It was a hot afternoon. The sun was about at the peak of the skies.

A woman was crying

out in pain as a doctor and four other nurses help the crying woman ease the pain. The woman’s

husband was waiting patiently for the ordeals end. After a long, painful wait it has finally found

its way out. A bouncing baby boy was born and its name was Renz Marion.

This is my tale. This is the story of my life. Born on the sixth of June on the year of the

earth dragon (1988), I was a “burden” to handle. I often disturbed my parents by crying out aloud

in the middle of the night. It was probably because I was hungry or something. No one can really

blame me for that because according to Freud, the id or desire is the most prominent at infancy

and babyhood. It was a good thing that my parents responded to my calls or else I could’ve

started to mistrust them since at those times I was still instituting trust against mistrust. As I

approached early childhood my ego and superego started to developed. My parents balanced

both strictness and leniency. They told me to do this and not that, don’t do this and do that.

However, there was actually more of the sternness than clemency. My father was the strictest. I

mean he was extremely strict to the point that I had loathed him. I don’t know if it was Oedipus

complex or something but as an early child I had both hatred and fear for him. My mother was

my “refuge”, but sometimes she also implemented the same punishment as my father. She would

also slap me for my fault but still no one can resist my puppy dog eyes routine, well except for

my dad. My father’s punishments were a bit intense. Sometimes he would hold me up upside

down for just a trivial error. Other times he would beat me up to a pulp for again a minor fault.

He could’ve just spanked me lightly and told me that what I did was wrong, but no, he had to do

some severe castigation on me. I don’t know if that was the way he was reared as a child or

something but still, even though it was done to him it doesn’t mean he has to do it to me too. It
doesn’t give him the proper right to do so. Yet, right now, I can’t really complain. I didn’t grow

up to be a human doormat for people to step on because of those years as a child. I learned to be

strong and proud of whom I am and no shames of whom I have become.

Anyway, going back, as I entered the ages of learning I had lesser fear for my father and

he started lessening my punishments, from a few slaps on the head to pinching my left shoulder.

At this time I and my family recognized my potential as a student and even probably as a person.

Many traits seemed to appear from me that up until now is still present but had a few

developments. My curiosity became inquisitiveness and tenacity. My childish sarcasm became

cynicism. I had a lot of opportunities to show my initiative so I have no guilt for myself. I was

always given many simple tasks to perform like ringing the recess bell and erasing the

chalkboard. Because of these tasks my self-esteem developed. After pre-school the second part

of a quarter of my life was about to begin, primary school. I studied in Naga Parochial School. It

was a fairly decent school if I was asked. The teachers were friendly except for some who I

believe had some social issues to cope up, but that’s just me. I started to widen my social circle

and started to bind it. These friends of mine were a varied bunch. You had the typical prankster

and bully. There were also the smart ones. There were the athletic ones and others just plain old

reliable, true friends. As for me, if I was asked if which group I belong I would say I’m a little bit

of all traits. I didn’t really consider myself inferior to others but on the other hand I also didn’t

see myself superior either. I have my pride and also my humility. At about these times I could

already conceptualize concretely different situations. I could better establish between what’s

right and wrong. Like this time when I was in the third grade. I was arguing with my teacher

about one of the items in my science exam. The instructions were to place S if the given matter

was solid, L for liquid and G for gas. One of the items there was LPG. Of course I knew what
LPG meant so answered L seeing that L in LPG meant liquefied. When I received my paper I

was wronged for that particular item. I decide to take it up with the teacher and she angrily

insisted that the answer was G. I was arguing how it can be gas when the gas inside the LPG tank

is liquefied. The really “stupid” thing about this story is that my card mark decreased by one

point because of that incident. She didn’t even deny that it was the cause. My grade in science

decreased because I was too argumentive how ironic. Later on, in sixth grade I realized I had

potentials in literature. I would write even in simple paragraph writing activities poetic verses

that I just thought of. Of course I couldn’t do it with this certain piece but maybe on the later

parts I could add one of my pieces. At about this age the latency stage of my life was starting to

end and I developed crushes. I guess destiny really is true and twisted. Get this, if I wasn’t an

honor for the third quarter in my sixth grade then I wouldn’t be permitted to join the annual

Student Visit to USI and then I wouldn’t be able to have met my first crush, who up until now I

still have a crush on, how quaint isn’t it. Freud really had those stages set out right for the right

age didn’t he.

Now, this is the most significant and recent part of my life. High school, the most

wonderful part of our lives and high school in the Ateneo was like spring blooming in the air and

at the same time a tempest blowing hard across our faces. We are like a slow burning candle in

the midst of winter of the sands in our life. There are a lot of challenges but it doesn’t really

seem to bother me. I was blithe. I believed that for every “down” there was an “up”. I know that

there is always a tomorrow for me to face. As long as I haven’t found my telos, I know that I

wouldn’t die. Even though the fates are playful I know my time here is not yet up until I say so.

The best years in my life I’ve spent during my high school. When we transferred to Pacol two

years ago at my junior year I felt special. It was also at this year that I had my first crush who
was younger than me. I had a rival for her affection who was my batch mate. She finally ended

up choosing the other guy but she cried on the phone as she told me this adding that she loved

me more only that he was quicker to move than me. The funny part is the guy who she chose

became one of my closest friends, talk about irony. I had my first girlfriend at senior year and

this I have to tell because I remember our psychology teacher saying that one time she visited

our school in Pacol, she recalled seeing couples at after dismissal hours. She said the guy was a

senior and the girl was a freshman. I could relate for my ex-girlfriend was a freshman. I don’t

want to go on with the story because I’m trying to get over her.

At this time also I developed vices like smoking and drinking, in fact I’m a KKK member

and I’m not ashamed of being one and not really too much proud of being one. What’s really

neat is that my friends since elementary are also my batch mates. In my life these vices and

indulgences are just ephemeral and may very well just be fading away. This is not an escape, and

I know that, but for a teenager…what is solace anyway? Even a teenager can’t understand a

fellow teenager, how ironic. What I do, what we do is not because we are proud of it but because

we are finding still a deeper meaning of ourselves and temptations are part of the long journey

that lay upon us. Even angels get hurt become fallen.

In terms of intellectuality, I would say I’m pretty smart. Extremely lazy but smart. At

about this age I was already on the Formal Operational Stage of Cognitive Development. As I

said earlier, I retained most of the important traits I have and developed them. I really have a

talent in poetry, but not the Shakespearean type but of my own with touches of Allan Poe and

free verse. I even won a gold medal in the schools English week poetry contest and another gold

medal in the annual UP Padunungan in Legazpi City. According to Piaget this stage goes on until

late adulthood, so I guess until I die, I am able to formally operate on things in life. Now, looking
back I realized one thing and that thing is for certain. I realized that I enjoy living and every

thing that comes with it, the pains and joys…sigh, God how I miss high school.

And now, I am starting the third quarter of my life in college (the second quarter is high

school). The era of my so called life where I really need to get serious but not too serious, just

enough for me to follow the right paths along this infinite railway of eternity we so call life. See,

I really got serious. I even did this autobiography the very same day our teacher gave us the

instructions. For the case of my morality, I’m at the post-conventional stage and I’m at both of

the two levels within this stage. I have my own mind and my own decisions to make.

Now, encoding this autobiography I had a lot of things I realized. What is it that gives us

the ability to live? What drives us to keep on living until we can no longer hold on to the handles

of life? Am I just destined to die the same way that I lived? What should I really believe in? Is it

this so called God? Or is it the strong belief I have for myself? Every single day in my life I ask

questions about how to live. I constantly look for the answers and yet I ignore it. Who am I as a

person? What is it that makes me who I am? Is it the actions that I do? Or am I who I choose to

be? I’m not defined by my abilities alone. Living out my life, struggling to put all the pieces of

my puzzle together, this is who I am. Life is the constant struggle and I just have to get by it. Life

is not as certain as I taught it is. It is never predestined and all it has to offer are just problems. I

can never know what the next endeavor I have to partake in, but that’s the reason I am here in the

first place, to be part of the big crew that was put in this living hellhole to fix what was broken

by time, to give solutions to the problems in life. I am a champion. Put in this God forsaken

world to show it how to revolve, to show it how it can be, how it ought to be and how it should

be. This is my maxim in life. These are the norms for which I live by and the beliefs I have on

how to live and when to live.