THIS IS

NOT
SUPPOSED
TO MAKE
SENSE.
-By Timeothy Hour.
THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO MAKE SENSE. THAT’S THE POINT. IF YOU
THINK THAT A SQUABBLING MORSE CODE EATING MACHINE IS FULL
OF NONSENSICAL HOGWASH, YOU’VE SEEN NOTHING YET YOU BIRD
OF PREY.

CHAPTER 1?: WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN-

Although I do not know the author of this work, I can see he or she (whom I will now
refer to from this point onward as “he,” for the sake of convenience), is a master of
metaphor symbolic criticism interlaced with satire. His visual style is interesting, and gets
his point across in a concise and provoking manner.

At first glance, this is a picture of a fire truck. It is red, has six wheels, and posses a
ladder and a variety of drawers probably holding various life-saving tools. It also has
strange hair-like growths. These will all be important later on.

Now, if you look closely, the truck is labeled with both the initials “FD” and “PD.”
This clues us into the satirical and philosophical nature of the piece. This truck does not
just represent the fire department, but the police department and possibly all government-
run services. The truck is obviously drawn in a strange and visually unpleasing style in
order to convey an idea that the truck, or government-funded services, are not doing their
job and are inherently broken. Furthermore, we know the author’s position on the current
state of government-funded police, fire, and other services. Additionally, the truck
appears to be stationary, with its wheels merely tilting to provide the illusion of
movement. The author believes that the current system is trying to seem like it is moving
forward, being progressive, but is stationary and stagnant.

The truck is red, representing not only fire and the fire department, but the blood of the
people. People are dying because of the fire truck’s, and therefore the government’s
services, stagnation. The author has crudely shaded in this truck in order to convey the
crude sense of irresponsibility for which these lives were pointlessly lost, and also
explains why the author tends to shade the truck outside the lines.

Additionally, it is implied that the truck has 6 wheels, but only three are displayed.
Tying into the wheels’ theme of being an illusion in order to convey a sense of
movement, while no movement actually occurs, the implications of the wheels are also an
illusion. We think the truck has six wheels because a truck must certainly have its wheels
in pairs, no? But we have no evidence that there is a second trio of wheels, no shadows,
no perspective. We just assume there should be a second set of wheels because we have
been conditioned to do so, and in a similar fashion, we have been conditioned to believe
our government provides us with full services in x fashion, when really we have no proof
that any of these services or guidelines exist. We just believe the conditioning we have
been raised with while half of our services and/or their funds are secretly being cut under
a façade of wellness.

The fire truck also possesses a ladder. What’s noticeable about the ladder is that it has
no extending mechanism. That fire truck ladder can literally only reach to the second or
third story. If there was a four or greater story building, that truck would be unable to
save the poor lives that were up there. Here, the author is trying to communicate that in
addition to the shoddy construction, stagnation, and secret cutting of government
services, in the condition the services currently are, they lack the reach or the
mechanisms to cover or help everyone who could be injured or killed in disaster due to
their flagrant negligence and constant corner-cutting.

Then we proceed to the drawers. The drawers probably provide a variety of possible
life-saving and cutting-edge tools. But they are closed, so we never get to see what is
inside, and they are unavailable to us, the audience. This, again, is clever symbolism on
part of the author. He chose to have the drawers closed, the part of the truck that has the
live-saving instruments, to communicate that he feels as though those tools, tools that
could save lives, are being intentionally deprived from the public and from usage.

And finally, the strange, hair-like, growths. Fire trucks do not usually have strange
hairs sprouting off of them, and these hairs seem to convey a sense of ugliness and
unnecessary growths on the structure. They also seem as though they would get in the
way of normal processes for the fire truck. And this is where the author conveys his
genius. These ugly, hairy growths are a metaphor for pork spending. When we are
lacking in a full set of wheels, the government somehow thinks that adding strange, hair-
like growths, which keep the fire truck from being productive and helpful, is a good use
of money. The growths are ugly, tend to be glossed over, obstructing, and flagrantly
unnecessary.

In whole, the author is incredible in conveying his intent for the piece, and stitches a
clever satire and criticism of government-run live-saving services into a simplistic piece
about a fire truck. His artistic style, although admittedly not visually pleasing, is a
metaphor for his opinions and conveys his dark and cynical view of the government and
the way the run programs that are essential in life-or-death situations. I commend the
author for his genius and forethought.

-Timeothy Hour

~~~~

The Study of the effect of strange juxtaposition in a seemingly odd situation:

(This is a tree)

(This is also a tree. This tree, however hates you.)

 (This is because most trees are evil. They are watching us.)

(This is proof trees have a malicious intent. Trees can fly without any logical means of
doing so. Trees break the laws of physics, therefore trees are evil.)
(More proof of the evil of trees. This tree is making a war call to the other trees in the
forest. They can see us. They are watching.)

(This is a dragon blood tree. Look at how evil that thing is! AN AFFRONT TO THE
LAWS OF LOGIC. IT EVEN HAS BLOOD IN ITS NAME. THESE TREES ARE THE
REASON DRAGONS ARE EXTINCT.)

(Trees are actually parasitic. THEY WANT US DEAD. THEY WANT TO FEAST ON
OUR BLOOD.)
(LOOK CLOSELY. LOOK CLOSELY AT THE DEATH TREE. IT WANTS YOU DEAD
OH GOSH WHAT HAVE WE DONE THE TREES CAN SEE US ALL BURN THEM
BURN THEM.)

(OH GOSH I’VE BEEN WRITING ON PAPER ALL THIS TIME THEY CAN SEEE
WHAT I’M WRITING THEY CAN SEEEEEEEEEEEE.)
 THE LEAGUE OF NINJAS.
The league of ninjas are a group of supercool ninja dudes! They attack things with
their FISTS and their MINDS and WEAPONS and STUFF. Oh yeah they’re so cool you
don’t even know. Like, the league of ninjas are so cool that they can BLOW STUFF UP
WITH THEIR FREAKIN’ MINDS. Like, you don’t even know how crazy that is. The
can cut stuff up with their KATANAS and NINJAS stars
and RAPIERS and stuff.
So like one time there was a ninja in the league of
ninjas and he was like “You know what I’m gonna go
kill some pirates.” So he went to he Caribbean in order to
find some pirates but OH WAIT there aren’t any pirates
in the Caribbean because THEY ALL DIED FROM
NINJA POACHING.
So the ninja was like “screw this,” and went back in
time and found some pirates. The pirates were like “ARG
ME HARTIES I’M A STUPID PIRATE,” and the ninja
was like “Lol wut.” And the ninja was so annoyed by
their stupid accents that he turned them into smoke with
his MIND.
What the ninja didn’t
realize, however, was that SMOKEBEARD THE PIRATE WAS
ALREADY SMOKE. So Smokebeard was like “haw haw what a
stupid attack,” and the ninja was like “oh no you didn’t,” and so
he pulled out his ninja sword.
AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE “LET’S DO THIS.”
AND SO THEY FOUGHT A BUNCH.
They fought for like three freaking days and it looked like the ninja wasn’t gonna
win so the pirate was like “ha ha I win you punk,” but the ninja was like “RAGE
MODE,” and then tore Smokebeard’s after making him solid with his MIND. And
everyone was like “OH YEAH NINJAS.”
There was this other time where another ninja was
like “Y’KNOW WHAT I WANNA GO FIGHT
SOME ROBOTS.” So the ninja HIJACKED A
SPACE SHUTTLE and went to the FREAKING
MOON. But there aren’t any robots on the moon
BECAUSE ROBOTS DIDN’T EXIST YET.
So the ninja was like “screw this,” and went to the
future where there was a clan of EVIL ZOMBIE
VAMPIRE ROBOTS and they were like “BOOP
BOOP WE’RE ZOMBIE VAMPIRE ROBOTS.”
And the ninja was so outraged by these horribly
misinformed views that he brutally defeated them in
a spirited debate.
AND THEN KICKED ALL THEIR HEADS IN
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!
11ONE
 An essay on MARPGARB
'Brilliant', 'Quite Good', 'What?', these are just some of
the comments made recently in the press regarding
MARPGARB. I find my self constantly drawn back to
the subject of MARPGARB. Though MARPGARB is a
favourite topic of discussion amongst monarchs,
presidents and dictators, it is impossible to overestimate
its impact on modern thought. It is an unfortunate
consequence of our civilizations history that
MARPGARB is rarely given rational consideration by
global commercial enterprises, who just don't like that sort of thing. Here begins my
indepth analysis of the glourious subject of MARPGARB.

Social Factors

While some scholars have claimed that there is no such thing as society, this is rubbish.
When Thucictholous said 'people only know one thing' [1] he saw clearly into the human
heart. No symbol is more potent than MARPGARB in society today. It cleary plays a
significant role amongst the developing middle classes.

Special care must be taken when analysing such a delicate subject. On the other hand
anyone that disagrees with me is an idiot. Society is powered by peer pressure, one of the
most powerful forces in the world. As long as peer pressure uses its power for good,
MARPGARB will have its place in society.

Economic Factors

Is unemployment inherently bad for an economy? Yes. We will begin by looking at the
Greek-Roman model, as is standard in this case.

Interest

MARPGARB

Indisputably there is a link. How can this be explained? My personal view is that interest
world wide are driven entirely by MARPGARB. Supply Side Economic Tax Cuts Tax
deductions could turn out to be a risky tactic.

Political Factors
Modern politics owes much to the animal kingdom. Comparing current political thought
with that held just ten years ago is like comparing the two sides of MARPGARB.

To quote jazz singer Achilles B. Adger 'I don't believe in ghosts, but I do believe in
democracy.' [2] Primarily, he is referring to MARPGARB. To paraphrase, the quote is
saying 'MARPGARB wins votes.' Simple as that.

I wait anxiously. What will the next few years bring for MARPGARB?

Conclusion

In summary, MARPGARB parades along man's streets and man waves back. It fills a
hole, invades where necessary and always chips in.

One final thought from the talented Beyonce Kournikova: 'Oooh yeah MARPGARB shoo
badaby dooo.' [3]

(Credit to www.essaygenerator.com for this fine essay. NOW GO THERE YOU MUFFIN
FACE.)