yet met someone who wants what I
want. And I can’t know if anyone else wants the
same thing I want because I will never discuss it
with someone due to the sensitivity of the topic. All
I know is, I’m in it alone. So I can’t do what others

56
do because I don’t want what they want. It’s that
inner conflict I can’t express. I want something
people believe nobody can have. Yet if I do get that
thing it becomes impossible to let the world know I
have it because then again, nobody will believe me.
It’s complex to explain here. Before I die though, I
will write about what my heart desire in this life
has been.
Coming back to today, the outbreak seems to be
slowing down. Well, the daily number of cases has
seen frequent drops than increase likewise the
death toll. As at now, the number of cases is almost
2.6 million with about 180,000 deaths. Slightly
above 700,000 people have recovered. Ghana,
however, recorded an additional 112 cases but no
new deaths raising the number of infected people
to 1154. 99 people have so far recovered and there
have been 9 deaths in total. Moving from the
outbreak issue, I got home after about four hours
in school. One thing that came out well from my

57
school visit was that my counsellor had given me
some money to give my parents as a form of
financial support. I pretended like I didn't know
why he gave it to me, but he didn't know I had
almost everything to do with it. Nevertheless, I was
very grateful to Mr Jasur even if I couldn’t show it
at that moment.
I felt like I had already lost much of the day to that
movement so I delved into reading HP
immediately. I was also expecting my parents to
arrive from work early so I could have dinner but to
my utter disappointment, there was no dinner and
they arrived late. Plus, due to the tiredness and
missed nap, I will be going to bed at 7:30 pm which
is just any minute from now. This explains why I
said today wasn’t so different from any of those
lockdown days.

58
23/04/2020
Day 4 of the liberation. Well, now the outbreak is
over, I think this book of mine should be as well. I
have decided to add entries until Day 7 of the
liberation. On that day, I think I will give an insider
into my personal life, but I’ve not decided yet.
Today was a good one. For one thing, I ate twice,
and I was also happy not to be called to school
again today, which meant that my daily routine
was not altered. I spent a lot of time studying
Spanish and reading HP. I spent so much time doing
both things that I completely ignored SAT practice
today.
I don't know if I've written this before but I am the
living embodiment of over 10000 ideas (or as they
have been put into DC comics, characters). I like to
live by choosing one of these ideas that befits what
I am going through at any point in my life, but as
my life in entirety is more like a joke, I chose
Shazam as my lifelong name. At specific times in
59
my life, however, Shazam is temporarily replaced
by, let's say, John Constantine, when all I want to
think of is being smart and self-centred, or Dr
Manhattan when I want to think about the
universe, a creator and creations. I remember how
I became Lucifer during my preparation for the
now-cancelled A-level exams.
So during my afternoon nap, I had this dream that
was beyond comprehension. I had been visited by
Dream (the DC lord of dreams) and he was giving
me strange advice on a topic I don't clearly
remember. All I know is that he told me never to
forget something, "In between a smile and a ………,
there is always a …………" I can't recall what the two
words he said were so I can't fill those spaces, but I
hope to see him again tonight to ask.
I am a lover of quotes. I have made many and I
fancy myself to be a good quote-maker because
the few who have seen my quotes have spoken
nicely about them. I remember how many times I

60
have felt like too much was expected from me and
how on one of those days I was feeling that way, I
came up with "Popularity is the only thing that
exposes you to so much but keeps you in
bondage". There was also another time I was
contemplating the essence of creation and whether
there is a creator. After thinking deeply, I made
another quote, "Whenever we feel concerned
about what justifies our existence in the universe,
we can always redeem ourselves with the fact that
even the higher power responsible for us feels the
same about itself". I will be speaking more deeply
about this quote in my other book.
For an update on coronavirus, the outbreak has
now infected more than 2.7 million people with the
disease claiming about 190,000 lives. In Ghana,
there were no new cases (or deaths) of the virus
within the last 24 hours.

61
24/04/2020
Day 5 of the liberation. Overall, today has been
above ok but not perfect. I would have given it a
perfect score if not for the distraction that came up
again today in the form of no other but my school. I
was called to be discussed with about issues
concerning the Cambridge A-level results. I spent
about 2 hours there but I had already taken my
afternoon nap before I was summoned. The
morning studying session was ok. SAT from 2 to 6
and Spanish from 6 to 10. Spanish studies were just
amazing. After returning from school, I decided to
just read HP and do some Spanish again because it
was just too addictive. I’m ending the day by
adding this entry. About the outbreak, the number
of cases is at 2.8 million with over 190,000 lives
lost. Ghana increased its tally of new cases by 125
and deaths by 1.
I recently found out that I have an addiction to
something negative but I can’t man up to say it and
62
nobody knows about it. It’s not drugs but
something else and I have been fighting it for over
2 years now. Unlike other addictions, this one will
stop without withdrawal symptoms on its own but I
want to end it myself before it does so I feel self-
content.
I came up with something I find beautiful, it goes
like this

“Lack of a spiritual connection left

me lost.
Attachment to metaphysical
questions wore me out.
Redefining my purpose for existence
depressed my soul.
Seeing my future in probabilities
made me confused.
Quest for finite knowledge took me
to infinity.”

but it is something that explains 95% of my

thinking. People sometimes tell me to be “normal”
63
when I try asking questions like “Is it possible to be
omnipotent whiles you are a part of everything?”
or “is the universe a design without a designer?”,
but I do not admire them. Why should I act like
everything is normal when the universe itself is in a
constant state of chaos? Why don't they want to
understand how it works? I am going to tackle
those questions in my other book anyway so let me
forget them for now.
Whenever people are faced with challenges, it’s a
common thing to hear them say they don’t know
what to do and that time will make things better
but if I'm mistaken in everything else I have ever
said, one truth I know is that it is impossible not to
know what to do, the only problem is if doing what
you are thinking about will give you right or wrong
results, which in any case is relative to your
mindset. New quote alert!!! "The hardest thing to
do is to do nothing". I feel enlightened tonight.
Shazam out.

64
25/04/2020
Day 6 of the liberation. There has still been no
significant improvement in the life of my family
even though it’s been almost a week now my
parents resumed work. Nevertheless, there was
breakfast and dinner today just as there was
yesterday so things are ok.
After going to school twice within the week, I've
been having an unstable mind with a feeling that I
will be called again but I am glad to say that I will
be spending 24 hours at home today except they
want me to come at 7:40 pm.
My daily routine was met with an efficiency of 95%.
SAT was overdone and Spanish was excellent. HP
was the worst. I’m in the last HP book but I just
couldn’t focus to read more than a hundred pages
and though I’m supposed to still have about 2
hours, my parents have decided that we go to bed
at 8 pm today and I’m not in the mood to object. As
for the other book, I only added points to be
65
explained in future in it. I hate to say that I have
been too much of a procrastinator concerning that
book, but since this one will end tomorrow, I will
have more attention to face the other one from
Monday.
For most of the time today, I played Adele’s songs
as a background music thing. I don’t know why, but
I feel like I connect to her songs deeply. They touch
the most delicate part of my personality, are gentle
and even help me focus although this last part for
me does not only apply to her songs. One thing I
almost cannot do whiles studying is not listening to
music. I am trying to stop that now because I am no
more trying to just cram stuff and pass exams, but
instead, I am trying to do things, such as writing
these two books, which require deep thinking that
most songs don't help with. To be able to get what
I want, I will need to shut myself out of things like
high music. To me though, classical music and
Adele's songs are the only exceptions.

66
I didn’t believe what I saw but it seems like
yesterday saw the highest daily increase of
coronavirus cases with about 106,000 cases. It was
shocking. The number of cases is now at 2.9 million
with just over 200,000 deaths. More than 800,000
people have recovered. A lot of countries have
begun lifting lockdown restrictions this week.
Everyone is just worried about the economic
recession. One funny news I heard is that oil
companies in the US are now paying buyers to keep
some of their oil for them because they have run
out of storage space. Like I keep on reminding
myself, 2020 is a year that will never be forgotten.

26/04/2020
Day 7 of the liberation. It’s the last day of my
journey with this book and though it’s been written

67
during the most difficult time in my life, I have
found it comforting. It will be the first write-up I
have ever completed and I am proud of myself. No
matter what people think of it when they see it, I
will never feel worried or ashamed of anything I
have written here. I found today comforting as
well. I had two meals today, both satisfying. I didn't
study for the SAT today. My other book will be
continued tomorrow. But I practised Spanish very
well and read HP to my satisfaction.
The coronavirus disease has so far infected about 3
million people and there have been about 210,000
deaths. I actually can’t predict when this outbreak
will be over or how many more cases and deaths
will occur before it is over but life will go on and
even this shall pass but the main focus today is to
give a sneak peek into the inner me.
On October 30, 2000, I was brought into the world
in Benin City, Edo State, Nigeria. According to my
parents, I had a disturbing childhood by

68
supernatural forces who wanted to end my life.
Although I don't believe in superstition, I am in no
position to argue with them as I was not even self-
conscious during those years of my life. The
furthest memory I have of my childhood was a day
in December 2007. All I remember was I was
watching Home Alone. I became almost fully self-
conscious after moving to Ghana at age 9. My
family had fled from Nigeria partly to live a life of
solitude and focus on education. For now, let’s take
that to be the only reason.
I have been known by many for many years to be
“intelligent” or “sharp” or “smart”. Some people
think I was born “smart” or that it is just easy to
keep on remaining at that level. If only they knew
how painful it is to deny yourself the pleasures of
the world. I won’t even say I denied myself those
pleasures because the truth is I never had them in
the first place and still don’t. My parents (especially
my father) has been my coach and still is and if it

69
hadn’t been for his strict monitoring, maybe those
people who admire me wouldn’t know my name in
the first place. I don't see myself to be as good as
they say. Yes, I might be book-smart but that would
mean I can cram things very well. It won't be so
helpful in real-life situations. I mean you can't look
up your future problems in a book and cram the
solutions to tackle them when they come. I know
one’s life in the present world is being judged by
certificates of academic excellence and stuff like
that and although it's very unfortunate, it is why
people think I will make it, and to some extent they
are right. But I know I will never be content with
just that. I want to change the world. I want to
leave an impact that will be felt for aeons if
possible and school certificates won't do that for
me because I am not the first and won't be the last
book-smart person on earth. Since the age of 11. I
have been puzzled by the universe. Before 11 I
wanted to be a zoologist, but I had this dream

70
where I witnessed some celestial bodies being
formed. My interest in space knew no bounds since
then. By age 13 I had read a complete coursebook
for university-level astronomy and even if I didn't
understand a lot of formulae, I was able to get the
understanding of how things worked. I have a lot of
plans to discover things but my resources are
limited. So although my life is devoted to
uncovering the truth about the universe, I decided
to dedicate about 13 years of my life- the time
required to become an orthopaedic surgeon in the
US- studying medicine when I get into university. I
have forced myself to have a passion for it because
it is the only way I can become financially stable to
continue my big quest for answers. It’s a small price
for the success that will follow and since it involves
saving lives, I’m fine with it.
I have appeared to be flawless in some people’s
eyes, but we all know that is stupid because no one
is perfect or even close to. I believe I have more

71
problems than most of those people themselves.
One big problem apart from my family’s financial
issue is to have questions that no one can provide
answers to. I have a belief that everything ends-
joy, fear, pain, life and even death and trying to
fuse it into our world is hard considering the birth
and death of the universe because it seems like
every ending is a new beginning, so does
everything end or does everything begin?
Questions like this puzzle me. A teacher told me I
am an egoist and someone told me I am self-
centred. To some extent the latter is true, but the
first, I doubt it. It’s just that my level of thinking
isn’t on par with most people, or is he right? How
do I plan to get married in about 3 years and have
children whiles studying in university? But my
parents were able to do it and here I am as living
proof. In short, I still have my problems to face.
One of the sweetest topics to me is religion. I do
not identify myself as having a particular religion

72
but I think my conscience is enough for me. I'm
closest to being called a pantheist, and that's that.
Call me whatever you want, but if I change for
people I won't be me anymore. My dad calls it
"taking a rigid decision". Albert Einstein put it best:
I just cannot conceive of a God who rewards and
punishes his creatures. I won’t dwell deeper into
religion because it is a sensitive topic but
sometimes people try to convince me to change my
thoughts and beliefs about the world, what they
don’t know is that my mind’s already made up.
My emotional state is a far less interesting topic. I
have found it extremely hard to control all my
feelings except anger and joy. The one that I prefer
the most is pain. To me, emotional pain is success
and I sometimes try to cause it for myself to stir up
my thinking. I try to let someone hurt me
emotionally because every time it happens,
something good always comes out of it. This is why
I appreciate the feeling of love because, until date,

73
it has caused me nothing but pain, which is good. I
see myself doing things I already know what the
outcome will be and the effect it will have on my
emotional state but for some reason, I can’t stop
myself, even if it will cause me unwanted joy or
incredible pain. And when I see the outcome, my
body will still succumb to it like I didn’t know it
would happen like that. Dr Manhattan explains it
this way: We are all puppets, but sometimes we
can see the strings.
But I feel lonely sometimes. I am an introvert so I
feel lonely in the sense that until now, I have not
met someone who shares my views concerning the
universe, my love for comics, and someone who I
could explain my inner thoughts to. Apart from my
parents, some other people come close to
answering the call. They are amazing but none will
want to pass the same path as I will. I know that,
slowly, our bond will get weaker and weaker and
though we will remain friends, life will take

74
everyone to unexpected places. It’s just how life is
and it is bound to happen. I have met a lot of
people in this my 19 years of life and the people
that I am sure can both understand me and at the
same time follow my path are either in the comics
world or dead like Albert Einstein, Stephen
Hawkings and Carl Sagan or just too far to be
reached like Brian Greene. See, I want to know
everything or as much of everything as I can but I
can't embark on such a journey on my own. I can,
but I have a feeling that only I will not be enough to
absorb what I am about to discover. I have always
said I was going to get married early and not just
because it is a family requirement but it's because
if I keep on going deeper and more obsessed with
getting knowledge, I might forget my place or lose
my connection to humans. I need a link to hold me
in place. I learnt from Dr Manhattan's mistake.
After all, there altercated saying goes, "beside
every successful man, is a woman". It will even be

75
bonus points for me if she is as enthusiastic about
finding out the truth of the universe as I am
because I sometimes fancy myself leaving this
planet to find answers in some places I won’t
mention but know can give me some, and I plan on
a one-way journey; she will be the Big Barda to my
Scot Free. Just me and her and the universe. I
swear I can sometimes see my future. I know when
it will end, because it will end one day, but not until
that day I am not worried about anything, not even
death. I have a purpose and not until the mission is
completed, the universe will not let even death
take me. It doesn't matter if it is a thousand years it
takes to complete it. Yes!!!! I have made enough
preparations to live for that long if needed. I have
set up the stage and it's waiting for me to walk on
it. And I have found out that everyone on earth has
set up a stage too for themselves. It's why I keep on
encouraging those who feel they can't. Everybody
has a mission to complete and everybody's mission

76
is as unique as the individual. I wish the world will
be more open-minded and see that there's nothing
impossible as far as you are a part of everything.
Just put your mind to anything and even though
you don't come out successfully (which I doubt
might happen), you will nonetheless be rewarded
in some mysterious way.
Finally, although this book, which now looks more
like a journal, explains, to some extent, my family's
hardship, I know it might attract concerns of pity. I
would like to emphasize that my aim of writing this
is to explain how I have lived during this period and
not some sort of cry for help. I would be very happy
if this book can go as far as possible and that's my
main concern; having an impact and leaving people
asking themselves questions about life. I am
Urukposa. I am Shazam.

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