A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its sho

- Mark Twain
es.
-A Mark man isTwain
never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
-A Mark personTwain
with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
-Action Mark Twain
speaks louder than words, but not nearly as often.
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principle one was that they escaped te
- Mark Twain
ething.
-Against Mark Twain
the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
-AgeMark is Twain
an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
-AllMark ourTwain
acts, reasoned and unreasoned, are selfish.
-AllMark youTwain
need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard a
-ndMark giveTwain
you an opportunity to commit more.
-Always Mark Twain
do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
-America Mark Twain
is built on a tilt and everything loose slides to California.
An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An
-American Mark Twainis a person who does things because they haven’t been done before.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than
-toMark anything
Twainon which it is poured.
-AnyMark emotion,
Twain if it is sincere, is involuntary.
-BeMark careful
Twainabout reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-BuyMark land,
Twain
they’re not making it anymore.
-Climate Mark Twain
is what we expect. Weather is what we get.
-Clothes Mark Twain
make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
-Courage Mark Twain
is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence of fear.
Do something every day that you don’t want to do; this is the golden rule for acqu
-iring Markthe
Twain
habit of doing your duty without pain.
-DoMark the Twain
thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It
-was Markhere
Twain
first.
Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you h
-aveMark ceased
Twainto live.
-Don’t Marksay
Twain
the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them
-where Mark Twain
they know the fish.
-Everything Mark Twainhas its limit — iron ore cannot be educated into gold.
-Facts Markare
Twain
stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.
-Facts Markare
Twain
stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
-Familiarity Mark Twainbreeds contempt — and children.
-FewMark things
Twainare harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
-Fiction Mark Twain
is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.
-First, Mark Twain
get your facts straight. Then you can manipulate them all you want.
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed
- Mark Twain
it.
-GetMark yourTwain
facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it t
-housands Mark Twain
of times.
-Good Markfriends,
Twain good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have
-somebodyMark Twain
to divide it with.
-HistoryMark Twain
may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot.
-Honesty
Mark Twain
is the best policy — when there is money in it.
-HowMarklittle
Twaina thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.
-Humor
MarkisTwain
mankind’s greatest blessing.
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position
.- Mark Twain
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I
-can’t
Mark Twain
find anybody who can tell me what they want.
I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it
.- Mark Twain
I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He cou
-ldMark not Twain
lie; I can, but I won’t.
I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happ
- Mark Twain
ened.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometim
-esMark to make
Twainit up.
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him
-kindly Mark Twain
and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
-I Mark was gratified
Twain to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.
If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed. If you do read the newspaper y
-ouMark are Twain
misinformed.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. Thi
-s Mark is theTwain
principal difference between a dog and a man.
-IfMark you Twain
tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed
-inMark makingTwain
those idiots understand their language.
In religion and politics, people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every cas
-e Mark gottenTwain
at second hand, and without examination.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school
- Mark Twain
boards.
It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the
-parts Markthat
TwainI do understand.
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly Amer
-ican Markcriminal
Twain class except Congress.
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to de
-serve Markthem.
Twain
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than
-toMark openTwain
it and remove all doubt.
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral c
-ourage Mark Twain
so rare.
-It’s MarknoTwain
wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
-It’s MarknotTwain
the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do
-that, Mark Twain
but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
-Kindness Mark Twain
is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have
-since Mark Twain
been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-Laws Markcontrol
Twain the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consi
-stsMark mainly
Twainof the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one’s head.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty a
-ndMark gradually
Twain approach eighteen.
-Love MarkisTwain
the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman r
eally knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a cen
- Mark Twain
tury.
-Love Markyour
Twain
enemy — it will scare the hell out of them.
-Loyalty Mark Twain
to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
-ManMark is Twain
the only animal that blushes — or needs to.
-ManMark — aTwain
creature made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.
-Nature Mark Twain
knows no indecencies; man invents them.
-Never MarkletTwain
your schooling interfere with your education.
-NeverMarkputTwain
off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Never
MarktryTwain
to teach a pig to sing. It wastes time and annoys the pig.
-NoMark
man’sTwain
life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. O
ther dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March,
-June,
Mark Twain
December, August and February.
-Often
MarkitTwain
does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has o
- Mark
nly nineTwain
lives.
Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democr
acy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on eart
- Mark Twain
h.
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food f
-ight MarkitTwain
out inside.
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are puttin
-g Mark us on,Twain
or by imbeciles who really mean it.
-Sometimes Mark Twaintoo much to drink is barely enough.
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repea
-t Mark myself.Twain
The Christian’s Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medic
-alMark practice
Twainchanges.
-TheMark bestTwain
way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.
The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the
-conviction Mark Twainof the poor that the rich are.
The cult of individual personalities is always, in my view, unjustified. To be s
ure, nature distributes her gifts variously among her children. But there are pl
enty of the well-endowed ones too, thank God, and I am firmly convinced that mos
-t Mark of themTwain
live quiet, unregarded lives.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the differenc
-e Mark betweenTwain
lightning and a lightning bug.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepar
-edMark to dieTwain
at any time.
-TheMark human
Twain
race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something that can be learned in no
-other Mark Twain
way.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read
- Mark Twain
them.
The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they kno
-w Mark and then
Twainstop.
The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for
-laughter, Mark Twainthey are an entire banquet.
The researches of many commentators have already thrown much darkness on this su
bject, and it is probable that, if they continue, we shall soon know nothing at
-allMark about
Twain
it.
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly
-timed Markpause.
Twain
-TheMark secret
Twainof success is to make your vocation your vacation.
The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the character
s; the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that y
-ouMark wantTwain
them all to land in hell, together, as quickly as possible.
The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distrib
-uted Markright.
Twain
-TheMark worst
Twain
loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
-Thunder Mark Twain
is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work.
-ToMark get Twain
the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
-ToMark succeed
Twainin life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
Troubles are only mental, it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind ca
-n Mark forgetTwain
them, banish them, abolish them.
Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that
-itMark ain’tTwain
so.
-Under Markcertain
Twain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
-WeMarkhaveTwain
the best government in the world... that money can buy.
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it — a
nd stop there — lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She wil
l never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will n
-everMarksitTwain,
down on a cold one any more.
-What
Markwould
Twainmen be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
-When
MarkI Twain
was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- MarkinTwain
When doubt, tell the truth.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explain
- Mark Twain
ed.
-When MarkyouTwain
cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’r
-e Mark gettingTwain
old.
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform
.- Mark Twain
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we a
-reMark not Twain
the person involved.
-Wrinkles
Mark Twain
should merely indicate where smiles have been.
-YouMark
cannot
Twaindepend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
-“BeMark
Yourself”
Twain is about the worst advice you can give to people.